Hard Limits

[Ru****]

If a sub allows a hard limit to happen at their own discretion and own free will shall they allow this for all present or future doms or only for specific doms of their choice? How would a dom feel if their sub performed or requested to break a hard limit? I understand alot entails in these dynamics but the ultimate goal is security and trust without force or coercion. I’m new to all this and this is something I’m curious about.

[Dr****]

Consent can be given or withdrawn at any time. A sub is always free to expand or contract their hard limits or soft limits as they see fit. Just because a sub agreed to something n or in their limit list one time even doesn’t mean it would be consented to another time. While that would be unusual it’s important to remember that without that you don’t have consent.

[ge****]

Whether they allow *anything* to happen at all is entirely the submissives decision, whether that be with a specific dominant or generally - just because they allow a specific act with one dominant, doesn't automatically mean they allow it with all dominants, regardless of whether that act is a hard limit or not.
.
As a submissive, I'd expect any dominant who I asked to break one of my previously defined hard limits to question why I wanted to break it, and discuss it openly with me before progressing to do so.

[TxFrank]

I feel like this is more a Hard Limit/Soft Limit question. I have certain hard limits that no one gets to broach. But I also have some soft limits that, based on trust and experience, I will allow a very select few to do.

[Cheekysub247]

My hard limits are non negotiable.
There is one that wasn't a limit until I tried it with a certain dom, i continue with it when ive met him but for future people its on the no no list.
Its YOUR list, do with it what you please but just be very clear on it. 😊

[be****]

As a Dominant I feel hard or soft limits exist to begin conversations with your new partner but as you begin to trust them, know their abilities and begin to understand yourself more the limits can change and become flexible. Just because you allow one person to push you past that limit base it is t and never will be ok for another person to do that without your consent. Limits are set by you and are ever changing as you discover more of yourself and more about the lifestyle you choose. So biggest thing is have fun, know your limits for each person and situation and be safe. Hard and soft limits are always good starting negotiation areas to discover things about each other when you talk. I like to ask why things are limits to help understand peoples pasts, histories or just how their minds work. Sometimes limits are set for reasons not understood by us or it is the normal ones or someone we know has them so we take them on also. So education is all it takes sometimes to decide where you go from there and with who you allow certain liberties. Not all are created equal so not all have the same rights. Trust your gut!!!!

[Ba****]

As a sub, if I allow a hard limit to happen, it'll most likely only happen for a certain Dom(s). I'm not gonna allow a Dom I barely know to do something I have set as a hard limit, and even one I would have known for a good bit of time might not even get that. It truly depends on if I can mentally handle it. (Most of my hard limits are limits because of my own mental health.) If I don't think I can handle allowing someone to push that boundary, it won't happen, even if I want it to.
Every submissive is different in how they feel about their hard limits, but normally they are hard limits for reasons. (Even if it's just because they've tried it and didn't like it, or because they haven't and don't like the idea!)
Its the Dom's job to respect that, no matter if the submissive had given a different Dom the 'okay' to a hard limit.

[Ri****]

Just as Dragon-Dom and gemini_man already pointed out: it's the sub who decides if and when a limit is crossed. Just because you allowed a dom to cross your (hard) limits once or more, doesn't mean that every dom after can or should do the same.
If my sub asked me to break a previous hard limit (or if I asked my Domme to break one of mine), at least you should communicate about why you want to surpass the hard limit. It surprises me that it's still unclear that it's the sub who decides within what limits the play happens, not the Dom. The dom only decides HOW the play happens

[ey****]

one thing I don't think gets mentioned enough is that all activities (for subs, Dominants et al) are more fluid.

when I say 'fluid' what I mean is

Something that is a hard limit, may become a soft limit or no limit.

Something that wasn't a limit, may become soft or hard

so on

Only the individual can decide the fluidity.

So, if you have something which is a hard limit - and one day, with zero pressure from the other person, say you wish to try it.   And you do.  After that instance you might decide it remains a hard limit. Or you might decide circumstances you would do it. Whatever.

 

 

one of my biggest disappointments was when I broke a limit for someone and she didn't seem to care.  I think that, having a partner who appreciates this is a big thing you will try to do with them is a massive boost.

 

There are things I have moved from hard to soft in my own limits, as there are stuff I've moved into soft limits from no limits.

 

But even something which is not a limit at all - you have a right to say no to at any time.    One of the best things about limits is telling the other person what they cannot do in the spur of the moment.

[fh****]

Consent is still consent. No matter how many doms you have. You could let one do something. But the others still
Need consent. As a dom. I will
Never and I mean never do anything my sun doesn’t say I can do first. Respect, trust, goes a long way. When a sub can trust so much they can let go of everything else. That’s when the best work gets done.

[uk****]

No it doesn’t!! Each Dom has to earn your trust and he needs to prove that. Respect yourself and make sure the Dom respects you as it’s not an open invitation to all Dom’s just because you trust one to expand your boundaries.

[co****]

I enjoy when a sub trust me enough to brake a limit but i talk to them about boundries and using his or her safe word if it is too much

[ki****]

I get different things from different people, I interact with them differently. So limits are different with them and evolve over time. If someone asked me to push a hard limit or cross it I would question why, if we were both ok with it then yes sure, as there would be consent and trust not to take things too far and stop if needed, that’s just evolution of the dynamic.
This for me is where CNC starts to come in, but that’s an entire other topic.

[El****]

So honestly it's the subs decision of they allow it and with whom. And also if they allow it once doesn't mean it's not their hard limit anymore. That's the most common misunderstanding.
It is always for the sub to allow what, when, how and who will be done to them. Otherwise the dom is in really morally gray area when it may become NC and cause more than just trust and relationship issues.

[Io****]

It is solely the subs decision!
You and only you decide whom can go past your hard limits and when they can do it and in that environment!
If you get any pushback or negative feedback from your DOM, then that shows their insecurities

If you’re in a Dom sub relationship and you wish to break a limit with someone else your Dom should be intrigued and he should support and be inquisitive as to why the other person can get you to that stage! It should be a learning experience for your Dom, and he should not view it as a judgment on his actions and performance

Either way, you decide and only you decide your limits and who can topple them☺️

[Ru****]

Thank you all for these insightful comments. It’s appreciated.

[Deleted Member]

For me the purpose of a bdsm relationship is to explore your most intimate person, and thereby be who you truly feel you want to be. Wanting to overcome hard limits is another proof that BDSM relationships are strong bonds of trust that promote the desire to be a better person by their side. In bdsm you seek to enjoy who you are and how you are from the hand of someone you fully trust, and you trust that to overcome fears, traumas, insecurities, the other party will understand that it must be slowly, always under the responsibility of security. and both physical and psychological care. Faced with the decision of wanting to carry out a hard limit, it is nothing more than that great desire of the human being to try everything before deciding if it is something that they like or do not like. Provided that these limits never endanger physical and psychological safety. If there is that desire to improve, it should be taken slowly, starting with very low levels and progressing little by little. In this process, special attention will be paid both to security and to the use of security words, since we cannot be in the mind of the other person to know if what is being done is well done or if it is necessary to stop completely. .

[bi****]

My advice is to definitely have a safe word. And just do whatever you feel comfortable with.