Is submission more meaningful when it's a choice?

[GS****]

I've been thinking about what makes submission appealing, particularly for men who are otherwise independent and accustomed to being in control of their own lives.

I think there's a difference between submitting because you need someone to take charge and submitting because you've found someone you actually want to follow. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I suspect that distinction matters.

For me, there's something incredibly attractive about a woman who doesn't need to demand authority. She just has it. It might be her confidence, her intelligence, or the way she carries herself. Maybe it's the way she looks at you, or that little smile when she knows exactly what you're thinking.

And of course there's the physical attraction. Her curves, the way she moves, the softness of her skin. I'm not going to pretend those things don't matter. But I've met beautiful women who did absolutely nothing for me beyond being beautiful. There's something different about a woman whose presence alone makes you want to give up a little control.

Not because you can't make your own decisions or manage your own life. You simply enjoy the thought of putting yourself in her hands.

Which brings me to something I'm curious about.

For the dominant women here, does it make a difference when a man is otherwise independent and assertive? Is there something particularly satisfying about a man who could take the lead but chooses to follow yours?

Or am I making a distinction that doesn't really matter?

I'd be interested to hear your thoughts.

[Ki****]

When is submission not a choice? Might wanna rethink the title, but I get what you mean. I find submission far sexier when I have to earn it from someone who has a strong personality and a bit of an attitude 😎 there's something about just being passive that will never do it for me.

But that kind of submission, a lot of "doms" (don't like to call myself one) just don't get. When a sub has confidence, a bit of brattiness, a bit of attitude, and pushes buttons, they say "I thought you're a sub ☹️".

There's nothing sexier than a woman who has everything under her control, and chooses to give it up to you because you earned the trust

[No****]

You clearly thought this out in layers. I would encourage you to reread what you wrote and replace the male comments with female. You are describing every woman. Were already independent because we had no choice.men stopped providing and so we evolved. So everything u said describes every woman. Ok so how do you deal with independent women? Be a partner not an enemy. If yall have same thoughts why are we enemies? Uhm team work seems good. In the bedroom whatever works for you. Sometimes i wanna spontaneously be on top surprise my man (havent had one in 8-9years) and someyimes i enjoy him spanking ke and throwing ke down. I think no matter what just do things you like with consideration of the other person is also human. And big key is they are more than sex so putting women in a box only useful for sex will get ya ghosted blocked etc.

[ma****]

That is a very easy yes for me. I'm not an expert, but surely anything else is ***. I personally, would not feel happy or comfortable with forcing someone to submit.

[bu****]

If you are submitting to someone because you need it rather than because that person and their brand of dominace is what you need.... then its just that you haven't been picky or patient enough.

[Th****]

Submission is always a choice, that's the whole consent thing that's pretty important.

Dominant women are also not a monolith so are not all going to want exactly the same things. I know many, myself included, who want men who are fully functional adults who can run things if need be yet choose deference. 

[Evilmonky]

Submission is always a choice. Now the dynamic there can shift several way (masochist, slave, degradee.. etc), but that should always be accompanied by boundaries and understanding (because the sub is in control and allows the Dom to lead). It sounds like you really have an attraction to confidence. You could do a dive into why this may be (psychogy and kinks is an interesting rabbit hole), but ultimately it stems from something you crave. It can be easy to overthink, but the answers don't always have to go deep.

[an****]

Submission is always a choice. Following laws, social norms, somebody's lead. You always have a choice, consequences change.

[ra****]

Maybe I’m missing something here, but anyone who has the ability to think for themselves is capable of making intentional decisions. Seems almost predatory to be involved in a power exchange dynamic with someone who feels like they don’t have a choice to be submissive or who they submit to.

I’m a relatively intelligent woman and while I am probably not what most people would think of when they heard the word submissive, it’s mostly because of the sheer amount of men who don’t seem to understand that it requires a certain amount of mutual trust and respect before expecting a woman to say “yes, sir” when he commands her get on her knees 🙄

I’m naturally submissive, but I choose who I trust enough to be submissive to.

[Ma****]

I'm new to this, but ThaliaV's point makes sense to me. I'd want to be someone a partner can rely on, not another job for her to manage. Choosing to follow her lead sounds appealing precisely because I still have a voice, and she wants to hear it.

[ra****]

Friday at 12:08 AM, KinkyGentleman00 said:

When is submission not a choice? Might wanna rethink the title, but I get what you mean. I find submission far sexier when I have to earn it from someone who has a strong personality and a bit of an attitude 😎 there's something about just being passive that will never do it for me.

But that kind of submission, a lot of "doms" (don't like to call myself one) just don't get. When a sub has confidence, a bit of brattiness, a bit of attitude, and pushes buttons, they say "I thought you're a sub ☹️".

There's nothing sexier than a woman who has everything under her control, and chooses to give it up to you because you earned the trust

I love this. A man who has everything under control doesn’t see every question or action of a woman as an act of defiance or a challenge to his authority. I’m a rule follower by nature and when I ask questions it’s because I have this pesky need to want to do things the right way and so often the minor differences in details that go unspoken are extremely important to me. It’s pretty obvious when I’m intentionally being sassy or bratty and I like a man who can appreciate that level of confidence in a woman and doesn’t automatically clock it as coming from someone who doesn’t understand the concept of being submissive.