Is dominance about size and strength?

[Cu****]

I saw this somewhere else, and added to it.

Do you want a woman to obey you?

Then, don’t expect to gain her trust, without working for it and understanding what she wants.

Without trust,  and understanding her, you don’t own, nor control, nor command, nor dominate anybody, or any thing, not even a dog.

Any man can bark an order, use rough language, spout honorifics, or use expletives,

But not many know the secrets and ways to capture her mind, her heart, and how to put the work in, to win her trust.

It sounds so simple, doesn’t it? Yet, and quite rightly, it’s so complex for so many who don’t understand the difference between a command and a demand.

Trust is potentially earned as a result of your many interactions and attitudes, over a period of time…and not just from how you behaved yesterday…that in turn make her feel comfortable enough to know she is unconditionally accepted, which in turn allows her to feel that she can be with you. One adult, considering, respecting, being honest, safe, sane, considerate, interested and who listens, to another adult.

Any woman needs these attributes, to make her feel safe enough to want to give her entirety to you.

She possibly feels that you displayed enough to her, to allow you to discover what she has kept secret and protected from every other human in this world. Her disclosure, has not been easy. Neither has coming to terms with her innermost imaginings. 

Dominance is not about your size, your strength, your stature, your position or your masculinity.

It is all about you realising that being able to firstly control yourself enough, and to consider the feelings of another adult,  which then, suggests to her that she might begin to allow you to take her control and power from her…if, she, wants, you to.

[littlemiss37]

Thanks for this . Now I know my big mistake was submitting straight away x

[Cu****]

Littlemiss37, you’re welcome. Sub rush happens quite widely with new people accessing this site. It’s possibly the freedom and the excitement of suddenly discovering what you’ve been maybe been searching for for a long time. But, take your time to assess what’s around, and always ask questions. You, are in charge of you.

[Da****]

Well put. And this goes for a male submissive as well.

[Fa****]

Absolutely love love this. Thank you x

[QXX666]

Starting a dynamic with the question “ Do you want a woman to obey you?“ is already a wrong start…
We all have a different reasons to be into bdsm and yes some basically want someone big, strong and oozing masculinity….

[Ho****]

Very well spoken and true, but unfortunately not many understand completely.

[Sw****]

Needed to hear this right now… bought the tears flowing but wow. I wish more so called ‘Doms’ could understand this. Thank you

[littlemiss37]

9 minutes ago, SweetheartSubbie said:

Needed to hear this right now… bought the tears flowing but wow. I wish more so called ‘Doms’ could understand this. Thank you

I understand that x

[DarkArts1066]

Anyone who thinks that being Dominant in this lifestyle is about size, and strength - unless they are referring to the mind - should stick to vanilla.
CumbriaLeather has written beautifully, there is nothing I would add to this, save my brief comment above.

[Mi****]

Crumbs

[xc****]

“you displayed enough to her, to allow you to discover what she has kept secret and protected from every other human in this world”. feelin this. mega.

[DeviantInside]

I have always said dominance isn’t making someone submit… it’s making someone WANT to submit. And you do that by being the person someone would want to submit to. How you think, act, behave. How you prove you’re worthy of trust. How you learn and strive to be better. How you learn how to do things safely and better. The same is true outside of kink. If you want to find me a partner be someone that someone would want to be with.

[Fa****]

I feel like this is written too stereotypical. Men, women, non-binary, and every other gender need to know how to behave to be a dom. Same for being a sub. And this doesn’t really include other dynamics outside of obeying the dom

[Cu****]

14 hours ago, CumbriaLeather said:

One adult, considering, respecting, being honest, safe, sane, considerate, interested and who listens, to another adult.

I apologise to Fairy_and_Hellhound for not covering the 74 different genders, which would have resulted in an extremely long piece of writing, but hoped that the above quote from what was written, makes anyone reading appreciate/consider that a connection is fostered between two adults working together, regardless of their gender and self imposed status.

[happilymarried]

Well said