Safety and the Lifestyle

[gi****]

I've been reflecting a great deal on "Safety," and its relationship to this lifestyle. Safety is such an interesting concept because we often define it by its opposite, Danger. But, we know that the absence of Danger is not adequate to develop Safety in BDSM, or really any aspect of life. Many of the activities in  BDSM have some inherent risk. Humiliation/degradation risks triggering psychological wounds. Impact play can bruise the body (or more). Restraints can, by their very nature, impede blood flow. So, we have these wonderful acronyms that guide us: SSC-Safe, Sane, and Consensual; RACK-Risk Aware Consensual Kink; and PRICK-Personal Responsibility, Informed, Consensual Kink. Embedded in these is the idea that there is enough Safety to offset the risk (or at least the knowledge of the risks allows for adequate Safety). So, for submissives/littles/brats, what do you need to feel safe with a Dom/me? And, for Dom/mes/Masters/Mistresses, what do you do to help a sub to feel safe? For me, central are communication and connection. The ability to listen and understand a submissive, to help them feel valued, to connect with them authentically and at the place that they are at, to understand their desires, needs, wants, and limits. I love play that walks the edge, and I am acutely aware that the closer we get to the edge the more we need to have communication and connection. Anyways, I'm interested in others' thoughts on this matter. Submissives and Dom/mes alike.

[An****]

The “for me” part is absolutely spot on.

[Ne****]

First and foremost, I need to see evidence of their experience, expertise, and I continue from there. I can’t just engage in any activity with anyone simply because they or we want to do so.

[gi****]

1 hour ago, NexumSange said:

First and foremost, I need to see evidence of their experience, expertise, and I continue from there. I can’t just engage in any activity with anyone simply because they or we want to do so.

I absolutely agree.  This is a part of communication and connection to me.  Not only understanding what are open to, but what have the experience to do.  Excellent point.

[po****]

i definitely agree that there are ways to make a space safer than regular, that is ways to increase safety that are not about taking away dangers. vulnerability requires an extra amount of safety and feeling comfortable before someone feels able and wanting to open up