Your impression of Solo polyamory?

[Ro****]

I've been in the polyamory world for a decade now. Solo poly by choice for nearly two years.

I post it in my profiles openly.

Some responses I get are judgmental. They seem to think I use it as an excuse to be promiscuous. Or that I'm commitment phobic.

In all honesty, it's because I value my independence and self growth. It's how I live the best version of me. I don't do things with a different man every week. The ones I am involved with, I've known for years. I am insist on connections, communication and transparent honesty. That takes work with multiple people. If that isn't commitment, I don't know what is.

So what was your impression of Solo poly before you read this?

Solo polyamory means that someone has multiple intimate relationships with people but has an independent or single lifestyle.

[Deleted Member]

I love the honesty of this. I am not a huge poly fan but good expla ation of how it works for you. Good for you.

[Deleted Member]

Do what works for you fuck what others have to say

[Punishersfury]

i have been open poly since i was in high school and have always been upfront about the fact so i cant really say anything bad due to having alot of diffrent experiances but for me personaly i knew i could just have 1 partner with my bipolar and constant mood swings i knew i was to much for 1 so i swap between 1-2 other partners who like you i have known for a long time. so i get what your saying but the words solo poly just have never wrung true to me its like an oximoronic statment BUT that doesnt mean im judging you or anything jsut always been a confusion to me cus it just doesnt make sense to me personaly is all

[Si****]

What’s funny is the word polyamory means you’re in a relationship
So solo polyamory is a literal oxymoron

[Si****]

To me what defines a primary in a polyamorous relationship is nothing to do with *** or living situation, or frequency of sexual encounters, or whether you have unprotected sex with that person.
It is whom you use as your psychological safe anchor

[Si****]

So somebody who can exist without that is how I define (for want of a better phrase) solo poly
It’s not that different from just being single and dating and sleeping around.
Possibly the person who is solo poly sees this as their permanent status where a single person sleeping around may have intention to enter a relationship a solo poly doesn’t

[em****]

My first idea of a solo polyamory person was that the person probably was in polyamory relationships. That is often to have at least one primary partner, maybe more and maybe additional partners. So there is a basis of communication skills and understanding such relationships. It could also be a consent of the polyamory way of living, without former partners. Solo polyamory keeps those skills, only primary partners are not there. In my understanding the term is about having (maybe just theoretical) experience in poly relationships and submitting to the values or way of living.

[Vi****]

2 hours ago, Sid333 said:

So somebody who can exist without that is how I define (for want of a better phrase) solo poly
It’s not that different from just being single and dating and sleeping around.
Possibly the person who is solo poly sees this as their permanent status where a single person sleeping around may have intention to enter a relationship a solo poly doesn’t

To me that's the only difference. Solo poly may have long term intentions of relationships where sleeping around may not. I understand that all relationships may not be sexual but I do feel like younger people especially claim solo poly as a more acceptable term for just sleeping around. And sadly I feel like most dudes will go along with it because they're not getting any otherwise.

[Vo****]

I am solo poly and there is a lot of shade thrown my way for “just being a whore.” I do have a primary partner, and multiple fwb. I just don’t want to ever live with anyone, share finances, have ***, etc. I agree the amount of communication I put in is extensive, and pride myself on transparency. The relationship escalator does not appeal to me. 🖤

[d_guglieme]

If it works for you, sure.

However, if you complain about predictable results, such as the various other parties not taking the relationship (or you) seriously, then you might want to reconsider.

(I see that often enough that my patience for it is more or less evaporated. People complaining about the predictable results of their habits need to accept results, or change habits.)

[Ro****]

6 minutes ago, dominionhub said:

If it works for you, sure.

However, if you complain about predictable results, such as the various other parties not taking the relationship (or you) seriously, then you might want to reconsider.

(I see that often enough that my patience for it is more or less evaporated. People complaining about the predictable results of their habits need to accept results, or change habits.)

I don't complain, I communicate with the people involved if I'm not happy with something. This takes courage sometimes cause it's also terrifying as traditional relationships usually get offended or insecure and, as a result, had a reluctance to share these things. With the right connection, open mind, and understanding, I have everything I could possibly ask for that I can not get for myself.

