Video chat first to avoid being Catfished?

[Shilo66]

As the title states, I'm genuinely baffled why people don't video chat first to avoid being 'Catfished'. And then, once they have been, they feel the need to jump on a forum to complain that they've been 'Catfished'.

I'm on several Kinky forums, I won't say which ones, but recently, there's been a surge of people complaining about being 'Catfished'. I'll mention two such cases here, but obviously without names. On one, a guy had driven about 100 miles to meet a lady only to be stood up - she never showed, she then blocked him on all the social media they had previously used to converse, and he didn't know what she actually looked like. He said he had pictures that she sent of what she claimed to look like, but, he was now wondering if they were really of her!  On another, a young lady complained that when she went to meet the guy, he turned out to be 30 years older and erm.. 30lbs heavier than the pictures he had sent her. 

In both cases, after some questioning, they both admitted that they hadn't video chatted with their prospective paramours beforehand. This naturally lead me to ask them why they hadn't, and, why they'd then decided to come on to a forum to illicit some form of sympathy for their predicament as a result of their... shall we say, lack of preparedness. 

Needless to say, they got quite defensive and tried to justify their actions... which failed to impress. or explain.

In this day and age, with all the video tech around and individual safety concerns, to me, it seems inconceivable that anyone wouldn't use this feature before agreeing to a physical meet up, be they male, female, straight, gay, bi, or anyone else in between. 

But then, maybe I'm being too harsh, maybe this is a normal thing for some of you, if so, please explain why?... Does it add to the sense of adventure not knowing what they actually look like? Are people just being lazy and hoping for the best? Are they averse to video chats? 

Someone please explain this phenomenon. Like I stated earlier, it appears to be on the rise.

Conversely, if like me, you always video chat before a physical meet up, would you mind extolling the virtues as to why... in your particular case? 

Somehow, I don't think I'm going to get many replies, but I'll be pleasantly surprised if I do.

 

 

[te****]

Horny no make brain work 🧠

[Md****]

I agree actually, even though I personally have been lax in en***ment of a video chat rule. Fortunately it hasn't cost me much more than my time so far. I suppose it should be an immediate red flag when someone makes endless excuses for why they cant do a live video.

[Qu****]

I did video chat and still got catfish🤦🏾‍♀️… didn’t think to ask him to stand up on video and I drove from Alabama to Tennessee and when I saw him walking in the restroom, I knew then… at that moment…🐟🐟🐟🐟🐟

[Sp****]

Too many thirsty men who don't think rationally at the idea that the perfect woman is at the other end of the line.

[jm****]

Always if you can

[JrzDvl]

Another good thing is a reverse image search either in a google search or yandex. This way you can see if the pics they send you came from some other website. Sometimes an escort site or an instagram page or whatever. But at least with the video chat you have a shot at seeing something real. Although if the video has “issues” or there is no volume, look to see if it’s in a loop. It’s a scam then. I have seen it all. Unfortunately more scammers and blackmailers than people I have actually met up with. But I still hold out hope that the right women are out there that just want to have some good sexy fun, no harm no foul. Oh, and don’t forget the ones that want to be paid for everything. If you become my special friend, you will end up getting way more out of it than if you try to scam me for a few bucks. Lol!

[tp****]

Agreed, there are a good number of catfishing in all dating apps and sorts.

I would definitely reciprocate proof of authenticity, but only after some trust has been established.

It is definitely a good practice to be cautious at first.

Sometimes meeting for coffee first can filter out the scammers and time-wasters quickly.

When I hear "sign up for my OF", or "we'll meet up after you buy my videos" or "we can only talk on WhatsApp or Telegram" is a great sign for me to run the other way. Just my two cents.

[ey****]

I kinda rarely video chat first (and, in this day, there are plenty of scams involving video chat) but I do tend to do due diligence. 

