How much do living conditions matter?

[an****]

1 hour ago, BlueGrace said:

Absolutely, it matters! My 2 Doms and I live together in our dream home. My other 2 have their own homes in different places. We refuse to allow it to be dirty. It’s important psychologically, emotionally, and physically to have a clean home. It’s extremely important to me to be able to walk in and there isn’t trash or clutter. I couldn’t be with someone that allowed their living quarters to be dirty and not maintained. It’s gross. There is no excuse to purposefully live in filth. Laziness isn’t acceptable.

'living quarters' I totally agree and thank you for your service 🫡 or whoever raised you to use that term 💚

[Da****]

Yes, it matters. To the hoast and the guests. Put in the time and effort. Its sexy.

[da****]

I'm the same way as anonymous I spend hours cleaning sometimes longer than that sometimes it'll start days before preparing something I hate the filth I'm uncomfortable around it so yes if I do go to somebody's house and it's dirty filthy smells bad I'm not coming back more than likely I'm leaving and I will explain why I'm OCD when it comes to cleanliness everything has a place it needs to be put in its place if you use it put it back there's no sense in having trash laying around the trash can overflow dirty dishes in the sink Carpet unkept House unkept laundry everywhere I spent 25 years in Home Remodeling and things like that and I found dealing with people that the prettiest people are usually the nastiest it is ridiculous of a beautiful woman to be well kept but you go back to her place and it's just nasty it's a big turn off for me I don't like that I don't make anybody deal with that so I would expect the same in return

[an****]

1 hour ago, daddyt405 said:

I'm the same way as anonymous I spend hours cleaning sometimes longer than that sometimes it'll start days before preparing something I hate the filth I'm uncomfortable around it so yes if I do go to somebody's house and it's dirty filthy smells bad I'm not coming back more than likely I'm leaving and I will explain why I'm OCD when it comes to cleanliness everything has a place it needs to be put in its place if you use it put it back there's no sense in having trash laying around the trash can overflow dirty dishes in the sink Carpet unkept House unkept laundry everywhere I spent 25 years in Home Remodeling and things like that and I found dealing with people that the prettiest people are usually the nastiest it is ridiculous of a beautiful woman to be well kept but you go back to her place and it's just nasty it's a big turn off for me I don't like that I don't make anybody deal with that so I would expect the same in return

Thank you so much for your detailed response!!! 25 years in remodeling, I bet you find a lot of beauty in craftsmanship and trades work, I remember being mesmerized by an electricians work with conduit in this bar (somewhere) there were legit 25 connections from one trunk that split off like root lines and it was just perfection, I stared at it for hours while everyone else thought I was nuts when I explained why it was so impressive 🤣

I'm not going to agree with your beauty evaluation 🤣 all walks of life are clean/dirty I think a majority of people just get overwhelmed.

You excite me!!!
Are you this way when you create a scene?
When is a mess acceptable?
Do you have any cleaning tips!?!?!?

I will share two tips:

Straight bleach diluted in water in a hand pump or pressure sprayer (like a weed sprayer) [also works great when someone brings home an illness to decon the area fast]. The appropriate amount leaves a clean smell and won't damage fabric/colors, if you smell bleach you are using too much.

Vegetable oil to wipe down and rejuvenate all wood surfaces, especially eating surfaces. No gross lemon/chemical smell/trace, no deadly slippery floors. Just spray cooking oil on a paper towel or rag and apply to bare wood surfaces. I use a liter spray bottle (also great for spraying tots in the air fryer).

What makes your cleaning more efficient?

[DarkArts1066]

Simple.
They matter.

I have a sub female friend -new to bdsm and kink who, before we met was being schooled by another Dom… who was also quite new to the scene.

He took her one evening to the house of another Dom so that she could experience something quite specific … they were there less than an hour.
She complied with all the instructions she was given, but at the end of the session, She (and the Dom she went with) couldn’t wait to leave.

The place was messy, filthy, there was debris everywhere. Both parties were concerned about the hygiene of the toys and equipment.

BUT, she had felt obligated to continue, for fe@r of letting others down.
In her own words, “I left, not with the healthy glow I was hoping for, but wondering if I would need antibiotics afterwards. Never again”

She is now wiser for the experience… and always vets a venue before agreeing to anything.

In my personal opinion, if you don’t respect yourself and your environment, -how can you be expected to respect anyone else ?

You don’t need to be an OCD Zen Master, but first impressions DO count.

[an****]

2 hours ago, DarkArts1066 said:

Simple.
They matter.

I have a sub female friend -new to bdsm and kink who, before we met was being schooled by another Dom… who was also quite new to the scene.

He took her one evening to the house of another Dom so that she could experience something quite specific … they were there less than an hour.
She complied with all the instructions she was given, but at the end of the session, She (and the Dom she went with) couldn’t wait to leave.

The place was messy, filthy, there was debris everywhere. Both parties were concerned about the hygiene of the toys and equipment.

BUT, she had felt obligated to continue, for fe@r of letting others down.
In her own words, “I left, not with the healthy glow I was hoping for, but wondering if I would need antibiotics afterwards. Never again”

She is now wiser for the experience… and always vets a venue before agreeing to anything.

In my personal opinion, if you don’t respect yourself and your environment, -how can you be expected to respect anyone else ?

