Experiencing a "drop", when long distance, how do you manage it?

[Ju****]

So there are many types of "drops" people can experience after theyve spent an amazing time with their partner, Dom or sub etc. 

Like after play some people get sub drop and I get that usually the D type is there to help and reassure, aftercare etc. Which is obviously very important for people in this lifestyle.

But for me I can drop quite badly if and when my partner leaves for home or I do. Because we spend a long time together, vanilla kink and adventuring it obviously puts me on a high. But when I come home, as much as I appreciate my own 4 walls, I begin to miss him and I can drop quite badly. Usually I can turn to him for comfort and such to help elevate my spirits for the next visit we arrange but I still feel low for quite some time inbetween this. They are great with communicating and emotional support over the phone/video.

It's very hard when you want a big cuddle, except they're 300 miles way. So my question is:

How do you personally cope when on a drop and can't have that physical after care given to you or even offer it to someone else?

What do you do to distract yourself and plod on and think positive?

What things do you do to 'Self Care' or bring yourself up?

 

Open to opinions and suggestions :)

 

[ji****]

Experience has helped me realize that the drops suck and I need someone, or others, close by to help offset the decline and thus continually ride the wave

[BigPolly]

@lil-monstercan answer this for you as she used to always have an amazing self care pack made up of her favourite goodies & her D/s is long distance. 😊

[li****]

Me and my Sir are LD and it's for sure hard when he leaves me to go back home, and I do drop quite hard especially if I've been in sub space. He will check in when he gets home he will call me and or video call to see if I'm ok. I'll go spend time with my family or friends just so I'm not on my own sometimes.

I also have a drop/aftercare box which I keep close and is always stocked full of things I like...i.e I'll have chocolate, a candle, bath bombs or bubble bath, insence, tea bags, sweets and biscuits, a blanket in there, hot water bottle etc etc just things I love or know will help me ☺️ I'm normally ok after a day or so and me and Sir will always be looking forward to the next time we will see each other and always put that at the forefront of our minds so it gives us something to look forward to. 

 

[Ju****]

10 minutes ago, lil-monster said:

Me and my Sir are LD and it's for sure hard when he leaves me to go back home, and I do drop quite hard especially if I've been in sub space. He will check in when he gets home he will call me and or video call to see if I'm ok. I'll go spend time with my family or friends just so I'm not on my own sometimes.

I also have a drop drop which I keep close and is always stocked full of things I like...i.e I'll have chocolate, a candle, bath bombs or bubble bath, insence, tea bags, sweets and biscuits, a blanket in there, hot water bottle etc etc just things I love or know will help me ☺️ I'm normally ok after a day or so and me and Sir will always be looking forward to the next time we will see each other and always put that at the forefront of our minds so it gives us something to look forward to. 

 

Thanks everyone whos commented thus far!

 

Lilm, sadly i do not have a great family or friend network at home. So I cannot take comfort in this way. I can hug my kiddos and keep myself busy but going to bed at night is difficult when so used to someone else being there for a cuddle. 

I really should make up a box of things, but I think I would have no self control if chocolate was in there! haha. I'm not really one for self caring, I know it's something I should be working on, its finding the time during the week to take myself off to the bath and zoning out for a while. I am an emotional person so I can drop quite bad and end up missing them, but I know I have something wonderful when the next visit is arranged again, to look forward to.

I just need a big squeeze me thinks

[Leisa]

lilM already offered the same advice I would have given. Having a drop kit is important. Whether I’m in a D/s dynamic or not I keep it stocked for when I need it next time.

[li****]

3 minutes ago, JenniferTP said:

Thanks everyone whos commented thus far!

 

Lilm, sadly i do not have a great family or friend network at home. So I cannot take comfort in this way. I can hug my kiddos and keep myself busy but going to bed at night is difficult when so used to someone else being there for a cuddle. 

I really should make up a box of things, but I think I would have no self control if chocolate was in there! haha. I'm not really one for self caring, I know it's something I should be working on, its finding the time during the week to take myself off to the bath and zoning out for a while. I am an emotional person so I can drop quite bad and end up missing them, but I know I have something wonderful when the next visit is arranged again, to look forward to.

