Pi**** Posted September 7 i enjoy being a dom/me, but i'm also fairly new to it. i mostly started it within an ltr and have since tapped into it a few times, but it tends to feel a bit awkward to me when it's not a dynamic we've done a lot of negotiating around. i notice a lot of "oh cool do that with me then" without knowing what's on the table or just "anything" which is too open ended and anxiety inducing. are there lists online yall use to help with that? which ones do you find to be the most helpful or comprehensive? i feel a lot of anxiety around making people uncomfortable or pushing unstated boundaries that just never came to mind, and it's close to impossible for me to be able to get in that headspace when it's like that, even though i do enjoy it when that isn't a factor.
Ch**** Posted September 7 Kinxlist.com I love it because not only does it get a person to say Giver and/or Receiver, it separates experience from excitement. If someone says something is a Must Do but has Never Tried then I'll approach that very differently from Advanced experience and Intrigued.
Pi**** Posted September 7 Author 4 minutes ago, ChameleonLady said: Kinxlist.com I love it because not only does it get a person to say Giver and/or Receiver, it separates experience from excitement. If someone says something is a Must Do but has Never Tried then I'll approach that very differently from Advanced experience and Intrigued. thank you i'll check that out!
ey**** Posted September 7 I feel there's a little context missing here a bit. like, ultimately if you're discussing play with someone and they're clearly being "do that with me?" without knowing about it - or "I'll do anything" then a big question I have is why are you agreeing to play with them? And if this is someone you're friends with and have rapport with, then you can use a starting point of agreeing to play (one day) to building up to it another day. In general I guess if you are playing with someone you need a basis of what at least one of you wants to do - you can then ask associated questions from there. Stuff like kinklist (above) are good for more indepth and ongoing relationship - but for playing with someone in a club kinda thing... a quick basis and questions around that. So last week, long story but an abridged version is at 10.30pm on Thurs night I agreed to play with someone at Noon the next day, and we both had to like sleep... so the first thing we started with was a rough guide of "what we might do" to make sure (a) nothing against either high level limits (b) we could bring stuff we needed to play We did like 9 mini scenes and each one we went through quick/obvious questions. OK we'll do trampling... ok... shoes, heels, barefoot... is there anywhere I can/can't stand... shall we include stomping and kicking. OK, foot worship... foot gagging ok, yes... ok are we kissing, sucking, etc only on around the foot or going up legs? how high? Facesitting? with or without underwear? I'm not shaved is that ok? Are we doing breath control? Here is a clicker if it gets too much then click.
Pi**** Posted September 7 Author 9 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said: I feel there's a little context missing here a bit. like, ultimately if you're discussing play with someone and they're clearly being "do that with me?" without knowing about it - or "I'll do anything" then a big question I have is why are you agreeing to play with them? And if this is someone you're friends with and have rapport with, then you can use a starting point of agreeing to play (one day) to building up to it another day. In general I guess if you are playing with someone you need a basis of what at least one of you wants to do - you can then ask associated questions from there. Stuff like kinklist (above) are good for more indepth and ongoing relationship - but for playing with someone in a club kinda thing... a quick basis and questions around that. So last week, long story but an abridged version is at 10.30pm on Thurs night I agreed to play with someone at Noon the next day, and we both had to like sleep... so the first thing we started with was a rough guide of "what we might do" to make sure (a) nothing against either high level limits (b) we could bring stuff we needed to play We did like 9 mini scenes and each one we went through quick/obvious questions. OK we'll do trampling... ok... shoes, heels, barefoot... is there anywhere I can/can't stand... shall we include stomping and kicking. OK, foot worship... foot gagging ok, yes... ok are we kissing, sucking, etc only on around the foot or going up legs? how high? Facesitting? with or without underwear? I'm not shaved is that ok? Are we doing breath control? Here is a clicker if it gets too much then click. it's happened more than once, with people i know in an ongoing sense and otherwise, so far i just don't if they're too vague, but this is helpful so thank you
ey**** Posted Tuesday at 09:27 AM 11 hours ago, PianoRatButch4Butch said: it's happened more than once, with people i know in an ongoing sense and otherwise, so far i just don't if they're too vague, but this is helpful so thank you Sometimes people are vauge because they kinda don't know what they want. This is somewhat on them to kinda think about. Sometimes it is a little through desperation - they they might actually have something specific they want to do but are afraid you will say no (like it's the end of the world) so instead give a vauge or "i'll do anything" in the kinda hope you'll magically do what they want - or - sometimes any play is better than no play which is not a healthy position to be in Depending on the context of who they are if it's someone you're happy to do something with you could do a "well I would like to...." and give a suggestion, however it does run a problem if they're one of the first two types of people they will just say yes Sometimes, it's worth being friends or following on sites like here or fetlife or similar to see the kinda thing they post about or talk about being interested in - but - again - the same issue there are some folk who will write up a whole bunch of contradictory stuff if they're a little overly desperate
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