Loving Your Brat. Five Stages Of Acceptance

[CopperKnob]

You have finally found The One. Your new sub is bright, eager, and willing. All that you had hoped for.

But after a time you begin to notice certain signs.

The tiara hidden at the back of the bathroom cabinet... The stash of glitter underneath the mattress... The love notes that work in references to icecream and dresses... The fact that your childhood dinosaur collection is now attired in mini feather boas and tiny pink high heels.

Making peace with the reality that your sub is a brat can be challenging for many. Don't worry. There's no need to walk this road alone. Many have gone before you, and many will follow after. The guide below may help you process important emotions along your journey to acceptance.

Stage 1: Denial

The first stage of acceptance is characterized by a refusal to acknowledge the truth of your circumstances. You might find yourself saying or thinking along the following lines: 'Not me! This isn't happening to me! My manly black towels have not been replaced by pink fluffy bath sheets with embroidered kittens. They. Have. Not'.

Denial is a conscious or *** refusal to accept facts, or information relating to the situation concerned. It's a defense mechanism and perfectly natural. Some people can become locked in this stage when dealing with a traumatic change that they hope can be ignored. Like the fact that your previously-thought-to-be adorable meek subby sub lives for glitter and iceream.

Stage 2: Anger

The second stage of acceptance is characterized by anger. You may find yourself asking 'Why me? Why is this happening to me?'

Anger can manifest in different ways, and you may find you are angry with yourself, friends and family, or even possibly your sub. Remember this is a passing phase, and give yourself the emotional space you need. It is especially important during this time not to take your anger out on your sub for any glitter-related episodes. Just remind yourself that you are working towards being a better person.

Stage 3: Bargaining

After the fires of anger have blown out, the next stage is a desperate round of bargaining, seeking ways to avoid having the "bad thing" happen. 'But what if I... If only I tried to be more understanding… I promise I'll be a better Dom if only you'll stop enhancing my shaving foam with glitter ***t...'

Traditionally the bargaining stage involves attempting to bargain with whatever God you believe in (in this case, possibly your glitter-loving sub), and seeking to negotiate a compromise. Bargaining rarely provides a sustainable longterm solution.

Stage 4: Depression

This stage is categorized by a general state of "meh." You may find yourself thinking 'I'm so sad, why bother with anything? What is the point of rules and tasks?'

In this stage it's natural to feel sadness and regret, ***, and uncertainty. It shows you have begun to accept your new reality. Depression manifests in a number of passive behaviors such as long coffee breaks (seriously.... how long does it take to fetch a bowl of icecream?) and mediocre work performance (lackluster spankings).

People who are depressed feel very much alone and your brat's company, even though it may not seem that way, is actually beneficial. To help you through this transition, your brat will keep up a steady stream of positivity, showing you that there is light ahead and encouraging you to reach towards it. Yes, replacing all of your black socks with pink argyle is a sign of affection and support.

Stage 5: Acceptance

Having journeyed through the heart of darkness, you have emerged on the other side. Stronger. Better. Faster. Glitterier. In this final stage, self-talk may include the the following phrases: 'It's going to be okay, I can do this, or even I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it'.

In this last stage, individuals embrace the mortality of their Domly Domhood. After all, everything truly is better with glitter.

I've also heard the five stages of accepting your brat described as No, Nope, Nah, Never, and Not gonna happen, but I'm pretty sure that was simply a series of typos.

[PurpleUno]

I'm totally brand new here, and to the less vanilla lifestyle and honestly your posts have been highly educational and wonderfully entertaining. Thank you x

[Ch****]

I dont think im a really bad brat....but i did once end up pushing my partner so much he sat on the floor and put his head in his hands and sighed 🤷‍♀️

[Pr****]

I always enjoy your posts, they always get me laughing. Thank you

[CopperKnob]

18 minutes ago, Cheekysub247 said:

I dont think im a really bad brat....but i did once end up pushing my partner so much he sat on the floor and put his head in his hands and sighed 🤷‍♀️

