New dynamics and insecurities

[Deleted Member]

How does anyone else feel about starting a new dynamic with someone but knowing you have a lot of bad experiences with past Daddies/Mommies .
I’ve not once had a please try experience as a sub or little and I just am insecure about trusting that it’s the real deal . I’m happy beyond belief I’m even friends with someone like this but just hope I’m more than what others used me for .
Anyone else deal with this feeling ?

[en****]

All the time but we have to learn how to be out own best friend first and I can talk about this all bay long

[Ig****]

I haven’t met anyone recently, I’m a switch. Met a couple of Dommes in the past. And god disapointed and not happy with them. So we went separated ways.
Now I’m talking with a Domme and just the idea of opening myself and submitting to someone. After two bad experiences, Is not something I would like to do… why is so dificult to find someone in edinburgh?

[Zakfriendly]

I’ve always been conscious of this as a Dom and while it’s exciting to be spontaneous I’ve always asked my LG what she enjoys and then mapped out a first session so they know what to expect and get comfortable with me. During the session there is lots of interplay eg “we are going to do five hand spanks now young lady”, encouragement by me telling her she’s a good girl when a task is performed correctly or punishment taken well and checking with them/ giving them the opportunity to respond, ask for more or dual it down. I also try and do a time out when all activity stops and they know they can relax, have a breather and talk openly to me about how the session is going

[Leisa]

I know exactly what you’re talking about. Right now I’m taking a break because of *** and needing the time to heal from the last one. Once I heal I feel I’ll be fine to try again but stronger this time. Give yourself some grace.

[Deleted Member]

5 hours ago, Ignar said:

I haven’t met anyone recently, I’m a switch. Met a couple of Dommes in the past. And god disapointed and not happy with them. So we went separated ways.
Now I’m talking with a Domme and just the idea of opening myself and submitting to someone. After two bad experiences, Is not something I would like to do… why is so dificult to find someone in edinburgh?

My *** is like if this for real. I’m feeling as if I have to be perfect or he’ll get bored of just a little and find another . I sure as hell don’t want to rush or go head on into it without so much information . I’ve had so much crap happen I’d hate to trust and get I get hurt again . I’m over the moon but afraid to let my little side scream out for a Daddy I’ve never ever had .

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Leisa said:

I know exactly what you’re talking about. Right now I’m taking a break because of *** and needing the time to heal from the last one. Once I heal I feel I’ll be fine to try again but stronger this time. Give yourself some grace.

I took a break for a while too. I’m insecure of being a little to someone who has so much on their plate I don’t want to be a burden or feel as if I have been annoying . I’ve had awful bfs tell me how gross it is and bully me so im like okay do I trust it😅 . I love that side of me however I always guess people will get tired of me

[Deleted Member]

6 hours ago, ensenada689 said:

All the time but we have to learn how to be out own best friend first and I can talk about this all bay long

I’m still learning to be my own best friend however I’m telling myself I have to learn to communicate without *** . I constantly delete and say I’m okay cuz I never want to fight if I say the wrong thing to someone .
I love this dynamic don’t get me wrong I’ve never been treated with this kindness or expressed this side of myself with someone I see as a good person , but there’s that thing inside my head that comes back to say “oh people leave you cuz your damaged “ or “you’ll f*** this up” “no one wants to deal with a baby “ so like ya I’m my own worse enemy

[en****]

You have to use your energy in a right way a attract what you want with those thoughts that help you. Replace those negative thoughts with positive thoughts no matter what happens

[Deleted Member]

10 minutes ago, ensenada689 said:

You have to use your energy in a right way a attract what you want with those thoughts that help you. Replace those negative thoughts with positive thoughts no matter what happens

I will definitely try that.

[MissTakenDeep]

I’ve not read replies yet, so I apologise if I’m repeating anything. I’m someone who doesn’t give myself a title, my kinks are extremely varied and the dynamics change with each partner, but above & beyond, no matter what roles the dynamic requires, I think what’s most important is trust, communication & patience. If this is the right person for you, they will be patient with you and let you build trust before asking you to do anything sexually. They will listen to your concerns, they will respect your boundaries and they’ll reassure you whenever it’s needed, if they don’t, then they’re not just bad ‘daddies/mummies’…they’re bad people. Little space can be an extremely *** space and if the carer in the dynamic isn’t putting their littles needs above their own, there is something wrong.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, MissTakenDeep said:

I’ve not read replies yet, so I apologise if I’m repeating anything. I’m someone who doesn’t give myself a title, my kinks are extremely varied and the dynamics change with each partner, but above & beyond, no matter what roles the dynamic requires, I think what’s most important is trust, communication & patience. If this is the right person for you, they will be patient with you and let you build trust before asking you to do anything sexually. They will listen to your concerns, they will respect your boundaries and they’ll reassure you whenever it’s needed, if they don’t, then they’re not just bad ‘daddies/mummies’…they’re bad people. Little space can be an extremely *** space and if the carer in the dynamic isn’t putting their littles needs above their own, there is something wrong.

