Question about caregivers

[Pa****]

I’ve been reading about caregivers and littles and I’m interested in the dynamic. I can see the obvious connection between caregivers/daddy doms and littles. Personally, I’ve found that I’m super into the idea of a being with a caregiver and the relinquishing of control, but I can recognize that the little role is definitely not for me. It’s a very solid limit for me. So I’m curious, how connected are these roles? Could one expect to find people who are caregivers but not looking for a little? 
I suppose I might also be hesitant because of the term “daddy” as well. That being said, I’m more open and curious about it. But I’ve seen discussions on how this term is used in other threads, so that’s a different discussion.

I’m pretty new to this particular kink but certain aspects seem very attractive to me but I’ve got a few questions. I’d be very interested in hearing from people who know more and can share their experiences and what they know. 

[Ki****]

The term caregiver can go with a range of different dynamic relationships it does not necessarily have to be a daddy Dom or you necessarily being a little.

You don't have to have it labelled as such, I may self am a little, as well as being a switch I have actually been on the other side as the caregiver, generally when it does come to that sort of role the people that I have done it for one of them did not identify as a little, and was mainly just wanting the nurturing side of things, just having someone there that loves giving cuddles or even just the sort of person that you can feel safe with and things like that.

You you are the one that defines the relationships that you seek, you don't even need to order label on them if you don't want to.

I've had an on again off again dynamic with someone and even though I identify as a little, more often than not she never even sees that I am that person, it is the fact that we are just so comfortable with each other, and she cares for me enough and that is enough for me.
There has been many times where the only thing that we have actually done, is I will go around for a visit, and while I am there I will lay down with my head in her lap and she will stroke my hair, as she watches television, it is purely for the comfort factor and feeling safe.

[st****]

Caregivers are not necessarily connected solely to littles (although most suited). Ones inbuilt tendency to give care extends across roles, be it sub or a Dom. If we try to be more specific, perhaps one can try to help understand better.

[Deleted Member]

To me a caregiver is just that, someone that gives care,whether they seek a little or not is purely up to the individual. For example I see myself as a caregiver but I’m not seeking a little. So in my opinion, and to answer your question, yes one could expect to find a caregiver that is not seeking a little. I’m certain that others will have different opinions tho.

[OnSwitch]

Yes, you can have a Caregiver dynamic without necessarily needing the submissive to be a Little. Daddy- and Mommy-Doms are typically very caring -- as the "Caregiver" implies -- and if you form a trusting relationship with someone, you can mold whatever dynamic works for you both. (And you don't have to use the term "Daddy" if that makes you uncomfortable; I'm just using it here for shorthand.) It sounds like what you want is a "Soft Dom" -- a Dom that is affectionate and considerate, but has the traits of a Dom. (Daddy-Dom is generally a subset of "Soft Dom".) Hope that helps in some capacity. 🩷

[Deleted Member]

Agree with OnSwitch, it sounds like you're looking for a 'soft dom' or 'gentle dom'.

[Deleted Member]

So, I love the connection and dynamic between those two identities, but age regression is not my cup of tea personally. You don't have to rigidly follow any preconceptions of what constitutes a little. For some people, they love to dress in a certain way, to carry a stuffed *** or do colouring books as their expression of what 'little' means to them. For others, being little is more about leaning into the daddy facet of someone and following that lead in a way that feels natural and comfortable for them. You can craft a ddlg type dynamic in any way that feels right for you

[Ri****]

I love it..

[Li****]

Well I'm heavily into ddlg but I am not a little in any shape or form! I identify as a middle! Same role applies for daddy, accept he isn't into coloring books and stuffies he's into his pre-*** and all of her sexual awakenings

[Li****]

I never age played down further than 12 or 13 as that's my natural play preference considering my physique and my attitude! It doesn't have to be all about baby play and pink bows! Although by far the biggest community of submissives are the Littles so there must be something to be said about it!😘😘

[Li****]

Just remember play is about what you want and what you make of it so if you don't like something make it yours and change it🥰

[Li****]

As for looking for a soft Dom no that's not necessarily the case unless it's something that you want- but I found by far the stricter daddy's have to be the ones that deal with their ***agers fyi....

