What’s a non-sexual red flag that instantly makes someone less attractive in kink spaces

[at****]

For me, it’s when someone treats safety conversations like an inconvenience.
Not just skipping over limits, but brushing past consent talks, acting annoyed by questions, dismissing safe words, or treating aftercare like it’s optional.

I find it a huge red flag when someone can’t clearly talk through responsibility, risks, and boundaries, or seems more focused on the fantasy than the trust needed to make it safe.

Curious what non-sexual red flags stand out most to everyone else?

[ch****]

Smoking for me

[Dragonstar35]

Wow if someone does that then they’re not safe

My biggest red flags is when someone does that skips over consent skips over limits like it’s annoying that ***es me off. That’s a big red flag.

[Ci****]

My biggest red flag is usually involving group play. Lying or omitting information from primary partners or trying to go behind their back for further communication outside of established bounds. I'm out immediately.

[Ou****]

People who don't prioritize hygiene

[Ba****]

Not read profiles. That, right now, is the biggest red flag to me. I have my profiles filled out. I put in what I am looking for and what I am not looking for. The main things that are a no for me are straight men and anyone under 25 or over 40 years old. A lot of people don't seem to understand either of those. Like, if you can not read a profile, how am I supposed to trust that you will listen to anything that I say?

[Deleted Member]

4 minutes ago, BabyBoyNate said:

Not read profiles. That, right now, is the biggest red flag to me. I have my profiles filled out. I put in what I am looking for and what I am not looking for. The main things that are a no for me are straight men and anyone under 25 or over 40 years old. A lot of people don't seem to understand either of those. Like, if you can not read a profile, how am I supposed to trust that you will listen to anything that I say?

This I agree with so much,, if someone approaches me in my dms and obviously hasn't read my profile, I will take them as stupid and therefore dangerous to play with.

[Lo****]

Mine is when they say they are a "non safe word" submissive and they don't ask any hard/soft limits

[ma****]

I don't know if this is non-sexual, but when their first message is a request or demand to do something for them. They are saying a lot about themselves when they immediately base it on their satisfaction. I know we are all kinky here, but why not a simple hello or how are you kind of greeting.

[Melons4me2kiss]

Yeah, set boundaries. If they are not respected, then immediately remove them from your life!

[Ha****]

One condescending word and I check out.

[sardonicus87]

When someone claims to be into something broad, like p@in, but then can't articulate what kind in specific and responds with, "I dunno, all kinds" or "I dunno, what kinds are you into".

It's one thing to say you don't know when you've said you're INTERESTED in the broader category, it's another to claim you ARE INTO the broader category but can't articulate anything more specific than the most broad and vague stuff.

Semi-related is when people respond to an ad claiming to be interested, then asking you specifics that were already covered in the very ad that they're responding to.

[da****]

Not talking

[za****]

I think its when the person is too pushy

[my****]

In other venues when I post a well thought out posting and I say at the bottom, put some thought into your response to my post, I’m worth the effort. I get Hi, I’m interested in talking to you.

If you can’t take simple non-sexual direction, how are you going to do when the challenges get more difficult?

[Deleted Member]

Dirty dishes, unkept house or bedroom in pictures.

[BlueGrace]

Poor hygiene and poor hygiene skills are problems . I expect myself and my partners to have excellent hygiene. Proper oral hygiene and maintenance is very important to me.

Weak conversational skills and interaction.

Ordering food for me or telling me what I will or will not be eating. I view this as controlling behavior and that’s not acceptable.

Being pushy with requests.
Lack of education.
No driver’s license or their own transportation.
Not able to live on their own or be financially independent.

No hobbies. I have a lot of hobbies and I enjoy doing them by myself or with one of my partners.

Codependency and always needing someone to entertain or be with them. I like taking time for myself and having me time. I cannot entertain and converse with someone 24/7. I have things that do take priority.

Many illnesses. I am not a caregiver nor do I want to be placed in that role.

[Da****]

Mention of *** (going either way), claiming to want to be in a relationship before meeting, and being diametrically opposite of me politically. Claiming to be non-political is a yellow flag… Nothing wrong with that per se, just a personal feeling.

[at****]

1 hour ago, marshmallowonwheels said:

I don't know if this is non-sexual, but when their first message is a request or demand to do something for them. They are saying a lot about themselves when they immediately base it on their satisfaction. I know we are all kinky here, but why not a simple hello or how are you kind of greeting.

Yes this is something I seem to come across often it can feel and comes across like because I am submissive i must want to do as im told from anyone who claims they are a dom 😅🙈 I feel respect comes in here to or lack of I will say no proper dom ive had the pleasure of interacting with does this

[Ma****]

Hygiene. ‼️
There is no fkn way I'm going to lick musty balls let alone a dirty starfish. Have some self respect.

[Ma****]

I don't message or talk with anyone whose first message is sexual. I look at it as if I were in public. If that's your way of saying hi, then I'm not interested.

[vi****]

Thinking that everything kink is sexual.

[Ka****]

1 hour ago, Maliria said:

I don't message or talk with anyone whose first message is sexual. I look at it as if I were in public. If that's your way of saying hi, then I'm not interested.

Exactly, or if in the first message they call me a derogatory name.

[Ma****]

6 minutes ago, aligurl80 said:

Exactly, or if in the first message they call me a derogatory name.

I don't even like it when they call me baby or baby girl. I'm not that to them at that point. IMO the pet names are just thrown around too easily so they mean less

[Ca****]

Not respecting your boundaries