Age & Experience Factors in BDSM Roles

[Deleted Member]

Over the years I've noticed that the younger an age group is, the more it consists of submissive personalities.
I was wondering if anyone has had the same observation.
Or if anyone had the experience first hand where they were more submissive when they were younger or less experienced and later on it changed because of those two factors.

[It****]

*Definitely* not the case for me, or a love of mine.
(in terms of how we are now, vs how we were when we were younger)

Also, depends on context and what you actually mean by “submissive personalities”

[de****]

Oh I am 100% an anecdote of this. When I was younger the idea of an older woman with a power dynamic over my (teachers/age gap/bosses) was super attractive. even if I wouldn’t consider my self entirely ‘submissive’, the themes have similarities. But now adays it’s completely flipped.

I think as a actually became experienced enough to be emotionally and spiritually equipped for the role of a caregiver/dom, I naturally yearned to fill that role instead. There’s seriously no way I could have done that role justice when I was younger. Just like our maternal instincts kicking in as adults after we spent our childhood polarizing to the guidance of role models we liked and trusted.

Either way I’ve always been on one side or another of that polarization of roles.

[un****]

i was never “submissive” however i was heavily inexperienced i knew what i wanted but i didn’t know how to give pleasure or anything else so i let my girlfriend at the time teach me the basics in the beginning but everything else in our dynamic was very much trial and error while i came into what has always come natural to me which while i made a lot of mistakes i also learned a lot and refined my approach since then

[ey****]

I think there's some repressed.  When someone young comes along and says they're a Mistress, Dom, Master, whatever they ended up getting shouted at by gatekeepers that they're "too young" - so a lot of younger folk hide it away which distorts what you see

[Li****]

I'm more confident in my submission and my ability to serve well now, than when I began my kinky journey. So for me; each experience has solidified my sexually submissive tendencies.

[Li****]

Oops! Sorry I didn't see the topic heading!👆

[LadyV]

When I first got into kink (at about 20 or 21) I identified as a switch. I identified as a switch for about a year before officially changing my role title to Dominant and placing switching as a hard limit. 

 

This wasn't because of some sexist ass "all women want to sub!" type shit. No, I knew I was inclined towards control, leading, and causing *** even before I knew what bdsm was. When I first found bdsm I already knew I was very interested in being a Dominant and a sadist.

 

The reason I started off as a switch and switched for a year was for exploration and education purposes. I was able to learn a TON more as a switch than I ever could have as just either/or. I knew from the beginning I was a Dominant. I switched for a year so I could gain knowledge, experience, and perspective. 

 

So nah, I never had a "submissive phase" or whatever. Cause even when I was playing the role of a sub while switching, I still knew it wasn't for me. 

[Hal727]

I have had the same Dom for years. We see each other for a 3-4 hour session once every few weeks. Little has changed over the years regarding what happens physically during a session. We are compatible in that she knows exactly how she wants to give me *** in order for it to excite her, and it happens to be exactly what I need as well.
What has changed and evolved is our verbal exchange before and during the sessions. Early on, once we knew each other’s needs, it was pretty cut and dried. She would bring her “tools “, I would remove my clothes, she would restrain me and proceed. Certainly we talked, because we were and are friends. But it was mostly just small talk that stopped once we were into the session.
Now, the sessions involve more verbal exchanges in the way of role play.
She will call, tell me that I need to be punished. My response is “yes Mam”.
As the session starts, she gives me stern instructions, whereas we used to just sort of both know what to do. She starts by telling me to take my clothes off and fold them neatly, and where to put them. Then she asks if I understand that she needs to punish me, and that it’s going to hurt? It goes from there. At times she will pause to tell me that what she is about to do is going to really hurt. She also warns me that if I cum before she gives me permission, that the session will continue, but in the form of “post orgasm *** “. That has only happened twice, because I find post orgasm *** to be harsh and difficult to handle.
Bottom line is that our sessions are way more fun for us both due to the improved communication within our role playing. I think that early on, we looked at verbal role playing as kinda silly and we were embarrassed by it. But it has improved the quality of our sessions many times over.

[po****]

I’m 21, and up until recently, my experience has been pretty… vanilla.

Nothing extreme, nothing unconventional. Just the usual dynamics I never really questioned.

But lately, something has shifted.

What started as curiosity has turned into something I can’t really ignore anymore. It’s not just a passing thought — it’s something I genuinely want to explore.

The idea of letting go of control.

Not being the one leading, but the one following. Letting a woman take charge completely — someone confident, someone who knows exactly what she’s doing.

And if I’m honest, the idea of it being an older woman makes it even more intense. That sense of experience and authority… it just adds something different.

It’s more psychological than physical for me. That feeling of being there, knowing she’s in control, setting the pace, deciding everything… and you just trust it.

And yes, a big part of that curiosity — or more than curiosity at this point — is pegging.

Not just the act itself, but what it represents. The shift in roles, the vulnerability, the trust involved. It’s something I actually want to experience, not just think about.

The strange thing is, even though I feel this strongly about it, it’s not exactly easy to explore in real life. It’s not something you casually bring up, especially when your past has been so… conventional.

So I guess I’m at that point where I know what I want to try, but I’m still figuring out how — and with who.

Curious if anyone else has been in a similar place.