How to exit survival mode

[fi****]

Your warning system is operating correctly! You have to protect and respect yourself before even attempting to let someone else. If he cared about you, he should have listened fully and tried to help you manage your ***s and help you get comfortable and open to releasing more, at your s***d and how you wish. There are folks who will truly listen and understand you for you, not for what they want. Stay strong, and if you ever need to talk or release, feel free to reach out. Take care, and navigate your path as you need to…

[OR****]

Run he sounds like he doesn’t know what he’s Doing. Being a Dom is more than wielding power and ***. Hes not emotionally intelligent enough to care for you not only after but leading up to any play. Fake dom

[Iv****]

You are so not overreacting hunny, there’s just people out there who aren’t empathetic and don’t care to try and understand from your perspective

[mo****]

Even if you think your reaction is not well fitted for what you perceived on him, you can't change the way you feel if he don't change the way he acted. Worst case scenario for him: he have to go seek someone else; Worse case scenario for you: You get hurt again. Trust your guts friend 💜💜💜💜💜

[Deleted Member]

There’s ***, there’s anxiety and then there are your instincts. If your instincts are sending up the alarm, listen to them. He is not the one who will help you. Honestly, the only person who can help is you. You’ve made it this far. Keep going, one day at a time, and trust yourself.

[Iz****]

I had a history that me to not trust or let my walls down as well. And I finally learned that it was an inside job. Not that after all the work I did on myself made me easily trusting, mind you. What I learned was to take my time getting to know someone, not be in a hurry to get my needs met. I would share with them that I take my time in getting to know someone, messaging a bit, then moving to phone calls, then FaceTime, then meeting in person for coffee &/or a walk—to share our current STI/STD test results and really discuss. What we’re both looking for. It’s understood upfront, we’re not going to play at that time. My libido wants to rush everything! But I no longer let it be the driver!
During these many conversations, I ask him what respect means to him, as well as trust, submission, empathy, surrender. I listen with my ears and mind, no longer with my heart and clit. After every conversation, I write about what I heard—both healthy and unhealthy. Slow it down. The flight, fight, freeze or fawn reaction is yours to work on first. Just a thought.

[Od****]

Your feelings are valid and you can choose to end communication or a relationship for any reason you want at any time.

With that being said; if that one response from him was the only issue you've had with him, then I think you are overreacting. If it was me, I would have calmly let them know that the response felt dismissive, and told them what I needed in that moment. Then if they again handled it poorly, I would consider that proper grounds for dismissal.

These types of relationships require an incredible amount of communication. We must be willing to openly communicate what we are feeling and what we need. I, personally, try to give individuals the benefit of doubt when I don't like something by making sure I clearly communicate what I am truly feeling and need.

And yes, that does require some level of trust. That brings me to a more important point; which is that if you cannot provide that level of trust to someone who has given you no other reason to mistrust them, then you need to reflect and focus on some self-work before you pursue these types of relationships.

[Wh****]

I can answer this: I was overreacting, I was poised to find the red flags with this great relationship and my body hit flight mode before my brain could process that it was a misunderstanding. We talked and are moving forward. If I could just get my body to stop reacting !!

[Hu****]

It is survival, but it is also teaching you to balance your reactions while continuing to speak your boundaries. Balance does not mean that everything is okay. It means that you remain fully yourself within the relationship.

Once the noise and frustration of your partners not meeting your needs begin to settle, you can meet those needs within yourself. From there, you will gain the clarity to create a happier perspective and welcome happier, more supportive potential partners into your life. You do not have to settle.

[ch****]

Always remain in a position of readiness , someday you might need to snatch back the control we sometimes allow others to hold

[an****]

Do dangerous things in safe ways to trigger a heighten state that ends with you being safe.


Think roller coaster, sky diving, working on a boom lift, boxing classes, extreme exercise, jet skis, race cars.


Read the book Waking the Tiger or something about Polyvagal Theory this theory came out after the book.


Once you understand that your body is doing everything exactly as it was designed and you forgive yourself for primality, then moving through the steps gets a little easier.


