Feelings regarding being Fetishized

[Deleted Member]

Okay so this may sound like a weird one given where it's being presented but does anybody have fetishes/kinks but actually hate being Fetishized themselves?

I'm well endowed,  and once a potential play partner realises this a lot of the conversation just turns to my equipment and not much else. I don't really like that, as there's much more to me.

I feel like a notch on a bedpost or a trophy instead of a person sometimes. Does anybody else feel the same or am I being all "steak too juicy, lobster too buttery" about things

[Mi****]

Every single woman on the planet has entered the chat?

I say that jokingly, but I’m sure there are many on here. Who will tell you that this is not something unique to your experience. I’m not one of them, I haven’t been in that position, but I’m confident that others have.

[Deleted Member]

I think it's reasonable to want to be appreciated for your full self, not just your equipment. That being said, if a woman obsessed over my cock, I wouldn't be horribly upset. So, each person has a right to their own things that they prefer

[mj****]

This is so real. This is why its extremely important to read bios as well. Kinks are a spectrum. Like me for example, im here to meet likeminded people as stated in my bio. Not just here to be praised or drilled or have the occasional one night stand, im here because its easier to find a likeminded partner on apps where you can SEE if they're likeminded 😭😭 which this is clear in my bio and yet I still have 74 year old men talking a big game in my dms. Like leave me alone bro im 19, wtf do you want with me?

[Ne****]

I can't honestly say that you're not in the too juicy steak territory.
I do get not being appreciated for the full package as it were (pun not intended), but that's something you might want to get used to overcoming. Nobody knows the totality of who we are from first impressions.
If you're really concerned about that, either avoid sending dick pics or try to snap them to make it look smaller than it is.

[Ma****]

Yes as a black man we are fetishized all the time I understand having preferences but if respect isn't show and we're not treated like people then there's not place for that. Sure I may have a big dick but I do Not want to be referred to as BBC boiling me down to just one part rather than taking me as a whole person.

[mu****]

Sorry that's happening to you. Kinda seems like you're maybe weeding out the people that aren't right for you though...?
In my past when being told that type of information, I might make a comment initially, but it's not something I'm going to keep bringing up. IMO it's a little weird to keep fixating on a partner's size when they have no control over that.
To actually answer your question though, as a bbw woman, I'm not truly a huge fan of being fetishized just for my size either. The compliments at first can be nice, but when someone is stuck on that aspect and doesn't attempt to get to know me outside of that, it's a huge turn off.

[Ra****]

My plus size body and profession do get fetishised a lot and it’s hard to not feel reduced to just those things sometimes. I think it’s understandable to feel the way you do. We just need some effort to connect about other cool things about us too!

[hr****]

I totally understand how you feel! I'm a trans man, and I understand people being curious about my body, but google is also free!

[Eu****]

for a role play yes, maybe, but is loooong in a relationship before even would be open to this. first i need to make sure i see you as a whole person first and you do the same. Actually, i am willing to live a fantasy of any kind only after i get to know the other.

[Eu****]

1 minute ago, EugenIsThriving said:

for a role play yes, maybe, but is loooong in a relationship before even would be open to this. first i need to make sure i see you as a whole person first and you do the same. Actually, i am willing to live a fantasy of any kind only after i get to know the other.

for a clear role play, i would accept to be fetishized. (realized my sentance was a bit ambiguous)

[Lu****]

I absolutely feel this. I am Noetisexual, and physical attraction is wonderful but I need a mental and emotional connection to want sex. But my face and my curves are the only things guys ever want to talk about. I can't find real conversations, everything is just surface level. Compliments are nice, but sliding in my DM with "Hey beautiful" or "you're hot" and nothing else to say has kept me single for the last two years. I appreciate being appreciated, but damn does no one care that I'm intelligent? Smh
I'm sorry you feel the way that you do, people really are the most selfish of creatures.
I wish you much luck and a big hug. 🖤
You deserve to be loved for you, not just your body. You are worthy of real love.

[Sh****]

Joey, I know how you feel,many women, myself included feel like that all the time, and it's not just with play partners, it's a work thing, etc And I'm not saying all men do this, but I literally know when I'm talking to a guy and the only thing he's thinking about are my; MTPA,
He's visualizing, Because it's all about him, what he wants.

[Ch****]

Same here. Not that I get fetishized often, but when it does happen — it's unpleasant when the conversation goes in one specific direction. I feel like something that can be used, not a person. And honestly, when afterwards they say "oh, you're so great" — either I don't believe it anymore, or I think the compliment isn't really meant for me, but for certain parts of me, and not at all to make me feel good.

[Sa****]

Trans woman here I absolutely hate it when people are only after me for my trans woman status, like I'm a person too! Unfortunately majority of people won't ever see me as anything more than that

[de****]

Yes. I feel like some people just get off on either the taboo nature of the conversation/kink and, despite saying otherwise, are only there to chat about what they find "so hot" while lacking any real conversation. Or they find out that I am also bisexual and focus only on threesomes or hearing about my experiences and asking how quickly they can arrange one (if I am talking to a guy who wants that, we do not end up talking for long). But it ruins it because they aren't interested in creating a real dynamic, just short term masturbatory fodder for their uncreative minds.

