Tips for people who want to meet kink minded partners

[Deleted Member]

I realized quickly no one actually meets anyone on here.

[MasterDarcy1979]

2 hours ago, Slyder said:

I realized quickly no one actually meets anyone on here.

Really?

Have you taken a poll?

[ey****]

10 hours ago, Slyder said:

I realized quickly no one actually meets anyone on here.

you have been here... a day.

You win the "Most Impatient" award. 

[John54]

Slider. Have you belonged to the group in the past, left, and just rejoined? I wonder because it says you've only been a member for 2 days - but it might be second time round. If it isn't, I think a way of getting engagement is to ask yourself what you can GIVE to the group in the way of your past experiences and learnings, rather than present an image of someone expecting people to throw themselves at your feet.

[eR****]

I’m still hoping. Needle in the haystack. Been trying to go to more local events, educational and munches. Develop friendships and maybe one day boom there’s my needle 🪡

[Juan-2738]

Need to create a friendship that i am comfortable going to munches with maybe more.

[Co****]

Sup guys. So I’ve been on this site for a good while but rarely looked at in the beginning. I would check it out and learn more about what I like kink and wise. So I try and catch on here soon as I can. Probably a silly weird question but are there any real life circle jerks around? What about my area? NC? Thanks

[Deleted Member]

So far I have yet to find anyone who wants anything besides sex. Far too many men can't seem to wrap their heads around the idea that women aren't fetish dispensers. And that a woman being on a fetish site doesn't mean that she is an easy lay.

It's crazy how many men get angry when I refuse to do what they want.

[Th****]

I think my biggest problem is that I don't know what I'm looking for. People seem to not want to bother with someone who doesn't clearly state what they want. I'm always too nervous to tell those people who message me back what my intentions are so they lose interest pretty quickly. So i guess my advice is to not be a lil bitch like me.

[Kr****]

Vanilla nerds. Each one turned out to like kinky stuff or loved my reaction enough to enjoy doing it. Works for relationships. Never had an ONS.

 

[po****]

So I know i am rather old to be new at something. But I have been trying to find a partner/friend/mentor/teacher for over a year and a half... i have found nothing... only the feeling of rejection and reinforcing the things i was told as a child... "you are worthless" you will never be anything" and so on...

I dont think I am an ugly guy, I mean I know i am not omg he's so hot...

I try to be a good man, treat people with respect. Do my best to build others up, help them when they are down. Then they find someone better...

Maybe this isnt cut out for me... maybe for the last 20 years I created an illusion of this amazing thing, and maybe some people just aren't meant for it...

[Deleted Member]

I met one partner on here, and one partner on FetLife. But I’ve been around in the kink scene and attending kink events for 10-12 years and so this comes up in discussion a lot. I’m aware that this is very much the exception in the scene. Most people I talk to DO NOT meet their partners on kink apps / sites. I cannot recommend highly enough getting on FetLife, looking for local events (particularly munches) and meeting people there.

[ey****]

5 hours ago, KinkedAndInked said:

I met one partner on here, and one partner on FetLife. But I’ve been around in the kink scene and attending kink events for 10-12 years and so this comes up in discussion a lot. I’m aware that this is very much the exception in the scene. Most people I talk to DO NOT meet their partners on kink apps / sites. I cannot recommend highly enough getting on FetLife, looking for local events (particularly munches) and meeting people there.

I'm going to say - and - I agree with you, although it is an "I agree with you but"

Yep - same boat - I've been active in kink events since 2013 and active online, ooh, 2014.   And most people I meet is through being active at kink events, munches, etc etc. but I think sometimes being online on sites can continue the interactions with friends and acquaintence and grow things

So going to munches/events alone would work slowly, and being online alone - a challenge, but mixing the two plays against the other

And yep, most people in kink events say they don't meet their partners on apps/sites but from events (even if they may grow some picture via online interactions) but of course that's their answer, they go to events etc   

So the folk who only look online, some I know do meet partners via online, but it's much more challenging

[Deleted Member]

54 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I'm going to say - and - I agree with you, although it is an "I agree with you but"

Yep - same boat - I've been active in kink events since 2013 and active online, ooh, 2014.   And most people I meet is through being active at kink events, munches, etc etc. but I think sometimes being online on sites can continue the interactions with friends and acquaintence and grow things

So going to munches/events alone would work slowly, and being online alone - a challenge, but mixing the two plays against the other

And yep, most people in kink events say they don't meet their partners on apps/sites but from events (even if they may grow some picture via online interactions) but of course that's their answer, they go to events etc   

So the folk who only look online, some I know do meet partners via online, but it's much more challenging

