Risk and safety.

[Deleted Member]

In a good kink friendly relationship obviously there’s going to be a lot of risk.However I think a good dom pushes the boundaries in the interest of the sub.That. being said how do you introduce someone to new ideas and boundaries safely without forcing someone out of their comfort zone?

[ey****]

20 minutes ago, san-antonio294 said:

I think a good dom pushes the boundaries in the interest of the sub

A good Dom knows that pushing boundaries without prior discussion or consent is abuse and is not up to them what is in the subs interests.

21 minutes ago, san-antonio294 said:

how do you introduce someone to new ideas and boundaries safely without forcing someone out of their comfort zone?

you talk to them. you tell them what you would like to do or try.  you do not push or pressure someone.  if someone says they are willing to try something then you can ease them in gentle being sure they know they can exit this

if you have a good level of trust with the sub it might be you already know what and when you can push - but if you don't have that knowledge you don't have that trust with them

 

The starting position should never be "what are your boundaries? my objective is to break them"

[co****]

That's why communication is key, bring up subjects without pushing, simply feel the other person out, allow them to ask questions without them feeling belittled

[ju****]

i think always stressing the importance of the safe word and making sure that u let them know that u will stop no matter what if it is used (safe words also go both ways, doms can use them too). also stress that it is completely up to them, and that there is no pressure to participate in it. i don’t have much experience but as a sub that would make me feel very comfortable if a dom told me that

[Br****]

I have to disagree, a good Dom who pushes boundaries to "better a sub or in their best interest" in bs. It's for your benefit. I give boundaries because they are just that. If I was pushed that Dom would lose my respect and make me uncomfortable. I do tell them when I have a soft limit and that can be worked on. But not a boundary.

[Da****]

4 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

you talk to them. you tell them what you would like to do or try.  you do not push or pressure someone.  if someone says they are willing to try something then you can ease them in gentle being sure they know they can exit this

if you have a good level of trust with the sub it might be you already know what and when you can push - but if you don't have that knowledge you don't have that trust with them

 

The starting position should never be "what are your boundaries? my objective is to break them"

I can't agree more. There needs to be trust to push boundaries.. the sub needs to feel safe I pushing those boundaries or introducing new ideas...

[Ki****]

Following

[Ar****]

There are 2 types of limits: soft and hard.

Soft limits are something that can be part of the play depending on the circumstances. These are boundaries that can be pushed, but it has to be throughly negotiated beforehand. Essentially, if you fuck this up, it could end up being a hard limit and result in a loss of mutual trust between the sub and the dom. 

 

Hard limits are somethings that can never happen. You don't fuck with these. Doing so has a good chance of ending the relationship and the sub may end up being emotionally and physically scarred, depending on what you did. 

 

So while pushing boundaries sounds hot, it is actually something that is done very carefully because it can destroy what you have with your sub. Give it a thought and negotiate. Don't push the sub and make sure you live up to the trust placed in you. 

[Deleted Member]

In any kink activity there is risk…

Pushing someones boundaries is for your own benefit not your partners, if you think its for their benefit you need to take a look at yourself. A boundary is exactly that, soft limits are for being pushed or played with. You can introduce someone to a new idea of concept but you discuss it and leave it in their hands for a yes/no

[Do****]

Introduction of something new and pushing boundaries are separate subjects. And what boundaries would you like to push? I personally engage in long term slave master relationships. There are always times I "push boundaries" when it benefits the slave... Made a girl who was convinced she couldn't lose weight join me at the gym as a part of her duties, which she hated until she started seeing the results of me ignoring the complaints. Of course I didn't just spring this on a stranger. She trusted me and when she realized the results increased her trust.

I am insane at working out and constantly over train because I am slightly addicted to it. With her I was more strategic and found things she liked (which I will not elaborate on) that I could include in the gym. It kept her excited long enough so she could gain momentum to keep going on her own. The reason I helped her was selfish by all means... She was mine and belonged to me. So maintanance was my responsibility, and if you own a Lamborghini, don't you want it in tip top shape?

I gained benefit and she did least of which is a longer life. If the boundaries being pushed holds no true benefit to the sub which in reality is most cases it is just greedy.

[Deleted Member]

A Dom's job is to make their sub feel supported, safe, and okay with who they are. Trying to push boundaries because you think they should be different is doing *none* of those things. Especially when you are leveraging their trust and desire to please to get them to agree to what you want.

[Ki****]

4 minutes ago, UrbanHyena said:

A Dom's job is to make their sub feel supported, safe, and okay with who they are. Trying to push boundaries because you think they should be different is doing *none* of those things. Especially when you are leveraging their trust and desire to please to get them to agree to what you want.

Well said

[Ar****]

This reminds me of an older forum thread which has recently resurfaced. In short:-

6 hours ago, san-antonio294 said:

However I think a good dom pushes the boundaries in the interest of the sub.

A "good" Dom/me would completely respect a boundary and never attempt to push it. Nor would they typically second-guess what is in a sub's best interests by ignoring the boundaries and limits which have been expressed to them. What a good dynamic DOES involve is communication, which includes listening to and respecting your partner(s).

If they tell you - specifically - that they want their boundaries pushing, their limits expanding, then you have a green light to (carefully) explore that with them. In any other circumstances you have consciously crossed a line of consent, which makes you an abuser.

[Deleted Member]

Thank you for educating me!

[Th****]

I don't think it's ever okay to "push" anyone's boundaries. I think you can have a healthy and open discussion with your partner about things you may want to try with them, but ultimately it's all about what your partner is comfortable with. Boundaries are boundaries. They aren't there to be pushed.

[ey****]

the general problem I think a lot of new/inexperienced Dominants make is they set a default position of "I'm going to push your boundaries" which as well as being a red flag... you don't actually know what that persons boundaries *are*

it feels strange to have a starting point of "whatever you tell me not to do; I'm going to do it"