Male Submission with Dominant females -advice required

[SammyB]

Evening everyone 

I’m popping up a post as I have recently had a conversation with an older gentleman late 40s .  He wants to explore a Ds dynamic with a Domme 

He has no experience of the lifestyle and he is unsure how and where to start 

As we know each dynamic is vey individual 

However this gentleman would like some advice and guidance around what might be expected within a Ds dynamic with a Domme

If you are happy to share your experiences with him it would be appreciated 

Equally any advice or guidance for him where to begin or any specific reading materials would be helpful 

[ey****]

a starting point to establish is what he would like this dynamic to look like - and if that is even realistic

one of the best ways to do this is to go to munches and chat with people who are in relationships and politely ask how their dynamic works.  This can be good for both ideas and also gauging what is practical.   

But to deepen the question the ask is not just "where are they now" but "how did they get there"

for a lot of people in happy Ds dynamics it's very different to many fantasies. A lot of men sometimes struggle to find/keep a Domme because they are not realistic of what this will entail. A variation of a story I've heard from unrelated women who decided to "give someone a chance" and while the sub they give a chance to didn't do a lot wrong it fell apart on expectancies, be it someone deliberately missing dishes and expecting to get a "punishment" (something which takes labour to the Domme to administer, and the dishes still aren't done) or finding it's "not for him" if it's not a 24/7 playtime or how he imagined - regardless of what he communicated at the beginning.

 

If there's simply different kinks and activities want to be tried then, again, going to munches but also branching out to small play events - making friends might often involve meeting people who are happy to play and try things

or one of the easiest ways to explore is to pay a Pro.  A lot of guys don't like this, but then they're often chasing relationships that don't happen or attending things "in the hope" something will happen. Rather than just making it happen. 

[SammyB]

Thanks for taking the time to reply

Sound advice 

[littlemiss37]

hi if he is new does he know exactly what he wants out of a Ds dynamic. I suggest events to talk about things especially since he is new. is it ldr or irl xx

[littlemiss37]

also communication is the key to everything aswell xx

[SammyB]

20 minutes ago, littlemiss37 said:

hi if he is new does he know exactly what he wants out of a Ds dynamic. I suggest events to talk about things especially since he is new. is it ldr or irl xx

The gentleman hasn’t any idea of what a Ds dynamic could actual look like 

He’s no idea what could be involved or should be involved 

[Gigglesthrupain]

Make sure he understands it is a lifestyle and not cosplay. Alot of people have ideas of what D/s is but not the reality of it

[Leisa]

Research, research, and more research is what he first needs to explore. There are a bunch of websites and literature that are good resources. After he feels like he has a picture of what he wants this dynamic to look like, communicating what he needs will flow much easier. Just like anything else in life we are trying to learn, knowledge is power.

[Ky****]

he might like to try paying and sessioning a few times with a professional, this will give him a good 'gentle' intro into a D/s dynamic, if he finds that he can't accept this for an hour or two then he won't be able to make it a lifestyle with a relationship when he finds someone, if, however, he can accept the treatment this entails then he is ready to move on and explore the possibility of a real D/s relationship, or that's my thoughts on the matter not trying to dictate

[kimutu72]

I have had a couple subs, theres is always alot of questions from both parties including limit, interests, fantasies, expectations from each other. Then I will meet them for a coffee and chat more face to face it gives you a chance to see if you both fit. Then depending on limit I would arrange to meet up. But always be open and honest about everything. Never just jump straight into the first person who messages you. Make sure they are looking for the same thing. Never be scared to ask questions, but knowing what you are looking for before deciding. Tell him to be himself. Hope that helps but feel free to message me if I can help

[SammyB]

16 hours ago, Gigglesthrupain said:

Make sure he understands it is a lifestyle and not cosplay. Alot of people have ideas of what D/s is but not the reality of it

This is my concern

I don’t know the chap at all 

He just popped into my in box 

I’m not sure he understands the reality of what is actually possible or expected 

[SammyB]

9 hours ago, kimutu72 said:

I have had a couple subs, theres is always alot of questions from both parties including limit, interests, fantasies, expectations from each other. Then I will meet them for a coffee and chat more face to face it gives you a chance to see if you both fit. Then depending on limit I would arrange to meet up. But always be open and honest about everything. Never just jump straight into the first person who messages you. Make sure they are looking for the same thing. Never be scared to ask questions, but knowing what you are looking for before deciding. Tell him to be himself. Hope that helps but feel free to message me if I can help

Thank you for sharing 

thanks for wonderful thank you for help 

sx 

[SammyB]

14 hours ago, Leisa said:

Research, research, and more research is what he first needs to explore. There are a bunch of websites and literature that are good resources. After he feels like he has a picture of what he wants this dynamic to look like, communicating what he needs will flow much easier. Just like anything else in life we are trying to learn, knowledge is power.

That’s what I have said to him 

take his time and educate himself

read talk to others about their experiences and Take time to try to understand what Ds is 

[ge****]

If he's on here any reason he's not posted himself?
.
Agree with pretty much all others have said - to be honest if he's not sure what he's looking for or wants, then that's the first thing to address - especially as a male submissive in an environment awash with us, any Domme worth their salt (i.e. not a scammer) will expect a coherent conversation that shows at least a level of knowledge and understanding both of the lifestyle and also a submissives desires - if he's unable to articulate even those then he's likely to remain frustrated

[dook]

He might want to start by looking at some of the online bdsm tests or quizzes and see what might appeal to hiim. Find a person you can trust and experiment. I know that I love things now that I wouldn't have considered twenty five years ago.