Social anxiety versus BDSM

[SD1991]

I know I'm not the only one, a lot of people deal with social and environmental anxiety and have massive BDSM and kink interests with it. One can help the other one. But it's not easy to get started.

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Any tips?

[Henriko]

Interested to hear what you mean with "massive BDSM and kink interests with it" ? You mean I guess to find a channel of release from all the depressive stress right? I agree the world is totally fucked up so many don't care shit about the environment or ***s : (

[SD1991]

Okay what do I mean by massive BDSM/kink interests. For some individuals it's not simply preference or a way to deal with life, it can be part of their own psychological architecture and how they form as a person and start very very early in life, I can present the neuroscience behind it but not everyone is into that. The short version is, some individuals process the world in a way that is deep to the point where they question everything, and ask the word why to almost everything that most would consider normal and except without question. These individuals carry themselves with a much higher level of internal control. And they also have a deeper desire to surrender it. That's one aspect there is more. When you add ADHD to the mix, you can process on multiple channels of input sometimes. This varies by person to person. Basically, I get very discontent and bored when things are standard. Not that I don't enjoy connection in the simple form, I do, I also have a mind that can process massive amounts of information at any one time including sensory.

[fr****]

I have to *** myself to go out and meet people . Some times it work and sometimes it doesn't.

[Le****]

Yes, some more clarification would be helpful :). But what I would guess after reading “neurospicey” and “empath” on your profile - I would think that you might also mean some form of release after sensitivity overload/overwhelm?
And/or BDSM as a safe container to come back to yourself and into your body?

At least that is what some neurodivergent people experience in BDSM: It’s a form of nervous system regulation.

I also read once that BDSM might be seen as one of the earliest forms of somatic work. Makes totally sense to me! :)

There’s an interesting correlation between neurodivergent people (ADHD, Autism, people who experienced Trauma,…) and BDSM/Kinks.
BDSM might also offer healing experiences for traumatised people - but only if practiced very aware (which should be the standard in general but unfortunately is not always the case).

It’s a broad and sensitive topic that hardly can be explained properly in a comment like this but might inspire some people to do some further reading/research on that. :)

[Henriko]

5 minutes ago, fresno754665 said:

I have to *** myself to go out and meet people . Some times it work and sometimes it doesn't.

To "meet people" is easier said than done if you don't know anyone.

[Henriko]

Interesting what Lea-Marie wrote.
Could that be my "mechanophile" attraction to machines but not in the same way as usually mechanophiles relate to them, but rather a kind of BDSM type of satisfaction abusing them (as the trend everyone can see on YT for example of all kinds of machines; vacuum cleaner squealing, moped ***, car revving to death (Girls VS Cars) or handmixer ASMR art extreme *** (Miss Mixy - ABC MIX) ?

[Ja****]

Kink is therapy for anyone jwhos 24/7 and not just weekend warriors/tourists and as a neurodivergent individual who owns multiple subs that are all neurodivergent people i can agree and have this discussion quite often

[Ja****]

We all have ptsd/cptsd as well^

[Henriko]

1 minute ago, JamesLoveBites said:

Kink is therapy for anyone jwhos 24/7 and not just weekend warriors/tourists and as a neurodivergent individual who owns multiple subs that are all neurodivergent people i can agree and have this discussion quite often

Seems we've got some discussion for once started up here that's nice

[Le****]

13 minutes ago, SD1991 said:

Okay what do I mean by massive BDSM/kink interests. For some individuals it's not simply preference or a way to deal with life, it can be part of their own psychological architecture and how they form as a person and start very very early in life, I can present the neuroscience behind it but not everyone is into that. The short version is, some individuals process the world in a way that is deep to the point where they question everything, and ask the word why to almost everything that most would consider normal and except without question. These individuals carry themselves with a much higher level of internal control. And they also have a deeper desire to surrender it. That's one aspect there is more. When you add ADHD to the mix, you can process on multiple channels of input sometimes. This varies by person to person. Basically, I get very discontent and bored when things are standard. Not that I don't enjoy connection in the simple form, I do, I also have a mind that can process massive amounts of information at any one time including sensory.

Sorry, took me so long to write my comment, that it overlapped with this further info from you - but my points might still be helpful :)

And I totally understand what you describe - there are various reasons people with neurodivergent brains feel drawn to BDSM!

[Henriko]

8 minutes ago, JamesLoveBites said:

We all have ptsd/cptsd as well^

You might be right 100% - in this phonezombie society with 24/7 so-me addiction combined with this ***d-on mobile tech 24/7 radiation that will only grow and increase (5G-6G-7G-8G-9G...) our brains have definitely transformed...
Happy to ditch smartphone, only using brickphone now, with desktop computer at home for net...

[Le****]

18 minutes ago, JamesLoveBites said:

We all have ptsd/cptsd as well^

These statements are a tad to generalised, I think ;).

It can be a form of therapy even though if you’re not in a 24/7 dynamic but use sessions for nervous system regulation on a regular basis for example.