IMO, theres no such thing as a bad brat. Only the ones who use the label brat in attempt to excuse shitty behaviour

[CopperKnob]

21 minutes ago, PurpleUno said:

I'm totally brand new here, and to the less vanilla lifestyle and honestly your posts have been highly educational and wonderfully entertaining. Thank you x

Ah, I'm glad you've enjoyed them. Just my thoughts and imagination 😉

[Deleted Member]

🤣🤣🤣

[Ch****]

30 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

IMO, theres no such thing as a bad brat. Only the ones who use the label brat in attempt to excuse shitty behaviour

Ive been told im a nightmare 🤣

Some have worked how to control it, others havnt lol. 

[Puppy6411]

I've started to like pink icecream, with sprinkles, should I seek therapy?

[CopperKnob]

42 minutes ago, Puppy6411 said:

I've started to like pink icecream, with sprinkles, should I seek therapy?

No, not at all, crazy talk!

[StickyTrickster]

Something seems wrong here... Maybe it is because I already love Brats but I thought the 5 stages were as follows:

 

Stage 1: Denial

Tie your brat up and deliberately stop her at the edge of orgasm

 

Stage 2: Anger

Her emotions when I’ve stopped her at the edge of orgasm for the fifth time that night and say, “I’m bored, this just doesn’t seem kinky enough yet.”

 

Stage 3: Bargaining

When the orgasm teasing gets to the point she’s promising, “anything,” just to let her cum.

 

Stage 4: Depression

When she sees the humiliating outfit I’m going to make her wear for a weekend of twisted servitude.

 

Stage 5: Acceptance

When I seal the bargain, first with an orgasm and then ***d orgasm *** as she realises her mistake of not specifying an upper limit on how many orgasms she wanted in the bargaining.

 

There’s nothing quite like teasing, edging and orgasm *** to set the tone of a relationship and teach the first lesson of bratting: "the importance of being specific".

[Leisa]

13 hours ago, Cheekysub247 said:

Ive been told im a nightmare 🤣

Some have worked how to control it, others havnt lol. 

Frankly you don’t sound like a brat and I will refrain from how I’d classify you specifically. Brats are fun and fun loving. They follow directions but look for loopholes while they tiptop around the very edge of that direction. Brats are respectful of the boundaries of others. It sounds like yours maybe done with the intention of causing another grief. What your describing seems manipulative and mean-spirited, neither of which the true brat is. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. There’s brat behavior and then there’s just being a nasty bitch with bad behaviors labeling themselves brat. Frankly gives brats a bad reputation and ***es me off.

[Leisa]

13 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

IMO, theres no such thing as a bad brat. Only the ones who use the label brat in attempt to excuse shitty behaviour

You’re much nicer about it than I am. Being a brat it irks me to no end when anyone uses the moniker for shitty behavior. Be inventive and cute, not nasty and mean.

[Ch****]

1 hour ago, Leisa said:

Frankly you don’t sound like a brat and I will refrain from how I’d classify you specifically. Brats are fun and fun loving. They follow directions but look for loopholes while they tiptop around the very edge of that direction. Brats are respectful of the boundaries of others. It sounds like yours maybe done with the intention of causing another grief. What your describing seems manipulative and mean-spirited, neither of which the true brat is. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. There’s brat behavior and then there’s just being a nasty bitch with bad behaviors labeling themselves brat. Frankly gives brats a bad reputation and ***es me off.

Im cheeky and fun, a *** in the arse yes sometimes but in no sense a  manipulative bitch.

Each 'label' has different elements, no one way of being a brat, a sub,  a dom ect.

What you have said is very hurtful in your judgement of me after reading a couple of sentences 

[CopperKnob]

4 hours ago, Cheekysub247 said:

Im cheeky and fun, a *** in the arse yes sometimes but in no sense a  manipulative bitch.

Each 'label' has different elements, no one way of being a brat, a sub,  a dom ect.

