Life after covid

[Deleted Member]

Well it been a long 2 years with not meeting or seeing anyone and now trying to get back and make up for lost time 

But I'm finding things have changed so much and I'm now questioning myself about things as I dont seem to fit in anywhere anymore and there seems to be less people wanting to be open about about 

So is this just me or is others finding it the same as I do 

[AKA_Copper]

With kink, we have the idea of community thrown at us constantly and many people feel like they don't fit into the community for one reason or another. Me included.

I think it's important to remember that the kink umbrella covers such a wide range of activities and you won't have anything in common with or even any of the same interests as alot of people in the scene except that you identify as kinky.

Sometimes it seems like everyone else has their shit together while you are just lurching from event to munch one step away from giving up on kink because you don't fit in. Everyone on fet looks like they are constantly playing and doing amazing scenes. What you see at events and the pics on fet are just a snapshot in time and many of the people you want to get to know probably feel like they don't fit in either.

You don't need to be friends with someone who is kinky just to fit in. If you would not be friends with them in a vanilla context , you don't need to be friends with them in or outside of kink activities or even be friends with them on social media.

The best you can do is to keep trying to find your group that make you happy and support you. You won't fit into every group and that's totally OK.

[nu****]

2 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

Sometimes it seems like everyone else has their shit together while you are just lurching from event to munch one step away from giving up on kink because you don't fit in.

I'd replace the "sometimes" with "most of the times". I feel exactly the same. However, I haven't found any other platform, that would allow me to express what I am looking for, without feeling like a complete outsider. Even though my kinks probably don't belong to the ones, that create majority here, especially when combined with my moral values and my minority views on almost every aspect of my being, I still feel too kinky to belong anywhere else. And I have tried other platforms, even other kinky sites. I still feel like being part of this "community" is the most fitting.

So...

I'm different, therefore I am here.

Also, variety is what makes society stronger.

[Pe****]

Scrumpyguy the bdsm community has always been here. If anything, I would hazard to say that openness about our practices in the general public has increased due to it being featured in mainstream media (even Hollywood). You mentioned that you fit in before, there is no reason that you shouldn’t fit into your old haunts again. If your old haunts don’t exist any more, then that’s probably a key indicator that either everyone there has partnered up and left, or that practices there were unsustainable long term to begin with. I would suggest the best place to start again is joining a local munch event and proceeding from there. People who attend munches are all genuine and understanding.

[ey****]

there are a few things I've noticed.

For most people - life was on hold for around 2 years.   Some may have been able to start doing stuff a little earlier (but then, had friends they wanted to meet that couldn't) and a lot still haven't quite returned to how they were (can't say I blame them) 

But, for folk who potentially have 2 years of catching up to do - everything is skewed - like, do they prioritise dates and relationships, gigs and events, other hobbies, seeing friends, which friends, how often.

And I think everyone's priorities are their own - but then I know there's some who are confused of what we should be doing at all 

I think some things will take time to settle into what they were.  But if one thing you are/were doing isn't working for you - is there something else you can do?

[Deleted Member]

16 hours ago, nullstein said:

I'd replace the "sometimes" with "most of the times". I feel exactly the same. However, I haven't found any other platform, that would allow me to express what I am looking for, without feeling like a complete outsider. Even though my kinks probably don't belong to the ones, that create majority here, especially when combined with my moral values and my minority views on almost every aspect of my being, I still feel too kinky to belong anywhere else. And I have tried other platforms, even other kinky sites. I still feel like being part of this "community" is the most fitting.

So...

I'm different, therefore I am here.

Also, variety is what makes society stronger.

Eh bro I feel the same way. I honestly feel highly uncomfortable with many of the broader values adopted by the BDSM community(but not BDSM itself). As a result I avoid a lot of it and won't involve myself in in-person community things except for something specifically focused on finding a mono partner.

BDSM to me is something I do with a woman I'm in a long-term relationship with. It's not a lifestyle, it's a fun activity I have a strong need to satisfy with my partner. It's special between us and important to me but my life doesn't revolve around it.

 

Edited May 27, 2022 by Deleted Member