Attraction

[Sp****]

In most relationships attraction dies, the honeymoon fades, the illusion slowly replaced by reality, I could be wrong but it feels like it’s the woman who loses interest.

Would you agree?

Who’s responsibility is it to get it back

What are some ways men can reignite attraction

What are some ways women can regain attraction in

[Th****]

I only lose interest when my needs are not met, I am not treated properly or if I feel that I am not being heard when speaking on things.

[Ye****]

For me being so submissive.. I naturally tend to lean towards it being their responsibility but when I say that I mean.. if you don’t text me, I won’t bother you. I won’t blow you up. Two days after no texting I’m done. I don’t care how devoted I was to you. I don’t think it’s their responsibility to carry conversations as I do feel conversations should be both ways and effort should be both ways. For me it takes time to get the walls down but when they are the more effort is shown.
It’s so easy now days to just move on to the next with access to apps or have someone on the side if you’re not getting the attention you want from someone early on.
It gets old doing the copy and paste type getting to know someone.
I’ve found for a lot of people if they all of a sudden won’t contribute to the convo they have lost interest.

[Bi****]

It’s scientifically proven that and why a relationship looses its fire.
I (male) do not agree that this is mainly Happening on the female side. Actually I think men loose interest faster, which only seems natural, as the male is supposed to „move on“ after mating, while female is „supposed“ to stay back.

Who is responsible to keep the fire up or to get it ignited again when it‘s gone?
That’s easy to answer, the person who wants to keep the relationship going. I mean, to be honest, if one of them is really not doing anything to keep the fire, it might be *** for the second person too.

How to do that?
Wow, that‘s the master question. First of all, there is no standard scheme for that, it is very individual what keeps people‘s interest in each other.
But two things might be good advice.
1. keep individual space for hobbies (sports, book club, individual friends, whatever) so you got some topics to talk about later and there is time to miss each other.
2. try something new from time to time, whether it is a dancing lesson or yoga courses, some new museum, Even if you don’t like it, it can give space for exploration.

[si****]

Absolutely 100% most emphatically do NOT agree that it's the woman who typically loses interest. I can't tell you how many times I've been ghosted when convos had been going well. I read over them all with a fine toothed comb trying to find out a reason why the sudden loss of interest to no avail. Once I'm invested in a relationship, I will do everything in my power to reignite the flame should it flicker. I give waaaaaaay too many chances to my detriment. Consequently, now if someone begins pulling away, I let them. If they wanted to be in my life, they would. As for what can be done to reignite attraction - do you want that alphabetically or categorically? Lol.

[Sp****]

The paper is “Who Wants the Breakup? Gender and Breakup in Heterosexual Couples.” Rosenfeld analyzed data from the How Couples Meet and Stay Together (HCMST) longitudinal study. The relevant data followed 2,262 adults from 2009–2015.

The frequently cited finding is that women wanted the breakup more in about 69% of the heterosexual marriages that ended in the study, versus 31% where the man wanted it more. There were 92 marital breakups in that sample, so the 69% figure isn’t “69% of every divorce in America”; it’s an estimate from those observed marital breakups. Rosenfeld reports a 95% confidence interval of 61–78%.

[Ye****]

40 minutes ago, sinfulsub said:

Absolutely 100% most emphatically do NOT agree that it's the woman who typically loses interest. I can't tell you how many times I've been ghosted when convos had been going well. I read over them all with a fine toothed comb trying to find out a reason why the sudden loss of interest to no avail. Once I'm invested in a relationship, I will do everything in my power to reignite the flame should it flicker. I give waaaaaaay too many chances to my detriment. Consequently, now if someone begins pulling away, I let them. If they wanted to be in my life, they would. As for what can be done to reignite attraction - do you want that alphabetically or categorically? Lol.

This. I agree so much!
Recently someone told me “oh my god. No one has ever wanted what I want. It’s so nice to finally find that” to a day later not talking. AFTER I broke a lot of my own rules to give them what they needed.
Which is why I have rules on what I send and don’t send for that very specific reason 🤣. It gets old starting over with men when it’s so easy for them to just move on.

