Getting Verified as 18+ - And Good Manners

[Vandalslut]

Having been a a few months on a free membership, we decided we'd get ourselves verified and take a paid membership.  So we followed all the rules, so far as e knew, and got a rude little email back which reads, cut and pasted below with no alterations:

Login now!

Hey Vandalslut,
Unfortunately, we had to remove your photo from Fetish.com.
Some rules were meant to be broken, others not. Try to stick to the rules next time you upload.

The Fetish.com team

No information as to what rules we'd broken.  We'd followed all the links from 'Get verified as 18+' and followed all the instructions , scanty as they are. So we contacted a UK moderator, it being about midday in the UK at that time to try and find out what the problem was. Then we found some more information buried in the FAQ section, made the necessary adjustments, and did it all again. And received the same rude, uninformative little email.  And - there has been no reply from the moderator either.

For a site that is very insistent on good manners from its members, the owners/operators aren't exactly showing too much in the way of good manners to us, nor are they being very helpful.

Any MEMBERS out there who could perhaps provide some answers?

[Ar****]

When I uploaded many of my photos I think four of mine were rejected with a similar message received. I wasn't sure what I had done at first either. They were all of fetish paraphernalia. One was surgical needles for piercing a sub; I presume they fell under "no promotion of drug use". One was a catapult, which is a most extreme deterrent to be used on a sub's behind if the worst most bratty of behaviours should beg for it; I realised afterwards this is technically a weapon, also not allowed - fair enough. I can't remember the other two at this moment, I'd have to look through my photo gallery. One might have been a shock collar? But I'm guessing the photos you mention were of yourselves and not banned items?

[Vandalslut]

Just now, Aranhis said:

When I uploaded many of my photos I think four of mine were rejected with a similar message received. I wasn't sure what I had done at first either. They were all of fetish paraphernalia. One was surgical needles for piercing a sub; I presume they fell under "no promotion of drug use". One was a catapult, which is a most extreme deterrent to be used on a sub's behind if the worst most bratty of behaviours should beg for it; I realised afterwards this is technically a weapon, also not allowed - fair enough. I can't remember the other two at this moment, I'd have to look through my photo gallery. One might have been a shock collar? But I'm guessing the photos you mention were of yourselves and not banned items?

Never mind the photo gallery, we can't even get verified as being over 18! We've checked and double checked and we've done everything right, unless there's yet ANOTHER rule buried somewhere obscure in the site.  The photo we submitted is a JPEG, we are clearly visible, we are VERY obviously over 18, we're fully and decently clothed, there is a piece of paper we are holding with the date and our user name, we have a couples profile and there are two of us, one of each, in the photo. No weapons, poop, ***, genitalia, silhouettes through clothing (??? no idea what that rule is about), no people doing weird things with hamsters, just the two of us with our piece of paper with the details according to the rules. We did get a message from a UK Moderator offering assistance (not the one we originally contacted,) so I've referred the Mod to the  Conversation ID Help ticket.

This 'you've broken the rules' rubbish without telling you WHAT rules you've supposedly broken is just ridiculous.

[Ar****]

1 hour ago, Vandalslut said:

This 'you've broken the rules' rubbish without telling you WHAT rules you've supposedly broken is just ridiculous.

Can't argue with that! I'm feeling rather distressed on your behalfs... I'll be hoping that tomorrow brings good news and a resolution for you.

[Vandalslut]

26 minutes ago, Aranhis said:

Can't argue with that! I'm feeling rather distressed on your behalfs... I'll be hoping that tomorrow brings good news and a resolution for you.

Thanks, would've done a like reaction, but that's another tech issue - sometimes we can do it, sometimes not.  Here's hoping for good news and bless you for your interest, Aranhis. We like reading your posts and answers.   Oh, now it's let me do a 'like' - blimey!

[Ar****]

1 hour ago, Vandalslut said:

Thanks, would've done a like reaction, but that's another tech issue - sometimes we can do it, sometimes not.  Here's hoping for good news and bless you for your interest, Aranhis. We like reading your posts and answers.   Oh, now it's let me do a 'like' - blimey!

Awwww thanks, both of you! I really do appreciate that, you've put the broadest of smiles on my face before I go to sleep. I had that tech issue for the first time ever (so far!) yesterday too... eeek! I value your comments and posts too - it goes without saying you are good 'uns around here. Ooooh I could just hug you!

