Help what do I do in this situation?

[za****]

Im gonna try to be as clear as possible i became online friend with this girl during covid so we have been in touch for 6 yeras even had Online relationship then when we saw it was not working out we stayed friends really good friends and we kept a bit of flirting play between us even if we werent in a relationship...altho i always had feeling for her but buried them deep in me and not facing them. Even after remaining friends

When she started dating her new bf 3 years ago i decided to cut off with her as i did not wanted to hurt myself more...but i kept coming back to her for just general life advice she always helped me and guided me she thought me quite few things about life. And just always found myself coming back to her either for talking or getting help in ***ing(im color blind but i love art and she helps me)

During all this years we even did try meeting but times never matched and my life is very busy and i have to take care of my own parents too... now recently we kind of started flirting again...and it went from light flirting to basically sexting almost she still has her boyfriend iam aware it was wrong what i did but i decided to be a little selfish and enjoy my time till its lasting idk how long this will keep going so far its been a week or just a little more, she asked me if i can keep cinversation nornal during weekend and not fliting as she goes to her bf on weekeds to stay...iam aware im being cucked but im kinda okay with it but idk what to do how to aproach this situation...i inly ever been in 2 relationship and both were online and shes one of them (we are both 24yo) if ur wondering and thanks for reading the whole thing. Thanks again

[Slats]

Ask yourself "What am I gaining from this?"

If the answer is "Nothing", put her behind you and move on. You would get more from an AI gf. At least it wouldn't cut you off on the weekend.

[Da****]

I am not a relationship expert but let me express my thoughts . First of all - you aren’t being cucked because the real relationship is in better her and her bf . Second - you guys click because you both have a common trait - which is you both have problem of Heathcliff’s problem. In Wuthering Heights, I like the word Nelly uses, “monomania”, or the “exaggerated or obsessive enthusiasm for or preoccupation with one thing”
It is very very natural and humane .
Best course is you guys either simply talk directly if this would ever work out or you guys can ever be in a relationship !!!
Because it feels like you might just be a sweet distraction for her .. while you have fallen hard

[ph****]

One man’s heart break from being cucked is another man’s dream. Lean into it man. Have her tell you the details. I’d be all over that. You can’t be a cuck if you’re not her bf. You’re fine man, just go out and have fun. Maybe you’ll discover something within yourself. Chin up, champ 🤙🏻

[to****]

Whatever happens, know that you are young and have your whole life ahead of you to fuck and have relationships. Personally, I’m rooting for you and think with that kind of history.. maybe it could work out. But if it doesn’t, oh well. Ya know? Live and let die. Maybe she’ll come back again after that, maybe not. Keep your heart guarded, but not so guarded it grows cold.

[Eu****]

And now you know what you want and what is stopping you. The rest is already done and dusted.

[ir****]

It would not be wrong to consult a psychologist on the matter why you keep sticking to an unavailable person 💓

[Da****]

Nothing wrong with being a cuck, providing you enjoy it for the right reasons

Continue texting, but also try to venture out and forge other connections under the assumption that this one might not go anywhere

[pa****]

She’s keeping you in “orbit” no real relationship…cut her loose. Go find yourself and level up. The right woman will come along

[ol****]

Although no one here can give true advice unless they are specialists, so at the end of the day, this all is just from individuals with no foundational awareness of what is the information and advice to give, but if you would rather get strangers opinions here is one.

I think what you have is not healthy for either of you, yes, you did once get away, but the constant going back wasn’t because you needed advice, you did so, as you craved their attention, their words, their input; maybe generally it began like this, but I’m sure eventually you saw yourself making up more “problems to talk about”

This is what happens when you don’t fully move on from the feelings you have, don’t fully grieve the loss of what you had at a time; instead of slowly coming to terms and healing, you’ve both just kept the bandage on, and I assure you, for both your sakes this isn’t healthy.

This isn’t cucking, because cucking is very different, although I’m overgeneralising, the main dynamic is with someone your romantically involved with, and in a relationship with, they are the ones being cucked,

It’s a fully consensual thing for all parties involved, in this case, it’s just cheating, that’s the difference.

You initially did the right thing, breaking away, no contact would have been the best decision for the both of you. However you’ve done the very human thing and gone back to a safety zone of comfort, fun…the old flame.