[Deleted Member]

There’s no rules. Find what YOU like and form your relationship around it. If it’s suits you and your partner, then that’s how it should be for YOU.

[Firefox_]

The rules/boundaries are what you make of them. I love my DDlg relationship, Daddy helps me in all sorts of ways in life. Finances, traveling, alsorts of adulting stuff not just about sex. I love having someone whos literally there for me in everyway. Hes just amazing. I personally would only be with a Daddy dom or a soft dom. I need the soft nurturing loving side to feel safe.

[Ro****]

My dynamic is definately more of me being a caregiver and my little just being someone that wants a father figure in her life to give her guidance and be there for encouragement. Theres no sexual thing there. It's almost like a mentorship program for an adult. I'm basically just the dad she never had growing up, trying to show her the unconditional love and affection any parent would have for their kid. Now we also share a bottom/top relationship where she is in control "in the bedroom", but the two dynamics are separate. Basically when it comes to the sexual aspect she is in control, and runs the show. Outside of that I am the one taking care of business and guiding her. It works for us. Even though we sometimes like to venture out and have some "bedroom" fun with other people, she knows I will always be there to take care of her and keep her safe in this world.

[Deleted Member]

It’s truly about connection…
Not all daddies age play.
I don’t typically like the age play aspect but what I do like is giving my baby girl a safe space to just be herself, so if that includes little space sometimes then I like for her to embrace all her sides.
But no it’s not about age play for many of us.
Being a daddy is being caring, supportive, a mentor; inspiring our subs and guiding them in their pursuit of who they really are.
The term daddy isn’t meant to be taken literally…
And I only have my sub say it when she feels it, not forcing her.
But yes these relationships can and should grow very close…
Open, honest, trusting always lends itself to
Something deeper and more meaningful. So if you’re hoping for casual it’s probably not the life for you.
As a daddy dom when I am in with a sub I am all the way in, fully invested

[Py****]

Where to start on this one.....

You don't not have to be a little to be paired with a DD

There are DDs there are CGs and then there are DDs that take on a CG/foster role all of which are a little bit different.

To simply answer your question Yes you can have a CG and not be a little, a dynamic is what you make of it and what you want out of it all depends what you and a partner decide on....
I know Masters that are also DDs I know DDs that lean more Dom, everyone and every dynamic will be different

[Ro****]

You might have better luck researching TPE (total power exchanges).
Caregivers I personally wouldn’t call a category, like Dom or Sub, but more of an attribute of either can do in the way they identify:
A Dom would be naturally leading, have a sense of showing his sub how to be the best version of themselves

A sub would naturally be following, having a sense of voluntary submission, very different than ***d submission cnc (which most people can picture being sexually turned on to not have the choice or be ***d to submit)


That’s kinda the exchange though, it’s not the sub gets something for nothing.
The sub is giving voluntary submission both in and out of the bedroom.

Now, adding DDLG makes it not as whips and chains Total Power Exchange focused. Still adds the taboo or naughty factor with roleplay, and gives a reference in socity everyone understands the dynamic of - Daddy = in charge, Baby = submitting.


Id look into Total Power Exchanges and then you’ll be dealing with finding the balance so it’s not all just whips and chains, but definitely way less likely to be dealing with anything DDLG related in those dynamics

[Li****]

With me being a little myself, it’s nice to have caregivers or just friends that enjoy the role of caregiving. I have a male friend that likes to hang out and play video games, but when he feels the need or want to be a caregiver I’ll let him take care of changing me or which ever when he feels inclined. I don’t call him daddy cause we’re just friends playing video games a couple times a month.

[De****]

Age play is a hard limit for me as well. We do still have a dynamic where my Dom takes care of me. It’s my place to be safe and free to express my feelings. And yes, often spoiled. It never goes into little space because neither of us think of it that way.

[Th****]

@Pastawhat so far has been your understanding of what a Caregiver is and what about that is appealing to you where you feel you'd be interested in looking for one?

 

Being a Caregiver from a kink/bdsm standpoint and someone who *is* a caregiver aren't necessarily interchangeable concepts. Anyone in any role can give care and naturally have a caregiving personality plenty of vanillas are natural caregivers. 

