Deleted Member Posted April 18, 2023 Posted April 18, 2023 When I start talking to a new sub I become over keen and this can switch them off very quickly. Does anyone have any advice?
littlemiss37 Posted April 18, 2023 Posted April 18, 2023 Hi . As a sub I have experienced this alot . I think just b friends and remember u haven't ehent in to a dynamic yet . I appreciate men which make conversations not about kink tbh x
ge**** Posted April 18, 2023 Posted April 18, 2023 Well the obvious one is to keep yourself in check as best you can. . It's easy to get carried away early on when you find what seems like a good connection, especially on sites like this - but you have to remember that until you've actually met and spent time together, it's actually all just words on a screen and nothing more. . Similarly in the early periods of talking you don't actually know each other that well and the slightest thing can tip things the wrong way - so again you have to keep that in mind and try to keep emotions in check.
Fa**** Posted April 18, 2023 Posted April 18, 2023 What exactly do you mean by over keen/over enthusiastic? And (without meaning to be at all rude) are you sure this is whatâs turning them off?
Je**** Posted April 18, 2023 Posted April 18, 2023 Control yourself. Tone it down. Think before you act. See where youve went wrong in past with certain behaviours that you are perhaps repeating. Time and patience. There is no rush and you dont need to convince someone to be into you. Allow natural progression đ„°
Deleted Member Posted April 18, 2023 Author Posted April 18, 2023 Yes it is the over excitement and moving to fast. And you are not being rude at all.
Fa**** Posted April 18, 2023 Posted April 18, 2023 2 minutes ago, Timetoplay said: Yes it is the over excitement and moving to fast. And you are not being rude at all. Ok so how does that manifest? Are you overly sexual, wanting to meet too soon, talking about commitment too early, not taking time to get to know each other??? It might not make a difference but knowing what your over excitement looks like (and no I donât mean that đ) might mean you get different suggestions for how to rein it in x
Deleted Member Posted April 18, 2023 Author Posted April 18, 2023 It starts well, starting to bond but I do know my mistakes as I do sometimes try to rush, sexually and in to the dynamic. I believe talking like this openly and honestly can help me improve in myself and become better for a future dynamic
Deleted Member Posted April 18, 2023 Author Posted April 18, 2023 As a sub I personally find it overwhelming when doms come across too eager because Iâm a big fan of self assurance and confidence and when doms are persistent and needy itâs a big turn off for me. Part of the dynamic is building the trust up so get big be too demanding early on as I know that makes me feel like you wouldnât respect my boundaries. Let them coming to you
ge**** Posted April 18, 2023 Posted April 18, 2023 53 minutes ago, Timetoplay said: It starts well, starting to bond but I do know my mistakes as I do sometimes try to rush, sexually and in to the dynamic. I believe talking like this openly and honestly can help me improve in myself and become better for a future dynamic Do you think it could possibly be you seeing a "bond" where there actually isn't one? Which is often the case, and an easy mistake to make on sites like this, where one person is a lot more invested than the other. . Like I said earlier try and see it as words on a screen at the early stages, spend the time getting to know the other person as a person not a "potential submissive", in fact unless the conversation naturally flows that way, keep sex and kink off the table apart from at a very high and general level. . Of all the conversations I've had here, I don't think any/many have been particularly sexual in content but have led to some great connections being made. . Of course there's a fine balance between getting friend zoned or seeming disinterested in taking things further and taking those next steps but where a true connection has been made that will happen naturally rather than being ***d by one or other half
Je**** Posted April 18, 2023 Posted April 18, 2023 1 hour ago, Timetoplay said: It starts well, starting to bond but I do know my mistakes as I do sometimes try to rush, sexually and in to the dynamic. I believe talking like this openly and honestly can help me improve in myself and become better for a future dynamic Rushing things sexually is way more than enough to put me off. Especially if I am after something more committed and long term. The minute a guy presses sex stuff towards me or keeps bringing it up screams it's only one thing he wants from me, or, he has urges he can't control, and that sex is going to rule the atmosphere and any interaction, and for me, that's not at all what I want. Most people here are indeed looking for Sex stuff, but that is where it ends for a lot of people. Those who are into sex, and yet want a long last dynamic, can sometimes get the sex talk thrills but a fair amount are put off if it rules conversations. Also not all BDSM/Kinks and roles involve sex, so it's finding out those boundaries too. Plus people who DO want a kink dynamic and are serious on it and the lifestyle do not want to rush. At all. It's a very slow and time consuming progress to learn someone, bond with them, form a connection and let things organically grow. These things can't be rushed and anyone who does, won't be taken serious unfortunately. Maybe note on your profile that sex is quite a dominant trait in your life and preferred dynamic or lifestyle. That will give people a head's up what you're about rather than assuming you're just after one thing. Maybe also detail what you hope to find.Â