[Si****]

Testing...

[Si****]

Right, you've got to realise that this is a standard forum model from the 90s that has haphazardly been modified to look like a fetish site. The people who own the site clearly have nothing to do with kink and this is very evident in many of the rules. It is simply here to milk the Fetish Scene in my opinion and at something like £5 a month, it overvalues itself something chronic. As you can see, I've had to post a testing message first because many a time I've spent half hour typing a message, only to be told that I wasnt allowed to comment. Unless I paid. There are people I cant message or spank Unless I pay I cant even try to verify my age by sending a picture of my white beard and a note. I've asked so many times and have never had a clear answer so the only way I can get verifies as 18+ is if I pay. On the other hand, however, the opportunists who do want to treat the kink community as cash cows are encouraged to run their racket because guess what? They paid! I've even spent the last 3 months trying to list my munch to automatically recur every month and this isnt working. When I ask for help, I am told to try again (Oh well, at least I wasnt asked to pay then.) So in short, if you want to waste a lot of *** on stupid things this is a great site, otherwise everyone knows what a real kink website works like. Fortunately, there are a number of absolute Gems when it comes to members (eyemblacksheep, LilMonster, DanteReign, BigPolly) who are practically the reason theres life left here. I do hope that someone corrupts a few of the people at the top of the company who run this forum so that perhaps they get a better idea that adults like to be treated as such on the internet. Oh and no one pays *** to see adult images these days guys, so stop kidding yourself with the idea that the price you want to charge is anything less than ridiculous. And in that note, this will probably be my last post on here guys., so nice knowing you all 😋 Oh and if I dont report to work tomorrow morning someone tell the police please 🤣🤣🤣 Be Safe x

[Vandalslut]

59 minutes ago, SirPhileasFlogg said:

Right, you've got to realise that this is a standard forum model from the 90s that has haphazardly been modified to look like a fetish site. The people who own the site clearly have nothing to do with kink and this is very evident in many of the rules. It is simply here to milk the Fetish Scene in my opinion and at something like £5 a month, it overvalues itself something chronic. As you can see, I've had to post a testing message first because many a time I've spent half hour typing a message, only to be told that I wasnt allowed to comment. Unless I paid. There are people I cant message or spank Unless I pay I cant even try to verify my age by sending a picture of my white beard and a note. I've asked so many times and have never had a clear answer so the only way I can get verifies as 18+ is if I pay. On the other hand, however, the opportunists who do want to treat the kink community as cash cows are encouraged to run their racket because guess what? They paid! I've even spent the last 3 months trying to list my munch to automatically recur every month and this isnt working. When I ask for help, I am told to try again (Oh well, at least I wasnt asked to pay then.) So in short, if you want to waste a lot of *** on stupid things this is a great site, otherwise everyone knows what a real kink website works like. Fortunately, there are a number of absolute Gems when it comes to members (eyemblacksheep, LilMonster, DanteReign, BigPolly) who are practically the reason theres life left here. I do hope that someone corrupts a few of the people at the top of the company who run this forum so that perhaps they get a better idea that adults like to be treated as such on the internet. Oh and no one pays *** to see adult images these days guys, so stop kidding yourself with the idea that the price you want to charge is anything less than ridiculous. And in that note, this will probably be my last post on here guys., so nice knowing you all 😋 Oh and if I dont report to work tomorrow morning someone tell the police please 🤣🤣🤣 Be Safe x

And I thought we had problems...Thank you so much, SirPhileasFogg.  You're right, there are some absolutely diamonds in here and they seem to know more than the moderators about what to do.  Our beloved PixieDust spent a generous whack of her time Pm-ing with me this afternoon and it seems the verification process works BACKWARDS!  Hope this helps you, SirPhileasFogg, I'd hate it if you vanished.  And at least you get an answer of sorts, which is more than we've had from the site itself - and why on earth would you pay to see adult images when you can see them for free!?   Whew...

