Schools of BDSM

[PhantomFlogger]

Ive been reading a lot.

Ive been watching video after video, blog after blog and i eventually come across Master Arcane and Crow Academy. I bought their book and am about 70% through it (its a lot to read) its got me wondering..

Is someones place of learning a factor in finding a partner. Crow Academy has a list of slave positions and a whole new set of colours and hand signals, i know these dont transfer well or are even standardly known, but im just curious if looking for other people from, lets say Crow Academy is a thing people do.

 

Ive not read any other schools of thought as of yet, as i dont want to muddy the waters whilst im learning the crow academy system. 

But is anyone else learning a system and what are your thoughts on this?

Do you think it matters what system you learn?

Is intersystem Dating a common thing?

Who else is learning a system?

[Deleted Member]

Hello Phantom,

Just  beware of trying to absorb too much too soon. One persons way is not necessarily your way, we are all different people with different dynamics there is no "one way is best".

Just take away from any reading what you feel you need to know and will help you learn. Dont put too much in one line of learning.

Finding a good fit partner is hard but it also depends what you BOTH need . Be aware that this lifestyle is not a read read read mentality you need to understand the drive behind it therefore the onus is on you to understand yourself .

As for a system, no I've never subscribed to one I myself have taken the time to learn the safe ways but also my ways.  This only comes with time don't rush there's no point and a book will offer guidance but not feeling .

My advice would be to take your time find yourself a good mentor that can offer insight and feeling. Always read the safety information the guidance, videos and such. But in time you will find your own way. 

Learning A system is like a graduate stepping out of uni and thinking they know it all when in real time what works for you and a partner is unique.  Take away from it what strikes a chord build on that and you will find your own way.

 

You will stumble, you will mess up, you dont know it all and never will but keep an open mind and go with what you feel is right.

 

MrC 

Edited January 13, 2019 by Deleted Member

[ey****]

well, I searched for Crowd Academy and my first thought was 'cult'.

I've come across similar before and they have their own school-of-thought on how they feel BDSM should be - which among anything else can come across a little one-twue-way.    

One thing I often say is there's no one right way but many wrong ones.    As you build up knowledge it's almost inevitable there'll be some bits taken from here and there that make up your own style.

 

[Jed]

@MrC hits the nail firmly and squarely on the head! You can spend a long time reading another's story that may or may not fit in with what you want/are/desire to become. In the end the "path" your on is purely defined by your own instincts and actions. There will be mistakes and triumphs but it's thro learning that you will grow and develop. Finding a mentor/mentors will help you and give you direction when your own compass is spinning round without definition. The community is at its best when it pulls together so never be afraid to ask for help. Jed

[PhantomFlogger]

I cant help feeling 'A' mentor doesnt trump a whole system, learning from 1/2/3 people beats a whole school of thought?

if i went to a dungeon and attended every class, is it not just learning one institutes ways?

To avoid this ive read lots of books from lots of people, i have my own mind and my own experiences,

My question was do people seek out other people by the places they learn?

[Deleted Member]

I think going out to your local scene is the best way to learn. Go to several places, see different folks hosting different workshops and then you'll get all different approaches and you can find what works best for you and start to see the essential health and safety concerns that are universal. 

[ey****]

if you go to a munch and go round tables you can very quickly build up an overview on many different stories.  The important lesson here is that there are many different styles and approaches and backgrounds.

The last workshop I went to (which was pretty much a year to the day) those running individual sessions all had different backgrounds also and their own interpretations.

To go to your question - I think for example if you subscribe to (say) Crow Academy and happen to agree with the teachings, it's inevitable you'd seek out others who either also agree, or can be converted (like a cult) and vice versa.

One of the problems with schools of thought is that there's less flexibility - instead of growing with someone you end up trying to both *** into an ideology.  The other problem with schools of thought is that you quickly get judged by others in the school if your practices end up being different to those they teach and it's a lot easier to feel ostracised.  

Of course, this can happen in any community - but most fetish scenes accept people have different ways to go to the same goals, whereas - from what I've seen - schools of thought do not.

 

[ey****]

Just as a further thought I've woke up to.

There's a big difference between dungeon based training/classes and the kinda schools

Dungeon based I think we can split into two area.   The first of which is around equipment, toys, kinks and how to do them effectively and safely or increase your skills within them.  The second of which is often around a more 'discussion based' approach which is the more knowledge-sharing how individuals do things.

The former (providing the hosts know their stuff) isn't about any form of school of thought, twue wayism, protocol, etc. but a kind of "regardless of why you are doing this activity to someone, here are ways to do it safely and things not to do" 

The latter... you can kinda be on the mercy of the other attendees - but in a discussion group about, say, protocol it may be that there are hosts explaining their protocol and then asking others from the floor how they do things, what works for them.    I have some views on protocol which I will one day (soonish) blog but for the best part unless you're in a club with expected rules then protocol is relationship specific.  (For example at something like SMug, Suited Males undressed girls - the protocol is that men will be in smart suits and women are expected to be no more than underwear....  at Femdom events I've seen rules vary wildly, some giving an awful lot of slack to the subs - but - for example, some it's mandatory for subs to wear collars, some not - some subs are forbidden from sat on the furniture unless for their Mistress' benefit, others are more relaxed - though, there shouldn't be a sub sat down if a Mistress needs a seat....) 

 

The kinda schools of BDSM the discussion based, ideas sharing is often based on "this is the dynamic we subscribe to and you should to" 

 

I kinda feel if there is a school of BDSM that you are completely behind then, sure, get behind it and others who are also completely behind will be easier to find and match.   But, that if looking-while-learning is key you'd get more interest raising questions and sharing opinions at a discussion group where ideas are shared, then one where ideas are "how things should be" 

I have known people have relationships within schools of BDSM - but - well, every one I can immediately think of eventually fell apart because of the lack of flexibility leading one or both to be unhappy. 

 

[Deleted Member]

The point of a metor is to help and guide you to find your own way ..

The crow academy as ivd looked at is all about you being tought to do it there way its unhealthy in my opinion. 

This is not about anyone else it's about you. You need to be able to think for your self and find your own way which suits you no them .theres no one size fits all .

Theres a huge difference In picking up a book on how to flog someone and a book on how to be a Dom if this is your attitude it's not going to work .

And as for jumping straight into a slave training dynamic well thst takes experience something you will not get from anyone else but your self and putting in the leg work and time with s types the damage than can be done is shocking .

You need to be able to understand yourself before jumping into anything and from what I'm seeing your looking at some system to give you that and it wont do that .

[Mi****]

I remember reading about slave positions when I first started out and being totally "Yeah thats what Im going to do" which was great until I played with my first sub and he couldnt do any of them because he had a false knee. Thats when I realised that I had to be adaptable to each different person I play with to meet both theirs and my needs.

There is no system which works for everyone and that is part of the joy of this lifestyle, it is about individuality and freedom of expression. As to your question of dating within a set system I dont know wether that is a thing or not but if it was it would certainly cut down your already small pool of possibilities.