Heavy topic: Loneliness

[Th****]

This post might get somewhat depressing, but I think maybe because of that, it's something that should be talked about, so I'm not going to take the high road and apologize for it. Sometimes life is just ugly lol. I can't be the only one in the kink community who experiences loneliness. And by that I don't mean "Oh being single sucks and I could really use some cuddles right now." I mean crushing, almost debilitating loneliness. I bring it up because I often think my kinks get in the way of pursuing a long term relationship. Some of the things I'm into tend to push the envelope for most people. While I can accept that I'm not for everyone, and therefore everyone is not for me, and I'm well aware that not being for everyone is actually a good thing, it's really hard sometimes. I spent most of my life watering down my kinks, and even "faking vanilla" for my entire marriage, and I refuse to ever do that again. It's part of who I am and it took me a long time to learn that the right partner will accept ALL of me. However, looking for a potential partner is utterly exhausting. Most men cant even have a decent conversation without their hormones getting in the way, and an actual date is almost unheard of anymore. I feel like "Let's meet for coffee" has become synonymous with "I need to see you in person so I can tell whether or not I'll want to fuck you, and if you don't meet my standards I'll just ghost you because you have no value to me as a human being." And that's BEFORE the subject of kink ever even comes up. I know there are good men out there, and I've always believed that there's someone for everyone. I also know from experience that there are a lot of bad apples out there screwing it up for the rest of us. I guess I just wanna know if I'm alone in feeling the way I do. I don't think one should have to give up their kinks and/or put them on hold for the sake of a relationship. I think part of a healthy relationship is being able to be completely comfortable in all aspects of yourself with your partner. Kinks included, even if some of them are a bit much for most. I don't think that having a loving relationship and having kinks should feel like having your cake and eating it too. You should expect to be able to eat your cake. You made the cake. You earned the cake lol. I'm just curious how many others struggle with this. Sometimes I feel like it's hopeless, and no one will ever accept my scrambled little brain as is. Every time I go on some disastrous date with some handsy prick I come home and wonder why I even bother. I tell myself that I'm done. But there's that little tiny piece of hope that says there's got to be somebody out there who's just as done with all this superficial dating bullshit as me, and maybe we can be done together. I know in the kink community that can be especially difficult because revealing one's kinks can scare people off. I guess I just want to know I'm not the only one who hurts deep down about it sometimes. One half of me thinks I'm just whining. But the other half is confident that I am not asking too much, and that I, and everybody else deserves to be loved and respected, and that having both isn't a request but a requirement. I'm anxious to see what other people think. And I guess I sort of wrote this not only to get those feelings off my own chest, because let's face it that shit is heavy lol, but also maybe to put it out there so that if it resonates with someone else who's hurting and feeling like they're the only one, they'll know that they aren't. So I hope this speaks louder than just me. Please leave a comment, but be kind. This post comes from a very raw place, and we all know words are powerful. Peace and love peeps 💖

[Submarkg]

My response to ths is much better being single ..Ive been single 22 odd years now …than being in a bad relationship …

[Deleted Member]

This is so, so true. In a world in which every little nuance of someone's personality is pigeonholed, it gets maddening to try and define who you are to yourself, let alone a potential partner.

[ca****]

I've been in a marriage where kinks weren't event talked about nevermind done, and I was intensely unhappy. Now I'm discovering myself more than I was able to for over 20 years!
Also just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you'd get all you want and not feel lonely.
My point it might be better to be single than to be with someone that's totally wrong for you. It's tough but I truly believe it's better (for me at least).

[Deleted Member]

I feel for you, I joined this site as I was unhappy in my relationship and felt lonely as I felt alienate due to my sexual preferences and kinks from everyone I know.
Only joining this site made me feel just as lonely, from no responders and being ghosted by girls soon as they have their kicks.
It baffles me in a age of social media and mental health being more known that people can still be rude, ignore or even for some be abusive.
Much love ❤️

[ge****]

I hear you and relate to much of what you're saying - it's a classic vicious circle, be prepared to compromise your inner self for the sake of not feeling lonely, or refusing to compromise and staying lonely and feeling isolated and so *** and hopeless.
.
And it's a self-defeating vicious circle too - because the more you feel lonely, the more you become convinced you won't find someone for you, so give up hope and stop making an effort, and the more you feel lonely and isolated.
.
And loneliness can drive you to some very dark places and acts too - where you do stupid things or dwell on things far more than you should - suffering the consequences of this myself right now.
.
I refuse to compromise though, I know I'm better than that
.
So no, you're not alone, not at all - you ever need a voice from the bewilderness my inbox is always open.

