Are there any real Dommes out there?

[Carnelian2]

The title is a little provocative, as I know there are. Having gotten that out of the way, the question becomes one of how to connect with one, that is one that does not ask for "gift cards", "tributes" and other contributions before even meeting up.

What ever happened to good old fashioned talking for a while on-line, then talking on the phone, meeting for coffee and maybe working out if there is something to go on?

I am sure that the genuine Dominant ladies, of which I know there are plenty, must also be fed up with all the pretend Dommes (I am being kind), but how do you spot one from the other?

As a potential submissive, this is a choice of mine to submit, and I would like to make sure that I invest my energies where it makes sense, but how do I do that when going to Munches are not an option. These usually takes place mid-week, where I tend to travel. Currently the only Munch is outside of the city, where you have to go by car, and it is in Swiss-German! ... I might be keen to meet someone, but that is a tall order! :)

So, apart from the good advice with actually focusing on the Dominant Lady's needs, which is evident since it is about fulfilling those and then hopefully, through that, fulfill one's own needs, what can you do to spot the real, genuine, lovely Dominant Lady from the one, who is less so?

Answers gratefully received

[ey****]

whilst I've been a little outspoken - I think if you're talking to someone on a site like this and gift cards come up and it was no way clear by their profile - you want to avoid 'em anyway (and they need a € on their profile, so drop a little report in) 

and if it is obvious, but someone contacts you, then it's rather rude touting for business (although, people have contacted me in ways that was less rude - but context applies)

it's a shame munches are not a massive option for you at the minute - whilst they're not "hook up" I do feel there's benefits in expanding a network.

I think for me...

1) keep working on yourself as that will help become more noticeable to those who are looking for relationships

2) try not to get disheartened - it is hard to find people anyway

3) if you look at someone's profile : like the ladies would say about the men, the reverse applies - is it well filled in?  Do they themselves go to munches or events? Is there something about it that suggests they're looking for a partner ahead of looking for coin

4) forum/chat activity is also an indicator

I think, for example... if someone contacted me.

- name I recognise from the forum : likely real

- a long term lurker : likely real

- a newly created or largely dormant account : doubtful

[SissyRIanne]

I've wanted to write about my experience regarding this for quite some time, so I'll use this oppurtunity. I'm registered on multiple sites and imo fetish.com in general does a pretty good job of keeping those scammers away, I've met a few scammers on here but I've talked to hundreds of them from other sites, and even when I've talked to scammers from this site by the time anything could've happened they're already deleted or ***d to do a verification check. About how to spot them: just start a short conversation with them, the scammer will generally push you to do 2 things: show them a photo of yourself, if you can get them to post a photo reverse google search it, if you find it online it's 99% a scammer, other thing they do is try to get you to agree to being their submissive without you knowing each other at all, and they all seem to be using a similar script that just doesn't work if you ask critical questions like: can we get to know eachother a bit better before we start anything? or since a ton of these scammers are from america: How would we deal with the distancebarrier? I sometimes go through with this, but sometimes I'm totally not in the mood and I'll just tell a potential scammer I won't give them a tribute like that and most of the time I neer hear from them again after that. Apart from that there's fewer domme's out there then there are people looking for a domme, and yes my experience has been it's very hard to find a real one too. I hope I've been able to arm you with some valuable knowledge and you'll find someone soon.

[qu****]

I imagine in part it also depends in what kind of relationship you want, as an once a week, once a month or a long term relationship in the full sense, with the latter from talking with others it's been about a yearish before committing to each other, though this was Doms with female subs, but I'm guessing it's the same with Dommes and male subs

[Mi****]

The simple answer to the initial question is yes, there are real Dommes out there. We may be few and far between but wer do exist. But... how do you get to meet them? Ok, so you've covered some options in your post - munches, clubs, and if course you're already signed up to sites such as Fet. Having taken a ***k at your profile I'd suggest perhaps also try more mainstream dating sites. Ensure your profile mentions that you have a submissive outlook (or something similar, no need to go into great detail). There are a lot of dominant ladies around who, through choice or inexperience, do not identify as Dommes, but who would be interested in exploring their more dominant feelings. I have come across quite a few submissives in such places over the years! Of course you will still have to wade through the scammers, but they're a sad fact of life wherever you go online. Good luck in your search.

[qu****]

The real people here, will either say you're not who they're looking for, or not reply, and will have sometimes a brief chat with you, whether it's just about the weather and life in general, or a light chat about kink, they won't ask to chat away from here immediately , the other trouble comes from using shared computers/servers in other countries, which does increase the chance of scammers showing up here

[SissyRIanne]

31 minutes ago, quietlysure said:

The real people here, will either say you're not who they're looking for, or not reply, and will have sometimes a brief chat with you, whether it's just about the weather and life in general, or a light chat about kink, they won't ask to chat away from here immediately.

