Correction

[Sapphirecowgirl]

Hey, I'm fairly new to this wonderful world. I've been in a brief Ds dynamic which was amazing although online only at the moment due to lockdown. I am totally in love with my previous D but due to my naivety and a breakdown in communication, I unintentionally broke a rule so the dynamic broke down.

We've recently started talking again. He contacted a "correction couple" to help him to teach me a lesson however they've not yet replied so he's told me to move on. I'm devastated!

I feel like I need to rectify my mistake; prove I'd do anything for him.

He says he can't deal with the intensity but he wanted me obsessed with him.

I don't get it.

I guess I'm after advice on what I can do?

[Carnelian2]

it is difficult to comment on without specifics. However, in any relationship that involves elements of D/s, it is important to discuss, set expectations on both sides as well as boundaries.
The added element of D/s to a relationship involves a lot of nuances that people have to be aware of.

Also, as an added note; This is about two people getting along. That is the most important thing, so both sides should have patience, and between the lines, it sounds like he was not quite ready for the fact that a D/s relationship is intense. Very much so.

[UK****]

Sounds like he wasn't ready for what he offered. If he wasn't clear on his rules and you broke one unintentionally it's on him, not on you.

At that point the dynamic doesn't break, that's his chance to shape the dynamic, discuss what he expects, not to walk away.

[JohnyD6801]

I agree with uk_night , it doesnt sound like he was ready for that level of d/s commitment then got uncomfortable once he had it . If you broke a rule granted unintentionally there's room for correction ending the dynamic was his choice instead of choosing the path of punishment or discussion. If you know you'd do anything for him and he still refuses to continue your dynamic my advice would be to give him space and if you still feel that you want him as your dom return to him at a later date.

[Ni****]

IMO a dynamic shouldn't break down because of one unintentional rule break, especially with a sub new to Ds. I have never heard of a correction couple, and again IMO not needed - communication between the two of you is what is required. He doesn't sound right or ready for you, but you do fall fast and hard in Ds I'm afraid.

[Deleted Member]

I would say find a new Dom close to you. Restart the process of communication, connection and agreements.
Sound to me like he’s using the catch release technique to see how much he can control you. It’s a very dangerous emotional game for you as I noticed you mentioned “in love with him” while you are married?
You have only been there a month so take it slowly.
We don’t know if he’s an experienced Dom either which I doubt about it.

[Sapphirecowgirl]

Thanks for your replies.

He has been enjoying a dominant role for a few years however I was his first full ownership sub. I agree with a lot of the points you have all raised, I also feel that I need the correction or punishment in order to free myself of the guilt and regret. I would like the opportunity to prove to him, I'd do anything he desired...maybe I'm stupid but I can't just ditch the deep connection I have.

Thanks for reading & replying xx

[Leisa]

I’m sorry you’re going through this but even more so that you want to continue to put yourself back into the same situation. If someone treats you badly you don’t go back for more; you walk away. By him playing this come here no go away game he’s being emotionally abusive and D/s is anything but abusive. None of us likes to feel as if we don’t matter to someone but it sounds like you were a lot deeper into the dynamic then he was. For a D type to end a dynamic over one unintentional error says more about him then you could. I’m sorry but he doesn’t sound like a dom and if he is then he’s a very immature one. Thank your lucky stars, dust yourself off, and put him in the rear view mirror.

[Deleted Member]

21 hours ago, Sapphirecowgirl said:

maybe I'm stupid but I can't just ditch the deep connection I have.

I am sorry to say that maybe you are *** by this new “relationship” but deep connection need to be both way unless it’s a specific dynamic. And he doesn’t show that by what we read from your post 

[Roxy1957]

You’re an attractive woman there are plenty of men and women who would love to own a sub like you. To have you on your knees looking up with those beautiful eyes. That look of innocence on your face. Knowing I was going to take that away.

[Sapphirecowgirl]

I have discovered the reasons for the hot & cold behaviour, I'm not at liberty to elaborate but there are genuine, heartbreaking reasons.

Thanks again for replying.

[pomonagirl]

Every Dominant that you meet, talk with, or develop a relationship will be really different.

They will all have vastly different rules, expectations, communication skills, goals, preferences, levels of commitment and levels of availability. 

Don't feel like you have to put up with things you do not like/can not tolerate/seem like red flags just because the Dominant wants things that way. 

Yes, as submissives we do love, and have a need, to serve and please. But we also need to choose to serve a person that suits us as well as we suit him. 

 

 

 

[Wo****]

On 3/18/2021 at 7:31 PM, Sapphirecowgirl said:

I'd do anything he desired...

Please tell me you dont really mean that..

Anything he desired is a red flag. Has the potential to leave you open to ***.

[ol****]

What Bounty said, this ex Dom needs to stay firmly ex. 

The likelyhood is that he is an ***r, certainly he's putting the failue on you and making you think you somehow failed. This is classic manipulation.

[Phoenyx]

Remember, BDSM is a game that is supposed to be fun.  At the heart of any connection, is two people sharing the same life.  "The Game is not the connection.  BDSM is merely one of the spices, that keep the connection interesting.

[Deleted Member]

8 minutes ago, Phoenyx said:

Remember, BDSM is a game that is supposed to be fun.  At the heart of any connection, is two people sharing the same life.  "The Game is not the connection.  BDSM is merely one of the spices, that keep the connection interesting.

I am sorry to say I differ completely to your opinion! For me is the Main reason and not a spice but the main ingredient in my relationship. I don’t do vanilla or into romantic stuff. And I take it seriously. And some subs are only looking for the bdsm experience, not a game but having a lifestyle experience of it. They want the full blow! 
unless I misunderstood you....

[TeeJay_98]

8 hours ago, Phoenyx said:

Remember, BDSM is a game that is supposed to be fun.  At the heart of any connection, is two people sharing the same life.  "The Game is not the connection.  BDSM is merely one of the spices, that keep the connection interesting.

For some this is true... Some like to live a vanilla lifestyle with BDSM aspects.. 

Others like to live a BDSM lifestyle with vanilla aspects.. 

Some with or without the vanilla...and some with or without the BDSM... It depends what works for them... 

 

But for many, its definitely not a game... Its a lifestyle 

 

TJ x

 

Edited April 5, 2021 by TeeJay_98
Typo

[cautiousswitch]

As Carnelian2 said, it's hard to comment without more detail.  A few things stand out that raise questions.

My first thought of the "correction couple" was that he can't be much of a Dom if he has to turn to outsiders for correction ideas.  On reflection if a correction couple is like a counselor then it makes a little sense - there was some sort of breakdown and rather than let the Dom have full control of mending it you want a third party to mediate.  It makes some sense except that you say he contacted them to help him teach you a lesson, so instead of trying to figure out the cause of the breakdown he just wants to punish you for it.  

Again, more details of the breakdown would be helpful, but a more experienced Dom may have recognized there was a problem and then renegotiated the D/s relationship rather than just end it.  You may still get punished but it won't be some third party automatically assuming you are wrong with no discussion to stop the problem from happening again.

"He says he can't deal with the intensity but he wanted me obsessed with him."

He's sort of getting that now.  If he has not tried to contact you after telling you to move on then it can go either way; I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt so assume that he's doing it for your benefit.  If he's maintaining the occasional contact without making any real attempts to patch things up then he is trying to maintain your obsession without making any real commitment of his own - you are better off without him.