[Deleted Member]

Hitting home, hitting hard! I feel you and tell you: YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE!!! ❤️

[CopperKnob]

You definitely aren't alone. It can feel lonely at times. I do think to myself 'am I asking for too much?' And I do wish I'd spent time when I was younger making the effort to figure out who I am rather than squashing it down as and realising at an older age. So many wasted relationships and broken hearts.
Sometimes it's seems relentless. Sometimes I want to give up. Sometimes I think it would be less exhausting emotionally if I did and accepted that I'll be single forever because, no I don't want to compromise either although the reality is I may have too.
But, I also believe that there is someone for everyone, it just takes time and during that time we continue to work on ourselves, fine tuning our wants/needs until that someone comes along, accepting that that someone may not be our person but teaches us something about ourselves so that we're ready for the next person or the next person after that until we happen across our forever person.
🤣 as I'm typing this I'm thinking to myself that the likes of Disney and all the writers of all the romance novels I've ever read have a hell of lot to answer for!

[Deleted Member]

You are not alone. As a male I find even locating a kinky woman close to me difficult at best. Forget dating. I’m to the point where I just may need to accept a healthy vanilla sex relationship. We should be able to have both. I’m just not hopeful at all these days.

[Deleted Member]

Your vulnerability is so beautiful! Thank you for sharing and connecting. 💕 At times, yes I juggle similar thoughts (usually it's during stressful moments for me). I think a good reminder is that no person/situation/thing completes us. Even our kinks are just a part of us, not the whole. We complete ourselves. Having specific kinks do definitely filter the lot. But I remind myself that I can build a relationship with anyone. I just want to be specific and careful who that play partner will be. I hope this encourages you a bit and you feel empowered and recharged to keep trying 🥰

[Deleted Member]

I can somewhat relate. My marriage ended 5 years ago. In that time I have been on a few dates. Also in that time my Kink side has reawakened. I put the notion that I could find someone that is also kinky, and likes my kinks aside. Thinking that I would probably never find someone that would want me and my kinks. Anyways... I met someone a couple years back and we had a short few month fling. She invited me to join FetLife. As I started to explore that site, and got out of my comfort zone and went to a few Group Munches, I realized that I found my people. I have come to be a part of one of the groups on there and in my area of NY. That's been wonderful! I've been able to make friends in the kink community, been able to talk about what I have done and would like to do, been a part of several scenes at Play Parties for my group, and went to a Kink Festival near my area that was a blast!.Still trying to find someone to date, someone that is kinky. Normal dating sites don't work for that. Finding this site is just one of several "Kink" oriented sites I have found in my search for a partner. It is lonely. I, like you, have a glimmer of hope that tells me that I will find someone. I wish us luck.

[Deleted Member]

I don’t know ha I can say anything else. I’ve also spent a long time giving myself the same old pep talk post meet or in most case no shows. Good girl to post. Love it feel it hate it but totally ‘resonate’ with it completely.
You’ll see my kinks are a bit more frightening to most also. Lol

[Deleted Member]

Oh as Gemini man says. Inbox open hunni if you need it xx. Bestest💋💋💋

[Do****]

I feel you perfectly

[Deleted Member]

I’ve been very very lonely in an unhappy marriage for a long time. It wasn’t until I got comfortable with my own company and was on my own that I found happiness. And then I found someone who has just accentuated that happiness.

[Deleted Member]

Communication is on the list of dying fetishes.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, CopperKnob said:

You definitely aren't alone. It can feel lonely at times. I do think to myself 'am I asking for too much?' And I do wish I'd spent time when I was younger making the effort to figure out who I am rather than squashing it down as and realising at an older age. So many wasted relationships and broken hearts.
Sometimes it's seems relentless. Sometimes I want to give up. Sometimes I think it would be less exhausting emotionally if I did and accepted that I'll be single forever because, no I don't want to compromise either although the reality is I may have too.
But, I also believe that there is someone for everyone, it just takes time and during that time we continue to work on ourselves, fine tuning our wants/needs until that someone comes along, accepting that that someone may not be our person but teaches us something about ourselves so that we're ready for the next person or the next person after that until we happen across our forever person.
🤣 as I'm typing this I'm thinking to myself that the likes of Disney and all the writers of all the romance novels I've ever read have a hell of lot to answer for!

Agreed regarding writers. Sex sells but is normally incorrect too as youvsay xxx

[wo****]

I have to agree and know what you mean. I’m single have dated a few but they just weren’t for me. And people find me difficult to approach cos of bad experiences and most of them only want after one thing. For me I want connection And respect really and that seems to be to much to ask for.

