Deleted Member Posted July 9, 2022 Posted July 9, 2022 So after stumbling into a virtual dynamic this week that left me enraged, suddenly a have more appreciation of a feature I came across on Killing Kittens. Essentially if you have met in real life and played you can vouch for another player. So new players can see who is respected in real play. There's no negative rating. Just the ability to highlight a player as someone who respects boundaries and keeps it positive for everyone. Could we have a feature like that here and what would you think of it?
CopperKnob Posted July 9, 2022 Posted July 9, 2022 Whilst I think it could be helpful, I wonder how valid the 'reviews' would be and what would prevent me from adding a positive 'review' for someone I'd never met let alone played with. I'm not familiar with the KK site but I'd be interested in learning how they police it
Deleted Member Posted July 9, 2022 Author Posted July 9, 2022 What a brilliant idea!! Thanks for sharing and it definitely gets my vote đź‘Ť
bo**** Posted July 9, 2022 Posted July 9, 2022 Some sorta referral or reviews feature would be pretty useful 🤔
PJ**** Posted July 9, 2022 Posted July 9, 2022 I think that could be a good thing, although it would probably cause some difficulty for newcomers seeing as though they'd default a 0 eating 🤔 Since we've been having discussions recently on here about the differences between the experiences depending on your gender - Personally I like the idea because eventually it would go some way to softening the barriers that a lot of people put up due to the bad eggs... but I guess it would involve an initial teething period which might put some off 🤷‍♂️
Deleted Member Posted July 9, 2022 Author Posted July 9, 2022 All for it. It would be nice to have a referral rating system.
CopperKnob Posted July 9, 2022 Posted July 9, 2022 There'd also potentially be an assumption that we're all here for the same reason, to play with an/nother, and there's a lot of people who are in LTR's who stay because of the friendship groups they have here. . I also wonder whether there'd be the potential for it to become a popularity contest like the photo comps have been accused of in the past. . And how subjective might the 'reviews' be?
ey**** Posted July 9, 2022 Posted July 9, 2022 there's ups and downs and so I will tell you of some systems that exist and the pros and cons of them. Fetlife doesn't have the feature directly; but there were, about 10 years ago, assorted "Pleased to Meet You" forums where each thread would be a user and folk would write testimonials which could be everything from "met them at a munch and they were nice" to "we played together, it was fun, they were respectful" Which is good. But I got somewhat angry, of course, that one of the people with the most positive comments on the thread was also someone with some of the most allegations against him. That of course, someone can be abusive without abusing every partner - or someone can have "style of play" which really isn't for everyone - of course when a new allegation would surface, a lot of his mates would then add to the thread with all this stuff about how nice he was. Fabswingers has a kinda vouch system which I believe is also supposed to be upvotes only - and does have the problem of course that newbies find it especially difficult as their rating is usually 0. Of course, a bit like kink they can make their rating not 0 by attending swinging socials or events and swapping usernames and asking people to vouch. Adultwork while a platform for paid professionals can give positive, neutral or negative feedback - but I am aware of guys who got a lot of positive responses as clients, then changed to say they were offering services and it then looked like they had all this positive feedback from women who had booked them and not the other way round But yep, a lot is open to *** if someone was leaving feedback - positive, or negative, for someone they'd not actually met. Or, only met but not played with. Also might someone with a high score also be seen as off-putting because if they are having a lot of play partners this is good for someone who only wants a play partner - but might be offputting if someone wants a LTR.  I dunno.  Â
Deleted Member Posted July 9, 2022 Author Posted July 9, 2022 In principle is a good idea, has a few downsides, and would need some policing. Some will go about vouching for each other despite having never met.
ge**** Posted July 9, 2022 Posted July 9, 2022 Fab's veri system (as mentioned by eyem above) was useful but also not so useful. . You can choose whether or not to display any verifications received so of course no-one would ever display a negative one, which makes them pretty pointless. . Then you had the whole thing of them leading to petty jealousies and backbiting along the lines of "I see you met Person A, therefore I'm not meeting you" or "How dare you meet person B when they're mine" etc. . And of course you then had the ridiculously over the top ones that went on at length about what a wonderful time had been had in graphic detail. . Then of course you have that just because one person had a great time with the recipient doesn't mean another would. . And then there were the veri snobs who would pass judgement because someone had met too many/too few people, or if a man had met a man socially would immediately cast him as bisexual/gay. . So all in all they became pretty pointless and people hid them and the summary information to avoid some of the issues experienced. . They also became a badge of honour for some where they had to have one at any cost and you would get regular forum posts of the "Will anyone verify me" or "Why can't I get verified" type. . I think some form of rating/verification system would be a great addition here but it would need to be one that was (a) foolproof (b) easily policed and (c) avoided some of the pitfalls of other similar systems.