You don’t need to be an OCD Zen Master, but first impressions DO count.

Not good, being already inside the dynamic and feeling obligated is not fair. Thank you for this insight/data point.

I will now have to test a theory. I have not incorporated this, but I can understand how even a clean house doesn't mean a sub is convinced of toy sanitization.

Your thoughts?

Do you think having a sub sanitize equipment/toys before use (or doing this in front of them as they watch) as part of the before play and as part of the dynamic would make them more comfortable (even in a messy place)?

[to****]

I'm not the one you were asking but just my 2 cents: People are already generally nervous the first time or even a couple times they are in a new environment but having it clean and warm makes that nervousness a lot easier to handle. Think of it like a restaurant / café, even if the reviews are good or glowing even, if you walk in and it's a total wreck you're probably going to instantly turn around and leave no matter how good the reviews are. Unless you're with the type(which do exist) that likes that dirty feeling when you're in an unclean environment. As for the sanitization thing doing it in front of them is good but you should be careful with sanitizing and then using it immediately, some people have bad/serve reactions to that stuff. On a personal note for me the sanitization smell turns me off so I'd give it some time to dry off after sanitization. Drying time depends on the method of sanitization however.

[to****]

But generally if you want your partner to be comfortable, have a good time, focus on the activity and keep coming back for more. A clean environment matters 100% especially with new partners, people do become more lenient to cleanliness the longer they've known you for but that's a different conversation all together.

[an****]

11 hours ago, toronto87955 said:

I'm not the one you were asking but just my 2 cents: People are already generally nervous the first time or even a couple times they are in a new environment but having it clean and warm makes that nervousness a lot easier to handle. Think of it like a restaurant / café, even if the reviews are good or glowing even, if you walk in and it's a total wreck you're probably going to instantly turn around and leave no matter how good the reviews are. Unless you're with the type(which do exist) that likes that dirty feeling when you're in an unclean environment. As for the sanitization thing doing it in front of them is good but you should be careful with sanitizing and then using it immediately, some people have bad/serve reactions to that stuff. On a personal note for me the sanitization smell turns me off so I'd give it some time to dry off after sanitization. Drying time depends on the method of sanitization however.

First your use of analogy make me want to be BFFs 🤣 people that use the phrase 'think of it like' are some of my favorite people! I agree with what you said and I appreciate the caution for sanitation, that is a very responsible stance.

I am, and I would imagine others are as well, pretty understanding of small apartments, limited space and items that have no place or where stress or life has been a little/lot too much. Cardboard on windows where blackout curtains should be if affordable. Dish rack over stacked with clean dishes and a few fridge items that beg for death. In an otherwise 'I'm trying' space is still acceptable to most.

I translate your reply to the 'backed up bathroom' smell or greasy floors, surfaces at a diner. The 'dangerous' flags, not the 'this place has old menus' is what I'm hearing.

Do you have a protocol for the 'maintain the activity/connection' when the environment is 'dangerous' without losing the flow?

At what stage to you say 'you know what, let's go out tonight' vs 'we are going to clean this house' vs 'i think I left my stove on'? 🤔

[lo****]

Having a clean environment is a key for me. I can concentrate much better if I'm not worried about dumb stuff like how often a person takes care of their environment.. if they can't take care of their environment could they take care of me....... ??????

[Ne****]

Clean enough is enough for me... But thats subjective af isn't it? No stains, clutter, filth... I don't need anyone to tend to anything I won't pay attention to and wouldn't want to host anyone who would expect me to. And a factor for me is no one is staying the night so I'm turning my home into a hotel.

[Ar****]

Completely agree.

[DarkArts1066]

June 26, anotherusername said:

Not good, being already inside the dynamic and feeling obligated is not fair. Thank you for this insight/data point.

I will now have to test a theory. I have not incorporated this, but I can understand how even a clean house doesn't mean a sub is convinced of toy sanitization.

Your thoughts?

Do you think having a sub sanitize equipment/toys before use (or doing this in front of them as they watch) as part of the before play and as part of the dynamic would make them more comfortable (even in a messy place)?

There are a number of approaches to this.

Firstly, although Dungeons often supply ‘toys’, and I’m sure clean them thoroughly, I never use them -preferring to bring my own.

Why? - I am happy using my own equipment, because I KNOW , beyond all reasonable doubt, that I, personally, have cleaned it properly.

And I think many subs have that same approach.
Let’s face it, many of us have multiple play partners.
Bringing your own toys to a play session is really no different to bringing your own condoms -is it ?
Unless it’s a suitcase full of toys of course.

Having a sub sanitize the toys to be used can absolutely be part of the play session… and may well give them confidence in that regard.

Another approach is to use prophylactics whenever possible.

You can’t put a condom on a paddle, but you can on a dildo, butt plug or vibrator .. so do it.

You won’t lose anything in terms of sensation… so why not ?

[Ma****]

I have absolutely stopped seeing a person because I finally saw their apartment/house and it was dirty. I want to have total trust in my partner and that also means a space clean enough I don't feel gross getting naked.
The house should be clean and smell nice. If you have a pet, I don't want to smell it or see a lot of fur. If I smell a litterbox, I am gone (I have three cats, 5 litterboxes and they're all scooped multiple times a day. I also pick up after my dog). I hold others to the same standard of clean I have for myself.