In the closet kinky & living with other people

[si****]

I have been trying here and there to explore my more kinky side, however because I live with my parents, I haven’t been able to explore this side of my very much (as anyone in my family finding out, is the last thing I want).

I am finally able to look at moving out, and renting a place, so I was wondering how do people deal with roommates when it comes to hiding any of your kinky toys or plays? I don’t know yet who I would love with, and if it is friends, I am probably going to be in the same boat as I am at the moment with my parents.

I am considering just trying to find a place live by myself which would make everything a million times easier.

[Deleted Member]

I think it would be important to have strong rules about private space and public space, so you kinky stuff stays in your room and no one but you goes in there 🤷‍♀️ and then going out to events or something, instead of bringing people in. Maybe find roommates who travel for work or something?

[ey****]

yep - moving from parents home to a flatshare just relocates your issue

Hiding toys shouldn't be too difficult in either case - a lockable or discreet storage box should do the trick - but obviously if you've a friend round for some play it can be less easy

this is when you move a lot of play to fetish clubs, hotels, etc. 

[Th****]

Just be careful, thing happen and change comes, don’t be in a rush to distance yourself because when it crashes your parents will be the very people who unconditionally support you. Take it slow, meet people and grow, both within the kink and outside of it, the time will come when you know it’s right. Good luck

[si****]

7 minutes ago, goldenretrievergf said:

I think it would be important to have strong rules about private space and public space, so you kinky stuff stays in your room and no one but you goes in there 🤷‍♀️ and then going out to events or something, instead of bringing people in. Maybe find roommates who travel for work or something?

True, sounds like something obvious, but didn’t think about this 😅. That should help with most thing

[Lo****]

Confidence is key. if your with friends, then they'll probably understand more than anyone. You dont have to go into kinky detail, but tell them we all have needs 👍

[ey****]

I guess another issue with any form of flatshare is that a lot of people come and go

so if you do have someone who is seemingly perfect (convenient workshift, away a lot, out a lot, also kinky, can make themselves scarce, etc) they could swap out and you end up with someone who is the opposite. 

[si****]

13 minutes ago, Lonely0jest said:

Confidence is key. if your with friends, then they'll probably understand more than anyone. You dont have to go into kinky detail, but tell them we all have needs 👍

I know that they probably will, but those are friends I have had since I moved to the UK as a kid. I very much don’t want to discover otherwise, so I want to keep these things as hidden from friends & family

[si****]

15 minutes ago, ThomasPatch said:

Just be careful, thing happen and change comes, don’t be in a rush to distance yourself because when it crashes your parents will be the very people who unconditionally support you. Take it slow, meet people and grow, both within the kink and outside of it, the time will come when you know it’s right. Good luck

Thank you. I am trying to take things as slowly as possible, but sometimes it feels like I am not doing anything because I don’t even have the space to experiment and try

[si****]

19 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

yep - moving from parents home to a flatshare just relocates your issue

Hiding toys shouldn't be too difficult in either case - a lockable or discreet storage box should do the trick - but obviously if you've a friend round for some play it can be less easy

this is when you move a lot of play to fetish clubs, hotels, etc. 

As you said, hiding toys wouldn’t be hard. My main issue is the fact that sharing a house with my room being across from my parents, mean I can’t really go buy some fetish clothes or feminine garments and then hide it (same washing machine, and thin walls)

[si****]

18 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I guess another issue with any form of flatshare is that a lot of people come and go

so if you do have someone who is seemingly perfect (convenient workshift, away a lot, out a lot, also kinky, can make themselves scarce, etc) they could swap out and you end up with someone who is the opposite. 

True. Didn’t consider this. Sounds like finding a place for just me sounds like it might be the best way to ensure I can do things (or find other kinky roommates)

[Th****]

I get you! Back in the 1986 personal issues kept me at home till I was 26 in a sleepy Sussex village, the frustration was a nightmare also being gay back then was looked down upon as it was smack bang dead centre of the aids pandemic and the so demeaning phase of ‘gay plague’! I ask you who does that!!! Surly there are some kindly masters on here able to accommodate a willing lad who wants to learn and be moulded.

[ey****]

38 minutes ago, sissyNoa said:

True. Didn’t consider this. Sounds like finding a place for just me sounds like it might be the best way to ensure I can do things (or find other kinky roommates)

years ago - kinky room mates were quite common up here - that particularly on fetlife there were nearly always people posting that they had a room coming available (or were looking for a room) and "kink friendly" prefered - and pretty much for those reasons - that, it meant a lot wasn't a surprise. One less thing to worry about.

And I'm somewhat surprised I don't see posts like that any more. Mind.  I can see many reasons ranging from people prefering to keep it within friend circles (from munches etc) or that even a lot of kink folk have moved off sites a lot these days

mind - I think some did run into issues that some were in relationships with each other, and then weren't, or assorted ENM challenges. It often feels like every solution presents new problems 

[si****]

15 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

years ago - kinky room mates were quite common up here - that particularly on fetlife there were nearly always people posting that they had a room coming available (or were looking for a room) and "kink friendly" prefered - and pretty much for those reasons - that, it meant a lot wasn't a surprise. One less thing to worry about.

And I'm somewhat surprised I don't see posts like that any more. Mind.  I can see many reasons ranging from people prefering to keep it within friend circles (from munches etc) or that even a lot of kink folk have moved off sites a lot these days

mind - I think some did run into issues that some were in relationships with each other, and then weren't, or assorted ENM challenges. It often feels like every solution presents new problems 

Kinky roommates sounds so good. It could make life so much easier 😂. As long as there are rules about whats allowed in the flat and whats not, sharing a flat with like minded people, sounds like it will be much easier

[MasterDwight]

I am from cherokee alabama and it is hard to find somebody to explore with make sure you find somebody who will respect you and take the time to work with you while you explore good luck