Nice to see you around again, Blacksheep, the Vandal likes reading your posts and he noticed you being less conspicuous. We can all do our part here, and those with the authority to deal with the disruptions that occur wherever humans gather also need to do their part and issue warnings, deal with Read more… rule infringements and get things back on track instead of doing nothing and hope it will just all go away. It won't.

@Donnykinkster Not good is it? Ffs, this happens all the time. I was chatting to a new member a couple of days ago and she sent me some screenshots along a similar vein. Rejection was met with spite so I reported him expecting a lifetime ban yet he's still active. That is the problem for me, Read more… stricter rules are needed and needed soon, that are enforced with zero tolerance or as you say those who understand what "nice" is will be driven away….It surprised me that he's still around as the messages which I still have were pretty vile, as another member has said in time it will drive the decent folk away which is sad. I'm starting to think the management as it were need to lock horns and make some changes. It's becoming a plague and its needs action..
@Paul_aka_Helen Perhaps that should be a suggested topic for a quarantine munch.
That would certainly get some attention and highlight how much it is starting to upset people.
@Donnykinkster I was thinking the same thing. It's a subject that really needs sorting as it's infecting the place. There are many it would seem not happy at all
@AnimeBlonde It is truly shocking to see in black and white just how far the level of rudeness and lack of respect is going, don't get me wrong it is not everyone and the are so many amazing people on here and in the world but it seems to be the few idiots that just ruin it for everyone. It would be interesting to see new measures put in place by the mod team to help with unkind / rude messages, perhaps a way to report and they get a warning and explain that respectful messages are a must?
@Curvykate The risk, if nothing changes, is that this site will become as rude and hostile as the other one is. Where I don’t post any longer or even comment because I know what it will mean.
Sorry for all the quotes, folks, but we've been out for a week or three - a couple of different reasons but the main one is all of the above. We were targeted a couple of weeks ago, for no reason whatsoever, by a member we've had zero interaction with, and who stated very clearly in a public forum that he 'knew' we reported him and not only that, he 'knew' what we had said and could 'quote' from this fictional report. He also had his bestie back the fabrications up. We hadn't reported him, as he'd done/said nothing report-worthy. Maybe someone else reported him, but it certainly wasn't us. But no, he was adamant it was us! So much knowledge! Evidently, this member has psychic abilities and perhaps should be on television making scads of money - but his crystal ball was definitely on the fritz on this occasion. We believed that a moderator would surely see the hazards of allowing a clear allegation of 'knowledge', which would have been confidential, to stand - new or prospective members could have read this rant and then say unto themselves, "Oh, crap. If I report someone, they'll know about it! And then they'll rant at ME! No protection here, then!" and immediately depart for a properly policed social site. It was also clearly an attempt at intimidation, which is not allowed by the rules of fetish.com. However, when no moderator came forward to say, "Hey, NO-ONE knows who reported who, much less what's in those reports!" or maybe close the thread down but no-one did; so we asked a moderator to please refute the statement that anyone can access confidential reports but we were told in no uncertain terms that it was clearly a 'personality clash' and there was no reason for any action. We tried the help desk - twice - got no answer, but we did get a little query/survey email: 'Hey, how did we do?' Well - badly, actually. So as far as we know, that dishonest, deceitful claim of 'knowing' who reports and what's in those reports, invented quotes and all - is still up there. For all current, new and prospective members to see, absorb and draw their own conclusions as to how safe their personal information ISN'T. It was certainly still up there 6 weeks after it was made. Quite long enough to do a heap of damage to this site, both reputation-wise and ly.
Personality clash? We'd had no interaction whatever with this member, apart from occasionally upvoting his posts. No, we just wanted to see this site succeed and for members to feel comfortable and safe here - but when a very obvious attempt at intimidation gets brushed off by the moderators and the help desk - and that's before the observations and experiences on this thread are taken into account - it's headed for oblivion.
We've noticed a few familiar faces disappear from this site over the past 12 months; regular contributors are now far less regular or totally absent; and members come up as 'deleted' after two hours' membership. We've tried posting on the 'Let's Improve Fetish TOGETHER' thread - which was started two years ago, incidentally - but the posts were removed very rapidly. No swearing or bad language, no names were named - but they were removed just the same. It seems that when there is an obvious problem, the policy is to ignore it, delete it or remove it in the hope it'll go away without anyone doing anything - and that could be the reason why there is so much rudeness and unpleasantness now - no action is taken when actions needs to be taken. We used to say hi to people on the 'New here?' forum - we don't do that anymore. It's a bit hard to sincerely welcome people here now.
I hope the munch on this problem goes forth, as it is one that urgently needs to be addressed - @Bounty, @lil-monster and our very excellent @PixieDust will be very fabulous and able hosts/support. I'll even try and drag myself out of bed for the bird-fart hour that it will be on here in Oz. And I hope plenty more members also con in an effort to have rules applied and enforced consistently and for this site to become a safe place to find help, assurance and knowledge, all very vital needs in the world of kink. People want to feel safe, they'd like to feel that they have been heard and accepted and they need good commonsense knowledge from the more experienced kinksters here who are very kind and generous with their time and effort for the benefit of those new to the Life.
It seems that Fetish.com is losing its safe, sane and consensual 'star rating'.
Oh, and we're taking a screen shot of this post, 'cause the Vandal's got a fiver that sez it'll be removed. I hope not, I owe him $20.00 on similar bets now.
Thanks, good friends, for listening.

