Dominace & Respect

[Deleted Member]

How do you assert your dominance while remaining respectful? What about the dominance turns you on & off?

[Ch****]

Sometimes it’s just a certain way of looking at my sub.

Or utilize the praise kink if they have one.

[na****]

Know your partners limits and whether they’re likely to say no to push your buttons. Use playful impact play rather than pain to discipline and then… switch it up/be rougher. That’s what l like to do…

[Deleted Member]

I have been wondering the same for years, it comes naturally to most alpha males or naturally dominant men, I’ve tried being dominant towards persons in the bedroom but fail to pull it off as I’m simply not a dominant person but at work in my career I don’t give a shit who’s in my way I play hard and get things done and I manage to get respect due to my confidence, it’s a weird world

[ge****]

Those dominants that I have respected have taken the time to get to know me/people, taken time to understand and respect limits and boundaries etc *before* any dominance even comes into the picture - once an agreed dynamic is in place and so long as anything agreed is adhered to by them, then the respect remains despite the dominance.

[Deleted Member]

The only way I know to be respectfully dominant is through communication. Multi-sensitise communication - paying attention to the words, body language, look in her eyes, tightness of her body, the pulsing heat of her emotions.

For me this is the essence of the d/s relationship - it’s a mutually reciprocal and deeply intertwined experience. The more I get in touch with my partner’s submission, the more I can hold her safely and dominate her. I need to split my attention - 50% onto her and 50% back into me.

This is the whole turn on for me. In the most sublime situations I am so attuned I can actually feel her orgasms in me. Weird hey! Wonderfully weird.

And of course the communication doesn’t stop … it’s a continual process of talking about and checking and soothing and … starting all over again.

[Deleted Member]

For me the turn on is earning someone trust to the point that they give me power to make the decisions. To know someone so intimately that they say “you own me know”.
Respect is shown when your decisions are in line with your partners boundaries, wishes and desires. There is no better high than knowing some feels so safe with you like getting to that point. 😁

[Catsailor69]

These are a couple of excellent questions Prolonggg. In my dynamics, my self confidence and discipline tend to assert my dominance in always being respectful. I enjoy some forms of degradation pleasures with it being well communicated and understood from the very beginnings that my submissive is valued above all else. No matter how things may go, tantrums, brattiness and defiant acts by them, doesn’t mean that I have to become disrespectful. It’s my self discipline, unshakable and strong, that asserts myself and my dominance with out cruelty and disrespect.
The glow of my submissive, when she’s experiencing her wants and needs from me, as I choose to allow, direct and develop their place in our dynamic is most heady and enjoyable for me. My responsibility for maintaining a balance of reasonable, rational and realistic expectations and experiences with safety being the priority, makes being the dominant most worthwhile to me.

[ia****]

I think it's more of an attitude than action. Like when I stop I feel like a mountain. When I move I feel like a giant.

[Deleted Member]

Pretty simple for me, have conversations before hand about likes/ limits & safe words/signals.

Keep away from hard limits, hit as many likes as you can as fluidly as possible, flirt seductively with soft limits, but always watch for them to tell you to stop.

Earn trust, show respect.

[Catsailor69]

1 hour ago, iamdom88 said:

I think it's more of an attitude than action. Like when I stop I feel like a mountain. When I move I feel like a giant.

I can relate to you in the attitudes and behaviors. The mind and desires will always have the upper and utmost pleasures in a dynamic. To me, the acts add an element of tangibility and reality to the constructs and dynamics of dominance and submission. You most eloquently and precisely have described the role of being self disciplined with defining motives in your actions. That’s something that comes with experience and communication with others too. I have really enjoyed reading your posts. I look forward to and hope you will continue to share your wisdom and experiences. There are many who can gain wise counsel from you. That’s something that I find most needed these days. 😎

[Deleted Member]

Rule No. 1: Dominance ≠ lack of consent. Corollary: No respect without consent.

[ma****]

I've read something recently... and that is where the difference is. "A Dominant will dominate, not domineer." I've loved it very much because that is where the difference is.
.
When someone dominates, they are also respectful, considerate and devoted and they guide and lead with love and care because they want the other person to succeed too and to blossom.
.
When someone domineer, it is done with selfish motives (just to use, bully, abuse or take advantage of others) for their own interests and pleasures only. The other person doesn't matter.

[ey****]

if you're not being respectful - you're not Dominant, you're a bully.

I mean, you can call someone a whole bunch of names and beat them black and blue while being respectful - if it's what you're both into and within both of your limits. 