I just need a big squeeze me thinks

I admit it must be hard if you don't have that network of friends or family round you, but just so you know your friends here ( me including ) are always at the other end of the phone if you need a chat, know it's not the same as a hug etc but still it can help. 

 

Yeah lolol I can tell you that my drop box is pretty much empty when I start it 🤣 I always have to re stock it but it's worth it, it really helps get me back to feeling myself again. Yes self care is important and I use to be terrible for not taking care of myself I've learnt recently that I come first and mental health comes first always make sure you look after your gorgeous self!! 

 

 

[Deleted Member]

I used to get drops quite badly. We would talk on the phone/ video/ texts, eating my favourite chocolate etc but I still felt low. The thing that I found works for me is he gave me one of his T-shirts. I wear that when I drop, makes me feel close to him and like he's giving me a hug. When either of us are dropping we just talk to each other and make sure we both know we are there for each other. We aren't long distance though so it must be much harder for you guys x

[BigPolly]

Try & remember also that everything is temporary so when you feel really shitty, if you can hold tight & ride it out, it will eventually pass.
When you’re alone in bed treat yourself to a lot of ‘self love’ to help you remember how amazing you are & how good you can make yourself feel 😊

[Philip2004]

I got her to move in.

[Ju****]

5 minutes ago, Philip2004 said:

I got her to move in.

Jesus i laughed at this lol love ya both phil!

[Ju****]

10 minutes ago, BigPolly said:

Try & remember also that everything is temporary so when you feel really shitty, if you can hold tight & ride it out, it will eventually pass.
When you’re alone in bed treat yourself to a lot of ‘self love’ to help you remember how amazing you are & how good you can make yourself feel 😊

Thanks i do find it very hard to self "love" in bed anyway so none of them happy hormones come easy to me. need someone else to do that for me, sucks about needin skin to skin lol 

but i guess its a good sign when you miss someone to know you care a lot for them. but i will try to keep on at myself haha

[Ju****]

23 minutes ago, Sazzie0188 said:

I used to get drops quite badly. We would talk on the phone/ video/ texts, eating my favourite chocolate etc but I still felt low. The thing that I found works for me is he gave me one of his T-shirts. I wear that when I drop, makes me feel close to him and like he's giving me a hug. When either of us are dropping we just talk to each other and make sure we both know we are there for each other. We aren't long distance though so it must be much harder for you guys x

Omg i love this comment. why didnt i think of it?! But i think his tshirts are more important to him than i am hahahaha like ross in friends trying to get his tee of mona hahaha.

nah i might suggest this and i know im onto a good thing if he gives me one lol 

i do have a cuddly he got me to hug when hes not here but its nice having personal intimacy for a snuggle too

[Ju****]

39 minutes ago, lil-monster said:

I admit it must be hard if you don't have that network of friends or family round you, but just so you know your friends here ( me including ) are always at the other end of the phone if you need a chat, know it's not the same as a hug etc but still it can help. 

 

Yeah lolol I can tell you that my drop box is pretty much empty when I start it 🤣 I always have to re stock it but it's worth it, it really helps get me back to feeling myself again. Yes self care is important and I use to be terrible for not taking care of myself I've learnt recently that I come first and mental health comes first always make sure you look after your gorgeous self!! 

 

 

haha yeh id empty it at evry chance me thinks, id be constantly restocking but if u can ever let me see what u include may give me some idea ive not thought of before. and thank you for being there, i appreciate it, loves xxx

[Wo****]

@JenniferTP I found writing helped. 

About how I felt/feel. What made it so good, look forward to the next time.

Rode it out, cried if and when I needed. Accepted that with those incredible highs come the drops. I embraced the drop as much as I embraced the high's. Two sides of the coin.

Having something of theirs... wear their clothes. Maybe write a "drop letter" .... something you can read when you need to feel close.

 

The drops accentuate the highs 🙏

 

[BigPolly]

15 minutes ago, JenniferTP said:

Thanks i do find it very hard to self "love" in bed anyway so none of them happy hormones come easy to me. need someone else to do that for me, sucks about needin skin to skin lol 

but i guess its a good sign when you miss someone to know you care a lot for them. but i will try to keep on at myself haha

Can he you a toy, not one that you use together but a gift for you that you can use on yourself whilst he’s not around that will make you think of him.