What you have said is very hurtful in your judgement of me after reading a couple of sentences 

I think the issue may be that your comment where you mentioned pushing your partner so much he sat on the floor etc. that it could be misconstrued as you physically pushing, at least thats how i first read it

[Leisa]

4 hours ago, Cheekysub247 said:

Im cheeky and fun, a *** in the arse yes sometimes but in no sense a  manipulative bitch.

Each 'label' has different elements, no one way of being a brat, a sub,  a dom ect.

What you have said is very hurtful in your judgement of me after reading a couple of sentences 

Too bad. The behaviors you describe are not that of a brat but of a bitch who used the moniker to make someone miserable “he sat on the floor holding his head in his hands and sighed”. Not brat behavior; bitch behavior as brats are exactly what I described.

[Ch****]

5 minutes ago, Leisa said:

Too bad. The behaviors you describe are not that of a brat but of a bitch who used the moniker to make someone miserable “he sat on the floor holding his head in his hands and sighed”. Not brat behavior; bitch behavior as brats are exactly what I described.

Wow what lovely community spirit.

Maybe ask what the situation was being jumping to bad conclusions.

 

[Ch****]

8 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

I think the issue may be that your comment where you mentioned pushing your partner so much he sat on the floor etc. that it could be misconstrued as you physically pushing, at least thats how i first read it

Yes he sat and sighed, he didnt pull his hair out. If someone had asked to elaborate on the situation rather just assuming i had done a very bad thing.

The original post was tongue in cheek.

My comments were tongue in cheek

[Leisa]

17 minutes ago, Cheekysub247 said:

Yes he sat and sighed, he didnt pull his hair out. If someone had asked to elaborate on the situation rather just assuming i had done a very bad thing.

The original post was tongue in cheek.

My comments were tongue in cheek

Maybe you should have made yourself clear. Bad brat? Holding his head? None of those make you sound like a nice person and it has nothing to do with community spirit. Don’t use my moniker and claim you’re having bad behavior. You description of your own behavior gives true brats a really bad name.

[Ch****]

4 minutes ago, Leisa said:

Maybe you should have made yourself clear. Bad brat? Holding his head? None of those make you sound like a nice person and it has nothing to do with community spirit. Don’t use my moniker and claim you’re having bad behavior. You description of your own behavior gives true brats a really bad name.

Different opinions on different labels.

Never one true way.

Theres 'brats' that stomp their feet and tantrum

Theres 'brats' that twirl their hair.

Theres many types of 'brats'

You be you, i will be me.

My 'bad behaviour' was me asking and asking to sort his kitchen that he had been on about for months that it needed doing. Always saying not now not now.

I thought i would suprise him one morning. Took everything out and started. He came in and sat on the floor and sighed, i didnt know we had guests arriving shortly, hense his sigh of why oh why.

If that makes me a mean spiteful bitch then i hold my hands up

Edited October 4, 2021 by Cheekysub247

[StickyTrickster]

If I may interject for a moment in the hopes of preventing a good-natured discussion going south.

Remember the difference between an erotic *** scene and emotional *** is consent, the difference between a CNC scene and *** is consent.  The difference between pretty much the entirety of BDSM and various types of *** is consent.

The same is true when it comes to bratting.  The difference between Bratting and being an abusive sub often comes down to consent.  Bratting can mean various things to various individuals and is often used as a catch-all term for Brats, Smart-Arsed Masochists and Break-Mes.

So long as you have negotiated with your dominant in advance what is and isn’t acceptable within your relationship in terms of bratting and you respect any time your dominant might, say out of exhaustion if they’re the sort of dominant that finds brat play draining, say “not tonight,” in terms of bratting then you can pretty much include whatever you want in what bratting means for you.

There are some obvious challenges with negotiating Brat play, obviously if you have to go through every possible prank you might wish to play and have it cleared first in advance spoils some of the fun but you can cover general ground rules for pranks such as whether or not the permanent destruction of an item of property for a prank is considered acceptable or not and if so what items are totally off limits.

