Au**** Posted September 4 If someone brushed my disclosure of vulnerability off in these exact words like you just cite: I would instinctively immediately disconnect emotionally and this (thank God not because of fight and flight) because I would know he is not tuned into me either by lack of capability or interest
xl**** Posted September 4 I wanted to add to my earlier comment as ive just got out of a 6 month relationship with a guy who turned out to be very toxic and its traumatised me a fair bit. I now have to keep telling myself not to punish new people I meet for the actions of my past partner... lets call him Jake... I met someone else on an app who lived in the same town with the same first name... I didnt give him a chance even though hes a totally different person... food for thought, still maintain go with your gut though
Ro**** Posted September 4 Not overreacting at all. I shut down the exact same way whenever my vulnerability is dismissed. To answer your question: your physical reaction is survival, but your intuition is what prompted you to ask if he's the right person for your healing journey. A safe partner won't brush off your ***.
NJ**** Posted September 4 I understand. Started to reconnect here with someone I chatted with years ago but never met because his experience was lacking. Now it seemed he had gained some. We started chatting but still no phone when he tells me he wants me to deactivate my profile. Then ten years in an abusive controlling dynamic…my defensive went up I tried to explain it was too premature and trust had to be earned and I don’t blindly obey on command until we’ve established parameters. He basically ghosted me which enraged me more. I felt a wise dom would have picked up the damned phone. I said it multiple times that he needed to question what was triggering and talk about it …I obviously was not feeling safe and he gaslit me instead of listening and learning. Then he blocked me. Listen to your gut. I’ve made enough mistakes. If I have to start teaching you how to Dom ….you’re not the one for me.
ea**** Posted September 4 First of y’all he’s not posta help you in your healing journey you post find your he posta find his and then y’all enjoy yalls everything to even y’all journey
Li**** Posted September 4 20 hours ago, Jeremiah82 said: The only people that can help you on your healing journey should be you, and your therapist… it’s unfair to ask a potential partner to help you heal… and, if you rely on them, then if and when they leave or hurt you, you will feel much more betrayed… it’s best to learn to be happy on your own before you start dating… otherwise, you could very well end up in another toxic relationship The problem.. you have no understanding at all, we are so very happy and successful and amazing on our own! Its the male that enters our life that has intended to bring us suffering. All males act the same, sweet, amazing, masculine, soft, safe place for us to rest. But for most men it is only a farce of what men are supposed to be! Its extremely sad!
ea**** Posted September 5 I'm in a similar situation: she's cheated on me using fetlife years ago. Acts like I'm the problem and I've been nothing but supportive of whatever to spice it up... Toys and pumped up and can get her to climax but now she wants to act all asexual. So yes now we're on here as an average couple looking for an average couple. Trying to get our needs met
Qr**** Posted September 5 Well, it’s amazing that you know and recognize your triggers and more importantly acted on enforcing them.. Don’t ever apologize for setting limits. My rule of thumb is does he steal your peace… and Sounds if your asking should I trust my intuition? Absolutely 💯 percent . Walk away.. don’t let “less than” steal your peace. Pay attention to your body and how it reacts.. is this good for nervous system? Doesn’t sound like it . His flippant response is speaks volumes…
Qr**** Posted September 5 Sounds like a D bag to me.. But what do I know, I have been a licensed treatment provider since 84..
Sp**** Posted September 5 If- at any point something does not feel right. Trust your body, your instincts and your heart. Walk away. A good Dom wants and needs to know every part of you across all disciplines, he cannot push you correctly if he is not aware and understanding of you (read as - all of you).
co**** Posted September 6 He's not the one for you. I hope you can find someone who is trustworthy and patient for you that you don't have to worry about. Sending much love to you ❤️
Mu**** Posted September 6 Sounds like your body is telling you something and you should listen. Wishing you much strength
An**** Posted September 6 Something to consider is that the brush off may have been his way of wanting a boundary where he does not fall into the therapist role. Unfortunately triggered people trigger people. Obviously you need the hurt parts of you to surface and be seen to be safe. This is entirely reasonable. However, tact and timing is important. Consider asking for space next time instead of blocking and see if they can respect that boundary. And if not, that is all the evidence you need. Trust your reactions as evidence if how you feel, then rationally respond.
mi**** Posted September 9 Girl run I'm mainly submissive but gave it to the wrong person (my abusive husband) and now I feel like I will never enjoy that part of my life again. I have started dabbling in dominating a guy. The secret behind a good Dom sub relationship is communication and trust. I never set him up for failure and he is a person my friend and I always want him to feel safe with me but my dom style is more loving. There is nothing wrong with you saying your needs and limits to your Dom him not taking those needs seriously shows and immature insecure person playing at Dom. We get this wrong as subs, we are the ones in control we set the tune and we set the limits.
So**** Posted September 10 If hes brushing off your feelings like that hes showing he doesnt care and is only interested in his own satisfaction. Im sorry youre going through this. A dom who cares would take your feelings into consideration, not brush them off.
oa**** Posted September 10 Your Dom style sounds freaky and benefical to a lucky man, it was yours to control from the beginning, your husband showed you what you were not compared to who you are in reality which is a Loving Dom, your ex did not ubderstand that and missed out on significant maturity, cograts to you babe
Pe**** Posted September 17 See im in a similar situation in that i live in survival mode. Only im all fight lol Personally id say maybe you aren't ready. But if you're not then im definitely not. A leap of faith... After you leap you're in free fall, have faith in your ability to navigate a situation while you have no control or hit the landing. There's never a truly safe free fall. Theres the chance of you doing the exact same shit as last time and finding filth looking to manipulate your vulnerability before gutting you. But you cant assume that without a logical reason for the actions THEY take. Approach every new experience as just that.
Ha**** Posted Monday at 12:58 AM It’s a good thing to be so in tune to your body that you recognise your physiological responses, and until you’ve addressed that others matters little. I highly recommend you look on YouTube for David Berceli’s TRE exercise , and the commentary that some long term practitioners say about it. Until you’ve fixed you, there’s no baseline to make an unclouded judgement on others. Your body knows the score , and inately can heal you. It’s so so simple, and it will change your life. Good journey x
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