[Ju****]

2 minutes ago, BigPolly said:

Can he you a toy, not one that you use together but a gift for you that you can use on yourself whilst he’s not around that will make you think of him.

He has already done this in the past. i still struggle to ever get off even with the strongest of toys, i need skin to skin contact sadly but i dont have issue with that i dont mind waiting for intimacy its just the low where a big hug would be good and i dont know what to do with how to self care lol

i know i need to work on this ahaha

[Ju****]

11 minutes ago, BountyHunter said:

@JenniferTP I found writing helped. 

About how I felt/feel. What made it so good, look forward to the next time.

Rode it out, cried if and when I needed. Accepted that with those incredible highs come the drops. I embraced the drop as much as I embraced the high's. Two sides of the coin.

Having something of theirs... wear their clothes. Maybe write a "drop letter" .... something you can read when you need to feel close.

 

The drops accentuate the highs 🙏

 

awww bounty! <3

I havent needed to cry from a drop thus far, but i feel bummed out and just low in general. motivation dies for a week or so after parting. i know itl pick up again but its what to do in those lows. 

im so glad u have bold to support you and that you find ways to manage.

i am keen on writing and i try where i can. some times i can put pen down and some days that concentration isnt there but i will eventually. <3

[Leisa]

31 minutes ago, JenniferTP said:

haha yeh id empty it at evry chance me thinks, id be constantly restocking but if u can ever let me see what u include may give me some idea ive not thought of before. and thank you for being there, i appreciate it, loves xxx

Jen there was a munch on it last summer that detailed out what you should put in there. Shouldn’t be too hard to find. Also don’t put it together when you feel you’re dropping. You could always do it with your other half so he knows you’re ok too.

[Phoenyx]

Another feeling that can compound this, is the aftermath of "travel buzz".  This can occur even after mundane travel events, like an out-of-town business seminar, or a visit from an old buddy who just happened to be in the area for a couple days.  Because time is limited during those moments, life switches into overdrive.  Returning to the monotony of every-day life becomes difficult, as the mind and body are holding a lot of momentum.  Consider childhood, and that disheartening day after Christmas.  Or, in more recent terms, that first day back at work, after vacation/holiday.

No, I am not trying to minimize the inevitable *** of separation.  I am merely saying that "travel drop" comes on top of that.  It is a case of fighting multiple demons.  One thing that I found to help, is walking around the house, barefoot.  I work my toes into the carpet, to help feel "grounded" again.

[Ju****]

1 hour ago, Leisa said:

Jen there was a munch on it last summer that detailed out what you should put in there. Shouldn’t be too hard to find. Also don’t put it together when you feel you’re dropping. You could always do it with your other half so he knows you’re ok too.

I dont think i seen that munch! i hope they can touch upon it again! would be great to see peoples things to include. 

i wont and thats a good idea to do it when hes present, thank you

[li****]

28 minutes ago, JenniferTP said:

I dont think i seen that munch! i hope they can touch upon it again! would be great to see peoples things to include. 

i wont and thats a good idea to do it when hes present, thank you

Here are the munch notes that we had on that topic of The Drop 

hope that helps beaut 💜 but once my box is restocked which I'll be doing sometime in the next few days I'll send you a picture of it just so you can see what mine is like 💋

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, JenniferTP said:

nah i might suggest this and i know im onto a good thing if he gives me one lol 

Suprisingly it was actually his idea. Hes not just a hat rack with a Geordie accent 😂. Joking aside it really does help me. Esp when either of us are away from each other for any prolonged period of time, visiting family etc. It's nice having it to feel close to him. 

[Leisa]

1 hour ago, lil-monster said:

Here are the munch notes that we had on that topic of The Drop 

hope that helps beaut 💜 but once my box is restocked which I'll be doing sometime in the next few days I'll send you a picture of it just so you can see what mine is like 💋

lilM I thought for a second I’d have to go searching in my document folder and pull them. Thank you for saving me the time.

[Al****]

Re the drop kit which I think is a great idea, but with self control ( I know that one) could sir not set you up with the drop kit to take with you. It could be locked not to opened until you return home. It could consist of surprise items, personal items from sir and some of your faves, the element of surprise being the nice bit, doesn’t have to be any grand gesture, but something personal from him or something you share. It would ultimately be a continuation of sirs care for you post meet. Just an idea of the top of my head.