Deleted Member Posted July 9, 2022 Author Posted July 9, 2022 I think it's a good idea in principle to have some kind of verification or vouch for other people, but it doesn't work for everyone because it assumes everyone wants to meet up. For those of us who just want to chat online and don't have public face pics for privacy reasons it means you can't get verified by someone else but that doesn't mean you are automatically a fake profile etc. I have chatted on lots of sites for a few years but I don't want to actually meet them. There are guys who I would happily verify based on my long term chats but there isn't an option to do that.
ge**** Posted July 9, 2022 Posted July 9, 2022 5 minutes ago, RoseLips said: I think it's a good idea in principle to have some kind of verification or vouch for other people, but it doesn't work for everyone because it assumes everyone wants to meet up. For those of us who just want to chat online and don't have public face pics for privacy reasons it means you can't get verified by someone else but that doesn't mean you are automatically a fake profile etc. I have chatted on lots of sites for a few years but I don't want to actually meet them. There are guys who I would happily verify based on my long term chats but there isn't an option to do that. One feature Fab had was Webcam Verification - which wasn't without it's flaws but was an option.
sm**** Posted July 9, 2022 Posted July 9, 2022 it sounds good but it can be ***d and i can see some fallout especially for new people trying to get their first steps in to the scene. I have seen and experienced, respected members of the scene who actually ran a major site, have their "favs" who would vouch for them no matter what, until we later found out how they ***d new members, people who were never seen on the site again. This ran on for a few years as he gave popular members that aura of trust to hide behind and they defending them as most friends would. I can actually see this as a negative for new people as with all honesty people are lazy in most aspects of online, will see the "0" rating and not even engage with them. We do create cliques no matter what people say, it's nature to think "im busy with my friends here" say hi then just forget about new people. On the whole the best ways to get a positive r/l vouching experience is start attending local munches and events, get your face known over time and let people start trusting you.
Deleted Member Posted July 9, 2022 Author Posted July 9, 2022 (edited) The proposal would have to be for members who have verified in some way otherwise it just increases the fake profiles. I've requested for verification on one profile this morning, that is clearly fake and the opposite gender to what stated, but there is no photo of course, so not sure what happens then. As I stated before it's a good idea in principle but with numerous downsides. Edited July 9, 2022 by Deleted Member
ma**** Posted July 9, 2022 Posted July 9, 2022 why did the virtual dynamic leave you enraged? and when you say virtual dynamic how do you mean that.
CopperKnob Posted July 9, 2022 Posted July 9, 2022 34 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said: there's ups and downs and so I will tell you of some systems that exist and the pros and cons of them. Fetlife doesn't have the feature directly; but there were, about 10 years ago, assorted "Pleased to Meet You" forums where each thread would be a user and folk would write testimonials which could be everything from "met them at a munch and they were nice" to "we played together, it was fun, they were respectful" Which is good. But I got somewhat angry, of course, that one of the people with the most positive comments on the thread was also someone with some of the most allegations against him. That of course, someone can be abusive without abusing every partner - or someone can have "style of play" which really isn't for everyone - of course when a new allegation would surface, a lot of his mates would then add to the thread with all this stuff about how nice he was. Fabswingers has a kinda vouch system which I believe is also supposed to be upvotes only - and does have the problem of course that newbies find it especially difficult as their rating is usually 0. Of course, a bit like kink they can make their rating not 0 by attending swinging socials or events and swapping usernames and asking people to vouch. Adultwork while a platform for paid professionals can give positive, neutral or negative feedback - but I am aware of guys who got a lot of positive responses as clients, then changed to say they were offering services and it then looked like they had all this positive feedback from women who had booked them and not the other way round But yep, a lot is open to *** if someone was leaving feedback - positive, or negative, for someone they'd not actually met. Or, only met but not played with. Also might someone with a high score also be seen as off-putting because if they are having a lot of play partners this is good for someone who only wants a play partner - but might be offputting if someone wants a LTR.  I dunno.   In terms of Fetlife, it's well spoken about, from what I've seen, that some of the more favourited individuals and by that I mean numerous friends/followers/people who validate how 'safe' someone is are not actually 'safe'. That those individuals will regularly have individuals talk of consent ***s but the 'followers/supporters' of said individual shout that person down, more so than the individuals themselves. That is until there are far too many speaking up at which point one or two things happen. The community will either say, hold on, something doesn't add up or the authorities become involved. It's almost cultish When new, I followed a well known Dom for a while until a few others mentioned, "are you aware of"...and I wasn't because all I was seeing was many, many people absolutely fawning over them
sm**** Posted July 9, 2022 Posted July 9, 2022 i also think this site already has a feature "know by this person r/l" when they are mutual friends on here, that helps a little.
