Friendship and kink quandary.

[Deleted Member]

So my female bestie is a fellow kinkster. We're pretty open about it. I'm open in the respect that I'm quite forthcoming about being into BDSM, she even took a cheeky picture of me once in my pvc maids outfit whilst I was flashing my bottom, for a guy I was dating. She is my 'ride or die bitch' and I hers, she's the best and one of my favourite people, but she doesn't know that I'm an 'lg'. I let it slip last week that I liked calling guys Daddy in bed, but it was met with awkward silence. 

 

She's currently single like I am, and is on another kink app, which she was trying to encourage me to join too. I just stuttered that I wasn't ready yet even though I'm on here, I also lied when she asked which sites I'd met previous dates on, because I'm so scared that if I tell her the truth she won't want to be my friend any more. I'm scared that she won't get the DDlgbg dynamic, that I'll lose my friend, she doesn't even know that I'm into piss play let alone this, but I feel guilty about lying to her, or at least keeping it from her and I'm so close to telling her, but I'm worried she won't get it and think badly of me.

 

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I'd really appreciate people's advice on this one as it's genuinely upsetting me and I don't know what to do.

[Je****]

My brutal honest opinion here...


I am not into nor do I get or understand the ddlg dynamic. Nor do I wish to.
However, if I had a friend (and I do) who is into ddlg stuff... it does not phase me, as long as they keep it away from me / our friendship.
It is their kink, and their dynamic choices are their own. What they do with a partner is not my business and I wouldn't cut a friend off just for having a kink I6 dislike.
That would make me a douchebag and an awful friend.
The only way I would have an issue, or distance from the friendship, is if they let the ddlg stuff seep into our friendship or were forcing it upon me. And that would be after already asking them not to, and they persisted.
At the end of the day, it's up to you if you want to tell your friend. Your private/sex/kink life is nothing to do with them.
You're not lying to them, lying would be if she specifically asked if you are into age play and you said "no".
If you also don't feel safe telling her, thinking she will walk away, that would make me question the friendship to begin with. Personally, my best friend knows everything and anything about me, and if he decided to ditch me because I had a specific like/interest, I'd be holding the door open for him to leave.

[ScreamingJay]

I had situation that resulted in what I would predict yours would. It’s not exactly the same but i think it may have a similar outcome.

I have a kink that I’m very scared of telling people about. I got super drunk and told my best friend about it. Now we are extremely close and basically are like brothers. My worry prior to this was similar to yours that if he knew about it then he would think me weird or not understand it and dislike me and exclude me.

Well he found out despite my best efforts. It was met with an unsurprisingly confused and I would say negative reaction. But dispute all of that it hasn’t effected our friendship at all and much to my surprise very little, well actually now I come to think about it nothing has changed.

Basically I think that if you are as close as you say you are, then in my opinion it really shouldn’t effect anything. People are entitled to their own opinions and they may not want to be involved or included or subject to it. But it shouldn’t effect your friendship/relationship in my opinion and experience.

I really hope this helps 👍

[Tone1]

The ddlg dynamic is a hard one I think to explain to people as soon as you mention daddy/mummy they assume its in relation to something seedie. She must have an open mind for her to be on another kink site, maybe gather some information or write down in your own words what it means to you. Then get together and talk about it. I hope you can sort it.🍬

[Ac****]

I'd guess that she doesn't understand, or have proper knowledge of, the DDlg dynamic. Doesn't realise there's the caregiver side, the feeling safe etc, just thinks it's something seedy. People are especially unsure about the age play.
You could ask to explain it in detail, what you get out of it, what led you to it. Especially now she's had time to get over the 'shock'. I can't imagine she'd be as worried about the piss play in comparison haha!
Ask her to think how her kinks make her feel, so she sees similarities with how you feel about DDlg. We're all pervs together.

[Ac****]

I'd guess that she doesn't understand, or have proper knowledge of, the DDlg dynamic. Doesn't realise there's the caregiver side, the feeling safe etc, just thinks it's something seedy. People are especially unsure about the age play.
You could ask to explain it in detail, what you get out of it, what led you to it. Especially now she's had time to get over the 'shock'. I can't imagine she'd be as worried about the piss play in comparison haha!
Ask her to think how her kinks make her feel, so she sees similarities with how you feel about DDlg. We're all pervs together.

