He Suddenly Lost Interest and I’m So Confused

[Bi****]

So to start things off, I’m a trans woman (pre-op, since I know someone is gonna ask) and a full-service sex worker, so I’m very careful and mindful of the connections I make. I say all of this so that you’re aware of the kinds of walls I have up going into this.

Recently, I met a man on this app. I’ve never been particularly drawn to men romantically, feeling safest with women—mostly other trans women—but lately I find myself more open to men romantically and even wanting a boyfriend.

I’m submissive and fairly experienced, and any woman with similar interests who has talked to enough pushy “doms” knows how to spot those red flags right away. So when I say this guy was charming, sweet, physically my type, communicative, and exactly the kind of soft-but-degrading pleasure Dom I really like, the ladies will certainly know how rare that is.

So we went out. I had told him what I do for work, and he wasn’t fazed. He was interested in trans women, but not exclusively or in a chaser kind of way. He picked me up, bought dinner and drinks, conversation was good, and we had even established a bit of a roleplay dynamic beforehand. The slight control I had given him was being used expertly. He knew exactly how to push my buttons while continuing through the normal first-date, get-to-know-you conversation.

We had a shared sense of humor and interests, and things were going well. We talked about his French bulldog, his close, kinda fruity relationship with his roommate, and his best friend, who was a woman—just a lot of green flags for me.

So we went back to his place, and the power dynamic got more explicit. We were having a great scene, communication was clear, and finally he went down on me.

Let me tell you, this man knew exactly what he was doing. Some people might not know this, but girl dick is a little different than a cis man, and different still from eating pussy—but you can tell when a man is eating for his pleasure as well as yours. Bro had me seeing stars. I’ve been blessed post-estrogen to have unlocked multiple orgasms, and I don’t know how long he was down there, but I came four times, and he had no interest in stopping.

And then, very suddenly, he sat up.

It was like a switch had flipped. He seemed upset and cold. He gave a kind of ***d laugh and said something like, “Haven’t done that in a while,” to which I responded with a lot of praise—but I could tell something was off.

He agreed. He wasn’t feeling good anymore—not physically, but “autistically.” He swore it had nothing to do with me, that he didn’t know what was wrong, but I needed to go home.

We had a very awkward and quiet ride to drop me off. He was a gentleman the whole time, but distant, and it was just so weird and sudden.

I dunno if I reminded him of someone, or if he suddenly got weird about sucking dick, or genuinely what the fuck happened. Maybe he didn’t like how I taste, or maybe he’s right and it had absolutely nothing to do with me.

But he gave me an awkward hug goodnight and didn’t respond when I messaged thanking him for the date. A few days later, I did reach out to ask WTF had happened, hoping for some clarity. He says he doesn’t know. It’s not my fault; he just instantly lost interest for no reason and is apparently as confused as I am.

So yeah. I’ve never been hurt and confused quite like this before, and I don’t even know what I want to hear. But maybe someone here has had a similar experience?

[ba****]

hii!! I am not a Transwoman but to me it sounds like u got taken advantage of.. :<

[Bi****]

I’d like to think I’m not so naïve that I wouldn’t notice when someone was taking advantage of me but maybe? I don’t know, he seemed genuinely sad, but also stopped interacting with me so 🤷‍♀️ sure I could see that

[Ki****]

I agree. Maybe he is sexualy confused and not fully accepting of his attraction to the male body. Im a straight man. And I know I would never enjoy that. But maybe after the horny wore off he realized what he did. His own insecurities or thoughts about himself clicked in and maybe he was ashamed of his actions. That's why he said. Its not you. Its him. Man is fighting his internal lust demons. You know how society looks down on men who are into that. I think it all just hit him after. Post nut clarity.

[Ki****]

Whatever it is. Don't blame yourself. You are actually very attractive. Take a man for his word. Its not you. It's probably something internal for him

[Da****]

We don’t know his side of story but I would definitely not a take a side here .
There’s no way to know his exact reason, but what matters most is this: his sudden departure is about him, not you. He may have acted on curiosity without emotional intent, felt confused or conflicted about his own feelings or sexuality afterwards, lacked the empathy or maturity to communicate honestly, or simply got overwhelmed and reacted by shutting down and leaving — none of which makes it okay, and none of it is any reflection on you,your worth, or the warmth and pleasure you brought to that night. Whatever the internal conflict or motivation, walking away like that without a word is rude, hurtful, and disrespectful; it shows a lack of care and integrity on his part, not any failing on yours

[Deleted Member]

His loss. If it was me after going down on you I’d have to stay take me from behind than stay the night so we could repeat in the morning

[Bi****]

While, all of that is true. He did do something that I think is very important in the kink community, regardless of what was going on with him, he clearly communicated that he was done with the encounter, and got me home safely.
But yeah, it didn’t feel good, and has definitely left me hurt and sad and confused.