If someone is going to no show then that can happen with or without a video call.  In fact someone who did cancel on me at short notice had gone through calls and vetting - for stuff like appearance

I'm not too bothered if there's some differences - like, my current profile pic is about 3 years old (I've not changed much) but usually a lot of people I do meet are posting new photos up online anyway 

This said, in the above examples it does feel like not enough due dilligence was done. 

[Da****]

I hate FaceTime so if you can’t meet in person and quickly… keep it moving,

[Lo****]

Great topic. I like to ask for a video call on the app relatively soon if I am really interested. I have never heard of any problems with using the app. I feel confident that it is safe, for both parties. If you are real why it is so hard to prove?

I have had some great experiences on here, but finding a real person is a lot of sifting through the fakes. A video chat seems to improve the odds.

[Mr****]

I love video chatting and will often call people unprompted. When they answer right away, they stay in my dms!

[Si****]

Exactly, I concur 100%

[Ro****]

I completely understand why video chatting seems like an obvious solution from the outside, but there are a lot of valid reasons why people choose not to do it.
Personally, I am not a video chat type of person because I have a hearing impairment. When communicating, I rely heavily on lip-reading to compensate. Unfortunately, video calls frequently suffer from lag, compression, or audio-to-video desynchronization. Trying to read lips when the audio and visual elements don't perfectly match up is incredibly exhausting and frustrating, making the conversation more stressful than enjoyable.
While video chats might filter out catfishes, they also create major accessibility barriers for some of us. There are plenty of other ways to verify someone's identity—like exchanging specific, timed photos or moving to a trusted platform with profile verification tags—without forcing a video call.

[sp****]

if someone refuses to video chat before a bdsm related meeting, just don’t go. i had bad surprises, fair people and even nice ones.but nowadays? ask for the video, if they produce some lousy justification, fold it, this place is full of impostors, mostly pretending to be
women. Stick with your rules.

[ay****]

but the tech is out there that can turn a person onto Anyone, or anything for that matter so,, I recommend ensuring live location at the same time,, for a start. It's immediately obvious when they start calling you"dear"😎😂 it's gonna cost you"dearly"

[La****]

I have a personal preference to meet at a neutral public / semi public location for safety and peace of mind for all involved parties prior to anything occuring.
That way if there are any issues, discomfort ect there are witnesses, escape routes, no potential feelings of entrapment/ *** of "obligation" ect

[Ka****]

I absolutely hate video chat… hate it!! I will send a 100 pictures with proof that I am me..either write their name on a piece of paper in the picture or something like that.. but I will never video chat ever again. This may be just my experience but no man seems to want to just get on video chat and verify you are you. I’ve tried it and they have either asked to see my boobs or started pulling their dick out of their pants or not even been clothed in the first place. I like to get to know a person before we move to physical. Someone else said it above, but I prefer public meets in an open space (FULLY CLOTHED). Heck, I’ll even get there early so you (the guy) can scope me out before we meet. If I get ghosted, so be it. But Ive met some pretty nice people this way.
It all comes down to what you want though. If you want video chat before hand, that is your right to demand that. If they don’t or won’t then they probably aren’t for you. It doesn’t mean the are fake. It could just be for the same reason above that I stated. Good luck everyone!!

[Ni****]

There are also scammers, likely from another continent... they can get away with breaking the law while trying to blackmail men on here.

[ey****]

Mind

Like a lot for example has to be contextual on the meeting.  Like, meeting someone local for a coffee probably doesn't need a vid chat first. Travelling to the other end of the country to jump straight into play.... possibly could do with some form of proper discussion and a phone or video call could help

But, alas. Often when a guy is pushing for a video call - the woman will tune in to find he either is naked and/or wanking or does try to turn it that way.  And sure that can be a sign she doesn't need to meet him - but if she'd refused the call they probably wouldn't have met anyway . 

Mind I've also been aware of guys who've then turned on to find not the woman they were expecting, but a guy wanking... one suggests that the person handed each other the others phone numbers and, oh.

Years ago, one of the big scams did involve a video call and that was with older tech - and it was potentially pre-recorded, but it was part of the old military scams.  i.e. when someone pretended to be a guy stationed with the military looking for romance when he came home

 

[Shilo66]

Hi everyone. Thank you all for your comments. It's been fascinating to read the points of view from those who think like me, and those who don't. 