[d_guglieme]

If that works, then I have no problem with it.

Not my thing.

But, you are not harming anybody, there is nothing wrong with it. My comment was based on what I have seen.

Until recently, I worked in proximity to multiple women who would arguably fit the description of what you described. They were generally unhappy with wholly predictable results, and I was a wee bit tired of hearing about it. (If they are not going to commit, and give no indication that they want commitment, why should the men?)

But, you being happy and honest about things is fine.

[Ro****]

Then I suppose it's their approach to it that needs work. Seems like they are still dealing with insecurities and communication issues. Which is common across the board no matter what lifestyle or dynamic they choose.

[d_guglieme]

1 hour ago, VoodooPrincess222 said:

I am solo poly and there is a lot of shade thrown my way for “just being a whore.” I do have a primary partner, and multiple fwb. I just don’t want to ever live with anyone, share finances, have ***, etc. I agree the amount of communication I put in is extensive, and pride myself on transparency. The relationship escalator does not appeal to me. 🖤

The escalator part does not appeal to me. But, I want the (theoretical) stability.

I wish that I had the psychology to do what you are able to do.

[Ro****]

It does usually require psychological healing and work, it's not for everyone , still regardless, no matter what a person choses, no one wants to admit they need work and are quick to blame anything else. It sort of pushes you to have to work on yourself if you're determined to make it work. I'm not perfect, but I understand and comprehend myself better for the journey.

[Vo****]

36 minutes ago, dominionhub said:

The escalator part does not appeal to me. But, I want the (theoretical) stability.

I wish that I had the psychology to do what you are able to do.

Learning to be your own stability is such an empowering feeling. I will admit I went through a lot of therapy, and still attend therapy with a poly-friendly therapist. Lots of work to get to where I am today. 🖤

[d_guglieme]

2 hours ago, RogueLynx said:

Then I suppose it's their approach to it that needs work. Seems like they are still dealing with insecurities and communication issues. Which is common across the board no matter what lifestyle or dynamic they choose.

Fair point about the communication and security. (I have thought the same, based on the things I have heard.)

I am personally fond of some of them. But....erg.

I do not want to be in a poly or mono-poly situation. But, it would be nice to have the inherent stability to be able to do so honestly. (Kind of like how I would like to be taller, but have no interest in playing basketball.)

[xo****]

Polyamory is interesting socially and psychologically. I haven't found it any simpler or more complicated than an ordinary relationship dynamic.. just different. Explore whatever resonates with you : )

[Ro****]

All types of relationships require honesty. I find my stability comes from within. Though I will say I recognize my path may not be the next person's. Everyone is different, so it only makes sense that everyone is meant for different things.

[ki****]

I never been in one but low key want to try it out lol but is it hard to get into it ?

[Ro****]

7 hours ago, DTFEXOTIC360 said:

I never been in one but low key want to try it out lol but is it hard to get into it ?

I suggest read or research the ethical way of doing it. YouTube has some videos on it. I will say it is harder for men because of the dating culture. No matter what path you take.

[ki****]

8 minutes ago, RogueLynx said:

I suggest read or research the ethical way of doing it. YouTube has some videos on it. I will say it is harder for men because of the dating culture. No matter what path you take.

Why would it be harder ? Is it cus the male will be with one female more than the other but I definitely will have to do some research

[TheApexPrey]

I've been solo poly for over 4 years now. I'm currently single but have had 3 partners of 3 yrs to 18 months previously. As with all relationships, they all take work like you said, and I ***y miss my guys, but we break our hearts just the same as loving one person ..
I agree with the way we get labelled and more so being female. Same old same old.
For me, the stigma lies more in being heterosexual. Feels like I'm an outsider in the poly world. The lone cougar.
The assumption is that I'm going to be the magical key to unlock you're Mrs bicurious fantasy.. so the pursuant solo poly male in disguise, the hubby that wants to watch his wife with another woman... urgh!!
It's quite the mindfield [pun intended].. as we tiptoe around being grouped with the plethora of sexual and romantic affiliations that polyamory seems to attract.
It's harder and lonelier and often sadder than monogamy .
But be gone with anyone who says I can't love the way I feel it's right!!!

[Cnc-3340]

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