New to D/s - a few questions

[Peanuts-8504]

Not long ago I had a really low sex drive... Like if we did it once a month it was good. I've found just recently kinky erotic audio and can't get enough of them since then we do it almost EVERYDAY and after that I'm still turned on. I've researched a lot on D/s relationship and I feel like I found my holy grail. I've been with my partner for 10 years and we've played around BDSM in the bedroom but never outside of it. My partner is really open to it and ready to learn and me too. We can't do 24/7 since we have a young child but in the evening when she's asleep or when she's away at my parents I would LOVE it to to have rules and fully embrace that lifestyle.

 

I was wondering for D/s couples what are some your rules?

What kind of punishment/reward you use?

How do you make punishment feel fun even if it's suppose to be a reprimand?

How did you introduce them into your life?

[Ch****]

It sounds like you've found your niche!

It's fantastic you're able to discuss it with your partner and they're supportive - keep hold of that, and keep communicating.

If you're going to embrace it as a lifestyle, make sure you do it properly. Sit down and discuss everything. Your likes, dislikes and limits (and your partner's) as well as your expectations for the dynamic.

 

I can't comment on how it works around childeren/family life, but my Master and I are in a 24/7 dynamic that is present even when we're in vanilla settings. For example, if he tells me to "watch myself" or "behave" I know I'm in trouble when we get home. He only needs to give me a look and I know I'm in trouble, or approaching the line. This is subtle enough that it can (and is) done in public with vanilla friends none the wiser.

 

We don't have set rules per se, but we do have expectations. A list of 12 things that Master expects of me on a day to day basis, things I need to ask permission for, certain tasks which must be completed every day. I'm deliberately not giving examples of these as they are individual, and need to be worked out to fit around your lifestyle and preferences.

Each of these expectations has a punishment assigned to it, to ensure it is followed. How do we make it fun? we don't - it's a punishment, it's not supposed to be fun and neither of us enjoy them.

The Punishment/Funishment thing is again individual and will vary depending on what you're looking for. Master and I like the control, and He wants to en*** the rules (and avoid my bratting) so there's no point in the punishments being fun, as that would just encourage bad behaviour. He's found a variety of means now of punishing me which are not fun. For example, for excessive sassiness I will get gagged. Whilst yes, this is arousing...when He refuses to touch me (sexually) during this time, and we spend the time trying to continue life as normal, the gag is incredibly frustrating and makes life difficult. This is the punishment.

On the other hand, if you aren't looking for true discipline but want to keep things fun...it depends on your kinks and preferences. For example, as a masochist I enjoy impact play. Master has pushed me up to my limit with this in the past...and then added a vibrator, or other sexual stimulation, which makes for an incredibly intense scene and is most definitely fun!

 

For introducing it into our lives, we began our dynamic at the same time as our relationship so they're very much intertwined. But we sat and discussed and discussed and discussed. We explored new things, and discussed them some more. Since I have never had a 24/7 or M/s relationship before we started off relatively light and Master has gradually been tightening the ropes as we go, but again this is something individual. If you know what you want and you've both discussed it, there's no reason you can't just start introducing your ideas

[ey****]

On 8/24/2021 at 8:38 PM, PeanutS said:

How do you make punishment feel fun even if it's suppose to be a reprimand?

 

I'm going to pick on this as it's a favourite

People get very tangled in the concept of punishments.  They do not have to be part of your dynamic at all.

So the question here is what do you want to achieve?

Some people like to incorporate discipline. It's often not supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be corrective so the person doesn't do the same thing again. If someone is then deliberately screwing up 'to be punished' then this isn't working.   There are assorted pointless punishments this can be good for.  Line writing for example.

But this is not for everyone.

Some people might like exactly the same things as in a discipline scenario - in this case it could be part of role play and it's therefore part of a pre-arranged scene.  Or, perhaps a partner going "oops I haven't done the dishes properly" with a wink signalling they want to play (as long as the dishes do actually get done properly!) the old "you missed a bit" also works here.

I *personally* don't like punishments outside of any form of scene.  If I fuck up I want to discuss it like adults and if you fuck up, same.

But that doesn't mean it's wrong for other people in a pre-agreed structure.

Within scene, it depends - I 'owe' someone a few cane strokes because I bit her during a game (a game set up for me to fail and bite her - but it was all consensual fun) and in filming a lot of punishments aren't 'real' - it's a case of "let's do caning/ballbusting/whatever", "why?", "because we both enjoy it and it sells, duh", "No, I mean why. Why in the scene are we doing it?", "Oh. I dunno. I caught you in my knicker drawer maybe?" 

--

Anyway. This is my question

Do you want a punishment to be

a) fun

b) a reprimand

c) not part of your dynamic

because all the options are valid and give direction

[TheBookCollector]

For punishments that are mundane and mind numbing here are a few ideas. It all depends on the individuals.

1. A bag of 100 assorted nuts and bolts, all bolts have a corresponding nut. You have to match the nuts with bolts and fully do it up until all are done then undo them
2. Clean the kitchen with a toothbrush.
3. Clean up a glitter explosion, with a dust pan and brush. Works best on hard floors.
4. Lines
5. Sort a box of lego by colour, size and type.