The Battle Between My Dominant Mind and My Submissive Heart

[Deleted Member]

The Battle Between My Dominant Mind and My Submissive Heart
I would like to share something personal and ask whether anyone else has experienced something similar.
Do you know why I keep running away?
Every time it's for a different reason.
Sometimes I run because I think I'm not important enough.
Sometimes I run because I feel I'm not good enough.
Sometimes I run because I tell myself I should stop all of this and simply be a "normal" woman who takes care of her family and remains faithful to her husband.
The truth is that there are two different parts of me constantly fighting each other.
One part is the woman who has always been in control of her own life. She is strong, disciplined, honest, fair, and likes everything to be organized.
The other part is my submissive self. She is still learning who she is. She is soft, emotional, ***, and sometimes doesn't even understand herself.
These two parts haven't learned how to live together yet. They argue with each other every day.
Because of that, my actions don't always match my feelings.
But one thing is always true:
I never lie.
Whatever I say in that moment is exactly what I truly feel in that moment.
The feeling may change later because another part of me takes over, but the feeling itself was always real.
Has anyone else struggled with this kind of internal conflict between independence and submission? How did you learn to accept both sides of yourself?

[Fi****]

Interesting. I understand this. I have been a Dom my whole life. But I have had 2 things happen in my life that have changed my mindset. I now think of submissive stuff being done to me. I have not been able to find a dominant woman who understands this and wants to help me experience my feelings. 

[MKDom]

I can't relate to the sub side, but I've been struggling with the simply be a "normal" man..

I made peace with myself first, and my journey was worth it .. now I can be the normal me and the Dom .. and figured both sides are completing each other

[Al****]

You're not alone I could have written the same word for word, unfortunately it's something I'm still working on so can't give you any advice but I 100% get everything you say xx

[ra****]

I know that in a similar way, not sure if it is the same. But...

If you run away, this is because you might reject the reality. If you say:

- You are not important enough, the question is, if that's the case

- You are not good enough, the question is, if that's the case

- you should stop "all of this", maybe you are looking for something which is not there

Actually, tearing down these walls are walls, which you conciously built, which shall / will make you the woman you want to become. It's not an issue, as it's just what like, but if you don't get it, it can lead to concerns and self-destruction. That's the issue, not "being not important" or "good enough".

I know it's not easy to handle this, as it's your energy. So, how do I handle this, if it is similar?

I just don't take it that serious, because, you know, being not good enough or important in most cases is not the reality. It's just a negative perspective onto my own. But it's not necessary to think so, as it is not the reality.

People have their reasons to judge you, but have you ever thought someone is too bad to be loved? Or too unimportant to be loved? No, mostly it's because it doesn't fit. So if you're special, it doesn't fit even more.

If you had enough time, it won't be an issue. If you have no time, it's a big issue. I know that from me: it took so much time, that I sometimes even reject women. But if I should be honest, I would never wait for intimacy that long. So, maybe it is just a matter of time. But time is relative. Time is not something you should wait for.

Edited August 3 by rareroots

[ma****]

I don't have both inside me, but I've seen it in enough subs to know it's more normal than perhaps you give it credit for. In your day to day life, you need to be in control. That could be dominance, or it could be an unidentified service sub streak in you, which does manifest through control. But the other side, the submissive side... that's where you let yourself take a break from the control side. To switch off control and let someone else tell you what to do, to wear, to say, to think. Don't think of them as contrasting. Think of them as two sides of the same coin. Both are you, and both are perfectly okay.

[u-6a1379509f386]

This is very beautiful, and similar to my own struggle

[Se****]

I feel the same way. I always feel conflicted, I still haven’t figured it out.

[Hypnocurious]

Both parts are You. Running away from anything is ***. What is it that frightens you about that part of you. Acceptance is part of the process of becoming Who you are. Not who you think you want to be. Explore safely and give yourself space to notice what you desire.

[Si****]

I always have a massive problem with pre-orgasm highly aroused state , with post orgasmic state

[Al****]

Just commenting on some reactions....is not that easy to stop thinking in a certain way & no probably most of us wouldn't judge. Personally, I have had family members disowned me because they've discovered my "lifestyle choices" & is often an internal battle we have with ourselves regardless of outside judgement. One thing I would say is that we don't choose how we feel or cope with life & sometimes we do as we need just so we can carry on supporting & being our best selves we can be to those most important to us

[dr****]

OMG I totally understand your struggle. Your internal conflict is based on the IDEA that you need to be one or the other. WRONG! You are a well balanced person that as the innate ability to understand and fully experience the whole spectrum. The other physical reality is that your brain who is in charge all the time needs a space to be taken away into a place where it’s no longer in charge. It’s using the other facet to finally relax.
You are not alone, read my profile you will understand.
Accept the gift, the ability of being a sub only makes you a much better Dom because your whole body and brain as been in that role.

[Deleted Member]

its desire & why would i deny myself desire, What makes me a great domme also makes me a great submissive, also why I am so strict with who get to dominate and who gets to serve as a submissive. I also see it as a spectrum that can exist on any end depending on the day, or the person. I am also queer so maybe I am okay with being so fluid but hate the idea of picking oneside, when I can explore the spectrum!

[kc****]

Follow ur heart

[TheRigger]

Learn to accept that you have certain needs to make you be you and you are enough as you are.

There is nothing wrong with having to be in control when you need to be - at work, looking after a household (hope others help), what day the bins need to go out, etc. and what ever else you feel need to be in control of. This is not different from others. Others find some balance - is this something you still trying to figure out or is there something deeper?

There is also nothing wrong with letting go and being submissive. Is it a holiday from being in control or something else? - no harm there if it is.

There are lots of people who have to be in control constantly and seek a release by not being in control at certain times, (example not involved in planning family and friends activities and are told where to be and when) or there are those that need something more - they can then look to the submissive side, where they give total control to others or there are those that hire the services of someone who will dominate them, and play with them satisfying that itch - consenting adult activities

The other times when you just want to let go and submit - release from control / urge to submit / urge to please (whatever the feeling is) - is this a need / an itch that has to be scratched? If so then satisfy it, do not suppress this. This may be a challenge (a lot of things to let go of, adjust to, things to accept (like your needs / itches), etc., but if you do overcome this what an amazing life you will have - if you really struggling then get a therapist who can help you change what is going on in your head and help you reprogram the world around you. Do it now don't leave it until you are older - break the pattern and start enjoying your life and celebrating who you are - accepting you are enough as you are or become.

I was once an NLP Practioner and used it in training mangers - have you tried NLP or something similar? It can help reprogram your thought processing and change the way you see, feel, or hear the world.

Change the way you, see, feel, or hear the world, the world around you will change - trust me on this one.

Hope that helps