But what you’ve done, is helped another cheat, which if you put yourself in their partners shoes - would you want a guy doing this to you - chatting up your gf?

The reason why this isn’t healthy, is because humans are unable to truly separate emotions - those sexting may seem harmless, but they build back that surface level reciprocation, eventually someone catches feelings- positive or negative.

Once her partner finds out, unless he is abusive, you’ll be the scapegoat, because you returned for advice- it’s hash, but if she wanted you, you would be with her- you are just a escape when things get normal.

Obviously I’m generalising, but come on, the constant back and forward, rarely are things so like the movies, instead they end in deep resentment - if the guy finds out, she will blame you, curse you - it’s a defensive mechanism as she probably doesn’t want to accept what she has done is wrong.

That person you have shared and gave you advice could easily turn cold and bitter, and I say this with all respect- you’re 24 this may fracture your self esteem.

But as commenters have stated, you have a whole life ahead to make mistakes- but it depends if you yourself can live with this coming crushing down.

You need to give yourself a little reality check - where does this go? Because, it isn’t a happy ever after, if you’re okay with this, enjoy yourself; but if you want to not be ***ted in future situations as the guy who couldn’t move on, cut contact, and move onto someone new.

There are no soul mates, you’ll find another candle, and eventually she’ll become a roaring flame, just keep an open mind, work on yourself- and socialise, social contact and connection will help heal the wounds; even somewhat make a list of all the bad traits they have, it helps make the pill easier to swallow.

[to****]

19 minutes ago, oliver6996 said:

Although no one here can give true advice unless they are specialists, so at the end of the day, this all is just from individuals with no foundational awareness of what is the information and advice to give, but if you would rather get strangers opinions here is one.

I think what you have is not healthy for either of you, yes, you did once get away, but the constant going back wasn’t because you needed advice, you did so, as you craved their attention, their words, their input; maybe generally it began like this, but I’m sure eventually you saw yourself making up more “problems to talk about”

This is what happens when you don’t fully move on from the feelings you have, don’t fully grieve the loss of what you had at a time; instead of slowly coming to terms and healing, you’ve both just kept the bandage on, and I assure you, for both your sakes this isn’t healthy.

This isn’t cucking, because cucking is very different, although I’m overgeneralising, the main dynamic is with someone your romantically involved with, and in a relationship with, they are the ones being cucked,

It’s a fully consensual thing for all parties involved, in this case, it’s just cheating, that’s the difference.

You initially did the right thing, breaking away, no contact would have been the best decision for the both of you. However you’ve done the very human thing and gone back to a safety zone of comfort, fun…the old flame.

But what you’ve done, is helped another cheat, which if you put yourself in their partners shoes - would you want a guy doing this to you - chatting up your gf?

The reason why this isn’t healthy, is because humans are unable to truly separate emotions - those sexting may seem harmless, but they build back that surface level reciprocation, eventually someone catches feelings- positive or negative.

Once her partner finds out, unless he is abusive, you’ll be the scapegoat, because you returned for advice- it’s hash, but if she wanted you, you would be with her- you are just a escape when things get normal.

Obviously I’m generalising, but come on, the constant back and forward, rarely are things so like the movies, instead they end in deep resentment - if the guy finds out, she will blame you, curse you - it’s a defensive mechanism as she probably doesn’t want to accept what she has done is wrong.

That person you have shared and gave you advice could easily turn cold and bitter, and I say this with all respect- you’re 24 this may fracture your self esteem.

But as commenters have stated, you have a whole life ahead to make mistakes- but it depends if you yourself can live with this coming crushing down.

You need to give yourself a little reality check - where does this go? Because, it isn’t a happy ever after, if you’re okay with this, enjoy yourself; but if you want to not be ***ted in future situations as the guy who couldn’t move on, cut contact, and move onto someone new.

There are no soul mates, you’ll find another candle, and eventually she’ll become a roaring flame, just keep an open mind, work on yourself- and socialise, social contact and connection will help heal the wounds; even somewhat make a list of all the bad traits they have, it helps make the pill easier to swallow.

I agree with the first paragraph… we must acknowledge that no one here has total awareness of the situation. The person with the most information is OP, making you the most fit to make this decision that is ultimately going to only really affect you.