Deleted Member Posted April 18, 2023 Author Posted April 18, 2023 I agree but not having a submissive in my life for over 2 years I do get excited which is something I will work on and carry myself differently. I am finding it theraputic opening up and being honest.Â
Je**** Posted April 18, 2023 Posted April 18, 2023 1 minute ago, Timetoplay said: I agree but not having a submissive in my life for over 2 years I do get excited which is something I will work on and carry myself differently. I am finding it theraputic opening up and being honest. As i previously mentioned, it's recognising this repeating flaw, and working on it. Self control. Otherwise you are going to develop a complex about it and end up sour if you keep scaring people off. Sure be excited within and to yourself, but maintain a level of decorum and humbleness towards the situation and the person you're interacting with.  Another note which il mention, that @gemini_man touched on, was he fact online stuff can be misread, and seem there is interest more so on one side than the other. For me yes, sure i get excited when talking to someone new....but... that's it. i have 0 expectation or assumption that it will progress, while it remains online. For me I expect nothing until I have met the person in real life a couple of times (platonically) and see what chemistry is there. In my opinion, it's foolish to assume online without meeting someone first. Leads to heartbreak most of the time, the rare exception ofcourse.
Deleted Member Posted April 18, 2023 Author Posted April 18, 2023 Thank you for you true, reflective words to work on. I have only ever had this issue online. My main experience is in real life where you meet instantly and can see the cheeky smile or glint in the eye
Je**** Posted April 18, 2023 Posted April 18, 2023 1 minute ago, Timetoplay said: Thank you for you true, reflective words to work on. I have only ever had this issue online. My main experience is in real life where you meet instantly and can see the cheeky smile or glint in the eye Perhaps then online is good to meet people and keep it minimal, and actually meet people and see what's there, or otherwise get yourself out and about at local places and speak to people face to face and gauge their reactions and see what happens there.Â
Deleted Member Posted April 18, 2023 Author Posted April 18, 2023 Agreed thank you for your advice, it will structure my online presence alot.
ge**** Posted April 18, 2023 Posted April 18, 2023 9 minutes ago, Timetoplay said: Thank you for you true, reflective words to work on. I have only ever had this issue online. My main experience is in real life where you meet instantly and can see the cheeky smile or glint in the eye And being honest that's where a lot of people struggle with on-line, because they don't have those facial expressions and body language to use as indications of interest etc, so it's easy to confuse a simple exchange of messages for a "connection". . Add to that the misconception of many men that the number imbalance on sites like this works against them, and it's easy to see how any interest or even response to a message, can get conflated into something more than it actually is. . And so you end up in a vicious circle of over excitement and disappointment when there was nothing to get excited about in the first place.
Deleted Member Posted April 18, 2023 Author Posted April 18, 2023 Thank you all I do hope my openess has not given a false interptetation of myself.Â
Je**** Posted April 18, 2023 Posted April 18, 2023 It's hard to read tone online and sadly a lot will assume it's being said to a negative degree when stuff is mentioned, sexually for example. You could say "i am very into sex and want something or someone equally as driven" and people online will think he just want to get into my pants and doesn't care about me. Where as in person, they can hear your tone, see your face and expression as you speak and generally feel it's a less threatening comment. Maybe they would laugh a bit and say something back about their own drive or preferences. Only way to find out is to put yourself out there, have a coffee with someone youre compatible with and see what happens  wishing you luck!
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