Taking the Leap | From Online Long-Distance BDSM to 24/7

In the time of COVID-19, more of us are meeting online and perhaps having long-distance BDSM relationships. But if you're discussing with your partner(s) of leaping from online to full-time 24/7 when the pandemic calms down, we fill you in on what to expect when your kinky relationship goes to all day/every day.
 

Every day, and especially now during the COVID-19 pandemic, more of us are finding others, learning about BDSM and testing out new desires to develop authentic, loving D/s relationships all through an internet connection.

Looking around us, relationships that are long-distance almost feel like the norm. Before the outbreak, people crossed countries and oceans to spend a weekend or a week together, filling the time with as much kinky sex and BDSM fun as possible, only to be separated again. Then, as is now, reliance on video chats, text messaging, phone calls, and emails is a necessity in any long-distance relationship.

Turning your online BDSM relationship into an all-day/everyday relationship is a huge step. It comes with certain expectations and requirements, and there's plenty to prepare yourself for. Take it from me, someone who loved her Daddy Dom for 18 months with a 440-mile separation and still loves him more than two years later now that we live, sleep, eat, and get kinky together.
 

Fear is normal

When your online BDSM relationship goes from long-distance to 24/7, it's reasonable to have some level of fear. One (or both) of you are possibly moving, leaving jobs, family, and friends, to be together. There's always the chance it won't work out. Don't pretend the fear isn't there, and don't worry that it's a sign. Talk about your concerns and discuss how you can handle the things that scare you.

Like having a baby or quitting your job, there's rarely an exact perfect moment in life to move your kinky relationship from being long-distance to living together. If you wait for the ideal time, you'll wait forever. What you can do is make a plan and set goals, and make a move when you've met those goals (saving a certain amount of money, finding a new job, etc.).
 

It’s not all kinky sex

Going from an intense 'get as much sex as you can' when you meet every so often in a long-distance relationship to 'every day' sex means a significant adjustment. When you live with your kinky partner, the amount of sex you have will slow down a little (sometimes a lot).

Confession time - people fart, burp and poop. Yes, even your dreamy partner. When you start living together, you're about to be up close and personal with their smells, noises, and quirky habits. Don't try to hide your own, and don't be shocked when you discover just how gross it can be to live with someone 24/7 - I don't care how good they look in their Dom suit or all that leather.

Your online BDSM relationship will change when you move to live together.
 

Managing conflict

You may have fussed and argued, and yes, even fought while you were in your online long-distance relationship. It happens, and it's normal. But that very first real fight when you live together is the worst. You're looking at each other, seeing the hurt and anger on the other's face, and it can feel like this is a relationship-ending moment. Most of the time, it's not. Most of the time, you simply need to talk it out, cry, and make-up. Kinky make-up sex is the best, in case you wondered.
 

Exploration is more fun

In an online long-distance relationship, exploration of kinky desires is mostly verbal (probably while using your hand). When living offline in a full-time relationship, you can read or watch something together, talk about it, and try it out together. It may not happen as often as you like (especially if you have kids or significant family obligations), but when it does, it's much better than a one-handed wank.
 

Making your BDSM relationship work 24/7

Sure, you embraced your kinky ways and the BDSM lifestyle, and those relationships require a lot of communication. But making your kinky relationship work on a day-to-day basis has little to do with kink and everything to do with communication, compromise, and love. If you pay attention to your relationship, discuss what's on your mind, and commit to each other - you can have a lasting kinky relationship.

In the two years that my Daddy Dom and I have lived together, we've battled cranky kids, career changes, family illnesses and death. It wasn't always easy, and it definitely wasn't always kinky, but we're closer now than during our long-distance relationship, and I imagine we'll be closer a year from now than we are today.

You can live the dream and take your D/s relationship from long-distance to 24/7. Keep your expectations realistic. Be prepared to work hard. And don't forget to get kinky as often as you can.

Kayla Lords is a freelance writer, sex blogger, and a masochistic babygirl living the 24/7 D/s life. 

Have you taken the step from an online BDSM relationship to actually living together? What were your experiences? Share all in the Fetish.com forum. 

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