[qu****]

The pay to become a member and view all their photos only attract a certain type of person, personally as a now non- paying member I'm not bothered by what your noo-noo looks like, ( or the male member of that's your thing), just a personal choice, and nothing against those that do, it's the person that's important, though I wouldn't be surprised if they did reduce what non-paying members were able to do here, as for the 18+ verification, mine disappeared not long after stopping being a paid member even with the same photos, all they need to do to prove age is a simple test, under 18s would probably do this far quicker than a lot of the older generation would 😋, must stop my tongues dried out 😁

[Deleted Member]

And that's the reason this site is dying imo. I was a paid member too and just got so fed up with constant restrictions on photo posting etc I didn't renew. The only good thing about this site still is the forum. And that's probably because iamblacksheep keeps it alive with his wealth of knowledge.

[Wo****]

Just an idea about moderators.... could we, as a community, suggest moderators?

Pixiedust, for example. Eyemblacksheep, BigPolly too.

They'd be good.

Someone active on here, someone sensible and calm that has the time to get involved.

Just a thought.

[li****]

3 hours ago, SirPhileasFlogg said:

Right, you've got to realise that this is a standard forum model from the 90s that has haphazardly been modified to look like a fetish site. The people who own the site clearly have nothing to do with kink and this is very evident in many of the rules. It is simply here to milk the Fetish Scene in my opinion and at something like £5 a month, it overvalues itself something chronic. As you can see, I've had to post a testing message first because many a time I've spent half hour typing a message, only to be told that I wasnt allowed to comment. Unless I paid. There are people I cant message or spank Unless I pay I cant even try to verify my age by sending a picture of my white beard and a note. I've asked so many times and have never had a clear answer so the only way I can get verifies as 18+ is if I pay. On the other hand, however, the opportunists who do want to treat the kink community as cash cows are encouraged to run their racket because guess what? They paid! I've even spent the last 3 months trying to list my munch to automatically recur every month and this isnt working. When I ask for help, I am told to try again (Oh well, at least I wasnt asked to pay then.) So in short, if you want to waste a lot of *** on stupid things this is a great site, otherwise everyone knows what a real kink website works like. Fortunately, there are a number of absolute Gems when it comes to members (eyemblacksheep, LilMonster, DanteReign, BigPolly) who are practically the reason theres life left here. I do hope that someone corrupts a few of the people at the top of the company who run this forum so that perhaps they get a better idea that adults like to be treated as such on the internet. Oh and no one pays *** to see adult images these days guys, so stop kidding yourself with the idea that the price you want to charge is anything less than ridiculous. And in that note, this will probably be my last post on here guys., so nice knowing you all 😋 Oh and if I dont report to work tomorrow morning someone tell the police please 🤣🤣🤣 Be Safe x

Aw thank you for the mention 😃 to be fair there are some upsides and downsides to this site always has been always will be unless the folk that run it do a better job at it. I've never ever paid membership for this site and I doubt I ever will, I just always build points up and use them that way. I did my 18+ check ages ago and had to do it at least three times before they finally accepted, I've had so many issues with photo rules and photos being rejected even did a forum post myself about it ages ago that still didn't change anything, I've had to do the photo verification twice like pixie did also a long time ago, I've even been given points for something I didn't even do!!!( Bearing in mind I got that point taken away in the end as I argued my point across). I think the one thing that lets this site down is there is no consistency anywhere and you always get the same dribble on the emails back when you do complain. There are some amazing people who I call friends on here and my Sir who are the reason I'm staying to be honest. 

Edited January 13, 2020 by Lilmonster

[Deleted Member]

@lilmonster I've tried messaging but it's restricted my messages lol. So here it is. If you want to post events and pics for free and no hassle I would suggest www.fetlife.com it's a cool site it's like a kinky facebook I'm on there and you can set reaccuing events too x

[li****]

2 hours ago, Latexnikki said:

@lilmonster I've tried messaging but it's restricted my messages lol. So here it is. If you want to post events and pics for free and no hassle I would suggest www.fetlife.com it's a cool site it's like a kinky facebook I'm on there and you can set reaccuing events too x

I'm already on there but thank you.

[Annalou]

Hi @Vandalslut, I'm sorry that there has been a lot of confusion about your verification on the site. We try as hard as humanly possible to keep our community safe, sane and consensual, therefore our support team take extra measures to make sure members are who they say they are. In your case, the image was uploaded to your profile gallery rather than through the verification process, so was therefore rejected by the support team. This is no fault of your own - if the process is unclear to you, then it will be to other members, and I will look into remedying this for the future - and I have verified you in our system now. In relation to our emails, these are generally automated unless you contact support directly because we are still a small, family-owned business working as hard as possible to get everything right. We have areas to improve upon, of course, and we thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and find the answers you are looking for. I have taken your words about the tone of our emails into consideration and I will work on this so that no one else feels put off like you. Truly, we want the site to be a fun and welcoming place, and our emails should reflect that. We can carry on chatting in our DMs about how to make everything go more smoothly for everyone  thanks all and have a kinktastic day. 