Main reason they most of the time aren't looking for you is because there is an ocean of men wanting to be dominated by a domme, and only a much smaller pool with women and the chance that you find someone close to you who has enough overlapping fetishes is just low.

[qu****]

It's the same on all sites, whether fetish, or just bog standard dating sites, men far outweigh females, plus in a lot of cases the few can spoil it for the majority

[SissyRIanne]

23 minutes ago, quietlysure said:

It's the same on all sites, whether fetish, or just bog standard dating sites, men far outweigh females, plus in a lot of cases the few can spoil it for the majority

not just the few, the ratio scammers: real dommes I've talked to is hundreds:1

[Carnelian2]

Thank you very much for the advice. For info, the police has an action fraud site, where these things can be reported - as a last resort, of course.

I suppose it is a question of looking out for them and alerting the ones that are not the real deal. I am choosing my words with care, as not everyone is a scammer - there are some that may just see an opportunity without realising the impact of it.

 

@MiztressDThank you for the advice. I have to admit that one of my weak points is profile writing, and selling myself. 

[qu****]

We can all only speak from personal experiences, whether good or bad, but the important thing is to keep plodding along and just being yourself, some will understand what you're trying to say, some won't, but that's just life

[Wo****]

31 minutes ago, Carnelian2 said:

 

@MiztressDThank you for the advice. I have to admit that one of my weak points is profile writing, and selling myself. 

I had a look at your profile and I'm not a dominant woman but I thought your profile was absolutely lovely x

[Carnelian2]

31 minutes ago, LazyPiratesBounty said:

I had a look at your profile and I'm not a dominant woman but I thought your profile was absolutely lovely x

Thank you 🙏 very kind 😊

[ey****]

6 hours ago, SissyRIanne said:

there is an ocean of men wanting to be dominated by a domme

to a degree - yes, there is.  And, what most want is, well, ultimately they want what amounts to a Pro-Domme session, but without paying for one (and if you ever do want one, stay away from the people in the inboxes about the giftcards ) 

but, if you genuinely believe there's a lot of competition... right... pull up your panties, your undies, your socks, your stockings or whatever you're wearing (I mean this for everyone not just pointed at you) how can you *be better* what makes you stand out, be more desirable, what makes people want to meet you, to give you a chance - when you feel *sigh there's 100 men to every Domme* (which, there isn't...) what puts you in the top percent of these.... ?

I think there's people in this thread who are genuinely heading in the right direction and in your "100 men" there's all those who have blank profiles and do little but say "hey" - you're already ahead of those... keep moving  

[Mi****]

4 hours ago, Carnelian2 said:

 

@MiztressDThank you for the advice. I have to admit that one of my weak points is profile writing, and selling myself. 

You're welcome.  Actually I was very impressed with the quality of your profile. My original comment wasn't intended to suggest it needed work. 😊

[Annalou]

Great question! Like-minded kinksters here will be able to offer you advice from their personal experiences to help you find what you're looking for. Happy hunting :)

[mushroomtip69]

Hi, that's answered so many of the reasons I'd almost given up trying to find a new way & jus want to applaud the positivity which may help me try again. Thx. 

 

[MorbitaLaroux]

I personally am a Domme for profit and verified on several sites. Speaking as such and for others who are we ask for a gift or tribute to weed out the fake Subs. Many fakes out there drag conversations and pretend they are going to pay out and either try to get content/services for free or try scamming to get personal information. Not always when a Domme asks for either is because they are fake or have ill intentions we are also just trying to protect ourselves and make sure the person who contacted them are legit. I hope you do find what you are looking for in your area and can experience all the fantasies you desire. 💋

[Carnelian2]

24 minutes ago, MorbitaLaroux said:

I personally am a Domme for profit and verified on several sites. Speaking as such and for others who are we ask for a gift or tribute to weed out the fake Subs. Many fakes out there drag conversations and pretend they are going to pay out and either try to get content/services for free or try scamming to get personal information. Not always when a Domme asks for either is because they are fake or have ill intentions we are also just trying to protect ourselves and make sure the person who contacted them are legit. I hope you do find what you are looking for in your area and can experience all the fantasies you desire. 💋

Hi Morbita - That was why I was careful to avoid any references to scammers or other, it does make it more difficult for those of us who are honestly trying to find someone to spend meaningful time with long-term - particularly when you then get requests for gifts cards only to be followed up with another one. I have gone through quite a few things, incl. sending pictures of various parts of myself (on request) and it seems the ones, I have come across were just out for a cheap thrill. 

This may also be different to what you stated, but I prefer to talk to people over a period of time as inconsistencies in their stories soon become apparent. It is much easier to keep saying the truth than trying to remember what whitle lies have been told to whom.

Given that scenario, which is understandable, what would you recommend in terms of when to back off? - I am actually very flexible and will go somewhere to meet someone for a coffee, so all they have to do is to travel very little.. 

... and thank you for pointing that out, btw, we must be careful not to generalise and I hope I was in my original post