It's certainly put us off. Especially when those egos and 'gang-up' mentality claim to 'know' we've reported them and 'know' what was in the report.

Thank you, We have read it but unfortunately it did not stop an attempt at intimidation and the problem has not been solved, sadly.

Racism and kink shaming is not cool and it's a sad case of affairs when adults have to be told this.
For future reference, we would like some clarity on what constitutes harassment and intimidation, please?

Thank you - and now we know why roses and chocs are big winners on Valentine's Day....

@Thebian, has been done, no worries! Glad to be of assistance.

At the request of @Thebian:
Dopamine motivates us to take action toward goals, desires, and needs, and gives a surge of reinforcing pleasure when achieving them. Procrastination, self-doubt, and lack of enthusiasm are linked with low levels of dopamine. So set a small goal - maybe go for a walk and Read more… go further than you usually walk; shop at a new store; tackle your 'stuff to do' pile..pick a goal and achieve it.
Serotonin flows when you feel significant or important. Loneliness and depression appears when serotonin is absent. If you need a serotonin boost, take a few moments to reflect on past achievements and victories. Have lunch or coffee outside and expose yourself to the sun for 20 minutes; our skin absorbs UV rays, which promotes vitamin D and serotonin production.
Oxytocin creates intimacy, trust, and builds healthy relationships. It's released by men and women during orgasm. Often referred to as the cuddle hormone, a simple way to keep oxytocin flowing is to give someone a hug. When someone receives a gift, their oxytocin levels can rise. Give yourself a gift of time, a restaurant dinner, a bunch of flowers for your home...
Endorphins are released in response to pain and stress and help to alleviate anxiety and depression. Along with regular exercise, laughter is one of the easiest ways to induce endorphin release. The smell of vanilla and lavender has been linked with the production of endorphins. Studies have shown that dark chocolate and spicy foods can lead the brain to release endorphins. Put on a funny DVD and have a wadge of dark chocolate, or burn lavender or vanilla incense.

Well said. And has also been said, he hasn't said 'No' outright. It sounds as if you're doing all you can, and there's some most excellent suggestions here and I'd just like to add just one more - write it down. Write him a letter, write down your fantasy that he is the STAR of. This may at Read more… least lead to some serious discussion. You sound as if you have a happy, joking personality and after fifteen years, he may think you're kidding now, when it's actually something you'd really like to try. Another thing that can sometimes hold men back from trying out Domination/rough sex is the amount of media coverage in many countries regarding domestic abuse, what constitutes domestic abuse, in , etc etc. So this may be an issue. Wishing you luck.

We grieve for ourselves when those we love cross the Bridge, because we will miss them and we want them back. Blackwolf77 has been welcomed to Valhalla to sit at Odin's right hand. We've put a to him on our profile page. Blessings, @Firewitch

That's the spirit, mate! You never do know and who'd want to?
Labels belong on jam jars so you know what flavour it is and what company makes it. They're just for identification. A jar of strawberry jam will only ever be a jar of strawberry jam. Labels have no place on people. Keep ripping them Read more… off, mate.

For us, the demands of our day to day life affect where and when kink is present. A few years ago I had a subcontract with a Government project. Duration - 4 years, which (of course) ended up being 8. It was a very physically demanding job AND a shed-load of paperwork, finding and employing work Read more… teams and dealing with the several different private building companies who were all involved with different parts of the project -one of whom went bankrupt in the course of events. At that time we were also going on stock-buying trips, ready for our online business, getting the website set up, etc. I was the secretary for the local services club, which exists only to put on the Anzac Day festivities here - and that was a year-round job. Two services, dawn and 11.00 a.m. Traffic management plans, police liaison, getting the RAAF base to arrange a catafalque party, inviting speakers for the addresses, sending out letters to local businesses asking for donations to help with the costs, organising raffles every Saturday to help fund it, doing battle with an idiot local publican who wanted to do it HER way, chasing members to do their share of the raffles, chasing the local Council to, FFS, do something about the memorial gardens which were a mess and the Cenotaph (only three of those in Australia, and we have one.) There's a Coven that meets here eight times a year (not lately, of course, what with Covid-19) so there's maintenance of the ritual site and a newsletter to do four times a year. We run a successful online business which has become more successful during lock-down. We live on two acres, keep animals and there is always something to do on two acres. The Vandal is a volunteer bush-fire fighter - 45 years service - and he not only worked on the Government project team with me, he is also a self employed gardener. So he was doing two jobs. The RFS do more than fight fires - they can be called to flood/storm damage, traffic accidents and there's the constant war with the local Council to get permission for back-burning in Winter when weather conditions allow. And this is all before we did what we wanted to or any other life/family emergencies. The lengthy contract is now completed, thankfully, and I stood down from being the voluntary secretary.
The Vandal could have insisted on 24/7 dynamics as is his right - and as pleasant as that would be for both of us - he knows that would have been counter-productive all round, especially for him. In our long-term relationship, we've found it sometimes needful to 'lower' the dynamics in one area of life and elevate them in another area - ebb and flow. Life is never static and the Vandal knew there was no point in demanding I fulfil his wants when that would have been to his own detriment. Obedient? Yes, I was and still am obedient. (Because I know about it in no uncertain times when I'm not...) The Vandal is intelligent at an instinctual level, the best level, which is why I'm still his after 37 years. If those involved are willing to go with it rather than inhumanely insisting and demanding, then the minds, bodies and spirits of all concerned are satisfied.