Experience

[Da****]

9 hours ago, newgirl2022 said:

Saying this at the risk of sounding very unpopular in this forum, but to hell with it!

First of all, Subwolf42, i am so sorry your partner did this to you and I hope you are OK. Please feel free to message me directly if you need/want to talk about it in private.

Secondly, to all the 'wise' commentators on here saying how causing a concussion and bruising someone's wind pipe can just be an 'accident', 'no one's fault' or a learning experience for the sub to remember to say their safe word - what in actual F...?

Not saying your safe word does not equal consent. Your brain freezes like a deer in the headlights when you experience ***. More importantly, her partner must surely know not to hit so hard as to cause a concussion? Why would anybody want that?!?

A person came on here to share after what it seems was a traumatic experience and all you have to say in response is that she needs to learn her hard limits better? You mean like *** victims need to learn not to walk late at night, not to wear short skirts etc etc etc. It's so old...😑

What are you talking about??? They were and are consenting adults involved in a part of a community where *** is a turn-on and both have owned what has happened, yes what happened is a bad thing, of course, but it was also an accident, her Dom didn't go out trying to hurt her or give her a concussion or cause permanent damage. They both need to learn where their limits are.. And comparing this to *** is an insult to *** victims and survivors. This did not happen against her will, she was not ***d into the situation. This was a scene that went too far and no one spoke up or asked the right questions. It was an accident..

[Deleted Member]

6 minutes ago, new-york153 said:

A concussion??? How?? I seriously want to know! No judgement. CNC is on my list of fantasies but I scare me sometimes

He got nervous and I kept getting hit in the temple,ear,and once in the back of the head. I got scared and moves. By then I was triggered and terrified. He was triggered. So communicate about your partners past. If they or you have ptsd before doing cnc.

[Da****]

7 minutes ago, new-york153 said:

A concussion??? How?? I seriously want to know! No judgement. CNC is on my list of fantasies but I scare me sometimes

May I ask what your definition of CNC is... many people have different ideas on it.. there is a whole thread about it on the forum somewhere..

[Ra****]

Definitely the communication during will make a difference too.. typically with new experiences that need a little more understanding…I will do my best to make one of the first sessions a slower one with lots of evaluation as you go…it maybe a less exciting session but more importantly it will be a much more informative session.
There’s nothing wrong with stopping and asking for feedback as a Dom when you realize you just turned it up a couple notches on your sub compared to what you know they can typically handle… new intensity requires new assessment

[Deleted Member]

11 hours ago, Daddy-n-Paddy said:

What are you talking about??? They were and are consenting adults involved in a part of a community where *** is a turn-on and both have owned what has happened, yes what happened is a bad thing, of course, but it was also an accident, her Dom didn't go out trying to hurt her or give her a concussion or cause permanent damage. They both need to learn where their limits are.. And comparing this to *** is an insult to *** victims and survivors. This did not happen against her will, she was not ***d into the situation. This was a scene that went too far and no one spoke up or asked the right questions. It was an accident..

LOL this place is full of creeps self-styling as kinky and cool.
Being part of BDSM communuty doesn't give you a carte blanche to beat the crap out of people. If anyone is being disrespectful to *** victims it's people who pin the blame on those who had suffered harm and say they are the ones who need to change their behaviour. You don't cause a concussion by accident, that's the stupidest thing i've ever heard. Doesn't sound like it was a particularly sexy experience...

[Da****]

2 hours ago, newgirl2022 said:

LOL this place is full of creeps self-styling as kinky and cool.
Being part of BDSM communuty doesn't give you a carte blanche to beat the crap out of people. If anyone is being disrespectful to *** victims it's people who pin the blame on those who had suffered harm and say they are the ones who need to change their behaviour. You don't cause a concussion by accident, that's the stupidest thing i've ever heard. Doesn't sound like it was a particularly sexy experience...

Have you even read any of her responses... I never said it was all her fault or that being part of the BDSM community gives anyone carte Blanche to beat the crap out of anyone... you have admitted to being new and more than likhave not been in an intense scene yet, where things can get a little out of control when trying something new, it happens.. and if you think that her Dom was looking to cause a concussion, you have a lot to learn.. yes there are those who are ***rs and unfortunately they are on here as well. They, both her and her Dom were trying something new and yes both are at fault for what happened, he should have checked in on her more and gone slower and she should have used her safe word sooner.. this was not ***, it was an accident. Accidents like this are the exact reason why I don't like slapping or anything having to do with hitting my subs head, not a risk I want to take. And my guess is that this will become a hard limit for both of them as it also caused triggers from the past for both of them. A big cause of this comes down to inexperience and failure to communication by both people.

[Deleted Member]

Yesterday at 10:39 AM, RattGourd said:

Is this potential psychological scar tissue from previous relationships, as well? Trauma can be reopened in lots of ways, so be on the lookout for other types of triggers. And if something does trigger you, best not to repeat it. This should be seen as part of the after care process and discussion, too. A concussion and bruised windpipe is way outta hand, tho.

Yes and a *** years ago that I have ptsd from. We both have ptsd from childhood trauma.

[Fl****]

Well, a bruised windpipe means he doesn’t know how to *** someone during BDSM play. Which means he should t have been doing it.

[Deleted Member]

Others have probably said this but when the adrenaline is going you may not even notice that you are being hurt, so wouldn't use your safe word, that's what the Dom looks for to see if he is pushing too much. This however comes with experience. If you are both relatively new at impact play, then start off slow. Talk about the scene before hand, give yourselves times to check and if needs be stop. Don't forget safe, sane and consensual.

[Mz****]

Any kind of impact play should be learned properly before engaging in it. A bruised windpipe is seriously unsafe play.

[hi****]

My hubby/dom has been scared to try slapping but we started slow. First time he asked beforehand if I was ok with trying. He smacked very lightly and asked me about it after. Then every time just slowly increasing the strength. He also knows how to *** properly, I would honestly suggest your dom doing some more research and maybe practicing holds not during sex.

[se****]

A daddy should never leave marks or anything that can be seen by the eye this is not a dom