You have to make yourself do 'fun' things (things you know you found fun before and can tell yourself, "I want to do this, I know I think this is fun") to reset your fight/flight, things like concerts and social events and stuff you won't have fun at but need to go though the motions to let your body know it's ok to let the freeze go.


Your are not overreacting, you are reacting in perfectly designed ways. Freeze is a state our bodies developed to restrict *** flow and feelings from our limbs so they could be eaten off of us and all that energy stores up in our core for an explosive get away (or explosive reaction/argument if we don't manage the energy).


The point is, this is normal, you are normal, your reaction is perfectly mapped to you being an apex species, it's just a primal thing that really has no place anymore, but doesn't know how to respond outside of imminent dismemberment and death. If you want to work thorough what's going on post more here or send me a message and I can walk you through the steps.

[ra****]

I have been divorced since 2021, and still have two *** under 18 with my ex.

I’ve been in survival mode for as long as I can remember, but the key is not to feel guilty about the moments that trigger you.

Literally everyone has them, whether they want to admit it or not, and when you’ve been through that kind of betrayal it’s hard to differentiate between whether you have trust issues (especially when people will have no problem telling you that) or if you’ve just realized just how much damage trusting the wrong person can do to you.

You have to learn to trust yourself. Understand that asking questions will only weed out people who might not have the ability to be honest enough with themselves to be honest with you, and that you don’t have to apologize or explain to anyone when you say no to something that you’re not comfortable with just yet.

The worst kind of people are the ones who don’t think that trust is something that’s build over time. It’s not a given. You can’t trust people’s words, you learn to trust through their ability to be consistent in their actions.

Sending you hugs and if you need or want to chat, feel free to send me a message ❤️

[Th****]

The best thing you can do and should always do: Trust your gut!

If he ignores and even invalidates your feelings, you should do exactly what you did. Block him and move on. You definitely shouldn't have a play session with such a person. Such people usually ignore your boundaries just as much as your feelings.

Rule No 1: If it feels wrong it IS wrong!

[Je****]

The only people that can help you on your healing journey should be you, and your therapist… it’s unfair to ask a potential partner to help you heal… and, if you rely on them, then if and when they leave or hurt you, you will feel much more betrayed… it’s best to learn to be happy on your own before you start dating… otherwise, you could very well end up in another toxic relationship

[Bo****]

If he is brushing something that important to you off then move on. You’ll find someone with patience. A true dom has plenty of it. You come first. The trust has to be earned in order for you to give yourself up. Once you feel that right energy coming from a dom the walls will come tumbling down.

[od****]

Trust your intuition. If he can't follow your boundaries he will do it with more things. Run.

[PL****]

Every human has feelings. Those feelings have been triggered for a reason. Your intuition is telling you, "this doesn't work for me." However, you also may find you are not as receptive for that kind of help, and looking for in a partner may also be damaging to both of you. When working on our triggers a partner can be supportive if they are made aware of the trigger prior. If you are unaware it is a trigger, then this means communication is key. You may have a great person that fits you perfectly, but if they do not have nor want to support you in that way then they probably are not what is best for you at this time. Take time to be introspective. Take time to recognize how you feel and why you feel that way. Make sure you are direct when explaining to a partner what your triggers are and why they are your triggers. And if you become triggered. Take the time you need to ground and then communicate something like "I feel triggered because of this. This is what happened previously, please do not do this again."

[Ba****]

Well a planned getaway play session for a third date seems kind of rushed to me already
Also are you sure you aren’t confusing attraction for connection here?? One is felt while the other is build
The whole „your reality is what you make it“ could be understood as him preemptively shedding himself of responsibility given the context and asking you to leave the app/site could also be a red flag since it’s more a forum or community networking tool than anything else, so in practice it only really served to cut you off asking questions like this

I don’t want to be alarmist but you may have dodged a bullet
And extra points for unblocking him for the explanation, not something you had to do but nice of you to have done, rarely seen hence much appreciated