[si****]

31 minutes ago, Spikers said:

The paper is “Who Wants the Breakup? Gender and Breakup in Heterosexual Couples.” Rosenfeld analyzed data from the How Couples Meet and Stay Together (HCMST) longitudinal study. The relevant data followed 2,262 adults from 2009–2015.

The frequently cited finding is that women wanted the breakup more in about 69% of the heterosexual marriages that ended in the study, versus 31% where the man wanted it more. There were 92 marital breakups in that sample, so the 69% figure isn’t “69% of every divorce in America”; it’s an estimate from those observed marital breakups. Rosenfeld reports a 95% confidence interval of 61–78%.

You asked for conjecture, not confirmation. Interesting study though.

[Bi****]

1 hour ago, sinfulsub said:

Absolutely 100% most emphatically do NOT agree that it's the woman who typically loses interest. I can't tell you how many times I've been ghosted when convos had been going well. I read over them all with a fine toothed comb trying to find out a reason why the sudden loss of interest to no avail. Once I'm invested in a relationship, I will do everything in my power to reignite the flame should it flicker. I give waaaaaaay too many chances to my detriment. Consequently, now if someone begins pulling away, I let them. If they wanted to be in my life, they would. As for what can be done to reignite attraction - do you want that alphabetically or categorically? Lol.

Do we talk about romantic relationships or just any kind of relationship?
I don’t want to offend you, but having a chat with someone is pretty hard to compare with a long lasting romantic relationship.

[wo****]

Not an answer at all - but I have found that in this day and technology age - most people don’t have the opportunity to genuinely “miss” their partner, spouse, etc…

With technology keeping us so connected, we rarely spend time “dis-connected” - especially from those we love. Now I’m not saying that any of us need excessive time away from the one we love - but maybe consider “some”.

We all seek those flaring, hot, passionate moments. But if you tend a fire 24/7 - how often does it flare? More likely it’s kept modestly fed so that it burns at a constant rate with very few opportunities to flare up.

When was the last time you genuinely missed someone?

When was the last time you went 48hrs without contact?

24/7/365 sounds amazing - but is it?

[ey****]

so it's true that most relationships are short.  

although in general, most people will have more relationships which end in break up than last forever, like anyone who has 3 or more partners fits that

But yeah sometimes relationships break up due to a specific reason (say, mistreatment, adultery, etc) and sometimes the interest wanes (the so-called 'honeymoon period')

One problem we do find - is like in a lot of these forums and sites, the amount of men who have lost interest in their partner BUT aren't leaving her because they overall like the convenience/arrangement.  So they seek to cheat, either something on the side or have a "replacement" lined up first

This is something a lot of "study's" wouldn't incorporate.  Since in those scenarios he has lost interest, but hasn't ended the relationship.

I guess a lot that depends on either way depends on why the person is losing interest and if they really care to retain the relationship (aside from the convenience/arrangement) 

[De****]

It’s important not to mistake something that happens commonly with something “normal” because it shouldn’t be.

The figures from that study coincide with what I’ve heard from two divorce lawyers I’ve talk to at social gatherings.
Both agreed that that the partner having their needs met rarely initiates the divorce, while the one who grows tired of asking does.


I do believe rebuilding is a team effort but it does fall on the one who first dropped the ball to take the initiative and demonstrate that change IS possible to make room for hope to begin taking root.

My suggestions would revolve around changing your routine and redeveloping a curiosity about each other; as believing you ever truly know a constantly evolving creature is the real illusion.
After all, you can know their current version without fully knowing who they were or who they can potentially develop into.
Which can be a very exciting possibility to explore together.

[Co****]

7 hours ago, Spikers said:

The paper is “Who Wants the Breakup? Gender and Breakup in Heterosexual Couples.” Rosenfeld analyzed data from the How Couples Meet and Stay Together (HCMST) longitudinal study. The relevant data followed 2,262 adults from 2009–2015.

