How to find out if someone is kink

[SirScorpio]

what’s the best way to find out if someone is into kinks and fet without scaring the shit out of them, Is there a delicate way to find out or introduce maybe them to kink?

[ey****]

It can be difficult especially when someone even joking about it isn't necessarily into it.

I guess a lot depends on the context of who you are asking and how important it is it's brought up

[Deleted Member]

in this modern days most people know about kinky play and fetishes. I guess you are dating vanilla, so why don't you ask if she's into it. If she's says no and ask why then you better learn a good answer for it....

how to do it delicate way, I hate to say it but having 50 shades book in discreet view in your library is a good start for chat about it. 

while texting if she mentioned she's done something bad, just respond with "naughty girl need a spanking for that" and see her reaction

fake a fancy party night outfit with handcuffs etc and let it in view for her to see it if she's into it she will het her hands on it ......

 

[Deleted Member]

Tbh I think it's easier to go to munches to meet like minded people. You can have a laugh and joke with friends colleagues to try and delve deeper. Its doesn't always work though and like you said, sometimes you "scare the shit out of them"

[Sw****]

Please don't do what these guys just told you to do. The book is an interesting idea, if the girl is already in your room, studying everything there and the lights are on and she's maybe bored enough to see everything in it but your bed and whether or not it's a messy room. What we're looking for is whether or not your bed is clean, room is clean, what is generally in your room, and pictures. 

Having handcuffs out and ready may not be a great idea if she's not very comfortable with you yet. There are a lot of sleaze balls out there that are ready to pounce and would love to take advantage of a girl once they got them into their personal space.

How are you going to get her to go to a munch? Uncomfortable. That could also backfire, and she may leave, and would judge you, and tell other people you both know about your life's choices.

My advice would be otherwise. Date her, and wait until you've gotten into her pants. Fingered, oral, whatever. Once you've crossed the ultimate "we're not friends" threshold and she's let you go there, say goodnight. The next time, ask her in person or via text, what she's into, what she thinks about, what she wants you to do to her. Pushing the convo later into what genre of porn she watches (some of us will never tell). The next time you're both alone, you can be rougher with her and tell her what you like to do, generally, and what you're into. If she says no, then stop. If she's into it, she's curious. If she meets you halfway and tells you what she's into and wants, then you'll know she's got her own things going on and wants you to know she has her own interests. A girl who is vanilla would push back and shut down when you ask her what she's into and will tell you how horrible porn is. She will not want your link to your favorite porno video or want to watch it together or talk about it. She won't be open to discussing different sex positions, or talk about fantasies.

Just be patient, but wait until after you're completely out of the friend zone before you try to pry out any of that info, or you will be shut down - whether or not she's the kinkiest girl in the world.

[Vandalslut]

Ask them what they thought of 'Fifty Shades of Grey' - or as we call it in this house, 'Fifty Shades of ***y Ordinary.'

[Maid-Francesca]

One of my ex colleagues I’m still in touch with is into some kink, she has seen me fully dressed up and we’ve talked numerous times about bondage and got excited by it. Only regret is that we’ve not pounced on each other lol 😂

[Deleted Member]

I bring up the subject of sex fairly early on with a new acquaintance. Sex and kink compatibility are important to me, so I want to know right away whether this is someone who might make a good partner, or whether I'm wasting my time. Once we've discovered plenty of vanilla things in common, and it's clear that there's mutual chemistry, then i dive right in. I'm not shy about it at all, what's the point? I've never had a negative response, and it's helped me to weed out unsuitable partners before I've make a big investment. How early is too early? I'd say that if you're sending flirty texts, and they're responding in kind, it's time. I think the trick is to keep everything light and playful, this is about discovery, and having something fun to look forward to together. I think it's okay to be straightforward as long as your attitude is curious, receptive, and non-judgemental. 'How do you feel about spanking?' 'Would you let me put a finger up your ass?' 'Has anyone ever called you Daddy?' I've never had to actually tell anyone that I'm kinky, it's pretty obvious from our conversation. If they cringe and make noises like a hurt ***, well it was lovely meeting you and good luck out there. If they laugh or growl or whimper, we might have a winner!