[Si****]

I sent my pic with a card with the date and nickname, but still not verified as 18+. At my age I shouldn't need a note from mum for you to see I'm over 18. As a business owner, I would be ashamed of running my business with such disregard to its customers. Poor effort Fetish, poor effort indeed.

[Vandalslut]

6 hours ago, Annalou said:

Hi @Vandalslut, I'm sorry that there has been a lot of confusion about your verification on the site. We try as hard as humanly possible to keep our community safe, sane and consensual, therefore our support team take extra measures to make sure members are who they say they are. In your case, the image was uploaded to your profile gallery rather than through the verification process, so was therefore rejected by the support team. This is no fault of your own - if the process is unclear to you, then it will be to other members, and I will look into remedying this for the future - and I have verified you in our system now. In relation to our emails, these are generally automated unless you contact support directly because we are still a small, family-owned business working as hard as possible to get everything right. We have areas to improve upon, of course, and we thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and find the answers you are looking for. I have taken your words about the tone of our emails into consideration and I will work on this so that no one else feels put off like you. Truly, we want the site to be a fun and welcoming place, and our emails should reflect that. We can carry on chatting in our DMs about how to make everything go more smoothly for everyone  thanks all and have a kinktastic day. 

The Vandal and I are also a small, family-owned business that sells world wide (with the exception of one country that seems to experience continual 'lost mail' issues) and we do not have anywhere near as much trouble as fetish.com evidently experiences.  We respond daily to enquiries. When there is a problem we immediately acknowledge it then set about resolving it. If we do not have what the customer wants, we do five minutes of online research then send them links to three businesses who do have it. We don't just 'ignore it' and like Hotplay, we'd be ashamed of running our business as Fetish does. We understand that verification of age is a legal requirement and that technical issues do happen. But in seven years of business, we've had precisely three tech issues - in our first year online, a massive lightning storm took out every phone and internet line in our street for a month. The only thing that solved this was patience with overwhelmed repair men. The second was down to a customer who did not pay attention to the site buying rules, got himself into a temper and rather than ask what the problem was, cancelled his order. We bid him farewell politely because it was obvious he was not going to accept that he was the problem, and who needs it? The third was communication with a customer; our email programme, for some reason, refused to deliver our emails to him, unbeknownst to us. He eventually contacted us with a polite enquiry and the problem was immediately resolved. Good manners are not a legal requirement for business but are very desirable for business success - and if the site owners insist on good manners between its members, then the site owners need to set the example. I know whereof I speak, as my entire working life has been in customer service - 40  years. Surely an email can be generated in a 'tick the box' format as to what the problem is, with a solution rather than a peremptory accusation of 'rule-breaking' with no indication as to which rule has been inadvertently broken? Or how about an automated email that says, "Hi, there's a little problem here, please contact our support desk" and include a link to the support desk?  As to the uploading of the verification photo to our gallery, we did NOT request that because it was only for verification, and not for public viewing.  Members should not have to go on a endless forage in the site to find a piece of information here and another snippet there in order to find out what they need to do.  Why not generate an automated email with all the information/steps necessary when people join or express interest?  Or when a member clicks,  "Verification", make the necessary ID process a step-by-step rather than clicking 'Verification' and being directed to a big blaring advert promising 2 weeks free premium membership and 'just upload a photo - there, that's done, now sit back and enjoy'.  Nothing about what sort of file it needs to be, what may or may not be in the photo ...NOT informative, is it?