The frequently cited finding is that women wanted the breakup more in about 69% of the heterosexual marriages that ended in the study, versus 31% where the man wanted it more. There were 92 marital breakups in that sample, so the 69% figure isn’t “69% of every divorce in America”; it’s an estimate from those observed marital breakups. Rosenfeld reports a 95% confidence interval of 61–78%.

I don’t have a theory or opinion myself but is there a reason you’re using older publishings? And the data itself doesn’t say specifically why it was initiated. 69/31 is only in 92 cases and still inaccurate. In about 371 observed breakups 45% women 27.8% mutual 27% men. The why matters just as much as the data.

[kk****]

A woman has many reasons to "lose interest"...it is usually how we are treated by our partner...we get taken for granted...our partners stop trying to get us or keep us...we no longer feel cherished or safe...or taken care of...our voices havent been heard...we stop arguing...it is more than just attraction...or rather attraction is not all of it...trust gets worn down...and all the little things in life that we are still doing by ourselves when we were supposed to have a partner helping...communication break downs...it more than just about not being interested in sex with them anymore...we usually are still interested in sex but there is too much else that has disappointed us....

[Ro****]

9 hours ago, Spikers said:

The paper is “Who Wants the Breakup? Gender and Breakup in Heterosexual Couples.” Rosenfeld analyzed data from the How Couples Meet and Stay Together (HCMST) longitudinal study. The relevant data followed 2,262 adults from 2009–2015.

The frequently cited finding is that women wanted the breakup more in about 69% of the heterosexual marriages that ended in the study, versus 31% where the man wanted it more. There were 92 marital breakups in that sample, so the 69% figure isn’t “69% of every divorce in America”; it’s an estimate from those observed marital breakups. Rosenfeld reports a 95% confidence interval of 61–78%.

Here's the issue with that study.
It was conducted 2009–2015, and dating culture has changed since then.
A key distinction in Rosenfeld's work is that women only initiated breakups at that 69% rate in marriages, whereas non-marital dating breakups were completely gender-neutral. Today, women are far more aware of the gender discrepancies in traditional marital roles—like the unequal distribution of emotional and domestic labor. Because of this heightened awareness, women are even quicker to leave when a marriage falls back on those outdated structural expectations, while casual dating remains more egalitarian.

[de****]

I've never lost interest in a relationship and they didn't either. A lot of times the woman is seen as ending the relationship when the man made an active choice to end it long before and just put the burden of walking away on the woman. My longest dynamics ended 1 with an ultimatum and the other when he broke the terms I was collared under then just waited to see how long it would take me to figure out. Relationships break down because people aren't honest with themselves or others about what they aren't willing to sacrifice and want to try to be with people they aren't compatible with just to be with someone.

[Bi****]

1 hour ago, derangedunit said:

I've never lost interest in a relationship and they didn't either. A lot of times the woman is seen as ending the relationship when the man made an active choice to end it long before and just put the burden of walking away on the woman. My longest dynamics ended 1 with an ultimatum and the other when he broke the terms I was collared under then just waited to see how long it would take me to figure out. Relationships break down because people aren't honest with themselves or others about what they aren't willing to sacrifice and want to try to be with people they aren't compatible with just to be with someone.

And may I ask how long these relationships went on?

[de****]

My longest TPE was 10 years, my last more casual dynamic was 5

[Bi****]

6 minutes ago, derangedunit said:

My longest TPE was 10 years, my last more casual dynamic was 5

Okay, 10 years is relevant for sure, 5 years probably as well.
I just asked because from the studies I know, it’s said that tension is building up and climaxes on the wedding day or somewhere around, them slowly starts to decresse and after 7 years of marriage you end up on about the starting level.

[de****]

I wonder if in their sample size how many would say it fizzled if they only selected those where both parties were cumming every day 🤔

[Bi****]

2 minutes ago, derangedunit said:

I wonder if in their sample size how many would say it fizzled if they only selected those where both parties were cumming every day 🤔

I doubt that a relationship, where both partners cum on a daily base, will loose its spark

[Th****]

Married 27yrs.. I suggested maybe spice things up .. no overkill.. told i was addicted to porn 🤦‍♂️😁

I tried 😁