What Makes a Conversation Genuinely Click?

[Deleted Member]

I’ve been thinking about how some conversations seem to develop naturally while others never really get beyond polite small talk.
Sometimes it isn’t even about having loads in common. You can meet someone with completely different interests and still find yourself talking for hours because there’s curiosity, humour, honesty and a genuine back-and-forth.
For me, the biggest difference is when both people actually respond to what the other person has said rather than simply waiting for their turn to speak.
So I’m curious:
What makes a conversation genuinely click for you?
Is it humour? Intelligence? Openness? Similar life experiences? Someone asking unexpected questions? Or simply feeling that the other person is genuinely interested in getting to know you?
And conversely, what tends to make you lose interest in a conversation quite quickly?
No right answer — I’m interested in how differently people experience that sense of connection.

[St****]

Seems like you've hit the nail on the head with most of what you said, but I think from my experiences when general curiosities between two people converge. You build upon the curiosities and make something new and interesting.

[ey****]

this is something which is going to vary a lot between people, though small talk in general can often be a barrier to conversation/connection rather than a gateway

I also know obviously conversation/connection requires a two-way thing but there has to be some form of desire for the other person to wish to engage in the conversation - so it becomes in wanting to keep the interactions enjoyable for the other person.  And a lot of htat can come down to communication styles, interests, humour and any showing of personality 

[Pu****]

As a woman who was once a man I can at the very least tell you one thing that most men mistake. Even here on dating sites women don’t want to be objectified. Even though most of them might really want to fool around that’s not all we want. Open up and hold genuine conversations, and as much as it sucks if you feel like you’re the only one talking it’s better to move on than to spam. As funny as they are none of us want to start a conversation with someone who’s opening like is “wanna see my cock?” If you’re nice and open with something nice like “hey I think you’re pretty cool, I like your vibe” you’re far more likely to get responses! Always remember your opening texts are your first impressions and those will be the ones your judged on the quickest. Just be nice and be chill 🙂‍↕️

[Ph****]

You nailed a lot of it. Its engaging with what youre saying, asking follow up questions, showing interest.

If the other party never asks questions, even as simple as reversal with "what about you" or some form, then it just kills my interest.

Dont be passive in a conversation.

[Deleted Member]

28 minutes ago, Puppygirl-Rose said:

As a woman who was once a man I can at the very least tell you one thing that most men mistake. Even here on dating sites women don’t want to be objectified. Even though most of them might really want to fool around that’s not all we want. Open up and hold genuine conversations, and as much as it sucks if you feel like you’re the only one talking it’s better to move on than to spam. As funny as they are none of us want to start a conversation with someone who’s opening like is “wanna see my cock?” If you’re nice and open with something nice like “hey I think you’re pretty cool, I like your vibe” you’re far more likely to get responses! Always remember your opening texts are your first impressions and those will be the ones your judged on the quickest. Just be nice and be chill 🙂‍↕️

That’s really well put. Being sexually open and wanting genuine conversation aren’t opposites — you can want both without wanting to be reduced to one thing. And I completely agree about knowing when to move on rather than forcing a one-sided conversation. 👍

[Deleted Member]

What makes a conversation click are people who are not sexual within the first few minutes of the conversation and focus on the non sexual stuff for the first.

Don't get me wrong I 100% understand being sexually open however when sex is all people want to talk about within the first few minutes of a conversation i can come off as desperate or just thinking with your hormones instead of wanting an actual committed relationship.

I do want to mention that am not talking about the people who just want a casual hookup as there is nothing wrong with that. I am talking about the people who just want to think with their D*ck or P*ssy without considering what the other person wants or considering how they feel.

It also can really hurt a person because that person can feel like all they're worth is sex.

[OB****]

I think the conversations that genuinely click have less to do with having the same interests and more to do with having the same appetite for curiosity.

For me, the real chemistry begins when someone doesn't simply answer a question, but turns it over, challenges the premise, adds something unexpected, and gives you a question in return that makes you reconsider your own position. That's when conversation stops being an exchange of information and becomes an exploration.

Humour certainly helps, as does intelligence, but I'm particularly drawn to people who aren't afraid of intellectual vulnerability—the willingness to say, “I don't know. Tell me why you see it that way.”

And perhaps the best conversations are the ones where you suddenly realize an hour has disappeared because neither person is trying to impress the other. You're simply discovering each other's minds.