[Deleted Member]

3 minutes ago, ScreamingJay said:

I had situation that resulted in what I would predict yours would. It’s not exactly the same but i think it may have a similar outcome.

I have a kink that I’m very scared of telling people about. I got super drunk and told my best friend about it. Now we are extremely close and basically are like brothers. My worry prior to this was similar to yours that if he knew about it then he would think me weird or not understand it and dislike me and exclude me.

Well he found out despite my best efforts. It was met with an unsurprisingly confused and I would say negative reaction. But dispute all of that it hasn’t effected our friendship at all and much to my surprise very little, well actually now I come to think about it nothing has changed.

Basically I think that if you are as close as you say you are, then in my opinion it really shouldn’t effect anything. People are entitled to their own opinions and they may not want to be involved or included or subject to it. But it shouldn’t effect your friendship/relationship in my opinion and experience.

I really hope this helps 👍

I think you're really brave and I'm glad it worked out for you telling your bestie :) x

[Deleted Member]

3 minutes ago, Tone1 said:

The ddlg dynamic is a hard one I think to explain to people as soon as you mention daddy/mummy they assume its in relation to something seedie. She must have an open mind for her to be on another kink site, maybe gather some information or write down in your own words what it means to you. Then get together and talk about it. I hope you can sort it.🍬

Yeah that's so true. And she is very open minded but like you pointed out it's the negative connotations that it conjurs up. thanks 💖

[Deleted Member]

3 minutes ago, Acidic said:

I'd guess that she doesn't understand, or have proper knowledge of, the DDlg dynamic. Doesn't realise there's the caregiver side, the feeling safe etc, just thinks it's something seedy. People are especially unsure about the age play.
You could ask to explain it in detail, what you get out of it, what led you to it. Especially now she's had time to get over the 'shock'. I can't imagine she'd be as worried about the piss play in comparison haha!
Ask her to think how her kinks make her feel, so she sees similarities with how you feel about DDlg. We're all pervs together.

I honestly don't know if she does have a knowledge of it to be fair, I know she's not an lgbg thpugh. It's the panic of what if she thinks badly of me. Yeah that's really good advice about asking her how her kinks make her feel and draw comparisons. Thanks.x

[Deleted Member]

That's a tricky situation you're in. Ask yourself if she is your best friend. I think you should be able to talk about this openly with a best friend. Another point is that there should be no kink shaming within the community. From what I gather from your OP you are afraid of this.

[Sophie58]

When I started coming out to my close ones, it was important to me that they knew I was kinky and a sub, after that I left it. I told them that what I was doing may not typical but it wasn’t unusual and I was safe and I was happy. And if they have questions I’d be happy to answer otherwise, my sex life is my own business. Some of my friends said they were happy for me and didn’t want any more details, and others were interested in more details. I personally don’t think it’s anybody’s business but me and my partners as to what we do in the bedroom or the shower or wherever. Why does she need to know? It’s your life and you can be honest that there are kinky areas that you explore that you enjoy and if she’s interested you may be more open to talking about it, otherwise you don’t need to. just never apologize for being your authentic self.

[Ginge3286]

If she truly is your bestie ride or die bitch then regardless of your kinks she will still be there and support you, everyone has different kinks, although I'm still pretty much new to all this and finding my own and not told anyone about my own lol

[Deleted Member]

11 hours ago, Patrick_Nl said:

That's a tricky situation you're in. Ask yourself if she is your best friend. I think you should be able to talk about this openly with a best friend. Another point is that there should be no kink shaming within the community. From what I gather from your OP you are afraid of this.

It's the potential rejection and losing the friendship over it, if she thinks it's weird, or the fact that I lied and gave a mainstream dating site as where I'd been meeting the people I'd been on dates with.

[Deleted Member]

58 minutes ago, Ginge3286 said:

If she truly is your bestie ride or die bitch then regardless of your kinks she will still be there and support you, everyone has different kinks, although I'm still pretty much new to all this and finding my own and not told anyone about my own lol

Yeah true. I'm just worried about the potential rejection. Aww are any of your friends kinky. It's weird how some people are really open about being a kinkster and some people aren't. 

[Ginge3286]

Maybe she's holding some kinks back aswell for the same reason? And nope I think most of my friends are vanilla I realised i was far from vanilla when I met this girl and she opened my eyes but since then it's been hard to find someone to help me discover just exactly what I like

[Deleted Member]

i’m looking for a female friend to explore burp fetish with