What is the best way to learn your likes and dislikes?

[Alyssa33]

What is the best way for new members to the BDSM community to get their feet wet? To find out what they like or dislike, and to learn more. Other than what is on the internet? How do you start?

[MsDrawers]

Going to events and seeing how others play is a good way to familiarise yourself with at least more mainstream kink. Some events, certainly *munches, will happily meet you to welcome you if you're nervous. *munches are vanilla meets of the local kink community and most areas have them in most major cities around the world.

[BacknBoise]

You can start communicating online so you can get comfortable talking about what you like, what you want, etc. It’s basically anonymous so you can start there.

you can then progress to events in person or even finding a play partner that’s at a progressive stage to show you the ropes. 
 

it all comes down to how comfortable you are, and can become

 

hope that helps

[gi****]

15 minutes ago, MsDrawers said:

Going to events and seeing how others play is a good way to familiarise yourself with at least more mainstream kink. Some events, certainly *munches, will happily meet you to welcome you if you're nervous. *munches are vanilla meets of the local kink community and most areas have them in most major cities around the world.

I agree with MsDrawers, local events such as munches can be great places to meet others.  I don't know your area at all, but you might look under a major metropolitan area close to you related to these.  If you don't know what ones are near you, you might sign up on fetlife and search events.  You should be able to find events in your area.  I know local to me, we have a shop called Bondesque that has monthly classes for those who are new to kink and to explore different kinks.  You might have something in your area that is similar.

[Ki****]

I read the book A Lover’s Pinch

[Ki****]

I got it on Amazon

[Ki****]

Is the history of seitomasochism

[Do****]

Watch porn in the areas you are curious about and see what excites you. Find a Domme/sub/play partner who is happy to try different things with you and see what you like.

[McGraw]

If the idea excites you perhaps it’s time to have your fun or experiment. If you try it and find it is not for you then kink is a big wide world and perhaps trying something else.

[Ge****]

Going to a play party that offers tastings is a good way to expose yourself to different types of play. Educational events can also include demos and tastings… basically a short, 5-10 minute scene using a specific toy or play type, be it flogging, needles, electro, wax, fire cupping, whips, paddles… whatever.

[ey****]

while there's a lot the internet won't give you - what it should hopefully give you is at least an idea of what you might like to try, and what you wouldn't like to try

but, yeah, getting involved in a local community is always good - make some friends - there'll be those you meet who you feel are safe to try things with, and it doesn't have to be someone you're in a relationship with or even attracted to - if it's say - do I like the sensations from impact play, or how this feels, etc.

another common option is to book a Pro Domme but, again, having an idea of what you would; or wouldn't, like to try goes a long way

[JA****]

i think getting responses from individuals who have actually experienced what you are attemping to learn is far more valuable then information online these days. As a human race we dont communicate anymore, its always just "google it" but at the sametime its "dont believe eberything you read online" so ultimatelty i believe it to be a mix of asking questions to experienced MATURE individuals as well as doing your own research and reading all while forming your own conclusion

[soul-Dominance]

Trial and Error but with someone who you can trust. Communicate with your partner, your Dom(me) or someone who understands your need to explore kinks. Be open minded and believe, you would be surprised to find out that some of myths/biases that we hold are untrue. When done right with someone with whom you trust, it can open up a whole new world. Watching porn/erotica or reading it can be one dimensional, but exploring kinks is more than sex. It’s about state of mind as that’s what makes a difference between just experiencing it and a beautiful/sensational experience 😈😈😈

[ED****]

Best way to learn your likes and dislikes to perform them with a guide or teacher, preferably a gentle or Daddy Doms ( make sure they provide aftercare)

Some actives in both hard-play and light-play can cause stress and anxiety requiring aftercare.

Daddy dom:
Fulfilling Attention
Your needs are primary
Can read facial and body language
Respect
Nurturing
Gentle when needs to be
Ruff when needs to be



Gentle dom:
Patience
Taking things slow
Step-by-step
Words of encouragement

Aftercare:

Hugs
Petting
Snuggles
Cuddles
Massages
Bubblebaths
Binkies
Stuffies
Words of affection

[La****]

On 9/15/2023 at 6:24 PM, Alyssa33 said:

What is the best way for new members to the BDSM community to get their feet wet? To find out what they like or dislike, and to learn more. Other than what is on the internet? How do you start?

I found out through watching random, alternative porn and i have always hated porn lol If i turned my nose or felt uncomfortable, it was a no. If i felt a little something something, i would explore more online...  Try it maybe

[Ki****]

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