[Th****]

1 hour ago, Sammy9469 said:

I can somewhat relate. My marriage ended 5 years ago. In that time I have been on a few dates. Also in that time my Kink side has reawakened. I put the notion that I could find someone that is also kinky, and likes my kinks aside. Thinking that I would probably never find someone that would want me and my kinks. Anyways... I met someone a couple years back and we had a short few month fling. She invited me to join FetLife. As I started to explore that site, and got out of my comfort zone and went to a few Group Munches, I realized that I found my people. I have come to be a part of one of the groups on there and in my area of NY. That's been wonderful! I've been able to make friends in the kink community, been able to talk about what I have done and would like to do, been a part of several scenes at Play Parties for my group, and went to a Kink Festival near my area that was a blast!.Still trying to find someone to date, someone that is kinky. Normal dating sites don't work for that. Finding this site is just one of several "Kink" oriented sites I have found in my search for a partner. It is lonely. I, like you, have a glimmer of hope that tells me that I will find someone. I wish us luck.

This definitely speaks volumes. I often wish I wasn't as shy as I am because maybe I'd find my people too. The idea of going to any sort of event is just so overwhelming. And going alone? Oh hell no lol. I have to keep positive though. I just can't fathom that I'm destined to be alone forever. I've got too much love to give and there has to be somebody worthy of receiving it. I've moved mountains for the wrong people. I can only imagine what I'd do for the right one.

[Deleted Member]

7 minutes ago, Th4tFl0w3rL4dy said:

This definitely speaks volumes. I often wish I wasn't as shy as I am because maybe I'd find my people too. The idea of going to any sort of event is just so overwhelming. And going alone? Oh hell no lol. I have to keep positive though. I just can't fathom that I'm destined to be alone forever. I've got too much love to give and there has to be somebody worthy of receiving it. I've moved mountains for the wrong people. I can only imagine what I'd do for the right one.

It is definitely hard to put myself out there and go to events alone. I go, but with the intent that If I am too uncomfortable, I can leave. In the process I have met some truly wonderful kinky people. I am happy with my new friends. All of that came from getting out of myself and going into a scenario that I felt uncomfortable with and just seeing what would happen. It took several munches and play parties before I made good solid connections with others in the kink community. Now I have friends to do things with in and out of the kink lifestyle.

[Du****]

Thank you for sharing your feelings so honestly. You are undoubtedly not alone. I share your sentiments in many respects and often feel the dichotomy of being unbearably lonely, and yet not prepared to compromise on my wishes in order to abate it. Yes, I’d rather be alone than unhappy in a bad relationship; but being unhappy alone is not not we would wish for ourselves or others, either. You absolutely deserve love and respect. I wish you everything good ❤️

[Du****]

Thank you for sharing your feelings so honestly. You are undoubtedly not alone. I share your sentiments in many respects and often feel the dichotomy of being unbearably lonely, and yet not prepared to compromise on my wishes in order to abate it. Yes, I’d rather be alone than unhappy in a bad relationship; but being unhappy alone is not not we would wish for ourselves or others, either. You absolutely deserve love and respect. I wish you everything good ❤️

[Th****]

18 minutes ago, DuchessFeuille said:

Thank you for sharing your feelings so honestly. You are undoubtedly not alone. I share your sentiments in many respects and often feel the dichotomy of being unbearably lonely, and yet not prepared to compromise on my wishes in order to abate it. Yes, I’d rather be alone than unhappy in a bad relationship; but being unhappy alone is not not we would wish for ourselves or others, either. You absolutely deserve love and respect. I wish you everything good ❤️

I feel exactly this way. I refuse to ever sacrifice any part of myself again for the sake of not being alone. I've learned the hard way that I don't need a partner. But I want one. I can't see going the rest of my life without finding my "person". And for me anyway, things are a little compounded because I also have some minor health issues. Those things need to be discussed with a partner too and you'd be amazed by how many people will run from a cane and an insulin needle lol. That I sort of laugh off just because it's really not that big of a deal lol, but rejection in any form always stings a little, especially when it's something you can't control. But I'm glad this post is being seen, and I'm glad to know I'm not the only one struggling.

[Deleted Member]

🤘🦋 I feel you

[Deleted Member]

20 minutes ago, Th4tFl0w3rL4dy said:

I feel exactly this way. I refuse to ever sacrifice any part of myself again for the sake of not being alone. I've learned the hard way that I don't need a partner. But I want one. I can't see going the rest of my life without finding my "person". And for me anyway, things are a little compounded because I also have some minor health issues. Those things need to be discussed with a partner too and you'd be amazed by how many people will run from a cane and an insulin needle lol. That I sort of laugh off just because it's really not that big of a deal lol, but rejection in any form always stings a little, especially when it's something you can't control. But I'm glad this post is being seen, and I'm glad to know I'm not the only one struggling.

Oh I feel you on the health issues. Type 1 Diabetic here since I was 8. I have an insulin pump and a CGM device, both I wear on my abdomen. I have other chronic health issues as well. I am legally declared as disabled from a work place *** where I damaged several areas of my spine. I live with chronic *** as a result, and will likely have to have further surgeries on my spine when the time comes (two different fusions on my cervical spine and one procedure on my Lumbar spine so far). Some people can't handle health issues. F*** them. I have met a few other Kinky Diabetics in the last few years. We exist.