And not all ADHDers also have Trauma, but people with ADHD/Autism are much more likely to experience some sort of Trauma and end up with (c)PTSD , that’s correct :)

I’d like to keep it nuanced and fact focused :) Because there’s a lot of misinformation and misunderstanding about neurodivergent people in this world already anyway.

[Henriko]

Only truth is, we all need release and relief in this sick world.

[ey****]

it is common, yes.  I think a little bit because there's stuff people wouldn't normally think twice upon - but actually kinda going into a space (either one on one or a munch) and discussing things you're not used to discussing and not knowing how people will react can be super daunting.

But, in general - a lot of people seem to use social anxiety as somewhat of an excuse.  Yes, I get it. And I know this sounds deeply unsympathetic (believe it or not, for all my shittalking online - I can find a lot of scenarios tough) but it is ultimately on you to kinda work on.

There is a lot of self-help for anxiety available. If you need help beyond the levels self-help can do, then seek a medical professional.  Someone coddling you will ultimately not help all that much. Relying on other people is counterproductive.

So look at yourself, what goal are you trying to reach and what is the immediate barrier. How do you overcome that?

"I don't have a partner" is not an immediate barrier. 

[SD1991]

17 hours ago, Lea-Marie said:

Yes, some more clarification would be helpful :). But what I would guess after reading “neurospicey” and “empath” on your profile - I would think that you might also mean some form of release after sensitivity overload/overwhelm?
And/or BDSM as a safe container to come back to yourself and into your body?

At least that is what some neurodivergent people experience in BDSM: It’s a form of nervous system regulation.

I also read once that BDSM might be seen as one of the earliest forms of somatic work. Makes totally sense to me! :)

There’s an interesting correlation between neurodivergent people (ADHD, Autism, people who experienced Trauma,…) and BDSM/Kinks.
BDSM might also offer healing experiences for traumatised people - but only if practiced very aware (which should be the standard in general but unfortunately is not always the case).

It’s a broad and sensitive topic that hardly can be explained properly in a comment like this but might inspire some people to do some further reading/research on that. :)

Hi everyone. Okay, let’s start from the top continuing on from Lea's previous post: Release from sensitivity overload or overwhelm would be one example where a session in BDSM would help. Approaching a session can also cause overload and overwhelm when it first starts, more so if there’s a lack of exposure. For me, of course, that is the case at the moment because I am still yet to have my first official session.

Now, as a small counterpoint to that — I say small because it still holds very true in one particular context — implying sensitivity as purely overload and/or overwhelm misses the bidirectional aspect of sensitivity. Just like with all sensitivity, both emotional and sensory, it goes both ways. It’s impossible to have the negative without the positive, and vice versa. Most people stereotype and cherry-pick the negative and subconsciously assume that’s all there is.

For me personally, most of my overwhelm or overload in life currently would mainly be in the approach to the first session. This is for a multitude of reasons.

In day-to-day life, I pick my spaces carefully and chase the highs. I don’t feel the need to prove anything by forcing myself to deal with the negatives. It doesn’t make sense to keep overloading yourself, because the nervous system won’t always adapt, and commonly doesn’t in my architectural type. It will hit a ceiling.

BDSM and bondage, for me, are split into two worlds. One part of me wants to lose control over myself, which I’ve already touched on in my previous post. The other part of me is terrified of that.

It’s my greatest thrill and my greatest *** — something that must be done.

In general, the whole BDSM dynamic of being submissive and contributing to others’ experiences in a dominant context does amplify a lot of my sensitivity — not just emotionally, but sensorially. My system is pin-drop accurate when it comes to sensory registration, down to micro-level detail, like touch, sound, nuanced micro signals in facial structure and vocal tones. So when you consider the positive aspects of sensitivity, the experience isn’t just psychologically grounding in terms of relieving day-to-day overwhelm — it’s also about chasing a sensory high.

Yes, it’s my greatest ***, but it’s the thrill that will win. After the first time of doing it, a lot of the initial concern will be alleviated.

P.S. Lea, you are also completely accurate regarding the trauma aspect, and that holds up under current scrutiny. I agree that more needs to be done to promote this intersection of neurodivergence and BDSM. The practice can be very the***utic, but for some people to engage with it, it takes additional effort.

There’s often an element of anxiety and panic the first time someone is restrained, but at the same time, it can feel incredibly liberating.

Trust in who you’re with is the most important factor. Not everyone understands or respects sensitivity if they haven’t experienced it at the same level — especially tactile hypersensitivity, which, again, goes both ways.

Depending on how my time develops alongside my other publishing projects, I may write a paper on this at some point.

[He****]

Valid comments and points and your post hits home for me. I’m dealing with AuDHD and CPTSD and feel we have to be ready ourselves to move to the next step.
Then, having a partner that knows how to communicate within the session so there’s no further anxiety.

Find someone that will go to a munch with you that has been before or allows you to feel comfortable with mingling.

Maybe go to a slosh first and have a drink to relax?