That’s why I’m so very cautious because I feel weak af being a smaller little and suppressing it for going on 6 years . Last time I trusted a “Daddy” he put me in little space just to *** me . I love little me and who I am however a dynamic is to be built up for me . I have to learn about them , talk to them , get to know and feel closer because I’m convinced I’m just a horrible little 😅.
It’s such a sacred thing that people make horrible I just want for once a good thing

[MissTakenDeep]

6 hours ago, BabyDaisy2 said:

I’m still learning to be my own best friend however I’m telling myself I have to learn to communicate without *** . I constantly delete and say I’m okay cuz I never want to fight if I say the wrong thing to someone .
I love this dynamic don’t get me wrong I’ve never been treated with this kindness or expressed this side of myself with someone I see as a good person , but there’s that thing inside my head that comes back to say “oh people leave you cuz your damaged “ or “you’ll f*** this up” “no one wants to deal with a baby “ so like ya I’m my own worse enemy

Firstly, in response to your reply to me directly; I’m really sorry that happened to you and I can understand why you’re scared of being in that position again, trusting our own judgement after being ***d is one of the hardest things ❤️ I feel for you and I think you should give yourself credit for having the courage to try and trust again ❤️

Secondly, in response to this comment; I get the impression you think a little has to behave in a specific way for their CG and while I understand every dominant type is different and has different requirements, so is and so does every S type sweet! Whether it’s littles, middles, subs, pets, slaves… it’s irrelevant, no 2 littles or pets for example have exactly the same needs and I think it’s REALLY important that your CG or DD know exactly what your needs/desires/requirements are and can honour them…so if you’re needy, that’s not a problem or something you should feel bad about, you just need to make sure your partner is capable of giving you the attention/reassurance you crave ❤️

We’re all damaged to a degree, that doesn’t make us unworthy or less than ❤️

[jw****]

Sorry if I’m reading too much into your story. But it sounds like your previous relationship was at least borderline abusive. I think you would benefit from some therapy. Talking about how you feel and your experiences gives them less power, and gives you tools to be more confident. Something that has always stuck with me; subs are always subs. But a domme is NOT a domme, until a submissive allows them to be. This is the true definition of the D/s dynamic. Any domme who doesn’t respect your boundaries, or takes you for granted is not worth your time.

[Deleted Member]

This whole response is amazing thank you so much. I am just now learning how to show and learn what I do need as a little while not feeling guilty or bad. I adore just helping my Daddy , being there and caring too . I have a lot of learning to do tbh

[Deleted Member]

I am currently trying to figure out the same thing.

[jo****]

I feel sorta okay about it. As longa it openly addressed, the trauma is taken care of on progress on it. I wouldn't want to make it worse. In every dynamic it's important to feel safe.

[ha****]

Well I've always wanted to jump into something like this I just never knew how to talk about it

[Mo****]

I think you need to remember that submissive does NOT mean powerless. Being submissive simply means that you enjoy giving up your power. So what any of you learning this lifestyle, kink, fetish, or whatever you label it, need to do is ask yourself what is it that YOU NEED from all of this? What do you NEED from your D? It’s not about letting someone take advantage of you, use you, hurt you for their satisfaction. You are going to find A LOT of people who confuse Dominance with Narcissism, a lot of people who think because they are the Dom and they hold the “power” that it’s about them… it’s sooo not. Being Dominant means that it’s that persons responsibility to know what you NEED just like it’s your responsibility as a submissive to feed him/her your power… it’s always an exchange, give and take.. advice for everyone learning what all of this is really about, ***, *** of saying No, *** of losing your Dom, *** of being used etc has to be vetted quickly because some parts of this lifestyle involve S/m, some involve ***/***, role play and your boundaries can become muddled quickly when you submit because you adore your Dom… so talk to your D. If you don’t have the tools to verbally talk to them, get a note book and write it down. Don’t say I don’t want to do this or that but instead approach it like therapy, I’m scared of this or this has been my experience and I need you to know what I’m worried about… if they respond negatively, you know you have a problem… pay attention to the flags and don’t EVER give your power to someone that you don’t 100% know they have your best interest at heart!! That’s just life advice baby 😉🤗

[Deleted Member]

Update: tried talking to him , he basically only wanted his needs met. On my bday too .

[Deleted Member]

The right D/s dynamic will have positive communication on both parts. Look for a Dom that shows you praises you and involves you.
Should be very much 2 way and hugely respectful at all times. A Dom should be complimentary at every stage.
Important for both parties you each recognise when going in/ coming out of role play - that way it stays within boundaries.

Outside of boundaries lines can be blurred and much worse. That's not a good sign.