The one area I would urge, especially Smart Arsed Masochists, to be more specific with is in regards to which verbal insults are and are not acceptable.  Some people may sensitive to particular words – indeed if you ever participate in verbal *** the negotiations on what words a degrader can and shouldn’t use and when can be very specific – and that doesn’t change just because you’re the s-type and this is a Brat scene rather than *** based one.

Just because you are the submissive it doesn’t mean you get to take a backseat during negotiations and that it is only about what suits you.  Just as there are many different types of Brat there are also different types of Tamer looking for different things in their Brats and this is the best point to work out if what you are looking for is compatible.

For instance myself I much prefer the playful, prank-pulling, loophole-seeking type of brat as to me bratting is fun and good natured.  Indeed I find such play energising so am rarely if ever too tired to engage in it.  I’m fine with some element of Smart Arsed Masochist in my brats as I’m not really affected by any particular words.  To me it isn’t the words specifically it is the context and tone they are used in, I quite enjoy being referred to affectionately as, “my dickhead,” perhaps with or without a light playful punch in the arm from a Brat but there are contexts and tones that should a Brat adopt during a scene to call me a dickhead they’re more likely to be shown the door rather than continue the scene.  Whilst some Tamers might welcome a Brat trying to infuriate them in return for a spanking, having personally grown up in an emotionally abusive household I take a much more zero tolerance approach to attempts to provoke negative emotions to manipulate a Tamer into giving what you want.  Especially as brat play to me should be fun for all involved.

There is a big difference in my book between playful frustration and trying to provoke anger.  Anger as an emotion is rooted in *** – next time you stub your toe notice how you get angry with the inanimate object you stubbed it against.  Attempting to make someone angry means causing genuine *** either physically, emotionally or to a person’s sense of fairness and for me having a partner constantly trying to find ways to inflict emotional *** to get what they want crosses from playful dynamic into potential toxicity in the relationship.  Even as someone that indulges in *** play, the purpose of *** play isn’t to emotionally hurt someone, but to allow them to indulge in a secret desire they have that social judgement means they’ve learnt to be ashamed of, and to play with the connection their mind has made between *** and arousal.

Whereas things like playfully running away when your partner is at the edge of orgasm and when they come to find you at the peak of sexual frustration to ask what happened saying, “got bored, wasn’t kinky enough,” is a playful way to get them to take it to the next level.  Attempting to provoke anger to get a spanking I wouldn’t tolerate.  I make it clear with brats I play with that trying to push my buttons to get what they want won’t work, not only because I’m pretty resilient but also that if I think they’re trying it I will randomly draw a punishment from a deck of punishment cards if they try it so they have no idea what they’re getting.  If they wish to communicate their need for a particular funishment they can use a Bratty Protocol we mutually agree on to communicate their needs – for instance if they wiggle or flash their bottom at me that means I’d like to be spanked at the first opportunity, blow a raspberry might communicate they want tickle *** etc.  Such communication has additional benefits, imagine being at a boring dinner party and by them flipping you the finger to say they wish to go home now for some orgasm teasing, denial and ***.

But that is just what Brat play means to me, others may disagree - if they do they are better finding others that agree with them to play with just as I am better finding those willing to play within our shared Brat values.  Just because my definitions differ from another's doesn't make it wrong.  So long as you have actively negotiated that a type of play is fine with your dominant it is fine then that consent is all that matters.  Always remember that bratting can mean different things to different brats and tamers such that you can’t take things for granted and should always be negotiated first and that if a Tamer says not tonight, you respect that.

Whilst there has been particular focus to one thing that one person has said they have done here, it is currently impossible to tell if what they said happened within consenting boundaries (in which case whether anyone else approves is irrelevant if everyone participating was fine with it) but if it wasn’t, which only the poster themselves and the person they played with currently knows then I would urge them to ponder the though it is only brat play, when it remains consensual – when it doesn’t it is abusive.  There is no such thing as a "bad brat," there are good brats that play within the constraints of their consensual relationship/dynamic and there are abusive subs that don't.