[Deleted Member]

5 hours ago, SweetNothings84 said:

Please don't do what these guys just told you to do.....

then you end up saying the same as me?? 

maybe the OP could give more detail about the other person as if she/he is dating her/he already and how long,  to avoid any confusion with the responses?

 

"finger up your ass" ?? is that the Must in bdsm/kinky world!!

[ey****]

I think as I say - a lot is very context driven.

Who is the person you want to ask? Is it someone you're in a relationship with? A date? Someone you want to ask on a date? A friend? Because the approach could differ wildly.

Next off - when you say scare them off... what's the impact of this? So for example if it's a date and your fetish/kink is important to you then all it does is save you from someone you're not compatible with.

Of course it may be your kink/fetish is LESS important to you - but something that could be appealing - in which case, time will dictate when things are right.

Then also, it depends what the kink/fetish is - there's a world of difference between "I like to kiss feet" and I want to be beat/beat you until we're red and bleeding

[Wo****]

On 7/13/2019 at 11:44 AM, SirScorpio said:

what’s the best way to find out if someone is into kinks and fet without scaring the shit out of them, Is there a delicate way to find out or introduce maybe them to kink?

If it's someone you're "with" ask if you can blindfold and tease them..

Or maybe just ask what turns them on.

 

[Sw****]

20 hours ago, FabSeverus said:

then you end up saying the same as me?? 

I think you should read more closely. I disagreed with your book and cuffs ideas, and put reasons why, cutie. <3

Everyone knows you like a finger up the arse. <3

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, SweetNothings84 said:

I think you should read more closely. I disagreed with your book and cuffs ideas, and put reasons why, cutie. <3

Everyone knows you like a finger up the arse. <3

I think you should stop smoking pots, your delirium about clean room, porn she watch etc...

regarding the book I quote you "Please don't do what these guys just told you to do. The book is an interesting idea" 

for the handcuffs I said pretend he is going out at a fancy party and leave his outfit in view on a chair for her to see it, NOT putting handcuffs on her ?? read me properly or ask me to clarify if you didn't understand before misinterpreting my comment. 

what ever I like a finger up my arse or not is not everyone to knows or to comment on here

 

[Ra****]

@eyemblacksheep so much rather a bleeding ass than someone kissing my feet btw!! Ahah I think communication is the key here. And like eyemblacksheep said how important is kink to you. I would rather be alone than with someone who is not into my kinks. But that is because I want my kinks as part of my future. It all depends on the context as well like it was said before.. who is this person to you.. what point are you at with them? If it's still new and you want kink in your life i would definitely not wait until you are in a relationship to speak about it and most definitely do not do any of it without their consent!! They might be totally new to it and not be able to say no in the moment because they are shocked about what you're doing! Even fingering someone in the ass - which may be nothing to some people and a big big problem for others. Also if it's big for you and you need it in your life it would be bad to just go through all the stages until the end because well they are not into it... Best of luck x this takes time and patience and luck !

[Deleted Member]

When I met someone I started to click with I always simply asked what they're into. I never had anyone scared by it. I'm a curious person so I ask even if not interested in them, if there's a certain level of "talk intimity".

[ey****]

3 hours ago, RavenSass said:

so much rather a bleeding ass than someone kissing my feet btw!!

well there's that as well  

[Deleted Member]

Well we will never know as the op doesn’t care about our comments or suggestions 🤔

Also what it is with finger up asses 😂 is it some kind of kinky hand shake 👍😈

[MirandaGrey]

Hmm, if it scares them, they are not the right person for me.  I'd rather know that early on than invest myself in a relationship only to find out later that our ideas of intimacy are not compatible.  Once I start to care about someone, I can make all sorts of excuses why it's "okay" that they're not into bondage, D/s play, or my kinky fetishes...but in doing so, I am taking a pro-active role in depriving myself of what I really want.  Once mutual attraction has been established, dropping flirty, kinky innuendos is going to draw the right girl/guy/person to you, rather than repel them.  Is what we're really afraid of less about about scaring them, and more about being judged and rejected?  

I can't speak for all female kinksters (nor do I know if you are interested in women, men, either/both), but personally, I find it very attractive when a man can express his interests with confidence and is eager to learn about mine.  That played a huge role in drawing me to my current Dominant partner.  It's certainly not easy to risk being *** and open about our non-vanilla cravings, but I have found the pay off to be worth it.