Where's the line between Fetish, and Addiction?

[Ju****]

So I often think of a fetish as the need of a certain thing or action to enable someone sexual satisfaction. 

I have this with things like warm skin, body smells, taste and softness of skin. Oral stuff too, not just sex, but lips, tongues and drool, watching peoples mouths and just getting a bit excited. 

But at times, I am sat craving it. Touch. Affection. Intimacy. Yeah sure, but then it goes down the road of wanting the sexual things... Which is simply skin and touch for me. But this simple thing is very intoxicating for me, very arousing.

 

....

(I speak on all of this simply with someone/people I am physically attracted to). 

....

And I don't need the mental attraction to have the physical when warm skin and oral things come to mind. It can come to mind at any point and any time. 

And sometimes I've been wreckless to get it. (Being intimate with friends). 

 

So my question is... Where is the line between addiction and a fetish..?

Can you be addicted to affection and intimacy and sex or is it simply a fetish i crave. 

 

(Worth noting I have had previous addictive habits and an addictive personality so I just cant differentiate 😬)

 

I don't think or feel it's a problem, but I can get very very low in mood and emotional if I can't get what I crave. If that means anything?! 😅

[Deleted Member]

It’s an addiction when you think about it in your every waking hour. Nonstop thinking about it. Wanting to feed the craving constantly, so that all other thoughts are drowned out.

[Lord_Talion]

It's a healthy addiction

[Deleted Member]

It sounds to me that it is at least borderline addictive behavior, but you do bring up a very good question. Where is the line between fetish and addiction? The answer seems very subjective to me, dependent on the individual. Typically, addictions negatively impact your life in some fashion, be it relationships with friends and family or work. If you think you have been wreckless with friends it might be an addiction. I will same I am no expert by any means and the fact that you are analyzing your behavior in this way speaks volumes to your character.

[Deleted Member]

Some very good thoughts to ponder, Jen. Keep in mind, we can be addicted to absolutely anything. We can be addicted to nicotine, caffeine, and sugar. We can be addicted to ***, sex, and rock n roll. (And anything else for that matter.) We can be addicted to our fetishes and we can most certainly be addicted to attention. In a quote end-quote, “addiction,” the addiction controls the behavior.

[AKA_Copper]

I think that something becomes an addiction at the point that it"s obsessive, compulsive, you have no control over it and it's harmful.
I also think that you can become addicted to anything if whatever it is gives you enough of the feelgl good hormones
With that said, we're social beings, relationships/intimacy are natural drivers

[Ch****]

I think the difference is an addiction can be something you don't actually like and try to give up. Where as a fetish is an enjoyment that is felt as an irrational need. That's how I see it

[Ch****]

Ask Robert Palmer, he has your answer.

[Deleted Member]

Might as well face it 😉

[Ju****]

See most people associate addiction with the negatives. 

 

But some addictions, even of fetish addictions can and do feel good and be positive.

 

I don't believe deep down that I am addicted... How ever I know my cravings can leave me very upset and irritatable. I thrive on other humans touch smell and taste, but i dont need it every single moment of every single day. 

But it honestly just sends me over when I do get this craving met. 

13 minutes ago, Chiana said:

I think the difference is an addiction can be something you don't actually like and try to give up. Where as a fetish is an enjoyment that is felt as an irrational need. That's how I see it

Also this, I am a previous addict, I won't say to what (but it wasn't illegal substances) and although it was unhealthy overall, I enjoyed it and craved it and I didn't want to give it up. I had to. 

 

But I think with my gravitation towards skin and oral stuff is getting more intense, and even more so focused on the sexual side at times. 

And I say "wreckless" with friends, meaning I have taken home men from the social circle at times to appease this, where maybe a year ago, I wouldn't have dreamt of it. It hasnt ruined any of my friendships though I will add, however.... It's made me crave it more/again and I know if I go down this road i will maybe end up liking someone more than i should and get my wee hopes broken 🤷 I don't know. 