[As****]

Thank you so much for sharing such a intimate story! It takes courage to do it!
I wouldn’t take it too personally if I was you. It’s definitely not your fault. It’s certainly strange but sometimes strange things happen when it comes to feelings and interpersonal chemistry. You gave it your best and for the time being that’s all that matters. Take all the positives with you and feel good about yourself!

[ch****]

I would almost equate this to sub drop no real after care was given, even if he explained why he wanted to stop. You experience being *** with someone and then to not have a way to come down from the adrenaline and heightened emotions. It can actually be really harmful, you didn’t get to regulate. I’m so sorry that happened to you. Take time to self care. ♥️

[gr****]

It's great that you took the time to write down your feelings and ask for advice. I've found that comforting as well when I've been in similar situations. Best of luck.

[sy****]

Ohh sorry that not great!

[FETMOD-TF]

Hi all, I have done some housekeeping on this thread and removed several inappropriate comments and issued subsequent warnings. A quick reminder, we do not tolerate  discrimination on this platform, any further discriminatory comments will be removed and warnings applied.  Let’s keep this space safe for everyone.

[mi****]

ED? PE?
Either Could cause embarrassment and emotional distance.

[Bi****]

The plain and simple reason is he was ashamed of his sexuality. Was he out out?? Or did he hide a lot of things from a lot of people maybe he doesn't know exactly who he is or what turns him on or maybe he does and he's just ashamed of it but I really doubt it was you it's his hang up not yours and I understand how that could be frustrating I too love a trans girl. And I too have done things for her that I would not do for anyone else but I did it out of love not because I enjoyed it in fact I didn't like it at all but when you love somebody you do things that normally wouldn't do for anyone else I'm not ashamed of it but I don't feel the need to have to tell everybody either and at the end of the day I lost her anyway cuz she was never really mine she never really loved me it was just a game to her to see how much she could get out of me. Little did she know I would give her the world if she would have shown 50% interest in my love I had to give her everything but she couldn't even do that it's not you it is him and when he comes to acknowledge that's who he is then maybe you could have that relationship but until then he's going to continue living the shadow of himself and that's no way to live

[Deleted Member]

Some people just love the chase. Love knowing they can push your buttons for them the thrill of being wanted and knowing they can do that to another person is enough. The sex, the relationship or even the friendship is not what they are after. Do not take it personally. If anything they should have made you aware, from the get go- that’s how they get their kicks. He needs to find someone who gets turned on by the same dynamic ( they will fall for each other like crazy ) You need to find someone who knows what they want and something more stable and long term. Don’t take it to heart, I know how it feels, to finally feel like you’ve met the one, for how ever long it may last. Chin up girl. Keep going.

[Bi****]

What if it wasnt the chase. What if he actually cared so deep for that person he lost sense of self. It happened to me it could happen to the strongest of us cuz I'm probably one of them I met somebody and I lost complete another control of who the hell I was who I knew I was never pretended like I didn't know I felt more things for that person and I've ever felt my entire life and that's scary you will ever experience in your life but somebody's everything in front of your own not many people put to cope with that I know at first I couldn't but then distance teaches you one thing better to love that person and not know who you are and to not love that person I know exactly what you want just sometimes you never get that person back

[le****]

Sorry that happenned to you. Doesnt seem like it had anything to do with you. If you take the "autistically" seriously (I do), they may have found themselves in a situation where their social battery ran out and they were no longer having responses that fit the situation. The feeling of sudden isolation is compounded by the fact that it is almost impossible to verbalize what is going on beyond, "Im weird and suddenly lost and can't be what you need me to be right now". Or maybe they were just running on the thrill of the chase up to that point.

[jinxed]

What a clever move to reach out! I hope hearing all those encouraging words helps a bit. 

I fully hear what everyone is saying and yes I'm sure he had this personal issues. But just for a sec I'd like to consider this: his behaviour sucks. Have your issues, fine, but don't let others suffer because of them. Don't fucking suddenly sit up, realise you're triggered/exhausted/whatever, take a deep breath, end the situation in a decent and warm way, take the person home (very well done, I agree with you!!) and then reflect, explain, soothe. I don't say this lightly, but can't we all finally find strategies that help us to treat people acceptably even if we suffer from a personal disorder or are neurodivergent.

End of rant.

But honestly, it might help to allow yourself to feel ***ed of. And then perhaps be forgiving and empathetic with yourself and him. All the best to you and your sweet heart. 

[Sa****]

Sounds like he might have had a sensory overload possibly. The shutting down part wasn't okay. He should have found a way to cope until after the date was over.