[Do****]

I think developing a respectful, not necessarily sexual relationship is important before delving into power play dynamics. I personally cannot submit to a stranger; someone who I do not trust. Trust and respect need to be developed through everyday, friendly interactions before you can let yourself be degraded, humiliated, or otherwise dominated by someone.
Next, clear and open consent and checking in with your sub is important to help them feel safe. Agree on a safeword and put it into practice. They may know they can safeword, but being as compliant as they are they may need your push to feel like they should. It's not your fault if they don't safeword as they should, but it's a good idea to let them know how important it is to you that their experience be authentically enjoyable for them. If you use the traffic system for safewording, it's easy to stop and ask for a color (ask if they're still ok with what is happening). If everything is alright, they can say green and continue. You checking in alone will make them feel safer, though; it's not a waste of time. Every chance you have, establish to your sub (in ways they'll understand) how important their well-being is to you.

[ma****]

Very true DollyBaby. Agreed!!

[Ma****]

Am always respectful anytime

[ja****]

Yesterday at 06:23 PM, Sir-or-Daddy said:

For me the turn on is earning someone trust to the point that they give me power to make the decisions. To know someone so intimately that they say “you own me know”.
Respect is shown when your decisions are in line with your partners boundaries, wishes and desires. There is no better high than knowing some feels so safe with you like getting to that point. 😁

Well said 👏

[ja****]

11 hours ago, DollyBaby said:

I think developing a respectful, not necessarily sexual relationship is important before delving into power play dynamics. I personally cannot submit to a stranger; someone who I do not trust. Trust and respect need to be developed through everyday, friendly interactions before you can let yourself be degraded, humiliated, or otherwise dominated by someone.
Next, clear and open consent and checking in with your sub is important to help them feel safe. Agree on a safeword and put it into practice. They may know they can safeword, but being as compliant as they are they may need your push to feel like they should. It's not your fault if they don't safeword as they should, but it's a good idea to let them know how important it is to you that their experience be authentically enjoyable for them. If you use the traffic system for safewording, it's easy to stop and ask for a color (ask if they're still ok with what is happening). If everything is alright, they can say green and continue. You checking in alone will make them feel safer, though; it's not a waste of time. Every chance you have, establish to your sub (in ways they'll understand) how important their well-being is to you.

I've never heard of the traffic system. What a great idea

[Zi****]

It's pretty simple, know and pay attention to the sub. You can tell when someone is reaching their limit, back off and play lightly for a bit, give them time to recuperate, and if they use their safe word full stop and take care of them. It doesn't take a genius to understand that they are people too. As for how to assert dominance, that differs from person to person. I like to use intimidation and reward tactics when I can but for some subs you might have to do something like refuse to do the things they really like and give them the bare minimum until they choose to be good. It all depends on the person which brings me back to the original point. Know and pay attention to the sub.

[Ny****]

You need to build trust by finding what your subs needs, wants and desires are. You need to know the hard limits and emotional boundaries and any soft boundaries she's interested into exploring. Dominance can be respectful, erotic and strict without sending a play partner to a shrink session the next day. The most important aspects are communication, trust and consent.

[Li****]

I'm so happy to see someone asking the important questions 👒

[Li****]

Saturday at 06:58 PM, Catsailor69 said:

These are a couple of excellent questions Prolonggg. In my dynamics, my self confidence and discipline tend to assert my dominance in always being respectful. I enjoy some forms of degradation pleasures with it being well communicated and understood from the very beginnings that my submissive is valued above all else. No matter how things may go, tantrums, brattiness and defiant acts by them, doesn’t mean that I have to become disrespectful. It’s my self discipline, unshakable and strong, that asserts myself and my dominance with out cruelty and disrespect.
The glow of my submissive, when she’s experiencing her wants and needs from me, as I choose to allow, direct and develop their place in our dynamic is most heady and enjoyable for me. My responsibility for maintaining a balance of reasonable, rational and realistic expectations and experiences with safety being the priority, makes being the dominant most worthwhile to me.

Very well said and explained😇👒

[Catsailor69]

1 hour ago, LittleSoulTease said:

Very well said and explained😇👒

Thank you. 😊

[Da****]

19 hours ago, james43 said:

I've never heard of the traffic system. What a great idea

I use the traffic system and it is great.. checking in with my sub during more intense play is super important especially if she is Gagged.. so I check in more often and we use hand signals... doesn't interfere and she feels safe and cared for... seems like a win win..