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How to start the conversation

April2023

By April2023
in New to BDSM, Kink & Fetish?

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April2023

April2023

Posted

I want to explore this side of me, I think I’ve known I’m bi curious and into kink for a long time, but being in a traditional monogamous marriage I’ve never allowed myself to explore this side,  however I’m finding it harder to keep denying myself. I want to talk with my husband and tell him what I want but I don’t know how to start that conversation without him feeling like I’m unhappy  because I am very happy in our marriage, it’s just that I want things he is unable to provide to me. He wouldn’t understand or accept that I can love or be attracted to more than one person. So how do I explain that I love him but I have enough love to love others without it decreasing what I feel for him

Deleted Member

Posted
(edited)

This is really close to home for me as the exact same thing has just happened to me. I was in a relationship for 8 years and my fiancé has just ended things with me to go explore her sexuality whether it be in to the whole BDSM world or just other genders in general as she said she'd regret looking back on life and not doing this. She said she has to stay true to who she is and at least give it a go.

I am heartbroken. All I do is think about her still (It's been a week but we still chat). I am in a lot of *** right now but I totally understand her situation which also makes it harder as we are both still so much in love with each other. We are best friends.

The way she brought it up to me was asking about a poly relationship. If you do it this way ensure you know which you want. Just sex with other people or actual relationships. Do a little research beforehand just incase you aren't aware of what which is which.

Me and my now ex are going to be friends(yes this will break both of us for a long while but we love each other too much for us to not continue knowing each other)Insert image from URL

Edited by Deleted Member
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Ki****

Ki****

Posted
Talk to him see if y'all can reach common ground express how you feel and your urges
Do****

Do****

Posted
OK it’s important. You try to emphasize on you guys are growing as women our sex drive changes maybe he feels a little restless too. Maybe she would like some opportunities to have some kink maybe he would like to have some different as well but he’s too afraid t bc o tell you as well. Sex is very fun and exciting of course we wanna try new things. Maybe your husband would embrace your kink maybe he enjoy it with you

Deleted Member

Posted
We suffer more in our imaginations then we do so in reality. So express your desire to journey as a team. Procrastination is the thief of time.
robbing us of precious moments
and veiling our potential.
Ju****

Ju****

Posted
tell him exactly that. How you've worded it here, reaffirms your love for him, but desire for a female companion. Maybe it's something you can do together?
April2023

April2023

Posted
  • Author
47 minutes ago, PiercedAndInkedDom said:

This is really close to home for me as the exact same thing has just happened to me. I was in a relationship for 8 years and my fiancé has just ended things with me to go explore her sexuality whether it be in to the whole BDSM world or just other genders in general as she said she'd regret looking back on life and not doing this. She said she has to stay true to who she is and at least give it a go.

I am heartbroken. All I do is think about her still (It's been a week but we still chat). I am in a lot of *** right now but I totally understand her situation which also makes it harder as we are both still so much in love with each other. We are best friends.

The way she brought it up to me was asking about a poly relationship. If you do it this way ensure you know which you want. Just sex with other people or actual relationships. Do a little research beforehand just incase you aren't aware of what which is which.

Me and my now ex are going to be friends(yes this will break both of us for a long while but we love each other too much for us to not continue knowing each other)Insert image from URL

 

Darling-Brat

Darling-Brat

Posted
(edited)

My partner is monogamous, although I had the benefit of knowing and expressing I was polyamorous before we were together.

I would suggest that you prepare yourself for the fact that it might take time, and I would offer that to him as well. Let him know that his initial reaction, if negative, is normal, and that you're here to figure out with him what works for you and which rules you both want for you to feel free to be yourself and him to feel safe. The most important thing is to remind him and yourself that you're on the same team, and you both want the same thing: for you to be happy; for him to be happy.

It might be a process, and that's okay. No one gets it first try, and you've had more time to grapple with this than he has. As long as he can accept that it might take time for you guys to figure out and for him to figure out his emotions, you will have the grace to at least work on it together as a team.

Essentially: Let him know he's not alone and you're there for/with him.

Edited by BrattySweetheart
Autocorrupt typos
April2023

April2023

Posted
  • Author

The heartbreak is what I want to avoid, I think that is why I stay in the closet

al****

al****

Posted
This is something you’ve likely learned and discovered over a long period of time, and not an overnight thought. If you want to try bring him round, it needs to be the same. Find a programme that has characters in it that do what you want so he can see it with his own eyes. Often if you’re new to it, it can seem like you just want to ‘cheat’ when we know that’s not the case. If he doesn’t know anything about it, bring it into his mind, with comments now and then, books, tv shows or movies so it’s not out of nowhere. Ask the questions while it’s on, what do you think of this? Test the water and ease him in
da****

da****

Posted
You sound just like me lol I agree that you should be honest and just tell him exactly this even though it might be difficult for him to accept or understand. At least he’ll know where you are and won’t be surprised if you do decide to explore anything else

Deleted Member

Posted
3 minutes ago, April2023 said:

The heartbreak is what I want to avoid, I think that is why I stay in the closet

As much as it hurts us both I'm happy she is going to get to be who she wants to be. I love her will always want her to be the best version of herself. 

Ae****

Ae****

Posted
Devil's advocate - rather than exploring polyamory, deeply explore in yourself the root of the reason monogamy / your husband isn't fully satisfying.
The urge may be telling you of something you need, but polyamory may just be a band aid. Maybe it's hard to understand or accept that you really could be totally fulfilled in a monogamous relationship, but the internal obstacle is currently loudly calling to you for attention.
Jo****

Jo****

Posted
If you come from the mindset of being honest, kind and respectful. Your partner shouldn’t being as heart broken as you would think. And whatever happens remain calm, guys need time to process stuff. Hope this helps.
  • 1 year later...
Pi****

Pi****

Posted
You should tell your husband. How, well that’s up to you. He may be very receptive and he may not. Maybe tell him that you would like him to be included. His answer just might surprise you. Good luck sweetheart.
  • 3 weeks later...

Deleted Member

Posted
I think, if he’s a decent guy and feels secure and loved, it won’t be as scary as you think. The hardest part will be starting. Perhaps opening by asking him if there’s anything new he wants to explore or any fantasies or anything he’s curious about. People change and grow. He might be more receptive than you expect.

But, be prepared for if he isn’t. What then? Make sure you have plans in place for all outcomes. I really hope it goes well though. Best of luck
st****

st****

Posted
Are you so sure that he's certain to respond to your desires poorly? I don't mean to dismiss your concern and apprehension, and I could be quite wrong as I don't know either of you. But, it sounds like you feel as though you are letting him down before you've even said a word to him.

I agree with BackRubsNBruises. If you think that he would have a difficult time accepting you showing somebody else affection, perhaps present it to him differently. What if, at first, you both experimented with an outsider together? I think many people are less inclined to feel insecure or jealous if they don't feel that there is a threat to their relationship. I'd like to think that the two of you could have an easier time having taken the first step together. 🙂
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