Also, I wasn't expecting this many responses, so I'm very pleasantly surprised.

The only aspect that no one thus far from either camp has addressed, is why those "Catfished" people then feel the need to advertise the predicaments they were in due to their own lack of actions / preparedness. 

Because, it comes across like sticking your hand in the fire, despite being warned not to, and then complaining that your fingers got burnt!

Is trying to illicit sympathy for their situation, part of their kink?

Or, is it their way of trying to warn others?

Or, perhaps, is it, for them, a way to make themselves feel less silly? - I genuinely don't mean that in a harsh way, but at the moment, I can't think of a better way to put it.

You see, one of the things I enjoy about Kink, is learning and trying to understand the psychology of why WE do what we do, or like certain things, etc... even if I myself don't fully get it, I'd like some idea of / about the 'why'.

Edited October 6 by Shilo66

[Pe****]

I have zero patience for video chat. 1. Guys never “ just verify”. It’s Always immediately sexual. Always. We get sick & tired of being treated like free cam girls. It’s beyond annoying & disrespectful. 2. I’m not performing twice. Meet me in person or don’t. & before y’all come with the “ wym perform twice” you know exactly what I mean. Meeting someone new is Always a performance as everyone tries to put their best foot forward in the beginning. It is what it is. Call me lazy idc. The facts are guys ask for too much while being “terrified” of being “used” & I just don’t feel like video chatting anyone who’s not in my immediate circle.

[Pe****]

1 hour ago, Shilo66 said:

Hi everyone. Thank you all for your comments. It's been fascinating to read the points of view from those who think like me, and those who don't. 

Also, I wasn't expecting this many responses, so I'm very pleasantly surprised.

The only aspect that no one thus far from either camp has addressed, is why those "Catfished" people then feel the need to advertise the predicaments they were in due to their own lack of actions / preparedness. 

Because, it comes across like sticking your hand in the fire, despite being warned not to, and then complaining that your fingers got burnt!

Is trying to illicit sympathy for their situation, part of their kink?

Or, is it their way of trying to warn others?

Or, perhaps, is it, for them, a way to make themselves feel less silly? - I genuinely don't mean that in a harsh way, but at the moment, I can't think of a better way to put it.

You see, one of the things I enjoy about Kink, is learning and trying to understand the psychology of why WE do what we do, or like certain things, etc... even if I myself don't fully get it, I'd like some idea of / about the 'why'.

My take is people who complain about being catfished are in the same boat as people who think every woman is trying to scam them. 2 sides of the same coin imo. They want validation for not being fully grounded in reality. Obviously no one looks EXACTLY like their pictures ( unless it’s the older gents who take pics with the camera angled directly up their nostrils & never bother to shave, trim or get a haircut) & not EVERY Woman is a scammer. Most scammers turn out to be men btw.

[IRLMeet]

Don’t usually get that far. Get hit up for *** to pay babysitter, or gas, or gift card for games to keep the kids busy, or tribute.

[Sh****]

The first person I met on Fet had lied about his age, height, marital status, criminal record, drinking habits, the list goes on. 🤪 Looking back, I wasn’t sure if I was a target for a scam or something else. I was new and naive! After that I changed my vetting method: first start with a short meeting in a public place, if we hit it off and we were both interested in meeting up again, I then asked to see a drivers license (or other form of official ID) so I could Google them to make sure they were who they said they were. If things checked out then I would agree to meet up again. I always explained from the very beginning (before the first vibe-check meeting is even scheduled) that this was how I went about meeting strangers in person. If they weren’t comfortable with showing their ID, no worries, that’s totally understandable (what if I was the scammer?) then we didn’t have to schedule the first meet up so that no one’s time is wasted. For additional context, I live with my good friends and their young kids, so I have been extra cautious; I don’t want to get involved with someone that would bring drama or danger into their lives.