For me, that's the real click: curiosity meeting curiosity, with enough honesty to let the conversation go somewhere neither person initially expected.

[Pr****]

I can tell you from my experience that if the other person is pushing for something constantly when I've either said no or shown genuine hesitation it turns me off completely. I can tell the difference between someone who has genuine interest vs a quick roll in the sack. I have in my profile some of what I want or don't want and if you ignore that I immediately will block you.

I've had quite a few genuine conversations start that just shocked me in the best way and even if it doesn't go anywhere I will use that as a measure of what I do want from a partner.

[Am****]

As a ND chaos monster small talk is excruciating. Are you showing enthusiasm for the topic? I want to hear all about how shopping habits have changed in Narnia.
You're giving me the same space to share fun facts?!?! Whaaaaaa?!
Your vibe ebbs and flows with mine? We know when to jump in the Double Dutch conversation? Winner!!

[Sm****]

People who "hate" small talk is part of the problem. If you can handle small talk then I already know you can't handle big talk. This points to you don't know how to have a conversation and I'm already out. Thank you for putting it on your bio though, it helps us figure out who is and isn't worth talking to.

[st****]

Words

[jinxed]

7 hours ago, SmokeyJ said:

People who "hate" small talk is part of the problem. If you can handle small talk then I already know you can't handle big talk. This points to you don't know how to have a conversation and I'm already out. Thank you for putting it on your bio though, it helps us figure out who is and isn't worth talking to.

Mh, that's maybe a bit harsh. According to this theory, few Germans would be able to have "big" or as I would call it 'deep' talk. I can confirm that this is not the case, on the contrary, because small talk isn't a big thing here, conversations tend to go very deep very quickly. But I also understand that some people prefer a warming up phase and so you've made me think about being a bit more cooperative when it comes to first conversations with potential play partners. Thanks for the (slightly bullish) nudge. 

[Witchywoman]

Sometimes it is a case where the conversation flows easily, and you both get into a groove where it is a two-way conversation.
Honesty is appealing.

I have a genuine interest in others, but I enjoy it when someone also has a genuine interest in me, and the conversation doesn't revolve solely around them or me.

I lose interest really quickly if it becomes a case of one-upmanship.

[ey****]

15 hours ago, SmokeyJ said:

People who "hate" small talk is part of the problem. If you can handle small talk then I already know you can't handle big talk.

the kinda thing is why they "hate" it and it's not about being able to handle it

the problem is too many times they get trapped in small talk hell and the only ways out of it is to either (a) ignore the other person (either not reply or hit the "not interested" button) which then has people whinging about them ghosting or ignoring them for "no reason" (b) carry the conversation

the other person wanted to talk to them and now somehow it's their job to hold a conversation 

So a conversation they're not interested in somehow has become their problem 

[Sm****]

A conversation is reciprocal. If you don't like how the conversation is going then change it, otherwise you are simply reinforcing my point. If you don't know how to direct a conversation, you are also reinforcing my point. Small talk is to get a conversation going, not to be the the whole of the conversation. If you are one of the MANY people who think a conversation should be one person asking questions while your replys do not engage the other person in the conversation, you are the problem. 90% of the conversations I have are exactly that, me talking while the other person gives one or two word replies and asks minimal questions in return. That's not a conversation, it's an interview, and it's exhausting.

[Mr****]

Curiosity and effort are all it takes in my opinion. It's the difference between. How was your day? Good. Vs How was your day? It was good. Work was a bit stressful but I'm glad to be home binge watching my shows. The latter allows for the other person to get curious and allows the conversation to continue to flow. Was today just a stressful day at work or do you work a high stress job? Is bingeing TV your favorite way to unwind? What show is your guilty pleasure? Where the first way just kills the conversation. And it's a two way streak. Both have to be curious otherwise the conversation does.

[Sm****]

47 minutes ago, MrWrong00234 said:

Curiosity and effort are all it takes in my opinion. It's the difference between. How was your day? Good. Vs How was your day? It was good. Work was a bit stressful but I'm glad to be home binge watching my shows. The latter allows for the other person to get curious and allows the conversation to continue to flow. Was today just a stressful day at work or do you work a high stress job? Is bingeing TV your favorite way to unwind? What show is your guilty pleasure? Where the first way just kills the conversation. And it's a two way streak. Both have to be curious otherwise the conversation does.

I couldn't agree more, but again that stems from being able to have an adult conversation which most people apparently lack the ability to do now a days.