[Ch****]

55 minutes ago, StickyTrickster said:

If I may interject for a moment in the hopes of preventing a good-natured discussion going south.

Remember the difference between an erotic *** scene and emotional *** is consent, the difference between a CNC scene and *** is consent.  The difference between pretty much the entirety of BDSM and various types of *** is consent.

The same is true when it comes to bratting.  The difference between Bratting and being an abusive sub often comes down to consent.  Bratting can mean various things to various individuals and is often used as a catch-all term for Brats, Smart-Arsed Masochists and Break-Mes.

So long as you have negotiated with your dominant in advance what is and isn’t acceptable within your relationship in terms of bratting and you respect any time your dominant might, say out of exhaustion if they’re the sort of dominant that finds brat play draining, say “not tonight,” in terms of bratting then you can pretty much include whatever you want in what bratting means for you.

There are some obvious challenges with negotiating Brat play, obviously if you have to go through every possible prank you might wish to play and have it cleared first in advance spoils some of the fun but you can cover general ground rules for pranks such as whether or not the permanent destruction of an item of property for a prank is considered acceptable or not and if so what items are totally off limits.

The one area I would urge, especially Smart Arsed Masochists, to be more specific with is in regards to which verbal insults are and are not acceptable.  Some people may sensitive to particular words – indeed if you ever participate in verbal *** the negotiations on what words a degrader can and shouldn’t use and when can be very specific – and that doesn’t change just because you’re the s-type and this is a Brat scene rather than *** based one.

Just because you are the submissive it doesn’t mean you get to take a backseat during negotiations and that it is only about what suits you.  Just as there are many different types of Brat there are also different types of Tamer looking for different things in their Brats and this is the best point to work out if what you are looking for is compatible.

For instance myself I much prefer the playful, prank-pulling, loophole-seeking type of brat as to me bratting is fun and good natured.  Indeed I find such play energising so am rarely if ever too tired to engage in it.  I’m fine with some element of Smart Arsed Masochist in my brats as I’m not really affected by any particular words.  To me it isn’t the words specifically it is the context and tone they are used in, I quite enjoy being referred to affectionately as, “my dickhead,” perhaps with or without a light playful punch in the arm from a Brat but there are contexts and tones that should a Brat adopt during a scene to call me a dickhead they’re more likely to be shown the door rather than continue the scene.  Whilst some Tamers might welcome a Brat trying to infuriate them in return for a spanking, having personally grown up in an emotionally abusive household I take a much more zero tolerance approach to attempts to provoke negative emotions to manipulate a Tamer into giving what you want.  Especially as brat play to me should be fun for all involved.

There is a big difference in my book between playful frustration and trying to provoke anger.  Anger as an emotion is rooted in *** – next time you stub your toe notice how you get angry with the inanimate object you stubbed it against.  Attempting to make someone angry means causing genuine *** either physically, emotionally or to a person’s sense of fairness and for me having a partner constantly trying to find ways to inflict emotional *** to get what they want crosses from playful dynamic into potential toxicity in the relationship.  Even as someone that indulges in *** play, the purpose of *** play isn’t to emotionally hurt someone, but to allow them to indulge in a secret desire they have that social judgement means they’ve learnt to be ashamed of, and to play with the connection their mind has made between *** and arousal.

Whereas things like playfully running away when your partner is at the edge of orgasm and when they come to find you at the peak of sexual frustration to ask what happened saying, “got bored, wasn’t kinky enough,” is a playful way to get them to take it to the next level.  Attempting to provoke anger to get a spanking I wouldn’t tolerate.  I make it clear with brats I play with that trying to push my buttons to get what they want won’t work, not only because I’m pretty resilient but also that if I think they’re trying it I will randomly draw a punishment from a deck of punishment cards if they try it so they have no idea what they’re getting.  If they wish to communicate their need for a particular funishment they can use a Bratty Protocol we mutually agree on to communicate their needs – for instance if they wiggle or flash their bottom at me that means I’d like to be spanked at the first opportunity, blow a raspberry might communicate they want tickle *** etc.  Such communication has additional benefits, imagine being at a boring dinner party and by them flipping you the finger to say they wish to go home now for some orgasm teasing, denial and ***.

