Being in the public eye

[Amalya]

Moving to London has opened me up to so many new new and amazing experiences and I have finally been able to explore my interest and desire for a relationship with a kink dynamic to it but there have been many issues I have had to navigate and the main one is staying anonymous online until I meet someone  and trust them enough to send my picture. 

I am a secondary school teacher in a massive and very conservative school. I never want to put myself in a position where I will have my reputation called into question just because people don't understand the lifestyle. My solution is that I stay anonymous to protect myself until I have really connected with someone. My problem is that with so many fake accounts, people who are just playing and don't commit to actually being present on these sites, I am worried that my lack of pictures will imply I am one of them and impact my ability to connect with potential partners. 

Attending events in person is completely different and it is great to get to know people that way, but sometimes the online route opens up more possibilities. 

Has anyone experienced this before and have any suggestions of how to deal with it? 

[Rastar]

Anyone worth your time will read your profile. So flush out your profile with as much info as you're willing to provide. Even perhaps a brief explanation as to why you have no profile pic would potentially help.

[Ch****]

You can make a great profile without a face pic, you can have body pics (hiding identifying marks if any). Putting the effort into that, a full written profile, being active on site ect.
😊

[Deleted Member]

Hi Amalya, as a man on the opposite side of this I understand your concerns. I've added a pic as I'm not so concerned about being seen but I do worry about profiles without them, and have assumed they're fake as you've suggested. That said, I've immediately changed my thoughts about yours after a well written post. Though I may still be a little hesitant I wouldn't dismiss it straight off. As the guys have said above, just create the best profile you can and see how you go. Pics or no pics. Good luck, B.

[CopperKnob]

I have a public sector/public facing job. One which has also meant that I've had been in the press and the organisations social media which comes with it's own issues.
When it comes to here, it's a simple case of saying "this is my situation, if I bring my profession in to disrepute, I would be scrutinised, I may loose my registration and that would mean I loose my career. This is important to me"
If that's met with a lack of understanding/frustration etc then that person isn't worth my time and it won't go any further.

[ge****]

As others have said it comes down to making yourself stand out in ways that make it obvious you're not just another fake account.
.
Being honest, having just looked at your profile, I'd probably not approach you if I were the type to do so, for a couple of reasons - firstly the possibility that you're a fake, secondly because there is absolutely nothing to go on.
.
You can use text to show that you're likely not fake, in fact explaining what you've explained here will help with that. As others have said it's possible to include pics that don't reveal who you are - CopperKnob's profile contains some good examples - I could pass her in the street and not have a clue that I have done so, yet her pics show enough of her for me to know (like I didn't already!! 😉) that she's both genuine and attractive.
.
You could get involved in the forums regularly which is another way of showing who you are without the use of pics, or revealing your identity.

[CopperKnob]

17 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

As others have said it comes down to making yourself stand out in ways that make it obvious you're not just another fake account.
.
Being honest, having just looked at your profile, I'd probably not approach you if I were the type to do so, for a couple of reasons - firstly the possibility that you're a fake, secondly because there is absolutely nothing to go on.
.
You can use text to show that you're likely not fake, in fact explaining what you've explained here will help with that. As others have said it's possible to include pics that don't reveal who you are - CopperKnob's profile contains some good examples - I could pass her in the street and not have a clue that I have done so, yet her pics show enough of her for me to know (like I didn't already!! 😉) that she's both genuine and attractive.
.
You could get involved in the forums regularly which is another way of showing who you are without the use of pics, or revealing your identity.

I wondered why you didn't wave 😂

[ge****]

6 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

I wondered why you didn't wave 😂

Well I would have done but ya know...respecting people's privacy and all that 😊

[Deleted Member]

You only know the best. Everybody use some form of pictures now. With pictures, I got at least 90 views per day, and no picture was under 10. I won't look at any profiles without pictures anymore, because scarey experiences. Alot people (unisex) have some weird idea without pictures gives them the ability to be Norman Bates.🤷‍♀️

[Deleted Member]

Take a look at my profile. I live in a small town and know a lot of people in the business and art community. I am super discrete but still open in my profile. You’ll see what I mean.

[sm****]

I work in a similar setting, hence why i never show face pics.  I try and show, like  on my profile a side shot that nobody even in my vanilla life would associate with myself, even blurred out face.  But face pics are not essential.

It's hard from a lot of peoples prospective, that so many can be open about their scene stuff and flaunt it, pics and usually weekly changes, but can be so judgmental on others who have for real life reasons, have to  be more discreet or in the shadows.

What does stand out if you can't have a face pic is something that makes your profile account look unique and not blank.  I find Blank descriptions more of a red flag than no pic.  

For those that want to scoff and say "you have nothing to hide in the modern world" you do, iv'e been on/joined a fair few fet sites over the years and even recently one or two were hacked, and their database ***d, and the usual e-male blackmail attempts and flooding the address books with screen shots..  

But making the wording in a profile stand out and showing your a unique person, some of your characteristic traits and even a forum posting presence can highlight your more of a real person than a fake account.

 

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, smeagol said:

I work in a similar setting, hence why i never show face pics.  I try and show, like  on my profile a side shot that nobody even in my vanilla life would associate with myself, even blurred out face.  But face pics are not essential.

It's hard from a lot of peoples prospective, that so many can be open about their scene stuff and flaunt it, pics and usually weekly changes, but can be so judgmental on others who have for real life reasons, have to  be more discreet or in the shadows.

What does stand out if you can't have a face pic is something that makes your profile account look unique and not blank.  I find Blank descriptions more of a red flag than no pic.  

For those that want to scoff and say "you have nothing to hide in the modern world" you do, iv'e been on/joined a fair few fet sites over the years and even recently one or two were hacked, and their database ***d, and the usual e-male blackmail attempts and flooding the address books with screen shots..  

But making the wording in a profile stand out and showing your a unique person, some of your characteristic traits and even a forum posting presence can highlight your more of a real person than a fake account.

 

Ohhh... blackmail!!😨 That is bad! I am sorry for you and anyone that has happened. My heart goes out.😘💖💖💖

[QXX666]

You don’t have to show your face… as for safety, there are lots of us which need to be careful and can’t afford being exposed. Only need to do is to be careful who you share your pics with. Follow your guts….

[John54]

I'd agree with these suggestions. No pic can create disinterest (it does for me, rightly or wrongly) but it needn't be an identifiable face pic

[Deleted Member]

If you don’t feel comfortable showing your face, put a brief explanation in your profile. I’d be interested in such a profile if you were interested in kinks I practiced. Like QXX666 says - be careful who you share pics with