Completely agree. Thanks for adding your thoughts

[po****]

Thank you all, it is just disappointing... i have so many things i would love to experience but... going to munches/events is ... running into a burning building sure, crawling into a twisted mangled car no problem. Going to these alone is terrifying

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, ponca-city616 said:

Thank you all, it is just disappointing... i have so many things i would love to experience but... going to munches/events is ... running into a burning building sure, crawling into a twisted mangled car no problem. Going to these alone is terrifying

You don’t have to go alone. You can contact the munch organiser your first time and ask to be introduced to people. Munch organisers offer a friendly face on arrival. You can post in the group for a munch asking if anyone is willing to meet up there. If you’d rather meet a single person 1-2-1 first, if groups make you nervous, you could post on here, for a specific area to say you are looking for friends only (men and women!) who are interested in attending local events and equally nervous about going. Then have a solo social meet with them. If you don’t feel you can meet someone solo on a friends only basis, I do wonder how you were hoping to date someone from here.

[po****]

That's awesome advice and is greatly appreciated.

[de****]

Yesterday at 04:01 AM, ponca-city616 said:

So I know i am rather old to be new at something. But I have been trying to find a partner/friend/mentor/teacher for over a year and a half... i have found nothing... only the feeling of rejection and reinforcing the things i was told as a child... "you are worthless" you will never be anything" and so on...

I dont think I am an ugly guy, I mean I know i am not omg he's so hot...

I try to be a good man, treat people with respect. Do my best to build others up, help them when they are down. Then they find someone better...

Maybe this isnt cut out for me... maybe for the last 20 years I created an illusion of this amazing thing, and maybe some people just aren't meant for it...

I have looked at your profile so don't know how old you are but I'm not young myself and I'm also new to this. Learning what I like and don't like. What I want. What I need. It's a struggle meeting people my here. I finally broke down and paid for 6 months in hopes that some friendships at least might come of it

[po****]

2 minutes ago, denver24673 said:

I have looked at your profile so don't know how old you are but I'm not young myself and I'm also new to this. Learning what I like and don't like. What I want. What I need. It's a struggle meeting people my here. I finally broke down and paid for 6 months in hopes that some friendships at least might come of it

We are about the same age, and it is tough. I look at kinda like a buffet for women. They definitely have their pick of who and what they want

[de****]

I agree with ponca-city616. Being new at my age, going to a munch feels like a huge step. That being said I'm more than willing to try it. My biggest issue is being a truck driver so I never know if I'm going to be in an area where a munch is happening. And even when I'm home where I live has nothing.

[de****]

4 minutes ago, ponca-city616 said:

We are about the same age, and it is tough. I look at kinda like a buffet for women. They definitely have their pick of who and what they want

Yeah I would agree with you there. I'm probably not exactly the masculine specimen most are looking for. I feel inadequate to the standard lol.

[po****]

1 minute ago, denver24673 said:

Yeah I would agree with you there. I'm probably not exactly the masculine specimen most are looking for. I feel inadequate to the standard lol.

Yeah i think more of us fall into that category than you think

[Deleted Member]

I found my current play partner, who is local to me, right here on this website. Or, I should say, he found me.

.

I'm blessed to have a  local and active kink community. Since I have social anxiety, though, I find that I do the best at structured events: teas, mixers, classes, events with a social time first, etc.

.

Straight-up play parties are torturous for me to attend without a play partner.

Edited May 25, 2025 by Deleted Member

[de****]

5 minutes ago, Griot said:

I found my current play partner, who is local to me, right here on this website. Or, I should say, he found me.

.

I'm blessed to have a  local and active kink community. Since I have social anxiety, though, I find that I do the best at structured events: teas, mixers, classes, events with a social time first, etc.

.

Straight-up play parties are torturous for me to attend without a play partner.

I think something like that would work better unless I'm going with friends. Unfortunately the few friends I have that I know about their kinks and vice versa are all across the country and never met in person yet. But I trust them enough at this point I would go with them. It would be a learning experience at least. Again my issue is being a trucker and not being able to get an event when it's happening.

[po****]

6 minutes ago, Griot said:

I found my current play partner, who is local to me, right here on this website. Or, I should say, he found me.

.

I'm blessed to have a  local and active kink community. Since I have social anxiety, though, I find that I do the best at structured events: teas, mixers, classes, events with a social time first, etc.

.

Straight-up play parties are torturous for me to attend without a play partner.

You are lucky to have found one.

Going to anything outside of a one on one at a neutral public setting is the most comfortable, but it seems (and I totally understand) that others feel safer at an organized event of whatever type.