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difference between a compliment and a pet name

pomonagirl

By pomonagirl
in Kink Academy

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pomonagirl

pomonagirl

Posted
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"Why do so many women get offended if I call them "beautiful", "sexy", "honey", "sweetheart"? Isn't giving a woman a compliment a good thing?"

Since you asked....

....there is a difference between a compliment---a stand alone statement---and using a "pet name".

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i looked up the word "compliment" and it is defined as, "a polite expression of praise or admiration."

i would add to this definition that part of being "a polite expression" is using tact and only giving such praise or admiration in an appropriate manner. Sadly, some people do not seem to understand what is appropriate to say to a woman, but that is another topic.

For me, as a woman, an appropriate compliment from a stranger is nice. If a stranger told me, "You have beautiful hair", or "I love your style", or even in the right circumstance, "I love your vibe and would like to chat with you a bit if you'd like", that's nice to hear. This goes for online or in person.

Now if a stranger were to just come up to me and tell me, "You're sexy", "You're beautiful", etc. is a bit more awkward. It's more forward and not as appropriate--besides, i already know that is true so no need to tell me (honestly though!).

________________________________________

Now, calling someone by a "pet name" is completely different than paying a compliment.

i decided to look up the definition of the term pet name and it is defined as, "a name that is used instead of someone's usual first name to express fondness or familiarity."

A pet name implies that there is a relationship, bond, or form of intimacy between the two people.

If a stranger messages me (or talks to me in person) using a "pet name" i might let it slide once, but if they keep at it, will quickly and politely let them know what is ok to address me as.

If that person is ignoring me and keeps calling me the pet name, that is overstepping my boundaries and is not cool at all.

Although it can be nice to know that a person thinks of me fondly, i do not want anything to infer a type of "familiarity" (relationship) that is not there.

__________________________________

In my opinion, when messaging someone you don't know, it is always most appropriate to address them as their screen name unless/until they have given you another name to call them.

It is also completely fine to ask a person what they would like to be called, if they have not told you and you have some confusion about it. But if a person does not give you their real name, it's not appropriate to ask again or press the issue. They will let you know that information when they wish.

_____________________________________

So yeah. It is ok to give a woman an appropriate, polite compliment. But don't confuse a complimentary statement with the habitual or repeated use of a pet name.

Now you can clearly see the difference and hopefully have some clarity on why you may receive some pushback on using pet names when you message (or approach) women.

Deleted Member

Posted
I feel like if someone called me sweetheart or honey or beautiful I wouldn’t mind but maybe sexy is a lil much when first interacting w someone. You want them to know you value them on a deeper level than just their physical appearance, but recognizing that they’re attractive isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I tell strangers that they’re beautiful or super pretty all of the time! Not a pet name, per say
MissTakenDeep

MissTakenDeep

Posted
Love this 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼 for a few reasons;
1. I also hate superficial compliments.
2. I don’t find ‘sexy’ complimentary.
3. Pet names are extremely personal & quite often intimate, you don’t get or give one until we have a bond. Actually have that written on my profile 😂
4. While terms of endearment, like honey, sweet, babe etc when used in conversation, by any gender, can be comforting…it can also be really patronising depending on context. I do use terms of endearment like ‘sweet’ but it’s usually to show compassion while offering advice or support, even then I’m careful with it.
Li****

Li****

Posted
My ex called everyone angel and sweetie etc, it would the make me feel less important when he called me it. So I asked for a pet name he would never call anyone else 😁
du****

du****

Posted
I just think it's creepy die a stranger to call me stud, babe, doll, buddy, daddy, Papi, sweetie, ad nauseum. If I didn't tell a stranger my name or they didn't inquire, Sir will do. It's polite.
Xplosivrob

Xplosivrob

Posted
I had an ex who didn't like these terms. I did a bit of research. Many compliments can be seen as objectifying by some.
Whilst I don't agree that it is, can I find someone gorgeous and mean their total being is gorgeous and not the superficial outward appearance? Of course.

Often it's the mea ingredients behind those compliments. If it's superficial then sure.. not the best. Problem is... some jump to trendy trends and don't pause to take into account why someone is calling you what they are.
Xplosivrob

Xplosivrob

Posted
Just now, Xplosivrob said:
I had an ex who didn't like these terms. I did a bit of research. Many compliments can be seen as objectifying by some.
Whilst I don't agree that it is, can I find someone gorgeous and mean their total being is gorgeous and not the superficial outward appearance? Of course.

Often it's the mea ingredients behind those compliments. If it's superficial then sure.. not the best. Problem is... some jump to trendy trends and don't pause to take into account why someone is calling you what they are.

*meaning

De****

De****

Posted
I don’t know that it would be worth the time to assume why someone else chooses to respond the way they do. It would be best to ask each person individually what it was that offended them so.

There is an awesome opportunity for you here personally though and that is to mentally thank them for revealing an aspect of themselves to you that can better help you evaluate if they are worth the time you were hoping to invest in them.;);)
IndigoSigmaSwitch

IndigoSigmaSwitch

Posted
How would "Grrrr.ooow...I would like to lick the fur on your coat clean" be received?
AKA_Copper

AKA_Copper

Posted
You forgot the compliment lure...

The kind that some people use as a prelude to making their demands or wishes known. The kind of compliment used to butter people up before the sales pitch. The one about themselves. Normally.

You can tell when it happens because they will clearly negate the compliment by the end of the conversation if they don't get what they want.

PSA
If you're using a compliment as a lever to get something you want, you're doing it wrong. Compliments aren't transactional 😉

Deleted Member

Posted

That’s why you gotta go for the real compliments. Might I suggest “Boo Boo Kitty f**k”?

gr****

gr****

Posted
Just remember words mean different things to different people and what one person may take offense to may not have been the intent from whom it came.
po****

po****

Posted
Because compliments have been used so superficially, I think you need a little self awareness and read the room before you give them. Build up a rapport with the person, get to know them on a deeper level so that when you do pay them a compliment it’s because you genuinely know the compliment is true about *them*.
Ig****

Ig****

Posted
Soooo many humans (and sadly not only men by my experience working in a bar) need to learn this and furthermore, respect boundaries and take no for answers.
You’d be surprise things I’ve been called or how some people had made me feel by “complimenting me”.

In the pet name side, I will never let it slide. Not even once. I’d say politely “I have a name” and people in dating apps had told me stuff like this. Specially here…
po****

po****

Posted
I always thought those words was terms of endearment
That's a good thing. I thought.
MissTakenDeep

MissTakenDeep

Posted
7 hours ago, portland760 said:
I always thought those words was terms of endearment
That's a good thing. I thought.

I think it depends on context, like the op said, pet names with a stranger, like baby, princess etc for me personally, doesn’t just feel over familiar & uncomfortable…it also gives the impression that the ‘stranger’ in my inbox, probably calls everyone they message the same thing, which takes endearment out of the picture. Just my opinion obviously.

ma****

ma****

Posted
Very nicly put qn you lknow what when people have a natural beauty or even just traits where it be character shit nowadays people goin off on socks but my self personaly growing up woth 2 beautys being my mom an *** for one to be able to at least keep it togeather stay proper until theirs at least some sorta respect that their not just somthing to show off or hell im shure they hear it day in an day out cause u best beleive that girl damn well knows
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