ov**** Posted July 9, 2022 Posted July 9, 2022 (edited) I, for one, prefer privacy over cross linking profiles, friends or whatever type of contacts in any social media platforms. Especially when it comes to things I consider private. I know the people I know and chat with people I chat with. And if I play with someone it's no-one's business but mine and my partner. Creating a system where you have public referrals or "review points" just don't fit with me. If you are worried about referrals, why not ask for some personally? No need for anyone have their partners listed on a website where anyone can make an account and start looking into your past partners and create a mess of it. Yes, I do have extra layers on my tin foil hat but it comes from past experiences. Information you give out now can come back and bite you in the ass (not in the nice way) later. Especially when technology goes further following you and cross linking profiles on different sites, even those that are behind a password, will become easier. Not to mention that the owners of these sites and databases can change too. Would hate to hand out google or meta a list of my previous partners. Also, like any social media rating, this type of system would be really easy to ***. A referral can be a false one from a real person with bad intentions. Or one might create a fake profile and give him/herself good referrals. If the it is a point system and needs to be accepted by the person who is being reviewed then he/she can just leave the negative reviews out. Sometimes there just might not be the chemistry and you'd get a bad feedback bcs of that, some people might be only online friends and vouch without really knowing how the other one acts in real life. What if an heartbroken ex wants to make your life difficult after a messy breakup? There's plenty of exploits and it would create an unequal platform for different types of users. Ratings / vouching system sounds simple but in the end it's more complex and there's a lot of variables to consider. Edited July 9, 2022 by overpower
Deleted Member Posted July 9, 2022 Author Posted July 9, 2022 2 hours ago, CopperKnob said: Whilst I think it could be helpful, I wonder how valid the 'reviews' would be and what would prevent me from adding a positive 'review' for someone I'd never met let alone played with. I'm not familiar with the KK site but I'd be interested in learning how they police it Yeah there are issues. It would only be for verified members.
Deleted Member Posted July 9, 2022 Author Posted July 9, 2022 I believe I would like this rating. It would add an accountability factor to this realm , and begin to weed out the wannabees and true abusives.
Deleted Member Posted July 9, 2022 Author Posted July 9, 2022 1 hour ago, CopperKnob said: There'd also potentially be an assumption that we're all here for the same reason, to play with an/nother, and there's a lot of people who are in LTR's who stay because of the friendship groups they have here. . I also wonder whether there'd be the potential for it to become a popularity contest like the photo comps have been accused of in the past. . And how subjective might the 'reviews' be? Yeah I can see the problems.
Deleted Member Posted July 9, 2022 Author Posted July 9, 2022 This has been one of the drawbacks of Fetlife, the refusal to allow any kind of negative feedback against those who have clearly overstepped the line. I saw some comments from the SouthWest where a 'senior' dungeon master had been abusing the newbies, very badly it seems. I've seen others have their accounts suspended for making a complaint, the comment removed and the perpetrator allowed to continue unfettered. Ostensibly it's to stop folks who have had a messy break up flaming each other, but surely there is a need for dangerous predators to be called out too. I do agree that this is something that needs a lot of thought and quite possibly moderation. Loads of fake reviews will lend no credibility.
Deleted Member Posted July 9, 2022 Author Posted July 9, 2022 I just get frustrated. Normally unethical play happens 'out there'... nor in my sphere as a dominant woman I have a rather lovely network of kinky people. Sadly this week I had a glimpse of the kind of thing people talk about and I'm left wondering how to fix it.
ey**** Posted July 9, 2022 Posted July 9, 2022 So - what about only verified members can be rated only verified members can leave ratings and so far seems sensible it's just the no one knows if they actually met or played I think also, if, say, a woman has a few positive ratings will this then be a "RIP her inbox" moment as more guys then push for her to meet there's also need to be a scope to stop them leaving malicious negative ones if she wouldn't. Equally I guess - any form of relationship ends for different reasons and so many that started good (when positive was left) could end badly someone who is manipulative has a very good chance at being able to control their score.
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