But that is just what Brat play means to me, others may disagree - if they do they are better finding others that agree with them to play with just as I am better finding those willing to play within our shared Brat values.  Just because my definitions differ from another's doesn't make it wrong.  So long as you have actively negotiated that a type of play is fine with your dominant it is fine then that consent is all that matters.  Always remember that bratting can mean different things to different brats and tamers such that you can’t take things for granted and should always be negotiated first and that if a Tamer says not tonight, you respect that.

Whilst there has been particular focus to one thing that one person has said they have done here, it is currently impossible to tell if what they said happened within consenting boundaries (in which case whether anyone else approves is irrelevant if everyone participating was fine with it) but if it wasn’t, which only the poster themselves and the person they played with currently knows then I would urge them to ponder the though it is only brat play, when it remains consensual – when it doesn’t it is abusive.  There is no such thing as a "bad brat," there are good brats that play within the constraints of their consensual relationship/dynamic and there are abusive subs that don't.

I totally agree, many different elements to 'label personality'. In some of my relationships and conversations the words good and bad brat, good and bad sub ect are just words to use for good behaviour like cleaning the dishes, bad behaviour for forgetting to hoover ect. Having bad behaviour doesnt mean bad person which has been thrown at me in a very judgemental way from a few short sentences and saying im a spiteful bitch ect is very unfair. 

Everything i have ever done is done within agreed limits ect. Saying im going to hoover then not hoover isnt against limits. Thinking im doing a good deed but doing it at a unfortunate moment isnt against limits. I was never told 'do not ever clean my kitchen' simply ' just not yet, just wait, we will get to it'. It was inconvenience and that i simply couldnt wait that made him sigh. After 5 mins it was a mad rush putting it all back then he tickled the crap out of me.  However no one asked, everyone just assumed!

[Leisa]

4 hours ago, Cheekysub247 said:

I totally agree, many different elements to 'label personality'. In some of my relationships and conversations the words good and bad brat, good and bad sub ect are just words to use for good behaviour like cleaning the dishes, bad behaviour for forgetting to hoover ect. Having bad behaviour doesnt mean bad person which has been thrown at me in a very judgemental way from a few short sentences and saying im a spiteful bitch ect is very unfair. 

Everything i have ever done is done within agreed limits ect. Saying im going to hoover then not hoover isnt against limits. Thinking im doing a good deed but doing it at a unfortunate moment isnt against limits. I was never told 'do not ever clean my kitchen' simply ' just not yet, just wait, we will get to it'. It was inconvenience and that i simply couldnt wait that made him sigh. After 5 mins it was a mad rush putting it all back then he tickled the crap out of me.  However no one asked, everyone just assumed!

Then until he gave his permission to do so it was without consent. If you cannot see that than there’s nothing I can say to make you see otherwise. I apologize for making you feel badly. It really wasn’t my intention. It was a matter of being unable to sleep and frustrations with another matter. Take care and I wish you the best.

[Ch****]

38 minutes ago, Leisa said:

Then until he gave his permission to do so it was without consent. If you cannot see that than there’s nothing I can say to make you see otherwise. I apologize for making you feel badly. It really wasn’t my intention. It was a matter of being unable to sleep and frustrations with another matter. Take care and I wish you the best.

It wasnt even part of play, kinda like someone saying "dont buy me that present i will buy it myself later" but you know they want it, and when you done it they were grateful. I was just trying to do something nice. Im sure we have all done something for someone without consent in similar ways, my situation wasnt against his consent for anything within our arrangements, just a bad timed good deed. 

We all have off days, i just wish we had a conversation to clear up any confusions, text doesnt always come across in the mild manner its intended, that was my original comment, just a simple silly comment that was meant to be in the same context as the post.

Hope you have a lovely evening x x

[TheBookCollector]

Lol i needed a giggle.and this gave me one.