Quite often there is some really nasty verbal *** going on in here - sometimes a Moderator immediately pops up and deals with it, other times it just continues (sometimes for days) until another member reports it or the antagonist loses interest.  If the 'family' wants this to be a fun, safe and welcoming place, then more than the response emails need to reflect that.  The site tech really needs overhauling as there seems to be some real problems lately, notably the removal of PixieDust's membership and her battle to get a Moderator's response and explanation. She is a lovely and inoffensive lady, who was told it was some sort of random verification check.

quietlysure and SirPhileasFlogg are correct - no-one will pay for adult images that can be had for free online. So paying for a membership to view 'adult images' is a dinosaur. Not to mention members can PM  or 'sext' adult photos between themselves anyway.  Offer something else for a paid membership. A voucher to an online kink shop or a x% off a dungeon hire, maybe? There are fabulous suggestions from active members above, so the owners will need to sit down, round-table it and make some changes. Any business, whether it's online or bricks and mortar, needs to update regularly, be aware of  trends and what's going on in its target demographic if it wants to stay afloat. Be aware, be polite, provide excellent product and EXCELLENT service - there's too much competition out there and many businesses have found that out the hard way.

We've met some really wonderful and genuine people in here and no doubt we'll meet many more - and we'd like that to continue.

[Vandalslut]

On 1/13/2020 at 10:59 AM, Aranhis said:

When I uploaded many of my photos I think four of mine were rejected with a similar message received. I wasn't sure what I had done at first either. They were all of fetish paraphernalia. One was surgical needles for piercing a sub; I presume they fell under "no promotion of drug use". One was a catapult, which is a most extreme deterrent to be used on a sub's behind if the worst most bratty of behaviours should beg for it; I realised afterwards this is technically a weapon, also not allowed - fair enough. I can't remember the other two at this moment, I'd have to look through my photo gallery. One might have been a shock collar? But I'm guessing the photos you mention were of yourselves and not banned items?

No, nothing offensive - just us - although me without a shed-load of Polyfilla on my face could be scary.

[Vandalslut]

18 hours ago, quietlysure said:

  I'm not bothered by what your noo-noo looks like...

Have to admit, that's a noo one on me....

[Vandalslut]

17 hours ago, Lilmonster said:

I think the one thing that lets this site down is there is no consistency anywhere and you always get the same dribble on the emails back when you do complain.

You said it, Lilmonster - there's no consistency.  In some cases, in our prowls herein, there's some very obvious rule breaking, making it look like one rule for some, another rule for others.

[Vandalslut]

17 hours ago, LazyPiratesBounty said:

Just an idea about moderators.... could we, as a community, suggest moderators?

Pixiedust, for example. Eyemblacksheep, BigPolly too.

They'd be good.

Someone active on here, someone sensible and calm that has the time to get involved.

Just a thought.

I'd also put in votes for Phoenyx, DantesReign, Fredddy, Donnykinkster, yourself... always providing they do have the time.  All of these mentions qualify for active, sensible and calm and knowledgeable in the fetish/kink world - and ALL of the people mentioned by Bounty and myself are mature with excellent people skills. It would be fabulous if we could choose moderators - why not have a vote?  Maybe a few more in different time zones, and each doping maybe two hours a day would be enough to share the load, get problems solved a lot faster and perhaps jump straightaway, with legitimate authority,  on some of the rogue and rude elements who often go unchecked and explain to them why they're well out of order.

[Vandalslut]

9 hours ago, Hotplay said:

 As a business owner, I would be ashamed of running my business with such disregard to its customers. Poor effort Fetish, poor effort indeed.

There are still businesses  stuck in some weird yuppie time warp of the carefree, spend-free glory days of the 80s, the hey-day throwaway society when people with more *** than sense would accept substandard service and goods simply because said service and goods had stupidly big price tags. And they STILL haven't caught up with the fact that customers now vote with their wallets, that we live in a day and age of social media where a restaurant can close overnight for staff rudeness, undisclosed service charges or a badly cooked meal and there's been a global financial crisis, the effects of which are still rippling outward. If the bricks and mortars haven't got what we want - whether it be goods, service or prices - we can literally shop the world over. One satisfied customer will bring you 6 new ones. A DISSATISFIED one loses you 14 potentials.

[Deleted Member]

This kept happening to me on other sites and some their "Rules" about profile pics and intros are very subjective and the Admins that are watching over us have different opinions about the rules. I find that most social and dating sites don't take the time to audit their rules and regulations for accuracy and clarity. Also as you have encountered the regulations are not compiled properly together and the whole process turns into one big "Point 'n Click" Escape game to find all the rules. The need a proper ASQ Certified Technical Writer and a Quality Auditor but that costs *** and no business nowadays really cares about creating a quality product.

[qu****]

Talk to the owners directly, you won't find them here. Google it and you can find them , though I'd imagine the response wouldn't be much different