All of us are using our combined life romantic experiences, many of which are traumatic, to create a picture in our mind of this situation you have described.. so that we can offer advice.. but I promise you that none of us has a very clear picture of anything. One detail that you might have left out could change everyone’s mind, and that’s as much as I’ll speculate on the hypothetical.. but you can see that all of us have been hurt because we are erring heavily on the side of caution.. and I can promise you that you will be hurt at some point too.

But.. you know the old saying.. perhaps it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. I believe this saying is valid.. because I’ve tried not loving for much of my life, and it about ended mine.

You have to decide how much hurt you can handle. If you decide to love just anybody without calculating this risk like we are doing right now.. you’ll get burned every time. Don’t do it if your gut tells you this girl is going to break your heart.

If you do lean into it, fucking hold that moment fast brother, and enjoy it. It won’t last forever. But who the fuck actually knows? It could! You’ll never know by never taking a chance.. but only take the good chances.

You have to decide if she’s a good chance or not. Wishing you all the best, cheers 🍻

[So****]

If it makes you feel happy being treated that way …It’s a good thing!
If it doesn’t make you feel happy being treated that way it’s not a good thing…
Not all relationships work out

[Ro****]

The Core Reality of Your Situation

An Unequal Dynamic:
She is asking you to pause the flirting on weekends so she can focus on her boyfriend. This means she is compartmentalizing you—enjoying your attention when she is lonely or bored, but putting you on a shelf when her primary partner is around.


The "Grey Area" Trap:
Staying in this middle ground keeps you emotionally hooked. It prevents you from fully moving on, finding a partner who is completely available to you, or focusing on your own busy life and parents.

Limited Experience:
Since you have only been in two online relationships, it is easy to feel like she is your only or best option for romance and deep connection

How to Move Forward (Your Options)

You have a few ways you can handle her request to "keep conversations normal" during weekend

Option 1: Establish Strict Boundaries (Recommended)
Tell her that pulling back and forth based on her boyfriend's schedule is too difficult or unfair to you.

You can say: "I don't think I can switch my feelings on and off based on the weekend. If we are going to talk, we need to keep it strictly friendly all the time, or we need to take a real break so I can focus on my own life.

"Option 2: Match Her Energy (The Distancing Method)
If she wants to pull away on weekends, use that time to completely pull away yourself. Do not wait around for her texts. Put your phone down, focus on your hobbies (like your art), care for your parents, and actively invest in your own life.

Option 3: Clear the Air
Ask her directly what her actual intentions are. Is she planning on leaving her boyfriend, or is she just using your conversations as a temporary escape? Knowing the truth—even if it hurts—will help you make a definitive choice to protect your own heart.

A Note on Your Art
You mentioned being color blind but loving art, and that she used to help you with it. Do not let this situation stop you from creating. There are incredible communities online, specialized digital tools, and color-blind accessible palettes that can help you continue your passion independently. Your art belongs to you, not to the relationship.

[to****]

I trust AI answers for many things. Human relationships is not one of them.

[za****]

Thanks everyone for answering and helping out

[ol****]

5 hours ago, tongue4u2use said:

I trust AI answers for many things. Human relationships is not one of them.

Ai?

[to****]

7 minutes ago, oliver6996 said:

Ai?

Yes… rogue lynx?

[FF****]

Drop it. Kick it to the curb until she’s done , how do they like to put it “finding myself “ that’s my 2C. Like others stated if it makes u happy then w/e. 1. You don’t need to justify your decision and actions to her based on what I’ve read about the treatment of you (unless you like it) block and move ahead your 24 man.

[cr****]

If shes into you she shouldn't be with a boyfriend on weekends to top it off telling you how to act towards her, NAAAAA!!! I think there's a lot more that cucking going on Bro, sounds like a lil bit of playing too, unfortunately your not the player. There's a old saying, use this one it's a good one, "BE A GOOD MAN! dont be a nice guy! Good luck to you

[Bj****]

Take it from Patches oh Jhulian... DIVE DIP DUCK DIVE DODGE your way outa than mess bro.

[ho****]

Overall she isn’t a good person so with that alone, I would just leave the person as a friend. You’re getting too hurt in this situation and I’m not sure if you know it yet. Being “kinda okay” with being cucked doesn’t sound like you really want it. As the other comments say, find your ideal situation. You’re not happy.

Try to find something irl. It’s going to suck but genuinely dating for a while (especially for fun with no expectations) might help you gain more experience and confidence in dating for when you try to find your ideal situation.