Also the symptoms you describe here may be uncomfortably close to a panic attack and while F.E.A.R and anxiety can be a good thing to a degree, panic is rarely if ever productive so you may wanna look into mindfulness exercises or meditation if therapy seems like a bit much or isn’t an option where you are

On a lighter note as a horny millennial i‘d like to add that if you can barely trust someone as far as you can throw them then going for something less serious/„heavy“ with someone more casual and flexible could be a good way to get started on regaining the ability to build trust again, sure cheating can still be a problem but a non-exclusive open arrangement you don’t expect to last for five years requires a lot less trust on both ends than a more intentionally longterm monogamous situation would
After 24 years i think you earned to live a little, have some fun for a few years, maybe let some cute prey think they hunted you successfully or if you feel up for it teach a less experienced dom how to not be „fake“

Ps as a app user i can only read until „Am i overreacting or is my intuition telling me he’s…“(jep it cuts off right there at what i guess to be ~2/3 of the way through a sentence i have to assume would end with a question mark) so i don’t know how much more there is, so i would say a bit of both but mostly „or“, it’s reasonable concerns but disproportionate if not beyond borderline unhealthy levels of stress

[no****]

Being part of such community means that awareness and mindfulness should be paramount since we open up about what is seen and depicted as taboo and discusting by many. Hence the super need of trust. Never give up your sense of being respected just because. Don’t feel bad about your reaction based off actions on his part that where contradicting the current situation.

[Go****]

I can’t tell you what you should do.

But it might be useful to NOT block people as a first instinct. If you’re asking here there must be some part of you that thinks you over reacted?

Or something like that.

If that’s a deal breaker for you power to you.

But you can still talk to this person and help them understand what they did in a way that isn’t so scorched earth.

That’s a common practice these days;
To eradicate each other from society be an others experience with extreme prejudice rather than have a conversation that might be challenging.

Rewards also come from facing challenges though, and we often rob ourselves and others of growth and value by treating one another like items on the menu of a fast food restaurant.

Maybe you’re projecting onto the interaction in a self destructive way? Maybe it’s self preservation. Maybe it’s both.

Maybe this guys not the one for you.
Maybe he could be though and you’ve robbed yourselves of the opportunity to talk through a difficult matter that’ll help you both in your journey…

That’s not something I can say.

But it could be everyone would be if it of you stood your ground and spoke about matters with this fellow as opposed to cancelling the conversation.

Even if he’s not for you,
Maybe he’d learn a lesson that’ll
Help him be more fit for someone else…

I’ve maybe hes the love or your life and go int it a bit more room to breath is in your best interests.

Who knows.

[su****]

You were right. People who brush off trauma arnt safe people. I learned that the worst way. No need to retraumatize yourself with a douche bag. Kink is supposed to be healing and fun! Listen to your heart. Best wishes 🫶

[Be****]

These situations all the time. And what a valid question without an easy answer.
The short version of my opinion as often the only sober person in the room ( when I’m behind the bar lol), he asked you change something early. So the instinct to say no is valid. You don’t know each other well enough yet for an ask. They should still be excited to learn who are.
Blocking and not having a conversation isn’t a solution, it’s often a problem because people project issues onto other people- happens to me a lot, so I know. But I don’t think you’re wrong this time. But I would be wary of using it as a tactic to avoid difficult conversations in the future. You have trust issues to work through, and that makes you ***. You have the power and control of who you let into your life. It’s okay to say no. It’s ok say “I am struggling with-“ if any person isn’t willing to understand where you are, then why give them your time?
But remember, it’s a two way street. Communication is paramount.
But I don’t think you wrong this time 😉

[Sa****]

people who brush your trauma
have no love they just doing it to score and that not right

[be****]

I think it's safe to go with your gut. Life experiences and being hyper vigilant can definitely alert you to something not feeling right, even if you might not be able to immediately articulate why it's causing you to feel that way. The subconscious mind tends to recognize the danger before our conscious minds. If he's already brushing off your feelings, then it's very likely that he has more interest in sex than in you as an individual with your own thoughts, feelings, and desires

[st****]

You have a mushroom cut he’s just gonna slam n run