On the topic of trans positivity...

[tk****]

As a transgender person (trans masc / gender-nonexistant), I find it so difficult to enter kink related spaces. It feels like I would have to embrace the feminine parts of my body in a dysphoria-inducing way in order to participate. Do any trans kinksters have input? Do any allies have experience relieving the pressure of body dysphoria in partners?

[Ch****]

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Remember to keep your guard up in kink spaces and never, ever tolerate anything that makes you uncomfortable. I've encountered a fair share of transphobes and chasers here, so just be wary, safe, and stick to your values. Don't let these people shake you.

[Da****]

I am not trans and by no means I claim to have gone through struggle. But I can say that I have seen and met and known plenty of trans people who have been amalgamated and absorbed in kink scene comfortably and without issues . To be honest this community is more inviting and open than anywhere else .
So the issue might just be the location and culture

[ey****]

So, I'm cis.  But

a lot of kink spaces are generally more accomodating to trans folk than non-kink spaces.  If you find an event you have struggles with it may be worth reaching out to the organiser/host either for reassurance - or - what you might need from them. 

Mind, I won't lie and say that all hosts are perfect, they're not, and a lot more have taken times to look at the needs of trans women / femme-presenting and I know sometimes some who are trans masc feel forgotten about. Sometimes. 

[Th****]

43 minutes ago, Dave-Lothbrok said:

I am not trans and by no means I claim to have gone through struggle. But I can say that I have seen and met and known plenty of trans people who have been amalgamated and absorbed in kink scene comfortably and without issues . To be honest this community is more inviting and open than anywhere else .
So the issue might just be the location and culture

I echo Dave and Eyem' words. Do you. Kink sites/apps exist for free expression of each of our unique desires. We all (mostly) get along. You're as welcome here as any of the rest of us and among friends. Cheers. Have fun

[Deleted Member]

Youre gonna have to weed through the douches, ask the right questions, drop people when they show red flags or are too pushy, sex is great and all but remember first connection over all!

[ar****]

bestie if you get some good tips tell me too

[ia****]

I am not trans and have no experience or research in trans kink - however I do know my local kink community very well and Learning from experience of both my husband and i ( in traditional gender roles)

It is 100x more difficult for a hetero male to gain experience in kink than it is for a hetero female. This is primarily due to sheer numbers. Women are often seen as a rare resource in kink communities, and many communities conform for their comfort by restricting male participation and attendance.

So it makes sense to me that you are experiencing difficulty finding your way in as a trans masc..

That being said- depending on your sexual preferences / fetishes / roles there are niche areas you could get into very easily if you are willing to objectify yourself to meet those kinks.

If you are unwilling to expose yourself that way (no shame- it's not all cupcakes and rainbows) then the alternative is to continue trying- continue talking about what you need, who you are, meeting people one at a time. Being willing to try new things, attending public munches and making some friends who can help you achieve what you desire.

[Th****]

As someone who prefers they/he and has 0 outer transitions to appear more masculine...it's very difficult to get anyone my age or older to actually USE those pronouns and treat me as anything but a woman. Respectful yes of course and try to understand my nuances to gender, but it is extremely dysphoric interacting with a possible sex partner. Having large breasts and a V automatically puts most (especially male) partners in the mindset of using female terminology.

I've had a few instances where someone would be INTERESTED in trying out other terms, but it always defaulted to fem terms. I've found that unless you really express your absolute need for correct terms, that it's a hard pass if you're not respected that way then you won't get anywhere with them.
It's not a "try and see" of they like it. Its has to be a firm line.

And I myself am gender fluid so I feel guilty for pushing that respectful line when I can suddenly feel a different gender the next day 😅 communication is very important and finding allys that respect that

[Ch****]

Perhaps in in person events. On this app, I have experienced the opposite. Especially in the chatrooms.

[pleasuredomnewbie]

I've never been with someone who is trans. My brain realizes that once I've crossed a threshold I just need friction. So the logical conclusion would be that I could be with anyone. But my body just seems to need certain things in a partner in order to cross that threshold. With time that would probably change.

So my guess is most of the people you're getting that feeling from (that you need to change something about yourself) are likely just inexperienced with that sort of connection maybe? The real problem would be if they're actively telling you to change. I'd avoid those people. 🫶

[Ro****]

Its not completely the same for me as a trans woman. But I def get people wanting me to ignore things that cause dysphoria for their fantasies essentially. Even after I tell them no, and it makes me feel uncomfortable.

Id recommend trying to have a boundary on those dysphoria causing issues. And just stay away if you can. I feel like its better to be a little lonely than backtrack being yourself and happiness you've made

[TinaDreams]

Maybe some folks want you to, but you def don’t have to. You draw the line and set the borders. If they don’t respect that, leave them alone. There is def a space in kink world where you can live out the parts you want to embrace. I agree it’s not easy to find the exact matches for your own headspace though.

[Fe****]

I'm also trans-masc/gender apathetic but I experience very little dysphoria so ymmv.
I find it a lot easier to navigate by being clear on my boundaries. If someone wants to ignore your discomfort to play out their fantasies, they're not worth talking to in the first place. There should be no shame in saying "I don't think we vibe with each other" or "You've crossed a line we can't recover from so I'm gonna call it here". Being into kink requires a lot of clear and honest communication.
-Doobie

[Da****]

As the parent of a Trans-Person (MtF) and a son to be, for lack of a better term, Them-in-law, I feel you in your struggle. I know most of our community is very open and accommodating, but it will take time to find people who can and will accept you for you. Just be patient, it will happen.

[TheZenCommander]

There are some great Trans friendly private parties. I know of a group in Chicago and another in LA. If you're close enough to go to either of those, lmk and I'll share the names of those groups.

[Ku****]

I’m ftm and rather stealth. I’ve transitioned to a point where my only dysphoria I have at all really is just my lower region. I think just finding what makes you comfortable with terminology and making sure your play partners also use them makes it more affirming for you. Don’t think of it necessarily male v female parts. These are just parts on your body. Some ppl have some don’t. You deserve fun and pleasure regardless of what’s on or not on your body 🫶🏼

[Ki****]

I guess all depends on  what kind of kink you’re into I do puppy play so my parts don’t necessarily come into play too often unless I start favoring a partner and honestly it’s still matters very little and then we’re all still human so communication

[As****]

I would also love to know too, as a trans nb myself

[Ra****]

As a pan, I'm extremely allied and allured by trans masc. However, they don't seem to frequent FetLife or community edges. And Fet only shows me mtf.