 

As several have stated really it's about what you and a partner want and what works for you. This is why I struggle with labels but I also see the usefulness for them in communication with others. There's usually a generally accepted meaning and how things are, but it's also important to know what that means to the individual because there is no "one true" or "right" way to kink. This is why I will ask people "what does ____ look like or mean to you?" Instead of making assumptions. 

 

Using a certain title doesn't automatically translate to any specific dynamic style either. I don't use the same title for everyone, for me titles are specific to a dynamic and what feel right with one person won't necessarily be comfortable with another. I have and do/will wear the "Mommy" name tag but I don't identify as a Caregiver and I don't age play. However, I do have a natural caregiving personality and do give care. The main label I claim or identify as for myself and use for simple and efficient communication purposes is D type, beyond that will vary by context. 

 

[Th****]

3 hours ago, DaddyWantsMore said:

You might have better luck researching TPE (total power exchanges).
Caregivers I personally wouldn’t call a category, like Dom or Sub, but more of an attribute of either can do in the way they identify:
A Dom would be naturally leading, have a sense of showing his sub how to be the best version of themselves

A sub would naturally be following, having a sense of voluntary submission, very different than ***d submission cnc (which most people can picture being sexually turned on to not have the choice or be ***d to submit)


That’s kinda the exchange though, it’s not the sub gets something for nothing.
The sub is giving voluntary submission both in and out of the bedroom.

Now, adding DDLG makes it not as whips and chains Total Power Exchange focused. Still adds the taboo or naughty factor with roleplay, and gives a reference in socity everyone understands the dynamic of - Daddy = in charge, Baby = submitting.


Id look into Total Power Exchanges and then you’ll be dealing with finding the balance so it’s not all just whips and chains, but definitely way less likely to be dealing with anything DDLG related in those dynamics

I really don't get the impression the op is wanting a TPE dynamic at all and a lot of the rest of your response feels pretty black and white "right way". Caregiver is a definite role that's fairly common. 

[Pa****]

11 hours ago, ThaliaVirago said:

@Pastawhat so far has been your understanding of what a Caregiver is and what about that is appealing to you where you feel you'd be interested in looking for one?

Using a certain title doesn't automatically translate to any specific dynamic style either. I don't use the same title for everyone, for me titles are specific to a dynamic and what feel right with one person won't necessarily be comfortable with another. 

 

I appreciate your distinction between roles and characteristics. To answer your question, I think I had begun to overlap the idea of a dominant type and a caregiving trait. I think this was likely influenced a bit by what I’m looking for (tentatively: a dominant who is also very much a caregiver, who I can then give back to in a submissive way? Still exploring these ideas though). 
I know I myself am extremely caring and I crave the ability/role that allows me to take care of my people. It’s a large part of my existing social life and my profession. I love to feed and provide for people and make sure they’re taken care of. In many ways I find it easier to look after others than myself. This is probably where the desire for both a dominant type and a caregiving type stems from. 
Also regarding the title, the titles “mommy” or “daddy” done click for me personally but I can picture myself using them if they were important to a partner. It’s interesting to see how that same sentiment could apply to a Dominant’s perspective.
Thanks for your feedback as well. I appreciate your input a lot 

[Pa****]

22 hours ago, OnSwitch said:

Yes, you can have a Caregiver dynamic without necessarily needing the submissive to be a Little.
you can mold whatever dynamic works for you both. (And you don't have to use the term "Daddy" if that makes you uncomfortable; I'm just using it here for shorthand.) It sounds like what you want is a "Soft Dom" -- a Dom that is affectionate and considerate, but has the traits of a Dom. (Daddy-Dom is generally a subset of "Soft Dom".) Hope that helps in some capacity. 🩷

Thanks! This is a very helpful clarification. After reading a lot of these posts, things are beginning to clear up and some things seem almost “obvious” now. But it’s definitely helpful and thanks to having some these ideas explained in different ways and from different perspectives. 
So thanks again for your input! 

[Or****]

i’m in a DDLG relationship with my partner. i didn’t expect that to happen nor was I looking for it but it works for us to heal traumas. the point of it isn’t to stay there. the CG imo, is to help the little grow. it doesn’t even need be sexual at all. it can just be emotional availability and safety/security