:1787268612,6441549, introducing palace players by mew has always been a favorite... is it my #1? idk

Wow, seeing someone who knows about Mew is crazy--and made me go looking for 156.

:1786833114,5215381,
So he has previously sid he would is scared of me leaving him for a woman and also that he doesnt understand what another guy could do for me that he cant. Im naturally submissive when it comes to sex, always have been. He is, I Read more… suspect, a sub leaning switch....

From your post, I'm reading that you don't want this to break your relationship. I fully understand that. I'm also happily with someone who's not into kink. If I received advice that was either, "You have to consider him," or, "You have to consider yourself," I'd find it very incomplete.

If you're like me, I completely understand the feeling of just not knowing how to move forward because you love the other person and care about how you feel, but you're also admitting to yourself who you are and realising you're worth it.

That being said, what you describe here is definitely a little worrying. Not in an open, honest conversation where you're curiously exploring how he feels -- it's completely natural -- but I hope you both know and understand that these insecurities should not be holding you back. Because you are who you are, and him not understanding what you can get out of it is not in any way a way to invalidate who you are or what you need.

I think the first step is to sit down and really untangle all the emotions tied up in this. In a non-judgemental and caring way to work towards a goal together where you're both feeling happy, fulfilled, and safe.

Him not liking you getting something when he isn't, while also a normal feeling, is pretty toxic if used as an excuse to deny you what you need. So it should be acknowledged as a feeling, not used as a reason to bind you. There has to be equal love and understanding on both sides, of course.

And your needs are reality. Your needs are not negotiable or something to ignore. They're wonderful. You just have to figure out a way for you both to feel safe while you explore them so you can continue being in a happy relationship.

:1779622390,7058289, Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts!
When I read them, I felt so much hope! I mean, it takes a lot of mutual understanding to make any deeper connection work, regardless of the type of person you are, right? Sometimes because of stuff in our Read more… brains, sometimes because of outside circumstances. For example, if someone has a young child, then the other one will need to make allowances for that too and actually that would be a need that cannot as you so perfectly said it be shrunk at all. So everyone will have a need that is fundamental and solutions need to be found to still make it work.
Thank you. Your words felt like honey!

If you ever want or need to talk about it with someone, my DMs are open.

It honestly seems like you have a pretty good grasp on yourself and what you need to work with from reading your comments, and I'm thinking about whether part of your reactivity comes from feeling like you have to constantly suppress yourself and your needs. I'm saying that because that happened to me. When you put more pressure on yourself to not react instead of finding healthy ways to react and being with someone you feel will respond compassionately to you expressing your needs, at some point, of course the dam will burst.

This might not be the issue, you know better than I do. But if it is, stepping up for yourself and reminding yourself that you're allowed to listen to your own intuition is a really valuable first step.

I haven't looked at the other comments, so bear with me if I repeat something.

First and foremost, no, giving someone a list of things that can set you off is not a list of rules they need to follow: they're an ask for accommodation.

It sounds like you're going through something a lot of Read more… neurodivergent people struggle with - whether you are one or not: living in a world where you're not the visible norm and people constantly gatekeep whether your needs are valid.

Here's the thing: you're not compatible with everyone, which also means that not everyone is for you. The people who are will be thankful to learn how you work and curious about what makes you tick.

That doesn't mean communication isn't a challenge. But people who care are also usually welcoming of a challenge. Challenge is something that brings us closer together if we attack it as a problem we can find ways to solve together.

Circling back to your list of triggers: someone may look at them and say: "I'm unable to accommodate these the way you want," and that's okay. If the conversation ends there, that's it. But it doesn't have to. Sometimes, you can work out new ways to accommodate those needs. Your needs are a reality. You can't shrink them to be more pleasant.

And you're already aware of and working on your own issues. I'm sure this isn't pleasant for you either. As long as you work on becoming a better person while the person you care about works with you on figuring out ways to accommodate you, it's okay to not be perfect. You can give and receive grace with the people where it clicks.

Genuinely, you deserve compassion, not as an excuse to hurt, but as a permission to be human and make mistakes and then make amends. Repair is key. And then accountability.

Good luck. I know how hard it is, but I believe.

I think that exploring new kink is essentially about two things: 1) patience, and 2) finding something in that kink that excites you.
If you're constantly evaluating how much she's trying, it creates a massive amount of pressure on a person who's already doing something that feels against her Read more… nature to do because she wants you to be happy. It's completely understandable and valid that you feel dissatisfied, but also try to remember that this is a person going outside of her comfort zone as much as she knows how to because she loves you. Be gentle, it's a difficult process.
Instead, what is really going to make a difference is finding the right mindset with her. Maybe she understands domming only as someone who cracks a whip and says mean things, but there are many ways of viewing dominance. I really liked Hermetic's point that being dominant is really about giving pleasure. Perhaps that appeals to her. It could also be that she doesn't like degrading you but enjoys being a motherly dominant. In that case, you might have to compromise temporarily, while she figures out which way works for her.
And definitely work together. No one should be alone in that journey. If you're burning yourself out on frustration and trying to help her, there are also alternatives to figuring this out or meeting your needs. Seeing a sexologist, going to a kink/swinger club for inspiration/swinging etc.
Good luck, I hope it all works out!

My partner is monogamous, although I had the benefit of knowing and expressing I was polyamorous before we were together.
I would suggest that you prepare yourself for the fact that it might take time, and I would offer that to him as well. Let him know that his initial reaction, if negative, is Read more… normal, and that you're here to figure out with him what works for you and which rules you both want for you to feel free to be yourself and him to feel safe. The most important thing is to remind him and yourself that you're on the same team, and you both want the same thing: for you to be happy; for him to be happy.
It might be a process, and that's okay. No one gets it first try, and you've had more time to grapple with this than he has. As long as he can accept that it might take time for you guys to figure out and for him to figure out his emotions, you will have the grace to at least work on it together as a team.
Essentially: Let him know he's not alone and you're there for/with him.