I feel torn between enjoying it and wanting it, to craving and needing it. 😅😅

[Ju****]

3 minutes ago, SeekerJ said:

Might as well face it 😉

Oh I do. Even in a video call if my partner sticks his tongue out or makes a suggestive motion with it, i find myself groaning and getting huffy 😅🤣😅🤣😅

Then i just think about it to an extent i can do something about it alone or with someone else 🤣

But I'm the same no matter who i am attracted to if they did this. I don't know if I'm just easily turned on? Or whatever but lordy it drives me mad 🤭

[ar****]

Interesting, I looked up the definition of Fetish on TFD:
====
(1...)
2. An object of unreasonably excessive attention or reverence: made a fetish of punctuality.
.
3. Something, such as a material object or nonsexual part of the body, that arouses sexual desire and may become necessary for sexual gratification.
.
4. An abnormally obsessive preoccupation or attachment; a fixation.
===
.
I only ever associated Fetish with #3, related to (sexual) desire and gratification. But #2 and #4 seem more synonymous with (abnormal/excessive) addiction.

[Hoadsta]

I don't think all addictions have to be negative. Just because they are associated with a negative label. If its not having a negative effect on your health and wellbeing there is no reason to view it as such.

[Deleted Member]

The way I see it addiction is more of a solo act. You can do it whenever and wherever you want. Doesn't require to much work to get your fix.
.
And what you described was deffinetly not a solo thing. And not easy to achieve.
.
I think you are just really passionate. And thats why you keep thinking about it all the time. In that case wellcome to the club mate.
.
I hope my brainfart helped a bit.
Sincerely Adam.

[Ti****]

1 hour ago, arnhem961 said:

Interesting, I looked up the definition of Fetish on TFD:

The Fucking Dictionary 🤔? 😂😂 

[ar****]

10 minutes ago, Tickler101 said:

The Fucking Dictionary 🤔? 😂😂 

Hehe yeah, The Free Dicktionary? 🤣🤣

[Br****]

I totally get what you mean. I’m right on the same page but the list is a little longer. Sometimes I’m a little concerned for me because I think that it might be somewhat harmful to an extent but I rock back and forth from that and thinking that it’s probably okay. I’ve just never known someone who felt the same way. Thank you for putting it into words!

[ar****]

Btw, Re: did your focus on "simply skin and touch" grow through/after social distancing? In The Netherlands, there's a term coined from that period, called "huidhonger" (English: "skin hunger").
SKIN HUNGER is the lack of loving touches and the desire for skin contact. These can range from friendly hugs , pats on the back, hugs and handshaking, to kisses, caresses, intimacy and sex.

I can't find much info on that concept in English, but you may find https://www.juliamorselt.com/work/project-huidhonger interesting.

[VK****]

Some cod philosophy here. I think addiction, fetishism and compulsion are probably very closely overlapping circles in a Venn diagram where possibly 75% of each satisfy the others too and the remainder is what gives them nuance. All can be harmful, lead you into very risky behaviour with possibly fatal consequences if the drive goes unchecked. With fetishism, I think it's a more sexual drive, whilst addiction (normally implied to be ***, but can be gambling and yes, sex too) is more generic and compulsion implies, to me, a 'push' effect that drives you towards something, rather than the pull effect of the "sweetness" you desire. 

[VK****]

15 minutes ago, arnhem961 said:

Btw, Re: did your focus on "simply skin and touch" grow through/after social distancing? In The Netherlands, there's a term coined from that period, called "huidhonger" (English: "skin hunger").
SKIN HUNGER is the lack of loving touches and the desire for skin contact. These can range from friendly hugs , pats on the back, hugs and handshaking, to kisses, caresses, intimacy and sex.

I can't find much info on that concept in English, but you may find https://www.juliamorselt.com/work/project-huidhonger interesting.

Exactly right. Had a quick search for "The need for physical touch" and the Berkeley piece explains how modern society has eschewed a kiss and a hug and any other bodily contact with those we know...to the detriment of all. Not that we've become cold, uncaring, detached psychopaths...just moving slowly in their direction. 

