Why lie

[Deleted Member]

Why do women (in my case) think its ok to join a site and pretend to be something there not.
Afrer over 20 years in this lifestyle I should have seen the signs but I didn't.
Talking with a girl in Ilkeston now so let's hope this one is genuine.
These days I always look on the negative side , that way I won't be disappointed.

Your thoughts please .

Raven

[tu****]

Talking as a sub wannabe:
Because the idea is hot and the commitment ist scary.
It is not that I wouldn't crave the strong words and hand of an .. of my domme or that I don't want to serve and please and beg for her pleasure. Only the thought of it makes me fall deep into sub space and makes me horny.
But commitment is scary. Not only because giving up to gain is never easy but also because I never know what it will do to me. How much will I change as a person.

I want to please but I *** the consequences of totally giving in to the desire. I hope for the right one to give me the security lo let myself indulge...

[NY****]

Perhaps they are still searching themselves for where they feel comfortable?

[Si****]

It’s not gender or role specific. I’ve gotten to be exceptional at spotting fakes - usually from the first message even. I cannot wrap my head around why someone just isn’t honest “hey I just want some kinky cyber chat but not looking for anything real” and they’d have tons of people willing to engage. Why invest the time and energy to catfish and ghost boggles the mind.

[NY****]

Sadly it’s our society today 😢

[ey****]

I think everyone can only ever showcase a part of themselves online.  Some do outright lie, of course, either to make them seem more interesting or to get more matches

it's something always to consider, and not just, online.

[Deleted Member]

6 hours ago, NYshelteredwife said:

Perhaps they are still searching themselves for where they feel comfortable?

This was definitely not that. I get what you are saying but this was just blatant lead me up the garden path .

[NY****]

@ ravenheart then I would say the same to someone in this forum as I would to a vanilla friend- Be real or walk away. Life is too short! Way too short for games that are not being mutually played. I’m sorry for your experiences. We have all been there in one form or another. It doesn’t make sense and there will never be a good reason or answer.

[Si****]

It never make any sense to me for people to lie. The truth always comes out and any relationship built on a lie is doomed before it even starts. All the time and effort one puts into the lie must be twice as hard than just being honest and up front.

[Sammyb-9585]

Funny I could have written this post about men , I don’t think it’s a reflection of gender ...more of society and online dating community

Sadly since the introduction of the app I think it’s more common

Equally since films like fifty shades kink is more main stream and lots of guys and girls who think because they like hair pulling or tap on the arse or some graphic language ... they think it makes them sub or Dom

There certainly been a shift in the community with introduction of InstaDoms and girls who think sending nudes instantly online makes them sub

Obviously the whole cat fish thing is also in play
Online dating has also influenced also and not in a good way
Etiquette seems to have gone out the window

[Deleted Member]

I don’t get it either. I’m starting to think that a lot of people think that being a kinkster means you can just jump around from person to person or have multiple relationships going on at once. This may be true with some folks but not all of us. It’s best to ask questions and communicate well, although sadly, this won’t guarantee you haven’t encountered a liar. I’ve always been told there is someone for everyone so keep looking until you find the right one for you! G’luck!

[Leisa]

I think it’s the newer generations idealization of what this lifestyle is and their attempt to fit into our world. Those that lie to get the attention of a Dom are saying what they think you want to hear in a “pick me” type of stint. Hopefully this next one is more aware.

[Si****]

I’m often contacted by new subs looking for advice. I always say the same thing (this is just my opinion so take it as just one idea, thats what i tell them)

Always ask the Dom questions such as what they like doing and how they would deal with situation xy or z?

Don’t tell them what you think or like. That way the Dom has to be honest and say what they would do in those situations, disclosing their mindset. They have to indicate what type of Dom/person they are. They are not given the chance of just agree with things you have already told them. With no other data, they have to show their show colours. Only then answer the same question. (dont ask a question you wont answer yourself).

Make the Doms do the work first, they have to earn your submission. That’s one of the joys of a good profile write up (mainly for Doms). Laying it all out there and honestly, then people can decide for themselves if you match their likes or not. saves so much time. In my opinion, if a Dom cant be bothered to put the effort into writing something about themselves (it is the one thing we all know the most about, ourselves) then will they put the effort into looking after you?

I don’t mind answering the questions first, I’ve got nothing to hide and if the person doesn’t like my answers, that’s fine. Saves a lot of time later. I would rather wait for the right person and enjoy making new friends along the way.

This might not work for everyone but that’s just my opinion.

[Deleted Member]

Do you think people have lied intentionally? I mean I know people do. And I question my own ability to be honest with myself and others. But it’s never malicious. Sometimes I overshare. Sometimes I am guarded. I am learning ways to create a happy medium.

Sometimes I don’t know what I want and sometimes I change my mind. But I am honest about that too.

I wrote a poem about truth once. But maybe I’m getting all philosophical about a question which was just you letting off steam. 
 

It’s one of my favourite poems.

 

it is based on the premise that I don’t believe in the idea of one ‘truth’ but in perception and being.

sorry if I have rambled nonsense on your post. I am restless rambling Raven today...

[Deleted Member]

On 3/15/2021 at 6:23 AM, RavenHeart said:

These days I always look on the negative side , that way I won't be disappointed.

Wow 2 ravens on here.. 

Ok it’s not about looking the bdsm world through a negative glass but more like above the raise. A bit like sailors, even in the vast ocean there is always an island. 
in my few years on fetish sites I saw it all. You can’t basically win every time, don’t forget it’s made out of human being, further more behind a computer/phone screen. 
funny enough this morning I get a pm from a young woman I message last year

hi sorry I have been off the site for a while 

me:Ok? Who’s this? Have I message you or  else?

yes you have and I just saw your message, I am sorry

me:it’s ok and thank for coming  back to me. How’s your life been?

Never mind sorry

tried to reply ? blocked.... 🤷‍♂️ 
 

it’s just a big mystery what’s go through people  minds 

 

 

[Deleted Member]

I would say some of the lies are around an attempt to manipulate something of someone in to how they want to view it.
The fit for them not for both parties and in some ways a self entitled rose tinted view then when that doesn’t work in there favour it all turns sour. This seems to me like a modern view of how the person wants it to fit them. Most have no idea what it it to be either submissive or Dominant and in all reality thats not what they are but it’s like the old thing that some did say you have a Porsche when in reality you got a fiesta just as a way in . It’s all about a lack of knowledge and understanding or even a disregard for either because it hard work and they want easy. Or all out spout bullshit to get what you want .