[Eu****]

26 minutes ago, LunitaGatita said:

I absolutely feel this. I am Noetisexual, and physical attraction is wonderful but I need a mental and emotional connection to want sex. But my face and my curves are the only things guys ever want to talk about. I can't find real conversations, everything is just surface level. Compliments are nice, but sliding in my DM with "Hey beautiful" or "you're hot" and nothing else to say has kept me single for the last two years. I appreciate being appreciated, but damn does no one care that I'm intelligent? Smh
I'm sorry you feel the way that you do, people really are the most selfish of creatures.
I wish you much luck and a big hug. 🖤
You deserve to be loved for you, not just your body. You are worthy of real love.

you know what. i actually wrote a couple of those, but to those that doesn't bother to have a profile description. So if they present themselfs as that, i connect with the only thing they show. their bodies.

It would be awesome if i knew other way, but so far i never heard a woman getting mad and asked me to be curious about her. Cause it's all i want really.

So here's a challenge for us all maybe:

woman without a description what do you like us to know, how do we open up a conversation where everything could be interpreted as a closed door even before we even have a chance to know each other???

Can we all be real, maybe because it is a virtual space would allow us all to really make mistakes, and the stakes are lower, so we can learn from it when we meet the right person, or persons(why not?!).

[Mi****]

Felt as someone who is
-very well endowed in the chest
-black
-fat/curvy
-hairy

[Eu****]

5 minutes ago, EugenIsThriving said:

you know what. i actually wrote a couple of those, but to those that doesn't bother to have a profile description. So if they present themselfs as that, i connect with the only thing they show. their bodies.

It would be awesome if i knew other way, but so far i never heard a woman getting mad and asked me to be curious about her. Cause it's all i want really.

So here's a challenge for us all maybe:

woman without a description what do you like us to know, how do we open up a conversation where everything could be interpreted as a closed door even before we even have a chance to know each other???

Can we all be real, maybe because it is a virtual space would allow us all to really make mistakes, and the stakes are lower, so we can learn from it when we meet the right person, or persons(why not?!).

you won't believe how many times, that type of interaction had more success, and when i started to ask questions, to show curiosity, and ask about boundaries, i receive vague and ambiguos answers, which i perceived them as a way to change the subject cause they can't handle that type of tension enough to have a real personal answer. This is my experience here and other apps as well, including gay ones.

[Ta****]

45 minutes ago, MajinSaiyan said:

Yes as a black man we are fetishized all the time I understand having preferences but if respect isn't show and we're not treated like people then there's not place for that. Sure I may have a big dick but I do Not want to be referred to as BBC boiling me down to just one part rather than taking me as a whole person.

I might be way nicer to the BBCs in comparison to white guys trying to talk about their dics first thing. But I think some have been fetishized so much that they think this is what they can offer. So I am kind of gentle to them, but clear how I am not into any kind of racial stereotyping/race play, nor interested into male genitalia by themselves

[d_guglieme]

I see your point.

In this case, it sounds like the inverse of "it depends what you are looking for".

It depends what you want to be known or fetishized for. Odds are, you have some other trait that you would be happy to be known for.

[DM****]

I'm also well endowed, but I really like my partner to fetishize it. A partner who is unimpressed or doesn't care is actually a bit of a turn off for me.

I feel like everyone has fetishes, even vanilla people. If someone is exclusively attracted to men or women or whatever, that's a fetish! Something is a fetish to someone because they don't typically have access to it. Once access is made available, they want to enjoy it.

I have a major fetish for gingers and very large breasts, but I'm hesitant to bring this up because I know some people don't want to be fetishized.

So if I'm flirting with someone just because they're a woman, that's acceptable; but if I'm flirting with someone just because they're a woman with orange hair, blue eyes, and pale skin with freckles, this is considered bad somehow.

IDK, maybe it's just the autism talking, but I think this whole situation is ridiculous. Let's just be honest about what we want.

[Ma****]

56 minutes ago, TaliX said:

I might be way nicer to the BBCs in comparison to white guys trying to talk about their dics first thing. But I think some have been fetishized so much that they think this is what they can offer. So I am kind of gentle to them, but clear how I am not into any kind of racial stereotyping/race play, nor interested into male genitalia by themselves

Black men*. You literally just did the thing I said people should not do. Having a big dick preference is fine but racializing it and not referring to us as people is the problem.

[de****]

29 minutes ago, DM-Mike said:

I'm also well endowed, but I really like my partner to fetishize it. A partner who is unimpressed or doesn't care is actually a bit of a turn off for me.

I feel like everyone has fetishes, even vanilla people. If someone is exclusively attracted to men or women or whatever, that's a fetish! Something is a fetish to someone because they don't typically have access to it. Once access is made available, they want to enjoy it.

I have a major fetish for gingers and very large breasts, but I'm hesitant to bring this up because I know some people don't want to be fetishized.

So if I'm flirting with someone just because they're a woman, that's acceptable; but if I'm flirting with someone just because they're a woman with orange hair, blue eyes, and pale skin with freckles, this is considered bad somehow.

IDK, maybe it's just the autism talking, but I think this whole situation is ridiculous. Let's just be honest about what we want.

Right but there is a difference between something that turns you on vs being fetishized for it. I think discussions of what turns us on are great (as are the turn offs) but I think the point is that its not fixated on. The fixation shows as a fetish, the appreciation of the entire individual does not.

[Da****]

I get fetishised as a goth a lot which ***es me off because I’m not even a goth.