[Ju****]

6 hours ago, Bondage_Bandit said:

The way I see it addiction is more of a solo act. You can do it whenever and wherever you want. Doesn't require to much work to get your fix.
.
And what you described was deffinetly not a solo thing. And not easy to achieve.
.
I think you are just really passionate. And thats why you keep thinking about it all the time. In that case wellcome to the club mate.
.
I hope my brainfart helped a bit.
Sincerely Adam.

I mean people are addicted to sex, and that needs another person present lol 

 

But yeh i am very passionate. Cant help it 🤭🤭

5 hours ago, KaiBreezy said:

I totally get what you mean. I’m right on the same page but the list is a little longer. Sometimes I’m a little concerned for me because I think that it might be somewhat harmful to an extent but I rock back and forth from that and thinking that it’s probably okay. I’ve just never known someone who felt the same way. Thank you for putting it into words!

If or when you are beginning to feel your harming yourself or your actions are harmful, its definitely time to sit back and assess the situation.  But wishing you luck. ❤️

 

4 hours ago, arnhem961 said:

Btw, Re: did your focus on "simply skin and touch" grow through/after social distancing? In The Netherlands, there's a term coined from that period, called "huidhonger" (English: "skin hunger").

I don't think its any more or less noticeable or prominent after lockdown. Honestly this has just been the last year ish, ive just been craving so much. 

Perhaps its after a long time with out intimacy and a sex life. But perhaps being isolated at times hasn't helped the fact either. Never really thought of that, so thank you xx

[Dominivestri]

I don 't think there is a line between fetish and addiction. I think you're asking the wrong question or need to rephrase it. Addiction is a sort of craving, to the point where you develop a dependancy for something, or a compulsion to do something and can be attributed to almost anything.  The line you're talking about is simply the one between enthusiasm and passion at one end,  and obsession, addiction and compulsion at the other.

Insofar as it relates to sexual gratification it is no more or less applicable to any other object or activity.

I might be way off of course, but that's my take on your question.

[lu****]

17 hours ago, Finally_Jen said:

See most people associate addiction with the negatives. 

 

But some addictions, even of fetish addictions can and do feel good and be positive.

 

I don't believe deep down that I am addicted... How ever I know my cravings can leave me very upset and irritatable. I thrive on other humans touch smell and taste, but i dont need it every single moment of every single day. 

But it honestly just sends me over when I do get this craving met. 

Also this, I am a previous addict, I won't say to what (but it wasn't illegal substances) and although it was unhealthy overall, I enjoyed it and craved it and I didn't want to give it up. I had to. 

 

But I think with my gravitation towards skin and oral stuff is getting more intense, and even more so focused on the sexual side at times. 

And I say "wreckless" with friends, meaning I have taken home men from the social circle at times to appease this, where maybe a year ago, I wouldn't have dreamt of it. It hasnt ruined any of my friendships though I will add, however.... It's made me crave it more/again and I know if I go down this road i will maybe end up liking someone more than i should and get my wee hopes broken 🤷 I don't know. 

I feel torn between enjoying it and wanting it, to craving and needing it. 😅😅

Hi Jen , so I think we can all agree you have an addictive personality. I think you have have a borderline addiction to your fetishes but the difference between the fetish and addiction would be addiction as you know take over your life normally in a negative way put you in unsafe situation to where you’re not worried about your safety in order to get what you want. So just remember to be safe out there and to try to keep yourself in check to not put yourself in any dangerous situations or situation that could put you in harm.

[QXX666]

Addiction is when you can’t resist and you miss it so much and could be anything non sexual.
Fetish could be addictive but because it’s a sexual reaction it’s easier to control. So there is only a thin line….

[Ju****]

On 2/26/2023 at 9:58 PM, Hoadsta said:

I don't think all addictions have to be negative. Just because they are associated with a negative label. If its not having a negative effect on your health and wellbeing there is no reason to view it as such.

This is my stance. I am not disputing the fact it may be an addiction, just curious if it applies to me, but it is sad that addiction is seen negatively. I guess it's just one of them things. But mine so far, isn't harming me or anyone else or disrupting my life but I do feel addicted at the same time some days hahah.